geartips Posted December 29, 2018 Share Posted December 29, 2018 Hello to all I have been dating this girl for about 5months now, and in the first months all was working great then she started showing her bad temper..She was jelaous, making me scenes, calling me different names and most important she started making excuses how her EX BF was better and how he knew her better, which is true since they were for 5 years together.. although she claims that she doesn't love him at all, and that she waited so much to find someone like me , she keeps contacting him when we are fighting...She did that 3x already and one time she moved it too far. She invited him over, when she was with her family just so i can feel jealous and afraid or something like that. She only do this when she drinks and she is drunk or she is unstable..like she has some disorder or something. After that passes, she sometimes cry and says how she made huge mistake and how she knows that this is stupid, and she never did anything like this only with me because she loves me but sometimes she says she also hates me like some devil is inside of her that tells her this. AS for me, what i do is maybe irritating is that i asked her to much questions about her previous partners throughout months, and also asked her why she was so unstable, why she has this temper and she finds this irritating.. also she wants to live with me separated and i am working my butt off so we can afford that, but she always says now i can't wait anymore you need to find solution and so on(i am living with my mom and she lives with her mom and brother) So basically we were fighting over these small things, and main issue i have with this girl is her EX who is sucker and he will fly to see her at 5am if needed, but as far as i know she only wants to hurt me with him etc... BUT i can't trust her enough and what should i do in order for me to be with this girl, since i am felling lots of emotions toward this girl(maybe even some love).. Sorry for longer post. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 29, 2018 Share Posted December 29, 2018 You really need to let good of this girl. She is not relationship material at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Giraffe-A Posted December 29, 2018 Share Posted December 29, 2018 The instability of this relationship as a whole is off the charts. If her ex is so much better than you, then she can go back to him. She’s pushing you to get your own place so that she can escape her current situation. I will bet she doesn’t want to live with her family but she’s not all put together to do it herself. You are saving yourself from a HUGE burden and miserable time with her. It’s not your fault you triggered this. Tell her to get help and block her from your life. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 30, 2018 Share Posted December 30, 2018 In 5 months she proved herself to be a selfish, drunk, drama queen. You haven't been together long enough to even consider living together. Cohabitation should not happen until you have been together for at least 1 year, drama free. Leave this girl alone & go find a nice stable person to date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author geartips Posted December 31, 2018 Author Share Posted December 31, 2018 issue is that i started to love this girl, and when we are not fighting we can have nice life...problem is only that she has bad temper and i ask to many questions to her and that drives her crazy and then she doesn't know what she is doing...weird Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted December 31, 2018 Share Posted December 31, 2018 Well then fall out of love with her. Or accept a life of misery and uncertainty. Seems like an easy choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted December 31, 2018 Share Posted December 31, 2018 You don't love her. This relationship is abusive and totally dysfunctional. Force yourself to go No Contact and stick to it. This is not the girl for you. DO NOT waste time on people like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted December 31, 2018 Share Posted December 31, 2018 In 5 months she proved herself to be a selfish, drunk, drama queen. You haven't been together long enough to even consider living together. Cohabitation should not happen until you have been together for at least 1 year, drama free. Leave this girl alone & go find a nice stable person to date. And might I add you go work on your own stability. Healthy people are out of situations like this before they even get off the ground because being treated like crap by ANYONE is not palatable to them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
masonjar24 Posted December 31, 2018 Share Posted December 31, 2018 Man, all these people must be long-term singles who are just bitter and love to advise other people to "just let her go". Look it isn't that simple. I have been in a similar situation. My advice is this- ask yourself a question- do you really love her? IF she could get her act together, would you be happy to spend your life with her? If no, discard of her anway. If yes, then you need to fix this. Tel her you want to start councelling for couples and that you want to work on putting an end to the drinking and fighting. Make sacrifices for her in order to help her get to a better place. Though, yes everyone does have to find stability themselves, sometimes women need or prefer extra guidance. Don't focus on these thoughts, focus on real solutions to fix the problem. Have a deep and calm and honest conversation with her. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2018 Share Posted December 31, 2018 issue is that i started to love this girl, and when we are not fighting we can have nice life...problem is only that she has bad temper and i ask to many questions to her and that drives her crazy and then she doesn't know what she is doing...weird But you are ALWAYS fighting. You can't have a "nice life". She will always have an out of control temper. Her blowing up at you for asking Qs is ridiculous Man, all these people must be long-term singles who are just bitter and love to advise other people to "just let her go". Look it isn't that simple. I have been in a similar situation. My advice is this- ask yourself a question- do you really love her? IF she could get her act together, would you be happy to spend your life with her? If no, discard of her anway. If yes, then you need to fix this. Tel her you want to start councelling for couples and that you want to work on putting an end to the drinking and fighting. Make sacrifices for her in order to help her get to a better place. Though, yes everyone does have to find stability themselves, sometimes women need or prefer extra guidance. Don't focus on these thoughts, focus on real solutions to fix the problem. Have a deep and calm and honest conversation with her. I'm happily married for over 10 years. Before that I lived with a different guy for 10 years. I know an awful lot about how to sustain a healthy long term relationship. At 5 months if you need couples counseling, the relationship isn't working. Dating is a test of compatibility. When you find incompatibility you walk away. Perhaps one party needs individual counseling to learn how to nurture a healthy happy relationship. Also the advice that the person on the short end of the relationship stick try harder to put up with horrible rude unstable behavior is not productive. The girl is the problem here & she doesn't want to change. The only thing the OP has control over is himself. Thus he has to vote with his feet. Him "sacrificing" for her will not change her. It will simply cause her bad behavior to escalate. If this was a marriage or if there were children involved, fighting harder to fix things would be valid but here knowing somebody for 150 days. . . . oh hell no. Just move along. Her level of psychopathy is not worth dealing with. Link to post Share on other sites
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