Could i get her back?

[sporidium99]

So i met this girl on social media which was my gf now is my ex. She struggles with depression and anxiety and so on and so am i. Anyways we starting to get to know each other and i promised her that i will be there for her to support her. Few months later i asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend and we started dated, things was fine at the beginning. The thing is there was a guy she was talking to she knew him before we met, the thing is this guy is dangerous he first was nice to her but then he said he would come to her house and have sex with her. He is a hacker because he knew where she lived he has her house address. But even during the time when we were dating i told her to block him because all he would do is make her feel bad most of the times but she didn't block him. Anyways few months later when i knew about the story that he knows where she lives i told her to block him i mean how could she not think that he is dangerous? He kept sms her and she blocked him everytime. Then after few months later me and my ex brokeup but i still decided to be friends so i could support her. Few days ago she did something stupid she even said "i did something stupid", which was to answer his texts again. I got mad at her and told her that i am not gonna be part of your life anymore and that i am tired of trying to help her but then she do stupid things, she begged me to stay but i told her we should stop talking. Few hours later i came to apologize she said i broke her heart and that she wants me but can't have me. We we're on a long distance relationship we dated for 9 months but we we're friends for 1 year and now she have blocked me on whatsapp and we can't talk anymore. I need an advice so if anyone could help me then thank you

[maxi105]

99...hmmm, this isn't going to be the sort of reply you were expecting, so brace yourself!

 

firstly....why were you answering texts to her from him?

 

also, if you knew her phone was getting hacked what did you do about that? ...my guess is "probably nothing!" so that makes you a coward too!

 

if I am honest, I don't think that you or this other man is probably any good for this girl at all. you have not only let her down, but have also shown a fair bit of immaturity too and thoughtlessness when you knew she suffered from anxiety and depression, and probably cared deeply for you.

 

you must have known that letting her down when you promised her you'd stand by her would hurt her if she is a sensitive person and has low confidence and anxiety concerns etc.

 

the only advice I can offer would be to keep her as a friend only if she is willing for that to occur again, and in the mean time you'd be wise to start growing up a bit more and take a little more thought into other peoples feelings where relationships are concerned, not just think about what you want from various situations.

 

I dont think it would be in her best interests to be with you.from what you have said already. sorry.however that hurts.

 

and from what ive read, you both sound like you have a few things that need working on in terms of issues, but as she is probably still vunerable, then you need to respect her and not try to manipulate things further, and listen to what she is telling you and what she told you when you dumped her.

 

I also feel there is more to this post than you have said and I question parts of it because they don't sound right, but either way, NO.... I don't feel you can have her back, and if you do, I wouldnt think it would last any real time.sorry. not unless she asks to be with you and trusts you, but why would she trust you again? and until you can grow up a little, you wont really see things clearly from your own point or begin to know really what she went through whilst all the drama was being played on and people were seeking to use her or couldn't communicate what it was that they felt without either using her or thinking of their own needs or agendas.

 

I also wonder whether you have talked to her properly about what went on, explained and fully apologised with genuine remorse for what went on? or are you just coming online to get a sense of guilt relief and justification with the renewed hope of trying win her over?

 

i cant help thinking you had your chance to be with her and you either couldn't handle it because you thought yourself above her in some way, or were too selfish, immature or naiive to see what you had at the time you had it.

 

sorry to really say it like this for you. but its what i think.

 

 

the relationship wasn't right when you let her down, and i havent felt anything in your post to say that it feels right this time if she agreed to even having you as a friend again.

 

 

if it is meant to be it will be.

 

but like i say, you need to work on yourself and think a lot more carefully about what relationships mean to people like her who are easily hurt in that way.

 

maxi.

[Normm]

firstly....why were you answering texts to her from him?

 

 

I'm not seeing that.

[Giraffe-A]

Why do you want her back? Anxiety and depression aside, she made a conscience decision not to block this guy when you asked her to and she responded! Did the anxiety do that for her? Did depression do that for her? No, she did. Women who do not care about the person they are with do this type of thing everytime. Give her space to figure it out.

[sporidium99]

99...hmmm, this isn't going to be the sort of reply you were expecting, so brace yourself!

 

firstly....why were you answering texts to her from him?

 

also, if you knew her phone was getting hacked what did you do about that? ...my guess is "probably nothing!" so that makes you a coward too!

 

if I am honest, I don't think that you or this other man is probably any good for this girl at all. you have not only let her down, but have also shown a fair bit of immaturity too and thoughtlessness when you knew she suffered from anxiety and depression, and probably cared deeply for you.

 

you must have known that letting her down when you promised her you'd stand by her would hurt her if she is a sensitive person and has low confidence and anxiety concerns etc.

 

the only advice I can offer would be to keep her as a friend only if she is willing for that to occur again, and in the mean time you'd be wise to start growing up a bit more and take a little more thought into other peoples feelings where relationships are concerned, not just think about what you want from various situations.

 

I dont think it would be in her best interests to be with you.from what you have said already. sorry.however that hurts.

 

and from what ive read, you both sound like you have a few things that need working on in terms of issues, but as she is probably still vunerable, then you need to respect her and not try to manipulate things further, and listen to what she is telling you and what she told you when you dumped her.

 

I also feel there is more to this post than you have said and I question parts of it because they don't sound right, but either way, NO.... I don't feel you can have her back, and if you do, I wouldnt think it would last any real time.sorry. not unless she asks to be with you and trusts you, but why would she trust you again? and until you can grow up a little, you wont really see things clearly from your own point or begin to know really what she went through whilst all the drama was being played on and people were seeking to use her or couldn't communicate what it was that they felt without either using her or thinking of their own needs or agendas.

 

I also wonder whether you have talked to her properly about what went on, explained and fully apologised with genuine remorse for what went on? or are you just coming online to get a sense of guilt relief and justification with the renewed hope of trying win her over?

 

i cant help thinking you had your chance to be with her and you either couldn't handle it because you thought yourself above her in some way, or were too selfish, immature or naiive to see what you had at the time you had it.

 

sorry to really say it like this for you. but its what i think.

 

 

the relationship wasn't right when you let her down, and i havent felt anything in your post to say that it feels right this time if she agreed to even having you as a friend again.

 

 

if it is meant to be it will be.

 

but like i say, you need to work on yourself and think a lot more carefully about what relationships mean to people like her who are easily hurt in that way.

 

maxi.

 

Did you even read what i said? Her phone was not hacked BUT that guy i don't know how but he knows where she lives and you think i did nothing. Dude first of all i knew all about this until months later. And second thing i have spoken to her about it and i told her many times that he is dangerous and you have to block him because it is a dangerous situation and you come here and calling me a "coward"? . Bah i have been supporting her for so long and i warned her about him many times and all she said to me was " it is hard for me to leave the person "

[d0nnivain]

How do you know this other guy is a hacker? How do you know he is dangerous?

 

Your LDR GF had a sexual relationship with this man. You didn't say he raped her so it was consensual. He knows where she lives because she let him into her house. There is no vast conspiracy here.

 

I get that you don't like him & that you want her to block him. In your shoes I would feel the same way. Yet, she voluntarily choses to interact with him, even though you, her BF, object. That is her picking him over you. She is not a very good GF to you. At this point she is also an EX but you unwisely chose to stay in her life as a friend only.

 

It's sweet that you want to support her but she wants to be able to have you in her life as an ego boost while getting down & dirty with him. He's there . You're not. This is unworkable. Let her go. You never really had her in the 1st place.

[Mr. Lucky]

i told her many times that he is dangerous and you have to block him because it is a dangerous situation

 

The only person he seems to be "dangerous" to is you. and that's only because he's having sex with a girl you mistakenly think is your GF.

 

sporidium99, it really shouldn't be this hard. Steer your interest towards more available and less neurotic girls...

 

Mr. Lucky

[sporidium99]

How do you know this other guy is a hacker? How do you know he is dangerous?

 

Your LDR GF had a sexual relationship with this man. You didn't say he raped her so it was consensual.

 

She didn't have a sexual relationship with him. They never met in real life but they met online. And how he wanted to rape her is because he threatned her that he would travel to go her house and rape her

[d0nnivain]

She didn't have a sexual relationship with him. They never met in real life but they met online. And how he wanted to rape her is because he threatned her that he would travel to go her house and rape her

 

No in your 1st post you said that he said he would come to her house & have sex with her. When I read it the 1st time I read the sentence as they already had sex, not that he offered to come to her.

 

His desire to have sex with her does not make him a bad person. Him having sex with her against her will would be a crime.

 

You said this girl is your EX & that you are now trying to help her as a friend. Even if you see all sorts of red flags surrounding this other guy & he is no good for her, she may be attracted to the "bad boy." Sadly that is a thing. Nice guys get tossed over all the time for the bad boy. That may be what is happening here. You can't make her chose wisely. If you don't want to stand around & watch the train wreck as she continuously engages with him, just put some more distance in here. At the very least refuse to discuss him with her.