I am already 23 and still don't have a boyfriend

[labsub1995]

I am 23 and never had a boyfriend. Never dated anyone. I get so sad sometimes seeing people in relationships and it seems so hard finding a guy that is even interested in me. I am barely even hit on or approached by guys. I feel like other women have it way easier at love but I have such a hard time, love really doesn't come easy to me. When I see other people in relationships on social media, I literally start crying.....and I say to myself, why can't I find someone to love me? It seems like other women can jump from relationship to relationship and I can't even get into one relationship. When going to college, I was so happy because I thought it would be easy to date and find guys interested in me, but here I am about to graduate and still have never gone on a a date with a guy before. In college, I tried joining some organizations/clubs but still never had a guy in those places interested in me; in fact, many of those guys pretty much ignored me. And it was hard for me to even form friendships with males. Honestly, I always and constantly feel so overlooked by guys in general. But I don't think I am hideous. I know my weight cannot be an issue because I am 5'4 and 120 lbs. I am not into online dating and I'd rather find my partner offline but it seems pretty much impossible for me to meet any guy offline. I honestly feel forever alone and I feel like I will never find anyone. I don't know why I can't find anyone or what I am doing wrong?

[chillii]

Sorry this is happening , life, love , or lack of can be a really tough sitch .

But you know , just because you feel over looked doesn't mean your hydrous or anything like that guys or girls , so for anyone going through this stuff don't think stuff like that.

l don't really have an answer not knowing you , but most of the people here that have the same stuff start a thread like this and try to work out with help just what's going on so you've made a good start there .

 

But if it's any consolation, plenty of people never find a relationship at your age yet but often they meet just that one instead and end up in something really worthwhile and lasting down the track.

Hang in there and l'm sure people will be along soon here to try and nut this out with you.

Good luck.

Edited December 26, 2018 by chillii

[PRW]

I am 23 and never had a boyfriend. I don't know why I can't find anyone or what I am doing wrong?

 

Obviously there is no way we can know what you are doing wrong.

 

Online would be a horrible choice. Stay away from it. You don't have the dating experience and the skill to avoid the freaks,...and there is a lot of freaks online.

 

Build a social life. If you can't be happy and cheerful while out with friends you will push people away with the negativity. You need to have a happy and uplifting life that you can share with another. If you try to find someone that you think will "fix" you it will be doomed to failure.

 

Don't become "friends" with guys you want to date. You can only become friends after the dating fails and they are no longer an option. Once someone sees another person as "just a friend" it is very difficult to see them as a romantic option. So always lovers first, friends if it fails. But it is fine to just be friends with ones that you know you would never be interested in.

[ElKay]

I was like you and only got my first boyfriend at 24. While I agree with PRW that there are a lot of freaks online, online dating was how I got all of my boyfriends (with my 3rd now at 28).

As long as you only meet them in public until you learn more about them, same with anyone in real life, you'll be fine. I've seen friends fall for jerks or players even when they met through social circles so there's no guarantees regardless.

Put yourself out there and, as the numbers accumulate, you'll be more likely to meet someone that interests you and that likes you back.

 

Message me if you want more specific tips!

[Gretchen12]

You didn't say what you've actually done except wait for someone to ask you out. It seems your generation live in the cyber world so things are probably very different in college now.

The whole process starts with you becoming interested in a particular guy. He's not just a tool so that you have a boyfriend. He's unique, someone you're a bit infatuated with. Then you try to get him to notice you.

Yes women do get hit on randomly in public but that depends on where you live. Before that happens, you have to really like men. They can tell when you do.

I would suggest you spend some time boy watching. Think about what is your type. Don't think about how he can make you feel about yourself. Instead you just watch and check out their hair, posture, clothing, voice, smile, intelligence, humor. You admire the masculinity. What happens is you're busy eyeing guy A and out of nowhere guy B approaches and asks you out.

[See-Me-Feel-Me]

I feel your pain. I didn't have a g/f until I was 25. Just as I was getting attention from girls at 16 my family moved us out of my beloved Brooklyn to the burbs. I had one semester in the new high school and was coming from an all-boys Catholic high school which made for a bit of culture shock going co-ed. I could have encouraged the few girls that were giving me the vibe but the ones I was attracted too were not accessible. I couldn't know then that the door would be shut for years. I couldn't afford to go to college and had to work. And the job was all-consuming. I gained weight. It wasn't until I lost it again and just gave in to other women--rather than selecting that I finally got situated. But at 23, like you, I was so worried and unhappy about never having yet kissed anyone.

 

 

 

The best thing is to keep being visible to others. Maybe you will attract someone who needs to mature and get real about what matters most. Young guys are often foolish about women. As are many young women foolish about guys. The woman who took my cherry as it were was 34, and then, still at 25 I got into a 5-year relationship with a 29 year old. Have faith and work it.

[d0nnivain]

Do you have female friends? Do you have guy buddies? I'm trying to figure out if you have mastered basic social skills. If you have close friends, ask them about what you are doing right & wrong.

 

Do try to get out more & off devices. Make eye contact; smile; be the brave one who says hello 1st.

[basil67]

So the guys who you meet at college, what do you do to promote their interest? Are you happy and engaging? Do you initiate conversation with them? Do you flirt?

[Joyce Simmons]

What do you look like? Do you invest in your hair, clothes, makeup? People are swallow. Looks comes first, then the convo starts. Not to be mean, sometimes you have to fix yourself up

[labsub1995]

What do you look like? Do you invest in your hair, clothes, makeup? People are swallow. Looks comes first, then the convo starts. Not to be mean, sometimes you have to fix yourself up

 

I do wear makeup. I even got feedback from my uber driver. I told him I never had a boyfriend, he told me I am very beautiful and that I will find someone. He told me he thought I already had a bf. Yet, guys never take interest in me.

[d0nnivain]

So what aren't you doing? Do you smile? Are you generally friendly? Do you put yourself out there?

 

What are your interests? Can you join a group that does that so you are around like minded people? I met my husband at a business networking card exchange. So I advocate looking around in your industry.

[lovely81]

My closest friend didn't have a boyfriend until she was 35. She has always been awesome, known it and is fine. Maybe it's a generational thing, but I feel like with "hookup culture" and some people being okay on their own, this is not that uncommon these days. I know when I was younger I'd fret a lot about my age and not having achieved things...don't let it get you down.

 

And, don't go too far down the path of looking for men to assure you you're okay.

[littleblackheart]

Do you actually want to have a bf or do you think you want a bf to obey social conventions? Have you met someone you want to be a relationship with?

 

If this is just about the age thing, don't worry; it'll happen when it happens, it's not as big a deal as you think it is, especially if everything else is going well in your life.

[Wallysbears]

You're 23, it is FINE.

 

At that point, with just finishing school, you shouldn't be too concerned.

 

Spend time hanging out with your girlfriends and practice flirting and having fun.

[L0nely]

While I agree with PRW that there are a lot of freaks online, online dating was how I got all of my boyfriends (with my 3rd now at 28). As long as you only meet them in public until you learn more about them, same with anyone in real life, you'll be fine.

 

I also got all of my boyfriends online. It's not like online long distance dating, there are locals online. As for me, it didn't even start with online dating. I was just finding local guys to chat with because i was bored. Those long term chats over several months became online friends. Eventually we'd agreed to meet in person but in public of course. My list of guy friends began to grew, then eventually attractions starts with some of them. Then it became official bf/gf. I think the hardest part of this process is to be able to filter out creeps/freeks from the gentlemen. Be very careful though. Good luck.

[GuitarGuy7]

I am 23 and never had a boyfriend. Never dated anyone.

 

I am not into online dating and I'd rather find my partner offline but it seems pretty much impossible for me to meet any guy offline. I honestly feel forever alone and I feel like I will never find anyone. I don't know why I can't find anyone or what I am doing wrong?

 

 

You should consider trying out online dating sites like Tinder, Bumble, or Plenty of Fish and here's why.

 

Online dating is actually a great way to meet guys if you're a woman because of how easy it is to get matches. Assuming you're not obese (you say that you arne't) you will have no problem getting matches. In fact, you will get so many matches that you won't even know what to do with them all. You will likely match with the majority of guys you swipe yes on.

 

Which is actually a good thing because you'll have so many options, and I guarantee you that most of these guys woudn't say no to meeting up with you.

 

My suggestion is to use this to go on as many dates as possible with different guys. Maybe one or two days of the week, you go on a date with a guy you meet through online dating. So maybe you go on 1-2 dates per week. Don't get super picky though, as long as you two appear to have stuff in common with, you don't find him unattractive, and he asks you out, you should agree to meet up.

 

 

If you want to start dating and you're serious about wanting to meet guys, you may not find anybody but I guarantee you that you will at least get dates as long as you're willing to meet up.

Edited December 30, 2018 by GuitarGuy7

[Joyce Simmons]

Go to bars/clubs to meet guys. You should get approached if you’re at a club