emeraldgreen Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 (edited) I've been hit very hard by the end of a relationship. It's not a breakup per se because it's someone I love who's chosen to marry another guy. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/672423-being-will-they-won-t-they-relationship https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/673173-taking-care-myself-without-being-selfish-d-ck I'm already on a mild antidepressant for depression and anxiety and have been doing well for a few years, but this recent loss of someone I love dearly has put me in a spiral of constant regret, loss and self-blame. I haven't been able to eat, work, or sleep properly. I've been crying every day. I'm a 40+ yo guy and I shouldn't still be getting kicked around by love like this. I went to my GP and she's referred me to a psychiatrist whom I will see for the first time today. If you've been in a similar situation, how have you approached your issues with the shrink, and did you see benefits? Edited January 4, 2019 by emeraldgreen Link to post Share on other sites
nolanola Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 I'm seeing a counselor now and have found her pretty helpful so far (have been seeing her about a month). I have seen a counselor (different one) in the past to try to get through another breakup and she helped a lot for that purpose. Once I had moved on from that, she wasn't as helpful. I did see a psychiatrist once, because I was on anti-depressants for about a year. I was seeing the first counselor at the time and she felt that I needed more than what she could provide at the time. He wasn't super helpful by himself, but the meds literally saved my life. I went from being in a seriously deep depression to feeling numb. Which sounds bad, but when you can't see any way out and spend every night sitting on the couch crying, numb is a step up. The counselor I'm seeing now I sought out for a specific purpose. I am getting out of a relationship and that's been very hard, but I also want to work on my personal boundaries and to learn why I stay with men that don't treat me as I deserve to be treated. I feel like until I address this about myself, this will repeat. Good luck to you, I hope your psychiatrist will help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 It's good to have a sounding board. I hope you like the experience. If you don't, you don't have to continue. But if you connect with the person a little, it helps. What it may help with is dedicating time to thinking about it in this controlled environment, which might encourage you to NOT think about it the rest of the time, as it's already been mulled over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 Not a psychiatrist, but a counselor, yes. And it helped me a lot. Time also helped. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author emeraldgreen Posted January 4, 2019 Author Share Posted January 4, 2019 Follow-up: As it turns out, I'd been paired with a counsellor rather than a psych. My local hospital has a psych division that my doctor referred me to for 12 sessions under Medicare and I got mixed up about whom I was seeing. A counsellor is fine because I'm already on medication and just needed someone to help me work through the issues. We ran through some evaluations to determine the levels of depression, anxiety and stress I've been experiencing. My anxiety level was within the normal range but my depression and stress were in the severe territory so I'll be continuing with some cognitive behavioural therapy. I went in armed with a list of things I've been experiencing: loss and regret, self-blame, looping thoughts all day and night, unmotivated to eat and sleep etc, in case I just went blank when she asked what was up with me. Being the first session, it was fairly preliminary, but even just having a good sob about stuff with a total stranger instead of continuing to burden my friends and family provided some relief last night and also this morning when I woke up. I'm actually looking forward to my next session. I think what I'm hoping for is to learn acceptance of the things I can't change. I need that freedom from being held down by the hurt, and I need that more than I need the person I loved but couldn't have. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nolanola Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 I'm so glad to hear your first session went well. My heart goes out to you. Depression is horrible and it does seem like many people don't understand the levels of despair that can happen. I heard so many times "Just don't think about him", "Just move on", "Try to be happy". It was so frustrating, because I didn't want to be miserable. One thing that has helped me with my current therapist is to record a message to myself immediately after our session. She has given me a lot of good feedback and suggestions and I tend to forget everything if I don't record it right away. I use the voice memos app on my iPhone. The other thing is that I typically feel pretty good and optimistic after our session, so recording a message to myself in that frame of mind gives me something to listen to later when I get down. Hugs to you. As the song says, when you're going through hell, just keep going. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GinON Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 HECk yeah! Don't be ashamed of getting professional help for your mind, its part of your body, take care of it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gcp Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 I recently saw a counselor myself after my most recent break up, tore me up pretty bad and my family and friends got tired of me talking about it. During my second session things got interesting. I live in a city of about 90,000 people. So not huge but not small. Anyways, about 10 min in he stopped me and asked if my exes name was (insert her name)! My jaw dropped. He disclosed that he doesnt know her personally but his wife is friends with her sister and he has heard a bit about the situation and how she continues to go back to her dysfunctional relationship with her ex. While I wasn't super happy he knew basically everyone I was talking about, his familiarity with the situation allowed him to tell me that really it wasn't my fault in a nutshell, which helped I guess. But overall it helped me vent, granted they are paid to care, they do have some good insight and see this stuff everyday. Talk to them and listen to what they say. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emeraldgreen Posted January 5, 2019 Author Share Posted January 5, 2019 Thanks for the encouragement, friends. TBH, I don't even know why I feel a bit better today. Maybe that's just time doing its magic as well. While I wasn't super happy he knew basically everyone I was talking about, his familiarity with the situation allowed him to tell me that really it wasn't my fault in a nutshell, which helped I guess. That must have been a shock, but the upside is that a lot of professionals don't talk in absolutes because they only know what we are feeling and not the other person. In this case, you got actual confirmation. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 OP, Yes, I saw a counsellor (not a psychiatrist) and it helped me to get a perspective on the situation.. It is good to have a non-involved person to use as a sounding board. Good luck x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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