Is my husband stringing me along?

[Millicent]

About 6 weeks ago my husband walked out on me. Since then I have found out I am pregnant. One minute he is telling me he wants me, loves me, misses me, and the next he is saying As for us, there is no us, I dont want this or you any more, move on.

 

I asked him why he is messing me around but he says he isnt???

 

When we were together I had insecurity issues and did question him quite a bit but he knew this when we got married a year ago.

 

He has now moved back to where he grew up and I feel he has chosen his friends over me. He has told me that he will do everything he can for the baby but I just dont understand how someone can say they want you one minute and then tell you they dont the next.

 

Please help, I dont know what to do, I don't know if I can manage the pregnancy all alone. I wanted a family with someone who wants one with me too! I want my husband back but am sick of chasing him. I am so low!

 

Thanks in advance.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Give him an option: marriage counseling or divorce. If he turns down the marriage counseling, make your next phone call be to a divorce lawyer who can help you cover your bases in terms of alimony and child support.

 

I just dont understand how someone can say they want you one minute and then tell you they dont the next.

 

Because at any given time, what they may be telling you is how they really feel. Unfortunately, how they really feel can change in a heartbeat when there are outside factors affecting their decisions. I would bet that there is more going on in your situation than you may think. All you can do is make him that offer - work on the marriage, or leave it.

[Millicent]

Well, we already went for counselling and he seemed to think we didnt need it any more. The thing is at the moment, every time we try and talk we end up arguing and he backs off.

 

Am I backing him into a corner and making him respond with " I dont want you anymore, move on"

 

Do you think I should let the dust settle and maybe let him realise what he has thrown away.

 

I have spoken to my mum and she said if I back off and just get on with my life then once he realises the mistake he has made, he will come running.

 

It is just so hard to not contact him. He himself has issues relating to his dad, who left his mum when he was just 2 months old. His dad is now in Australia and my H has only met him about 3 times. I even offered to move to Oz for a couple of years so that he could spend time getting to know his Dad.

 

My H also has issues to do with bullying at school. When I get upset I do tend to shout and get my emotions out and H just clams up and walks away.

 

The hardest thing for me at the moment is the fact i am pregnant and I think how can he just throw away me and his marriage just because HE cant cope.

 

I know the answers lie within ourselves and that no one can really give me tha answer. It is just so hard coming to terms with the fact he has said its over when 2 days before he said our true love would shine through and we would get through all the rubbish! I am beginning to think maybe he is just unstable at the moment ans I should just leave him to realise that he does want me and our marriage.

[Millicent]

 

What makes you say this?

[LucreziaBorgia]

One minute he is telling me he wants me, loves me, misses me, and the next he is saying As for us, there is no us, I dont want this or you any more, move on.

 

I see a lot of this type of 'hot and cold' behavior going on in affairs. There really isn't a lot more to support that, but it raised a red flag for sure. To be sure of that, there would have to be more red flags. Right now its just speculation based on a red flag that tends to pop up in affair situations.

 

Your mum probably has the right idea here. You will need to let him know that you need for him to leave you alone, so that you can get your life together and prepare for your child. Let him know that any support he gives is welcome, but that you cannot handle his 'hot and cold' behavior and it would be best if he would just leave you alone if he is going to be that way.

 

It is unfortunate that he opted out of counseling (another red flag) - so he needs to know that if he isn't fixing what you two have, he is actively destroying it and he should keep himself away from you if all he has to offer is wishy-washy heartbreak. You'll have to be firm. Let him know that he will only be allowed fully back into your life when he is fully ready to commit to it. If it is less painful, have your parents be the mediators - and all contact has to be done through them (so that if he does offer support he will have someone to give the money to, etc). Then... move forward with you life. Perhaps if he sees that you have turned you back on him, and he can no longer take you for granted - perhaps he'll do what it takes to get you back. Or, perhaps not. Either way you will want to have the number of a lawyer handy to have your and your baby's bases covered.