SunnySide0418 Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 All - she obviously like it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 Isn't a nurse present when he examines you? I thought that was standard procedure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 (edited) 23 hours ago, VeroniqueJ said: Then he moved his fingers to my neck and asked if there were sore spots. Is this a legitimate exam? Yes. My doctor did the same when i was having neck problems. Does this sound like a normal medical exam? Yes. Was it pushing the boundaries for him to touch me the way he did? Is that creepy behavior? No and No. Edited January 2, 2020 by JTSW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 16 hours ago, VeroniqueJ said: This man is my GP, that's why I wasn't expecting a back massage or chiropractic type treatment. I would assume he doesn't even know how to do a chiropractic exam. My daughter fell off a horse and her GP gave her a full chiropractic adjustment. Some of them have these skills. Being able to tell if your upper spine is misaligned in some way would not be out of the realm of what a GP could do. A GP is more highly educated than a chiropractor. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 I agree to just get another doctor and a female one. You are obviously disturbed by him so just don't go back. It's not even worth the mind space you are putting into this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 6 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: My daughter fell off a horse and her GP gave her a full chiropractic adjustment. Some of them have these skills. Being able to tell if your upper spine is misaligned in some way would not be out of the realm of what a GP could do. A GP is more highly educated than a chiropractor. Absolutely! Plus if he detects the problem is coming from your spine he would refer you to an orthopedic doctor or a neuro doc. He does have to examine you. How did you expect him to treat you? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 Yes. Sometimes doctors have to actually touch their patients. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Piddy Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 (edited) I went to a female orthopedic doctor for pain in my shoulder blade one time. Thought for sure I had injured my shoulder somehow. She felt all around my neck area / shoulder area. She did something (some test) with my hands as well. Never thought she was doing something inappropriate. She said I had a pinched nerve in my neck, but I felt the pain in my shoulder blade. The pain can be remote pain anywhere along the nerves so it may not be where you actually feel the pain. I would trust a doctor until I had reason to not. They chose to go to medical school. We didn't. Edited January 2, 2020 by Piddy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 2 hours ago, schlumpy said: Isn't a nurse present when he examines you? I thought that was standard procedure. There always has to be nurse present when a woman has a pap test, breast examination but not every examination. 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 52 minutes ago, stillafool said: There always has to be nurse present when a woman has a pap test, breast examination but not every examination. Exactly. Nowadays you have to request to have the nurse present. It's just not automatic. All my doctors are male (including my gyno) and there are never any nurses present. If I had to defend myself from an octopus doctor, both of my knee reflexes are swift! 😆 Like stillafool said; nurses are not present for regular GP visits. Just for pap tests, breast exams and rectal exams. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 Doctor is MORE than interested in you. Maybe you are flattered. We are assuming you do not wish to reciprocate his flirting and advances. (If you do, then that's a possibility that will probably be short term? If you wait, his flirting will go further until he asks for a naked physical exam. I agree. Find another GP man or woman. Sometimes it takes a long time if you are choosy. Took me over a year because I have a HMO insurance and could only pick certain ones. As soon as they start with personal chit chat for more than 1 minutes... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeroniqueJ Posted January 28, 2020 Author Share Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) LuckyM (and anyone else who is still reading), I don't know if you read the most recent update, but at a more recent appointment I told him I'd been having these headaches and he thought I had some neck problems. Without asking he moved my (long) hair onto my shoulder and used his fingertips to massage my upper back, which was bare skin because my top had a lower back. He didn't say anything or explain what he was doing and did this for maybe 10-20 seconds in silence. (It's hard to judge the amount of time but it felt like a long time to me.) Then he moved his fingers to my neck and asked if there were sore spots. He also complimented my posture. I was wondering if he was coming on to me. What threw me is he seemed to be in a bad mood for most of the appointment and seemed to forget a lot about me from previous appointments. If he was happy to see me/flirting then I'm confused at why his manner was so unfriendly. He runs very hot and cold, from over-friendly (hugging me without asking) to almost discouraging and forgetful of me. It's confusing to have my regular doctor act this way, especially because I have feelings for him. Do you still think he's interested in me? Did the examination of my back sound inappropriate or flirtatious to you? Does your original opinion stand, that he was clearly interested? If so, how should I respond to show mutual interest, and why is he acting hot and cold to me?! Edited January 28, 2020 by VeroniqueJ Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 VeroniqueJ, again you are misreading it. No, he is not showing any interest in you, you are imagining it. Like I said in a previous comment, my doctor did the same with me when i went to him with a neck problem. Your doctor is friendly, but he also probably picked up on your interest, hence why he went cold. You cannot chase after this doctor because you will cost him his whole career, everything he has worked for. This would be extremely selfish of you to do. You were also told to change doctors. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jeff0011 Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 Well I assume you want him to touch you more? This is where a guy can get into trouble. The female patient seemingly "wants it", but whatever follows in the future will determine if it was consensual or some sort of sexual misconduct that can ruin his life. Example : let's say more and more touching occurs. And maybe even sex The OP apparently wants this. A couple results can happen. A. Doctor and patient fall madly in love and get married, or B. Doctor forgets your name before the next visit and is cold. If A occurs, then all is good. If B occurs the doctor is a rapist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeroniqueJ Posted January 28, 2020 Author Share Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, jeff0011 said: Well I assume you want him to touch you more? This is where a guy can get into trouble. So...what should I do then to allay his fears? I am confused as to why he's gone cold on me, but also as to why he had his hands on my back at the last appointment without (seemingly) making any effort to seem more professional... I don't know if he is just toying with me or can't help himself around me or what. Edited January 28, 2020 by VeroniqueJ Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 This doctor is NOT interested in you. You need to find a new doctor so you can get over this obsession. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
VioletVelvet Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 7 hours ago, VeroniqueJ said: why is he acting hot and cold to me This is a really, really weird thing to say about a doctor. You are not in an emotional relationship with this person, and it looks from this perspective like you have inappropriate thoughts about him. Your mind is going where it shouldn't. LOTS of people develop crushes on their care providers, whether they are being seen for physical or emotional reasons. It's called transference. It's a problem for people in this line of work. You want us all to say oh yes, that's unusual. He must like you. But it might not be at all unusual. I've had doctors that I've had great relationships with and who have complimented me, but it's always remained professional. When I was a kid our dentist used to sing a particular song with my sister's name in it every time she went. Was he trying to pick up my sister? I sure as hell hope not! But no, he was not. Staying with this doctor is going to cause problems for you for sure and potentially for him if you continue with this line of thinking. I honestly think you should find yourself another doctor but if you don't, then get a handle on things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 On 12/26/2018 at 5:35 AM, VeroniqueJ said: To add to the complication at one appointment he mentioned his wife. However, as he was doing so he switched his wedding band from his left hand ring finger to his right-hand ring finger and then back again. I'm not sure the significance of that but I sure thought it was STRANGE! I didn't know if it might be a come-on or something but nothing else happened. However, I didn't really react to him doing this either because I really wasn't sure what to say or do. I just feel confused. Look, this is really a no brainer - he's married, so forget him and walk away. Find a single man instead. You can keep seeing him as a doctor. Or not. Doesn't matter. What you sense might be nothing or it might be him "perving on you" a bit, as an attractive female patient. Don't be too upset - men are men. IF so, he probably likes that this doesn't bother you as different women can react very differently to this sort of thing, especially when physical contact is involved. As for hot/cold - well, he's married AND as pointed out above, there's a LOT at risk if he were to be intimate with a patient even if he weren't. So presumably he doesn't want you to get TOO interested and actually respond or escalate this "fun" (IF it's even anything to him). My best guess is he'd be interested in keeping this at the "fun" level it's at right now (if there's any interest at all on his part). Another possibility is that he's busy and preoccupied but also trying to present a good "bedside manner" - so you're seeing "hot/cold". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 Just for what it's worth, I WILL NOT have a male doctor for any reason. Females only. IDK if the OP's doctor is flirting or not, but you shouldn't have to wonder. If you're wondering or asking questions at all, it is time to switch doctors. That's both for your own good and for his. You don't want to develop anything personal with your doctor. If you are feeling weird about it, you need a new doctor. If you WANT a relationship with him, you need a new doctor. That's just how it is. Doctors will sometimes ask personal questions like "is everything ok at home?" They will screen for domestic violence or drug use. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, or just give a brief standard response. You are the paying customer, so YOU get to set the tone for the interaction. I guess I've had to deal with it more than some folks, because the scars on my back and arms show them immediately that I was badly abused in the past. Thankfully, since I'm on pregnancy #3 I've developed a decent relationship with the ladies at the Ob-Gyn clinic. They are used to me, know my expectations, and know that I have limited tolerance for unnecessary questions. Being a long-term client has some perks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 5 minutes ago, major_merrick said: If you WANT a relationship with him, you need a new doctor. That's just how it is. He's married. He's not interested in her. It's all in her head. Infatuation turning into obsession. She needs to leave him alone. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 Well, if she's chasing a married man...she still needs a new doctor. Pretty much the answer to any way you can look at this scenario. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
VioletVelvet Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 5 hours ago, major_merrick said: Well, if she's chasing a married man...she still needs a new doctor. Pretty much the answer to any way you can look at this scenario. She might need a new doctor for a few extra injuries from his wife, on that point. Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 I’ve had long lasting fantasies for sure.. but giiirl you playin this one out. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 Being a doctor has to be the easiest way to get laid for guys that couldn't do it on their looks or personalities... Don't be surprised if some of them actually thought of this when they were writing checks to the medical schools.. However in this case, I don't think he's going there with you... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author VeroniqueJ Posted January 29, 2020 Author Share Posted January 29, 2020 (edited) 11 hours ago, JTSW said: He's married. He's not interested in her. So...the millions upon millions of people who cheat "were married...and not interested" I guess?! Keep telling yourself that. If you said for a specific reason, based on the evidence at hand, why my doctor's behavior makes you think that I would respect your statement more. But to state wishful thinking as a fact, when there's a lot of evidence of people cheating all over the world, well I think that's pretty silly and sounds like a knee-jerk reaction on your part. He also complimented my tan (I forgot to mention that) among all of the other compliments he's given me. At the very LEAST he seems to have taken a keen interest in my physical appearance. Of course, I don't know his intentions but I've never had a doctor compliment me and hug me multiple times and then progress to touching my bare skin in silence without any intro or explanation. If he has picked up on my crush I'm confused as to why he wouldn't make the exam sound more clinical, ie. now I'm going to palpate your muscles to see if an impingement is causing your pain..." That is what *I* would do if I were the object of someone's attention and trying to discourage the person. Edited January 29, 2020 by VeroniqueJ Link to post Share on other sites
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