Joe walls Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 Hello everyone I am new to this site but just want some advice. When I was out one night I met a girl in a bar. We kissed and talked a little, and that was that. I found her on Facebook the next day and went for a walk to see what we were like. I asked her to go to a concert later that week but she had to go to a social event. Thing is I hooked up with someone else and had sex and now feel really bad as I have now been dating this girl who i first met and now have became exclusive. She wants to get married at some point and have kids, but I don't want to go through life with guilt. Should I dump her?? I do have feelings for her but when I drink alcahol I feel really guilty.,like it goes around in my head every day. What should I do??? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 The timeline is unclear to me. Can you be a little more specific? Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah_Smiles Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 You did not cheat if you and the first girl were actually not dating at the time, you were what I guess you would call playing the field and casually seeing a few. But, if you slept with the other girl and you made it seem like you and the first girl were an item, then, yes sounds like cheating. How long have you known the first girl that she is talking about marriage and kids with you? Why would you dump her? Your story is kinda confusing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Joe walls Posted January 2, 2019 Author Share Posted January 2, 2019 I didnt even know myself. I was just glad to have sex with her. I didn't expect us to get together and neither did she. I was in a bar with her and her friend one night after a few dates and some guy asked if we were bf/gf material. We both said no and her friend said we were only having sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Joe walls Posted January 2, 2019 Author Share Posted January 2, 2019 To be more specific. I met a girl we went for a walk the next day to get to know her a little bit better. I didn't see her for a week after that. In that week I had sex with someone else. Is this cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 To be more specific. I met a girl we went for a walk the next day to get to know her a little bit better. I didn't see her for a week after that. In that week I had sex with someone else. Is this cheating? No. But don't keep her as a FWB . You have a girlfriend now. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 If you had sex with somebody AFTER promising your GF to be exclusive, you cheated. You had sex with some other woman after you met your GF (& made out with her) around the time she couldn't go to a concert with you but before you were official. In that sense no you didn't cheat. Cheating only occurs if you promise to be faithful & don't keep that promise. You had yet to make promises when the other sex happened. I would not tell your GF about this. She will never be able to get the picture out of her head. It's really none of her business & you did nothing wrong. In fact you learned you are not wired to multi-date & you have established your ethical baseline. If the guilt is eating you up, better you tell your GF now then before an engagement or worse after marriage. Hopefully she will not view it harshly in light of the lack of commitment at the time you acted. Odds are she will dump you though. People get weird about this stuff; as they say ignorance is bliss. Don't unburden yourself at her expense. Learn to keep your own counsel & hush. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Joe walls Posted January 2, 2019 Author Share Posted January 2, 2019 I don't want a life of guilt. I feel like I have cheated. Maybe it's because I'm 40 and have old fashioned morals. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 You have morals that is a good thing. Since you are 40, go ahead & tell your GF that you had a random hook up after meeting her before getting serious. She should be mature enough to handle that & appreciate the honesty. If she was in her 20s, I don't think things would go well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Joe walls Posted January 2, 2019 Author Share Posted January 2, 2019 Thanks for the advice. I needed it. Some reasurrance. Link to post Share on other sites
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