Married psychotherapist

[Dell43]

Not too long ago, my therapist had said something to me that made me feel uncomfortable as well as uncertain about how he views me. At one point, I had told him that I liked him as a therapist. Right after I had made that comment, he told me with a big smile on his face that he was glad that I had said that and that I've always been his favorite client. Another time, I was getting ready to leave a session and he followed me out and said, "I hope you enjoy this warm weather, such as yourself". Then he quickly fixed what he had said by saying, "such as today". Other times whenever I'd go in to see him, he'd mirror my actions often. For example, he'd fix his hair after I'd fix mine, he'd sit back whenever I'd sit back, or cross his arms after I'd cross my arms. He also tries to find things in common with me. For example, I had told him that I was Greek. Then, he told me that he was Greek too even though he has told me multiple times in the past that he only has Swedish ancestry. Sometimes, with some of the things that I'm interested in, he'd make some of my interests a part of his life that he was never interested in before. For example, if I was really into feminism, he'd get into feminism too.

 

I'm also in group therapy with him. During these group therapy sessions, he'd would always try to sit next to me even when there were other seats open and available for him to sit in next to other clients. I would try to sit somewhere else to see if he'd would follow me and he never fails to sit next to me. If he isn't able to sit next to me at all, he'll stare at me for a long time after the session has been completed as I'm getting myself ready to leave. He'd also use the same words/phrases that I'd use. While we were in the group, I tested it out by saying that I was feeling pretty stoked about a certain thing and then he said that he was feeling pretty stoked about that same thing. Normally, it seems like he copies me the most out of all of the other clients in the group.

 

I'm a single woman in my 30's and he's in his 50's and married. Why does he keep doing this?

[BaileyB]

He makes you uncomfortable wih his behavior. I think I would be looking for a new therapist.

[smackie9]

Set up a time with a different therapist. There problem solved.

[losangelena]

Some of this sounds normal, like the mirroring. My old therapist did this, too, and I wonder if it’s an unconscious thing they do, or if it’s a move to seem more relatable or empathetic.

 

The other stuff though, following you out or making comments—that’s not cool, and he is towing a line between appropriate and inappropriate.

 

I would personally bring this up to him. I found that with my therapist, it was a bit daunting to bring up things he did that I didn’t like, but he was always open to hearing me and learning from his behavior. If you don’t want to do that, though, I’d recommend looking for a new therapist.

[LuckyM]

Yes I agree with the post above. The mirroring of you and finding common things with you are probably techniques to connect with you for therapy sake. A bit patronizing.

 

However, are you over reacting?

 

Does he look you over, check you out? He might just like you a lot, nothing romantic. Don't know.

[preraph]

They mirror to give you a sense they are empathetic and understanding and listening to what you're saying. It's deliberate. Still, if you do get a creepy vibe, don't just dismiss it. But if he hasn't tried touching you or anything, I'd not worry too much about it. His Freudian slip about warm weather was interesting.