Living without Romantic Love

[Mysterio]

How do you all live without romantic love in your life? From no physical/verbal affection to not having a steady partner in your life.

 

From 15 to 23. I did not care. 24 to 47 it has been a big deal. I think about it all the time in the sense that I don't know why it's so loopy in my life. I don't know why some of my other mal frinds have the problem as well. I don't know why the sexes have so many problems as well. It can't just be about looks.

[chillii]

Nah , as l always say just go look in any center or sit in a mall and watch the 100s of couples.

lt has nothing to do with looks, there's every shape and type of person imaginable. Just ordinary people.

looks help in the way that you see like her she sees likes you and then you go further.

but it's only looks to the beholder , she might be way below average he might be , it's all about that thing between you.

Sure for some shallow nothing ha, not even a relationship to my mind, it might be about looks,

But nothing real can be just about looks.

 

Anyway yeah , l don't know . you live your life l suppose. l was married 19 yrs so being alone for 3 later was very hard at first but later l started enjoying it.

Definitely has it's benefits especially looking around at many couples and marriages .

l'm with someone again and that has them too but it definitely comes with it's stuff as well.

Both lives have their pros and cons so l suppose you just try to enjoy whichever at the time.

 

Why some people do find someone and others don't , man , bigggg topic all it's own that one.

Edited January 4, 2019 by chillii

[basil67]

Mysterio, have you ever had girlfriends? If so, why did those relationships end?

[Chris2016]

How do you all live without romantic love in your life? From no physical/verbal affection to not having a steady partner in your life.

 

From 15 to 23. I did not care. 24 to 47 it has been a big deal. I think about it all the time in the sense that I don't know why it's so loopy in my life. I don't know why some of my other mal frinds have the problem as well. I don't know why the sexes have so many problems as well. It can't just be about looks.

 

"No romantic love in your life"

It's been that way majority of my life; I'm 42.

I guess I'm now sort of immune/numb to it/don't care.

Sure I would like romantic love in my life.

I do think I'm the common denominator though.

[Chris2016]

Nah , as l always say just go look in any center or sit in a mall and watch the 100s of couples.

lt has nothing to do with looks, there's every shape and type of person imaginable. Just ordinary people.

looks help in the way that you see like her she sees likes you and then you go further.

but it's only looks to the beholder , she might be way below average he might be , it's all about that thing between you.

Sure for some shallow nothing ha, not even a relationship to my mind, it might be about looks,

But nothing real can be just about looks.

 

Anyway yeah , l don't know . you live your life l suppose. l was married 19 yrs so being alone for 3 later was very hard at first but later l started enjoying it.

Definitely has it's benefits especially looking around at many couples and marriages .

l'm with someone again and that has them too but it definitely comes with it's stuff as well.

Both lives have their pros and cons so l suppose you just try to enjoy whichever at the time .

 

Why some people do find someone and others don't , man , bigggg topic all it's own that one.

 

I'm of similar mindset. You kind of do what you can, the best you can.

 

Yes, you see all kinds of couples hook up. And it makes me wonder, why can't I be like these other people/couples who manage to find each other? What are they doing? Are they just lucky? Can't be.

[Mysterio]

1989-PMc. Met 1989-PMc. Mt while both of us were at McDonald's. Broke up because she was immature and she said that I had to put up with it. I was 18 she was 16.

 

1990-TK. I was 19 she was 16. I wanted more physical affection and PMc was very physical with me so it sort of ruined m for TK.

 

1995 CS. She was 20 I was 24. She was still wrapped up with her ex. So I let it go.

 

1998 DS. Liked each other, but she had a BF so I nixed hr advances.

 

2000 T. She was married and it was really murky sh jus keep putting herself in my field of vision all the time. I just had to break it off in 2000. This was a very confusing time in my life.

 

2003 NF was an FWB. JO was more dating. Just fell away from each other.

 

2006 J. Met on a dating site dated for a month.

 

2007-2011. Mini dating. Nothing heavy.

 

2012. Met DD on a dating site. Went out for 5 months. Broke up due to her wanting child right away. I felt we were not gelled as much as a couple.

 

2013 Mt AK at work. Dated for a month. She was moving to another city.

 

2015 Met T on a dating site. She was separated. Went on on a date. She said that w did not have much in common. I just lt it go. I was agitated which I keep to myslf. It felt like I had to impress her and it was like I was on The Bachelor. Forget that.

 

2017. Met RB at the gym. Asked her out for Lunch. Told her I had a crush on her and she said she was married.

 

That's my dating history. I do have some female frinds that's it in a nutshell.

 

What I want is a woman that is single. Childless. Attracted to me. Maks an effort to know me. Treats me well with Affection and flexibility. That's it pretty much. Makout/Make Love a couple of times a week. Interesting conversations and laughs between us and exploring an LTR. Possibly get married in yr 3. Having Kids. I don't feel that calling to me. She would have to convince me it would enhance our relationship.

 

I am a 47 yr old Black male. Live in Canada. 5'9. 197 lbs. Shaved head. Straight teeth.Causal dress style. Jeans and a rock T-shirt, leather jacket. Or Dress shirt and sweater. Basically Lucky brand Jeans ware or GQ. I love my Rock and Roll/Metal/Jazz/Soul music. Love going to music venues and going for walks/bike rides/ Work out. Dress up. Talk about topical subjects. I work at a Hosptial. I have my own Condo and cat. When I approach women, its more casual and chill. Not cornering them and being all loud mouth and sexual or anything brash like that.

 

If you have seen the equalizer with Denzel. My vibe is like that. Calm and chill/Rock solid. Splice in some Dry humour.

[basil67]

OK, good. At least you've not got a zero strike rate. This is good, because you always strike me as someone who can easily hold a conversation and is personable.

 

The way I see it, the kids thing is one of your main issues. Any woman in the ball park of your age who wants kids either has them already or wants them before her time runs out. But you're not prepared to have kids within the time constraints of her fertility window or to take on a mother. In short, you're searching for the holy grail.

 

Would you be happy with a woman who's a similar age to you who doesn't want kids? If so, are there many of them around?

[Chris2016]

OK, good. At least you've not got a zero strike rate. This is good, because you always strike me as someone who can easily hold a conversation and is personable.

 

The way I see it, the kids thing is one of your main issues. Any woman in the ball park of your age who wants kids either has them already or wants them before her time runs out. But you're not prepared to have kids within the time constraints of her fertility window or to take on a mother. In short, you're searching for the holy grail.

 

Would you be happy with a woman who's a similar age to you who doesn't want kids? If so, are there many of them around?

 

Or who can't have kids?

 

I'm wondering that too (and for myself). Mysterio is in an age group (I'm in sorta similar age group), where he may have to go younger, if he wants kids, but the younger may prefer to stay in their own age group. In which case. open up options to women who don't want/can't have kids, if you're not interested in women with kids.

 

I think my time/age for having kids is passing, slowly by the day, given my no success rate. If I can find someone w/o kids, why not open to women who don't want or can't have kids.

 

And you may hate me for this ... secretly keep your options open for women who can have kids, and if that should happen, ditch the current woman. Not that I could/would morally go through with/do that.

[chillii]

Yeah kids are a really big thing in that kinda age area.

l didn't want someone with kids or one at most, for all kinds of reasons , the someone elses, freedom, physical , lots of reasons.

 

l've got 1 daughter 17 so it was one or none.

l met a few girls with no kids in their 40s back when so they're around.

One collected houses instead haha, she had 5,

gf got one adult son just married .

[Mysterio]

I think that for me. Organic love is going to come my way. Not the Focused/Online Dating thing, although I am thinking about On-line again. I just want some love in my life. I can be alright without it. I can't be a sex thing. Its all about connecting on an intimate level.

 

AS far as having kids. If my female partner is giving, loving affectionate with m on a regular basis. It will happen.

 

My timeline is this. Meet and develop a loving relationship for 2 yrs. Yr 3 marriage/living together. If she desires 1 child. Then I can't s myself putting the kibosh on that. So that means 2-3 times a week of being physically intimate, without me being the major driving force.

 

I also can read people well when I am in the zone. Most women towards me see me as more friendly. I guess on my side I can be more flirtatious. I just like being straight and not all trying to mack chicks all the time.

 

For me when I am attracted to a woman its all about face on the physical front. Then its how they are to me. The more friendly/warm they are to me and if I know they are single. The more I am attracted to them. The more cold and aloof. I am not into them.

 

I envision myself with a White woman over a Black woman. Most of the women I have dated have been White, even though I am Black. It's mostly because white women are in my social environment.

 

I think for me The next woman I meet. After a couple of months. I think I am going to have to strive to make it a bit more Long term. It can't be just having fun.

 

I always envision a woman that kind of looks like Kate Walsh and has a chill vibe, but when I walk into the room. She sort of swoons over me and vice versa. We go to music concerts and walks and talks about life. Making out and Making love is natural to us and w gel really well. No rush to have kids or get married but will head that way. She would be younger than me or 40 something.

[Mysterio]

My compromise on kids is that if she has one that's fine. If she wants 1 with me. I will find a way to make it happen. Not having 2-4 kids. I am not that type of guy.

[edgygirl]

It seems you never had the chance to form romantic intimacy.

 

Read up on "fear of intimacy". I've been reading about it and it explains a lot. Mostly we want it but some of us end up subconsciously pushing it away out of fear. Can come from childhood trauma that you can't even remember (ie well meaning parents emotional neglect and whatnot). Most people don't even logically recognize they do that or have that issue due to how trauma works.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-freedom-change/201504/fear-intimacy-and-closeness-in-relationships

 

 

<snip>

What I want is a woman that is single. Childless. Attracted to me. Maks an effort to know me. Treats me well with Affection and flexibility. That's it pretty much. Makout/Make Love a couple of times a week. Interesting conversations and laughs between us and exploring an LTR. Possibly get married in yr 3. Having Kids. I don't feel that calling to me. She would have to convince me it would enhance our relationship.

 

I am a 47 yr old Black male. Live in Canada. 5'9. 197 lbs. Shaved head. Straight teeth.Causal dress style. Jeans and a rock T-shirt, leather jacket. Or Dress shirt and sweater. Basically Lucky brand Jeans ware or GQ. I love my Rock and Roll/Metal/Jazz/Soul music. Love going to music venues and going for walks/bike rides/ Work out. Dress up. Talk about topical subjects. I work at a Hosptial. I have my own Condo and cat. When I approach women, its more casual and chill. Not cornering them and being all loud mouth and sexual or anything brash like that.

 

If you have seen the equalizer with Denzel. My vibe is like that. Calm and chill/Rock solid. Splice in some Dry humour.

Edited January 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[Mysterio]

My parents used to fight a lot verbally. They are still together, but I remember waking up to the fights.

 

I guess it could b far. I am more fearful of having a kid with a woman that I can't go long term.

 

In my head. I think having a woman that is single and childfree is the best option. I don't think I can sustain a woman that has a kid from two relationships before she and I will work out. I just want us both to be on the same level. Not one with a lot of heavy duty relationship experience, and the other, not really as much.

 

So if the woman and I are both single and childless. I think that will work out better than she has 3 kids to my having none unless all three kids are out of the house/close to age 20. I have a couple of friends going through that, and I would not trade places with them at all.

 

I do find that Women that like me romantically will just state it. I don't know why when Women I like, it never goes in an ideal way. Or perhaps its just hard and that's the way things are in the world of romantic love. It would be like a woman she chooses me The relationship works out better than if I choose. So why are my choices poorer. It's not like I want sex right away or am professing major love off the hop. I also don' get a kick out of dating lots of women. I am not a Playboy at all. Just want to have on a great woman for me and sh gets a great guy as well in myself. An even exchange.

[basil67]

My timeline is this. Meet and develop a loving relationship for 2 yrs. Yr 3 marriage/living together. If she desires 1 child.

 

You keep going back to this timeline. But you're going to have to find a woman who's 15-20 years younger than you to get this. Do you have something special to attract a young woman? Not to mention you'd be a really old dad by the time your timeline comes to fruition.

 

I think you're a victim of your own rules. Of course that's your prerogative, but it's time to accept the consequences of your choices.

[Gretchen12]

From your history, the women in the past 12 years, your late 30's into your 40's, were all from online. The success rate from OLD is just not that great.

[Mysterio]

My uncle had his last kid at 52 and made it to 79. His wife was 16 yrs younger than him.

 

My timeline is about not getting messed over. I can't see meeting a woman lets say in Feb of 2019. Then in Feb 2020, we are married. or expecting a kid.

 

She would have to be a woman that is very in tune with me and making a very heavy romantic effort with me from the get-go.

 

Yr 1 = Honeymoon. Yr 2 = have commitment. Yr 3= living together or married. Yr 4 is one bio kid between us. I don't sss how I would close that timeline. That means the woman that I should be dating if I want kids, has to of been born in 1985 or so if I want kids. That woman would have to be a match made in heaven. All the great relationships that I have seen was that they took their time. Not rush. I may be able to shave off one yr.

 

Unless my female friend JC, who is single, makes a major play for me and is on the same page, as far as wanting a romantic relationship with me. She would be the only one I could see fast-tracking a lot of relationships stuff. That's due to us knowing each other for, come to the fall 7 yrs.

 

At ag 47. What should my timeline be Also Age range? My buddy SA just got out of a 29 yr relationship in Jan of 2017. He is now with a woman that is a Grandmother. So no kids for them. His oldest is 25 and the youngest is 18, out of 3 kids with his now soon to be ex-wife.

 

I am a Black male. One of my female friends says she sees me with a White woman. Should I adhere to that as well? I want the best for myself. In my mind its 2 types of women.

 

Woman A. Single/Childless not wanting to have kids between us.

Woman B. Single has 1 child. Wants us to have one bio child between us.

 

Age range I guess is 30 something. I want her and I to do some social and recreational activities together, like Gym/Swiming/going to Concerts/Plays/Family/Friends. I don't want to sit around our place doing nothing.

 

Intimate wise. Making out/Making love a dozen times a week when it suits us.

Edited January 5, 2019 by Mysterio

[chillii]

Yeah , ya can't lay yourself down too many rules or ideals about this stuff believe me.

lt could ha, probably will, all be blown to shyt 2mins after meeting that special girl.

The other thing is l think it will really jinx even meeting her, a self inflicted hex.

There's probably one or two things you def' feel very strongly about , that's cool , that's enough for now.

A few loose others floating around in your head too, all cool.

 

l mean l felt very strongly about her kid situation and l wanted someone in good shape that enjoys looking after herself.

Obviously to get along well have some good click and passion but things like that aren't even a rule they're just a no brainer.

But some other things l don't even need to think about were blown to shyt be eh, you never find perfect that's ok and she also brought other great things l never could have imagined.

So you know, l'd really suggest keeping it simple and just seeing what happens and with an open mind.

Edited January 6, 2019 by chillii

[Chris2016]

Yeah kids are a really big thing in that kinda age area.

l didn't want someone with kids or one at most, for all kinds of reasons , the someone elses, freedom, physical , lots of reasons.

 

l've got 1 daughter 17 so it was one or none.

l met a few girls with no kids in their 40s back when so they're around.

One collected houses instead haha, she had 5,

gf got one adult son just married .

 

crazy house lady?

[chillii]

Tellin ya, 5 cats l couldn't live with .

But 5 houses , now we're talkin.