VeroniqueJ Posted December 26, 2018 Share Posted December 26, 2018 (edited) I am writing because I have few people I can talk to about this and I want to ask your thoughts. I have a medical condition that needs to be managed regularly. It doesn't affect my appearance. The first time I went to my GP he gave me elevator eyes (looked me up and down) and I felt that he stared at me. He was also touchy-feeling, squeezing my shoulder and just being extremely friendly (much more so than any doctor I had previously), leaning in a lot, getting in my personal space a bit, etc. Then he started complimenting me at every visit. He told me at different visits, that I have a nice smile, that I always look nice, that he's proud of me, that he liked my shoes, and that he's always happy to see me because I am a nice person. Always at least one compliment per visit. He has also asked me "how are things at home" (but I have read that this is a question doctors ask to screen for domestic violence). However, he runs a bit hot and cold, and has toned down the physical flirting, although he still always compliments me. However, I sense that he might have mixed feelings. To add to the complication at one appointment he mentioned his wife. However, as he was doing so he switched his wedding band from his left hand ring finger to his right-hand ring finger and then back again. I'm not sure the significance of that but I sure thought it was STRANGE! I didn't know if it might be a come-on or something but nothing else happened. However, I didn't really react to him doing this either because I really wasn't sure what to say or do. I just feel confused. We are about the same age. Is this unusual behavior for a medical doctor? From what I described, does it seem to you that this is flirting? Do you have any idea what his intentions are? What should I do? I am not trying to chase anyone's husband, but I do have a crush on him and I sort of felt like maybe there is a vibe coming from him. How can I figure out if I'm right? Edited December 26, 2018 by Devor Link to post Share on other sites
TooBad Posted December 26, 2018 Share Posted December 26, 2018 You have a crush on him. So you see what you want to see. And you want to find meaning in everything he sais or does. Stop it. Now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 26, 2018 Share Posted December 26, 2018 If he is flirting, he’s not the type of man you want any to get involved with anyway. You mention you don’t want to chase someone’s husband, so I gather you know he’s married. He’d also be seriously violating his professional ethics if he expressed interest in a patient. If he’s the type of man that would ignore both his marital and professional vows - ew. My guess is that you’re not the only female patient he does this with. He seems to know what to say and do to spark interest without being overt. That usually comes from practice. The only positive takeaway is that he seems to have backed off. Leave it at that and assume he’s come to his senses that he needs to behave like a decent husband and doctor. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 26, 2018 Share Posted December 26, 2018 If he is flirting, he's being disgustingly unprofessional. I would find another doctor. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted December 26, 2018 Share Posted December 26, 2018 Get another doctor. Have a beautiful day my friend. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted December 26, 2018 Share Posted December 26, 2018 You have a crush on him. So you see what you want to see. And you want to find meaning in everything he sais or does. Stop it. Now. Agreed. Even if he is flirting I highly doubt that he's interested in taking it any further. Having an affair with a patient is a serious breach of ethics and could result in him losing his medical license. Since you are entertaining this fantasy you would probably be better off getting a new doctor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted December 26, 2018 Share Posted December 26, 2018 He would have to be a lunatic to be flirting with a patient. Total breac h of ethics. Would he risk losing his career for you? NO. You are physically attracted to him and this is what you wish would happen. For God's sake get a new GP. Poppy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 27, 2018 Share Posted December 27, 2018 Then he started complimenting me at every visit. He told me at different visits, that I have a nice smile, that I always look nice, that he's proud of me, that he liked my shoes, and that he's always happy to see me because I am a nice person. Always at least one compliment per visit. I'll trade you. I'm not sure my HMO doctor has ever made eye contact with me, spending the entire appointment staring at his tablet. We used to call what your doctor has a "good bedside manner", he actually sees you as a person and a patient. Don't make it into something it's not... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 27, 2018 Share Posted December 27, 2018 If you're uncomfortable (I think I would be), just change doctors. If you have a crush, he's shown you he's married and made a point of it. Doesn't mean he wouldn't cheat, but who needs it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeroniqueJ Posted December 31, 2018 Author Share Posted December 31, 2018 If you're uncomfortable (I think I would be), just change doctors. So his behavior strikes you as unusual, then? Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeroniqueJ Posted January 1, 2020 Author Share Posted January 1, 2020 (edited) I told my doctor I was having these headaches and he thought I had some neck problems. Without asking he moved my (long) hair off my back (onto my shoulder) and used his fingertips to massage my upper back (which was bare skin because my top had a lower back). He didn't say anything or explain what he was doing and did this for maybe 10-20 seconds in silence. (It's hard to judge the amount of time but it felt like a long time to me.) Then he moved his fingers to my neck and asked if there were sore spots. Is this a legitimate exam? He has been flirty in the past and I'm wondering how to read this behavior. Does this sound like a normal medical exam? Was it pushing the boundaries for him to touch me the way he did? I'm not planning to report him but I am wondering what you think. Is that creepy behavior? Edited January 1, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 So you had headaches and your doctor thought that it may be neck problems and proceeded to feel your neck. What’s the problem here... Its not like he felt it with his penis. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 I don't know if it's creepy or not since I didn't witness his exam of your neck but it's clear you are uncomfortable about this doctor's actions so the smart thing to do is get another doctor. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 Sounds like he was examining your neck, nothing more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 Just now, stillafool said: I don't know if it's creepy or not since I didn't witness his exam of your neck but it's clear you are uncomfortable about this doctor's actions so the smart thing to do is get another doctor. Or hopeful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeroniqueJ Posted January 1, 2020 Author Share Posted January 1, 2020 He was touching and massaging my back. Do you think that can be related to headaches? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 1 minute ago, VeroniqueJ said: He was touching and massaging my back. Do you think that can be related to headaches? Absolutely. Many people go to a chiropractor for headaches. And this is typical of what a chiropractor would do, so it makes perfect sense your doctor would as well. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 How many times have you gone to this DR ? He seems to have good bedside manner and has your health as his foremost thing to deal with. Are you going to him to see if you can flirt your way into something ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 (edited) I agree that it would make sense to examine your neck if you are having bad headaches cause sometimes they could be related. Why didn't you just ask him what he was doing? They will usually tell you if you ask. Edited January 1, 2020 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 2 hours ago, VeroniqueJ said: He was touching and massaging my back. Do you think that can be related to headaches? Why are you asking all these questions about this doctor? Are you planning to report him or something? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 @VeroniqueJ it sounds like your doctor is doing everything normal a doctor is supposed to do during a visit with a patient. It also sounds like your crush is one-sided. All doctors -- most anyway, go into medicine because they want to help people. I have seen the same married doctor for 12 years and we joke around with each other at every visit. Does that mean he is "into" me? No. It means, we've developed a comfortable rapport with each other as doctor and patient and I trust his medical advice because I trust him as a human being. If I were you, I would switch to a female doctor and leave this male doctor alone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 4 minutes ago, Watercolors said: I have seen the same married doctor for 12 years and we joke around with each other at every visit. Does that mean he is "into" me? No. It means, we've developed a comfortable rapport with each other as doctor and patient and I trust his medical advice because I trust him as a human being. Exactly. This describes my dentist as well. He just unexpectedly dropped dead before Thanksgiving, and all of the tributes to him on Facebook, the obituary, etc. said the exact same thing....he was like that with all. Just a super friendly, complimentary, high-fiving kind of guy :). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 @CautiouslyOptimistic sorry to hear about your dentist's passing. I know I will be very sad when my doctor passes away. He's a few years younger than me but we have a very 'older brother, younger sister' vibe between us and I can tell him anything because I trust him implicitly with my life. He's had his hands around my throat, he's done neurological tests on me that require him to pull my hands, tap my knees, he's put his hands on my shoulders, he's hugged me when I broke down in tears...he is like that with ALL of his patients of every age, race, or gender. Because that's his personality and his value system is that he cares about people. He loves to joke and be casual and yet if you ask him a medical question, he becomes an encyclopedia and can recite medical studies and will always accommodate his patients' needs when they are vulnerable. He would never sexually take advantage of anyone. I know there are predatory doctors out there too. But I think the OP is reading into her medical appointments with this chiropractor or MD because she needs to see something that isn't there. That is worth exploring -- the projection of her feelings on to this doctor. Why does she need to do it? That's why I suggest she sees a female doctor or chiropractor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeroniqueJ Posted January 1, 2020 Author Share Posted January 1, 2020 This man is my GP, that's why I wasn't expecting a back massage or chiropractic type treatment. I would assume he doesn't even know how to do a chiropractic exam. Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 (edited) Then just switch to a woman GP. If your insurance is normal and you aren't on a restricted recipient program, then you should just be able to switch doctors without any problems. After a couple of visits with an endocrinologist I switched because the endocrinologist and I didn't get along -- our personalities clashed. Just switch to a female GP. Then you won't have to wonder. Edited January 1, 2020 by Watercolors 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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