Please Advise Me.

[aunteater]

I have been really, really good friends with this girl for like 4 years now. She and I lived to gether for a summer and I finally told her how I feel about her the day before she moved across the state to college. I have never wanted to make a move because I really value our friendship and would not want to do anything to put it into jeporady. I feel a strong love from her that I can not explain to others and I love her more than anyone else on the planet. However she does not want to get into anything right now, in fear of hurting me, I know that if we were together we could work through anything because we have always kept communication very open and are understanding to what the other is going through. Every time I am with her I feel like kissing her but I don't want to do anything that she would not want. I feel trapped. I want more than anything to be with her, and I know that she wants to be with me. I am wondering if we should both take leaps of faith, and I should kiss her, and she could try to be with me, or if I should keep things how they are and let whatever is going to happen between us happen on its own?

[tanbark813]

However she does not want to get into anything right now

 

I know that she wants to be with me.

 

If she wanted to be with you, she would be. See above.

 

I am wondering if we should both take leaps of faith, and I should kiss her, and she could try to be with me, or if I should keep things how they are and let whatever is going to happen between us happen on its own?

 

Bro, it's been 4 years. If it was going to "happen on its own" it would have by now. If you want her so bad then do something about it and kiss her. But I have a feeling that wouldn't turn out well. It sounds like you're chained smack in the middle of the friend zone.

[aunteater]

She talks about having a future with me and getting married and like having kids. She really wants kids and I would love to give that to her. She just got out of a serious relationship with an asswhole a few months back who I knew wasn't right for her. She just wants to get over him, which she is, she says, and be on her own for a while. I just don't know how long a while is. When I told her how I feel about her she said that she basically feels the same way but she just wants to make sure that its right and doesn't want to hurt the friendship. I'm just a little confused and anxious. I would never want to hurt her either and would only want to get into a relationship if i knew that that person would want to be with me for a long time if not the rest of our lives. I feel like this is my "soul mate". Excuse the cleche. But she has told me the same thing. I just don't know what the deal is.

Any further advise will be much appreciated.

[Copingsaw]

I'll back Tanbark up on this one. Its hard to be sure without being a fly on the wall for your conversations with her but I'd say it is unlikely she will ever come around and want to be with you. Dude, 4 years is a mightly long time. If you haven't had the least amount of intimacy and you really want to kiss her, that can only mean that she doesn't want to kiss you. Otherwise, it would have happened.

 

The fact that she is going away to school pretty much puts a nail in the coffin. What kind of a relationship could you have when she is across the state?

[Gold Pile]

So, whats with your screen name? You must have an attractive aunt.

[loony]

I have been really, really good friends with this girl for like 4 years now.

Let me tell you, with all the information you have given us, I conclude that the friendship for you has a higher priority for her, because it is not only friendship, but there are also romantic feelings that make the friendship so special for you, I'd be though that she doesn't feel the same way about this friendship. Guard your feelings, because you're not in the top of her priority list as she is in yours.

 

She talks about having a future with me and getting married and like having kids.

This contradicts with the following:

She just got out of a serious relationship with an asswhole a few months back who I knew wasn't right for her.

Whatever you know doesn't matter to her. She stayed with him, because she wanted to stay with him and because she didn't want to have a future with you.

 

I feel like this is my "soul mate".

You assume to much and you feel too much. There are a couple of red flags in your friendship with this girl, but you seem to ignore them. My conclusion therefore is, your instincts and your feeling what is going on with her are not very good, you have no clue what this girl is thinking and you're on the wrong track for winning her heart.

 

Excuse the cleche. But she has told me the same thing.

A girl who till recently had a boyfriend whom you had classified as an "a**h***", who talks with you about having a future together, yet doesn't want to be in a relationship with you (you can bet that she will date someone else, just not you), in my opinion looks very very instable. People who throw things like "soul mate" around, but don't back it up with actions are bad partners and bad friends. In my experience these people are just selfish, egocentrical, highly highly instable and just cause trouble.

 

Don't believe that you really have a word to say in this, she'll go her own way regardless of your feelings.

 

I'm just a little confused and anxious.

You're probably a nice person, but not the right one for this kind of girl, because they are complicated and messed up. I'd stay away from them, they're first class drama queens. I also see you as someone who is highly insecure and a bit too nice, I'm not sure, but I guess, that most women find that out very quickly. When you're lucky they will just leave you alone or they will step on your feelings and treat you like a doormat. This insecurity is something that you need to work on.

 

My advice for you is to concentrate on yourself, focus on school, career or some hobbies. If she needs help, then see if you can make time in your schedule, but stop putting her first and stop running after her, she will not appreciate it.