Wife's in love with her boss

[TaserTag]

My heart hurts for you and your kids, snowsports36.

 

The fact that your wife is blaming you for her affair is absolute garbage. When someone gets caught cheating and tries to blame the person they were cheating on, they are twice the horrible person. That inability to take responsibility for herself and her continued abuse of you is awful. Don't let her make you feel like you are 'less than' or at fault.

 

I wonder if your wife is just stringing everyone along and waiting for her lover to leave his wife (which probably isn't going to happen). It's awful that she has been around that man's wife and in their home too. I would tell the other man's wife everything and watch how quickly he stops sniffing around your wife to deal with his own.

 

I don't really have anything new to add, and others have offered great advice already, but I just wanted to add another voice to the "this is not your fault, and stay strong" camp. Protect your kids, your finances, and you as much as possible.

[bathtub-row]

If I were you, I’d file for divorce, for custody of the kids, and possession of the home. She cheated, she’s the one who should leave; it’s her life that should be ripped apart. I have a friend who divorced his wife and did get custody of his 3 kids. It does happen.

 

As far as counseling is concerned, I’m not sure I’d be agreeable to that at this stage. She would have to be willing to end the affair. Surprising her with divorce papers would be far more effective and therapeutic if you ask me.

Edited January 14, 2019 by bathtub-row

[Turning point]

Filing for divorce and getting divorced are not mutually inclusive and the process is very slow. Even while advocating that you file NOW I would suggest you STAY for as long as it takes you to know that divorce is the right ending for your story. You can and should do both.

 

You do NEED to protect your financial stability with respect to joint credit cards, lines of credit, or any point of joint liability. This is why filing NOW is so important. There are restraining orders that take effect when you file that can further protect/recover your interests in divorce.

 

My ex liquidated hundreds of thousands of dollars on her way out. It is a mistake to believe someone's infidelity is limited to emotion or sex. They are capable of many other forms of deceit as well, and often feel entitled.

[pepperbird]

Sometimes, they're not obsessed with anyone except themselves. My STBX strung men along because she was using them.

 

With the boss: because he'd steer all the cushy sales accounts to her and pay her a big bonus even while bonuses had been shut down company wide.

 

With the customer: because he behaved as her water boy; bought her a new car, picked up her dry cleaning, paid for travel, clothes, etc.

 

With a co-worker: because she coveted his territory and planned to take it from him.

 

She would always change jobs right before the crap hit the fan, escaping the fall out and cleanup.

 

Your wife also seems to have have her job "projects" neatly bundled up in this affair. Don't torture yourself by believing this is about love. She may be a lot colder than you've ever realized. Protect yourself and (if still viable) don't get her pregnant!

 

 

Wow. Your ex sounds as if she has some major issues (i.e.- psychopathy). It can be really hard to extricate yourself from like that. Good on you for being able to do so.

[Chi townD]

I agree with everyone else. Talk to a lawyer. Don't tell her you are talking to one. DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE!! Most family courts will view that as you abandoning the martial home and they will award it to her. Then you'll end up paying some if not all of the mortgage payments. Go to know you found the 180. Do it religiously. That will help you disconnect from the marriage.