4fin Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 This was the question or rope my wife gave me to hang myself with yesterday. We had a married couple we were friends with move back to their home country. We suspect they were swingers but they were so subtle in how they approached it it was hard to tell (got a thread on it). I've been wanting to go vacation in Thailand and asked them if they had been. They had and loved it. They went to one of the $3 an hour massage places together thinking no happy ending would be offered going in as a married couple but apparently the masseuse tried to make it happen non verbally but it never did. The whole story was comical and what led to the question. I figured I'd partially hang myself and told my wife if I did it without her knowledge totally cheating. If she paid for it it came from her. Since she's the one who sometimes sees sex as a chore it would be like having someone clean the house which we do have. Anything past that and std's come into play. I'm really going to miss that couple. Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 Depends on the couple and their personal belief what cheating is. Where one couple may view a HJ is go for it no big deal while another couple it would be a deal breaker. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 a happy ending is cheating, no question, Most women would think this. Let's not pretend it isn't cheating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 Barring any more information, probably. On average most people would think yes. Individual couples can have their own rules but if you don't ask assume that yes that's cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Tantrum Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 It's worse than cheating, in my opinion. It's straight up disgusting. I'd rather find out my fiancé committed some sort of intoxicated indiscretion with a normal, reasonably attractive woman who happened across his path than that he paid for a handjob in some seedy $3/hour overseas massage parlor. Ew ew ew. No. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 It's worse than cheating, in my opinion. It's straight up disgusting. I'd rather find out my fiancé committed some sort of intoxicated indiscretion with a normal, reasonably attractive woman who happened across his path than that he paid for a handjob in some seedy $3/hour overseas massage parlor. Ew ew ew. No. Yep , same. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 Well, as the responses are starting to show, totally depends on the couple. I wouldn't want my husband to make a habit of it, but a massage followed by a handy wouldn't get much more than a shrug from me. - okay I lied, I would probably be curious and want to know what it was like!- But not cheating, not a big deal etc in my book. But we as a couple are a lot more open / permissive than many American couples are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 What is considered "cheating" depends entirely on the couple involved, so you'll get a wide range of responses here. Some couples might be OK with it (cue RecentChange's post above ^^), others are certainly not. It's really up to you and your wife to define what is considered cheating - and it's a lot healthier to discuss those boundaries openly rather than make assumptions. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 3, 2019 Share Posted January 3, 2019 If she knows about it and approves, not cheating, of course. Otherwise everyone in an open/polygamous relationship would be "cheating". If she doesn't, definitely cheating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 I would say that it is cheating. And this comes from a former cheater.... I used to do the happy ending thing with massage girls when I was in a relationship that wasn't going where I needed it to go. Not a good thing. If I found out that one of my partners was even getting massages outside our home, I'd be mad. Link to post Share on other sites
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