24 years old, have a girlfriend and a 2 month old baby.

[MTY0195]

Good morning guys, I am new to this so hopefully I am doing this right.

 

I am 24 years old, I have a girlfriend whom I’ve been with for 3 years now, and we have a 2 month old baby. My girlfriend and i have a pretty good relationship, even tho she gives me the usually hiccups every now and then. However, for some reason this is this girl that I could never get out of my mind.

 

I met this girl back when I was in high school. We were both really good friends and eventually we almost became something more. However, it never led up to that. Even after we graduated, we would go out in a few dates, and we would exchange out thoughts and feeling for each other. But we just never gave it a chance, and i have no idea why. I’ve always described this girl as the one that got away.

 

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 3 years now, and it hasnt been the smoothest ride. Maybe weÂ’re just new to this life, IÂ’m not sure. But she is usually always complaining about something. She says that I am To patient or that I dont spend as much time with her as she wishes I would. However, when I do spend time with her, or go out to eat or something, she either complains about something that’s going on that night, or she brings something up from last week or the past.

 

Before I started going out with this girl, I used to be some what of a ladies” man. I was single, so I would Date a lot of women. When we started going out, I stopped that. For my past, I guess she never trusted me 100% so she would check my phone while I would sleep at night, or sometimes she would just grab my phone and go through my messages, social media, etc. And when she would see me message a close friend, or she would see a relative that she hadnt met, shed jist ask, Who’s that that? Do you know her? How do you know her This went on for months and months. She just recently said she would stop doing that, and she would give me more trust. However, shes said that in the past, so I wouldnÂ’t be surprised if she did come back to it.

 

My girlfriend knows about how I was really good friends with the girl that I think of, but she doesn’t know that I think of her everyday. When I would send her a happy birthday message, merry Christmas, happy New Years, anything if that sort, she would get jealous. I would always tell her that she was just a really good friend from high school and that it all there is to it, she would also send me the same messages for my birthday or whatever it was.

 

I don’t know why i think of this girl so much. I had a crush on her since I was in 10th grade in high school. After we graduated we would go on dates, where I would pay for her and walk her to her car, stay up talking or texting on the phone, we would say sweet stuff to each other. Then I met my girlfriend, and I did like her, I love her in fact. However, I still think of this girl. And I don’t know why, but I think of her when I wake up, when I’m going to bed, i think of her throughout most of the day, knowing that i have a girlfriend and a child. Sometimes, I wish that I would have dated her, sometimes I hope that I can date her. But how is that possible? I know it won’t ever be, but I can’t stop thinking of her. What should I do?

Edited January 2, 2019 by MTY0195

[anika99]

You can stop thinking of her but you choose not to. You are over romanticizing that girl as a form of escapism from the mundane life of having a longterm relationship and a child. This girl from your past represents a time when you were young and carefree and so you associate her with happiness but she is just a fantasy you have built up in your head. Unfortunately there is no turning back time, you have to leave the past in the past and make your life right now the best it can be.

 

As for your current gf's distrust. People who are in touch with their intuition just sense the unspoken truth. She probably knows in her gut that you are not invested in her with your whole heart.

[somanymistakes]

You have a young child and are feeling tired, stressed, and uncertain about your ability to be an adult. This is normal. Your girlfriend is probably even more worn out (babies are hard). This puts strain on your relationship. Again, this is normal.

 

So your mind wanders and makes you think "what if everything were different, what if everything were better" and you fixate on this other girl.

 

None of that is unusual.

 

But almost certainly, this other girl is not the answer. If you were with her right now instead of your current girlfriend, you would probably feel just as stressed and uncertain and just as driven to wonder about other what-ifs. The source is coming from who you are right now, not from her.

 

What you need to do right now is focus on trying to make yourself the best and happiest person you can be in the life that you HAVE. How can you improve things with your current girlfriend? How can you make yourself feel more proud of your life and your accomplishments?

 

It may be that someday in the future you and your girlfriend decide that you are not actually meant to be together forever. Or it may be that you get married and live happily ever after. It needs to be a joint decision. To find your future, you need to be open and honest with each other, talk about how you feel and what you want. That's how you discover if you want the same things.

 

Putting up a false front, trying to pretend that you're okay when you're not just to avoid trouble? That leads a relationship down a bad path.

[Starswillshine]

 

As for your current gf's distrust. People who are in touch with their intuition just sense the unspoken truth. She probably knows in her gut that you are not invested in her with your whole heart.

 

This.

 

You cant complain about her distrust when you are being a little mistrust worthy.