pepperbird Posted December 31, 2018 Share Posted December 31, 2018 This is a question targeted at bs and ws or om/ow who have actual, first hand direct knowledge ( not texts, not " my mm/mw told me" or " I heard through the grapevine")... What was the image of the bs in the affair? In other words, if you were a bs, do you know how you were described to the om/ow in your situation? If you were a ws, were you honest about your bs, ior did you lie? If you were an ow/om, what were you told? Was it accurate? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 1, 2019 Share Posted January 1, 2019 ( not texts, not " my mm/mw told me" or " I heard through the grapevine")... If texts aren't first hand direct knowledge, what qualifies as accurate information? Like you were in the room whilst they were discussing you? I found out from some letters my WS was more untruthful about the state of our marriage than she was about me personally. She told her OM we had filed for separation and were living apart, neither of which were true... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 1, 2019 Share Posted January 1, 2019 l really dread to think what she said about me but given my in laws stopped talking to me first time in 20yrs, pretty sure l was turned into the devil himself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 1, 2019 Share Posted January 1, 2019 In my sitch it was pretty non-specific. My WS painted himself as a hard done-to victim and I was just being mean and nasty to him. This was totally untrue as he was acting like a complete a-hole and I was the long-suffering one trying to find out what was wrong. It never ceases to amaze me as to why the OW never asked him why, if I was such a harriden as he said, he didn't leave? We had no kids, I was working and able to support myself, so if he wanted to leave there weren't any ties. The answer of course was CAKE, lots of lovely CAKE 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pepperbird Posted January 1, 2019 Author Share Posted January 1, 2019 If texts aren't first hand direct knowledge, what qualifies as accurate information? Like you were in the room whilst they were discussing you? I found out from some letters my WS was more untruthful about the state of our marriage than she was about me personally. She told her OM we had filed for separation and were living apart, neither of which were true... Mr. Lucky What I meant was seeing texts between two people and feeling that one bit of dialogue, taken in isolation, is an accurate representation of a relationship. I have seen lots of people who see a text between a husband and wife and assume that's the whole story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pepperbird Posted January 1, 2019 Author Share Posted January 1, 2019 The answer of course was CAKE, lots of lovely CAKE I expect it had a generous topping of ego kibbles 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Artdeco Posted January 1, 2019 Share Posted January 1, 2019 I think my bf painted an accurate, realistic picture of his then-W. Never said anything bad about her, just mentioned - very rarely - some of their M issues, but never blamed her for them entirely. He still respects her as a person/businesswoman, now that they are D, and still likes her as a person for many other reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 1, 2019 Share Posted January 1, 2019 I don't know what all these acronyms mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pepperbird Posted January 1, 2019 Author Share Posted January 1, 2019 I don't know what all these acronyms mean? yeah right.... Link to post Share on other sites
Lotus_Luna Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 We know one anothers spouses He wasn’t impressed with mine years ago. It was obvious he negkected the kids and I. OM and mutual friends often picked up my husband’s slack by assisting with my kids. I was honest but not completely open about how much abuse I was enduring. I carried too much shame. He never spoke down about his wife or marriage. I didnt pry, and I dont see any reason to villianize her. She is the mother of their children. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 I don't know what all these acronyms mean? WS = Wayward or Wandering Spouse BS = Betrayed Spouse MM = Married Man MW = Married Woman OM = Other Man OW = Other Woman Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 thanx HL... Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 This is a question targeted at bs and ws or om/ow who have actual, first hand direct knowledge ( not texts, not " my mm/mw told me" or " I heard through the grapevine")... What was the image of the bs in the affair? <snip> If you were an ow/om, what were you told? Was it accurate? My H (then BF) said very little, of anything, about the then-BW. What I was told about her was from others - his family, his long-time friends, and colleagues who had worked with both of them. None of it was flattering, and the details were pretty consistent. In the decade-plus we’ve been living together full-time, I’ve seen her up-close a number of times, and her behaviour has certainly been in line with what had been described. But I think of her very much in the past tense. She’s got a new BF, and has stopped her stalking, petty theft and vandalism around our home, so she no longer features on my radar in any way. Mutual friends no longer have anything to do with her, and as we’re such different people, the chances of running into each other are remote even though she still lives close to H’s sister. Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted January 3, 2019 Share Posted January 3, 2019 From what the OW told me, he told her we had a happy marriage. That I was an awesome wife, kind hearted, great person, amazing mother. However, she came up with her own opinions of me. Whether it was from stories he said, some complaining from him, or her own stalking. She thought I was with him for the lifestyle (not even close), that I was extremely vain (again, not at all accurate), I was a prude (he was the prude, certainly not me), materlistic (he is certainly the materlistic one), boring (maybe something there... I'm a SAHM of 4... I'm worn out). Those are all things she told me. She was quite nasty to me. And stalked me out for awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 3, 2019 Share Posted January 3, 2019 l refuse to run my ex w down , especially not to my daughter of course but not to anyone. Not only do l not wanna be one of those people but she always was and l believe she still is a very special and caring person. We just got messed up , we both made mistakes and we both fkd up. What's done is done the best thing we can do now is be the best parents we can for my daughter and find hopefully our own new happiness too. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 3, 2019 Share Posted January 3, 2019 Perhaps it’s because we made a conscious choice to try to keep emotions out of it..... in my physical affair as a WS with a MM. We avoided talking about our spouses for th most part. And when we did, we didn’t say negative things about them. I never heard a bad word about his wife. At one point I know he said that she didn’t deserve what he was doing. I knew he admired her, and was proud of her career and education accomplishments. Honestly, I don’t know why he was cheating. From things he asked of me, I had a guess that she wasn’t very sexually adventurous, but honestly that is just an assumption. I could be totally wrong, I never asked. I avoided saying anything much about my husband, made it clear I was in the situation not because of him, nor said anything bad about him. I do remember once saying to my OM that he (OM) would tease me up - and I would go home and unleash that on my husband- and asked the OM if that made him feel better about the situation (there was always an undercurrent of guilt). And he laughed a bit and said that it did. Oh the irony, he said that he didn’t want to be taking away from the attention I gave my husband. All deranged I know, but people do weird things in affairs. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 3, 2019 Share Posted January 3, 2019 In my past, I dated a married woman, so I guess I was the "other man". She told me she was in a love-less, sex-less marriage. He worked 12-16 hours days (6 days a week) on his one day off, he'd worry and fret about what was going on at work. When he came home from work, he'd plop down on the couch, & fall asleep. They didn't need the money, he was just laser-focused on getting ahead at work and honing his craft. She tried to get her husband to touch her, but he wasn't interested. A mutual friend introduced us and we "dated" for a while. She didn't really talk bad about her husband, other than saying he had let himself go and had gotten pudgy. Her biggest complaint was that she was alone in her marriage, and he wouldn't have sex with her, so I did. For the record, she was attractive & fun in bed... Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 HL He sounds like my best friend in college. I was best man at their wedding, so knew them both. He turned into a workaholic and they made a fortune. They had two kids and she started and ran a daycare so added to the family fortunes, but nothing like he made. They took the kids on a couple of trips to Disney, and also to Alaska, Hawaii, and the Bahamas. Where she watched the kids, while he took off fishing. She tried to tell him she was unhappy for years. She just wanted him to pay attention to her and the kids. Before the kids grew up and moved out and he began bitching I think she has a boy friend. Turned out he was younger.; He too had money but nothing like my friend. After the kids moved out, she left him and moved in with the OM and got half of the family fortune. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 (edited) After the break up of my marriage I too fell into dating some of my co-workers who happened to be married. They too complained of love less, sex less marriages. One of BS's was a golf addict. They generally had sex on Wednesday night, 5 minutes to get him off. Weekends he was gone, golfing, sometimes leaving on jet plane Friday night to get across country for a couple of rounds. She wanted out, but her kids had great friends and loved their school and was making great grades. To get a separation and a divorce would mean a change to a lesser school and she was not willing to sacrifice her kids to her wants so was waiting for them to go to college. In the mean time she was not willing to go without a sex life for over a decade. Another had been married for coming up on 5 years. They had put off having kids until there finances improved. With their 5 year anniversary, coming up they had reserved a bed a breakfast for the weekend, and were going to begin trying to get pregnant. They were to leave on Friday night after work. On Thursday he announced that he and a male friend were taking off that weekend to watch a poker tournament. On Saturday night she showed up at the club where me and my fellow workers showed up. She was dressed in a short tight red dress leaving nothing to the imagination. She told me she was out to get laid and I was first choice, and if not me she was going to find some one else. What did they say about their BS's "Idiots" Edited January 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
Southwardbound Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 This is a question targeted at bs and ws or om/ow who have actual, first hand direct knowledge ( not texts, not " my mm/mw told me" or " I heard through the grapevine")... What was the image of the bs in the affair? In other words, if you were a bs, do you know how you were described to the om/ow in your situation? If you were a ws, were you honest about your bs, ior did you lie? If you were an ow/om, what were you told? Was it accurate? When I was married, the OM & my H knew each, liked each, & periodically talked on the phone to one another - so they both had direct knowledge of each other. Now I’m divorced & our positions have reversed, he’s married & I’m not. I don’t know his W, other than what he tells me. I think he has been honest in what he’s had to say about her & his family life with her. I often hear him chat with her on the phone. There relationship / lines of communication seems good, chatting about normal stuff .. house, kids, pets, etc. She is into Church & a has a social circle within that place - that also involves their kids. Rarely, does he ever say anything negative about her. He just lives two different lives, one with her, & one with me. He is very good at compartmentalization, more than I ever realized when we first started living together when he was 18. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pepperbird Posted January 6, 2019 Author Share Posted January 6, 2019 l refuse to run my ex w down , especially not to my daughter of course but not to anyone. Not only do l not wanna be one of those people but she always was and l believe she still is a very special and caring person. We just got messed up , we both made mistakes and we both fkd up. What's done is done the best thing we can do now is be the best parents we can for my daughter and find hopefully our own new happiness too. It's good you put your daughter first. Link to post Share on other sites
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