mortensorchid Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 I have had a long time FWB for the last 5 years. Long story short, we met, he and I interacted on Facebook and we went out a few times. Then he said he didn't want to be in a relationship with me because he felt like I wanted to be serious with him and he only dates women of color (He's white and so am I btw). I asked is that the only reason he doesn't want to be with me? He said I also have cankles and I am too fat for him (I am 5'10" and 150 lbs with thick legs). I was under the impression he was looking for a gal who is a size 00 with 6 pack abs and dainty legs (think Zoe Salada from the Marvel movies). He was talking with a mutual acquaintance (a guy friend) and he told him like others have that he was really stupid not to be with me because I am a catch. And just this past week, he updated his relationship status on Facebook that he is now in a relationship with someone. I looked at this gal. I THINK based on the photos I have seen that she is either black or Indian, she looks to be quite on the chubby side, and this kid in the photos might be her kid. Now I am taking the high road here. I am not going to lash out at him or tell her that he's not as great as she must think he is. I have dated other guys in OLD and even slept with a few others here and there, I KNOW this is a dead end and he doesn't deserve to be with me. He's not a good guy for a variety of reasons. But ... I think that's bad. Just a rant. I am closing the books and moving on from him. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 Where is your head at?? This guy is no good for many reasons, so why would you even entertain the idea of being so offended over his choice to date this woman? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 He sounds like an ******* to me and it’s just as well you’re not seeing him anymore. But he is a fwb, not someone who has committed to a relationship with you. I get how that coulld hurt. I have a fwb that I’ve been seeing for 3 1/2 years who I would be sad to lose if he got into a relationship even though I don’t feel like we’d be particularly compatible for a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship. But if he did fall for someone and move on, that wouldn’t make him a bad person. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 How did you get beyond him telling you that you were "too fat" and had "cankles"? He's certainly not a "friend" and you don't need the "benefit" of sex with someone who criticizes your appearance. I hope you seriously HAVE closed the books and moved on from him. Blech. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 I was under the impression he was looking for a gal who is a size 00 with 6 pack abs and dainty legs (think Zoe Salada from the Marvel movies). What he wants and what is achievable IRL is often vastly different. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 Seriously this guy is not worth a fuss. I say it's a good thing for you to have this bad thing out of your life. You win. Link to post Share on other sites
2much4 Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 I don't think you really like him all that much, you're probably just offended that this guy who had the nerve to critisize your looks is now dating someone larger than you....some people are outrageous and the sad part is if you lash out he'll just use it as an excuse to label you as psycho and justify his behaviour. Next time I wouldn't sleep with someone who critisizes your looks, even as a fwb. He can go eat sh**. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 **** * ****-*** ******* Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 I can’t believe you were sleeping with someone who insulted your legs.... I don’t know, I have had FWBs before - they were always super positive relationships. I mean, if you can’t be each other’s cheer leaders and feel nothing but good together, what’s the point!? There were always reasons we didn’t want to be a real couple (or f it was my ankles he certainly never said as much!) - but we kept things light and easy. Honestly I think you accept way too much BS from men 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fair Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 I am closing the books and moving on from him. Well... yeah. He's in a relationship, now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 (edited) I have had a long time FWB for the last 5 years. Long story short, we met, he and I interacted on Facebook and we went out a few times. Then he said he didn't want to be in a relationship with me because he felt like I wanted to be serious with him and he only dates women of color (He's white and so am I btw). I asked is that the only reason he doesn't want to be with me? He said I also have cankles and I am too fat for him (I am 5'10" and 150 lbs with thick legs). I was under the impression he was looking for a gal who is a size 00 with 6 pack abs and dainty legs (think Zoe Salada from the Marvel movies). He was talking with a mutual acquaintance (a guy friend) and he told him like others have that he was really stupid not to be with me because I am a catch. And just this past week, he updated his relationship status on Facebook that he is now in a relationship with someone. I looked at this gal. I THINK based on the photos I have seen that she is either black or Indian, she looks to be quite on the chubby side, and this kid in the photos might be her kid. Now I am taking the high road here. I am not going to lash out at him or tell her that he's not as great as she must think he is. I have dated other guys in OLD and even slept with a few others here and there, I KNOW this is a dead end and he doesn't deserve to be with me. He's not a good guy for a variety of reasons. But ... I think that's bad. Just a rant. I am closing the books and moving on from him. Mortensorchid, you had an FWB situation with this guy. He was straight up honest with you -- he didn't want a "relationship" with you because he preferred women of color. But that response wasn't enough so you pushed the issue. While I don't like what he said, it seems to me that he may have just gotten a little ugly about it as a way to put you off because you just weren't "getting it". "Now I am taking the high road here" - No, you aren't taking the high road. The high road would have been to not be in an FWB relationship for 5 years when you know you want more than that for yourself with someone. This guy owes you nothing and you would have no right to lash out at him or create problems for his new girlfriend. Having an FWB situation for any length of time obligates no one to take it further. You were not in a relationship with him and he didn't do anything wrong at all (except be a little mean at the end). I'm sorry you went through this, but use it as a learning experience. Don't give away the milk for free for 5 years and then be surprised when you're turned out to pasture . . . Edited January 4, 2019 by Redhead14 5 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 Well 5 years and only going out a few times, meh, it should be easy to put this behind you. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 For the record at 5' 10" and 150 pounds, you have a BMI of 21.5. You are normal, not fat, not overweight... NORMAL (meaning average). Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 It's probably not all about looks. He probably likes her personality as well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 I don't blame you for being upset with the criticism about your body, that was mean and certainly not necessary. It doesn't matter who he's in a relationship with as all you were to him was somebody just good enough to have sex with. I'd be more upset with wasting 5yrs. of my life on an fwb. Link to post Share on other sites
The Dude Abides Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 UFB. What a lowlife POS. Someone already said it best: this guy can eat s*** . And I had to look up the word “cankles”. Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 Haven’t you been online dating anyway?! So concentrate on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted January 18, 2019 Author Share Posted January 18, 2019 I admit I was doing a bit of spying on others. I went to his Facebook page, they had updated their relationship status that they were in a relationship during the week between Christmas and New Year's. I go to the page today and suddenly it's ... Not there anymore. Knowing what I know about him, he probably pulled the same stunt on her that he did on me and others in the past. After a few weeks (we're talking less than 3 or 4) he doesn't want to make a commitment anymore. Strange. He got what he wanted - a woman of color, artistic type. She even seemed to be on board with it, but suddenly he has no relationship info to show. Hmm ... Ah well, life goes on. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted January 18, 2019 Share Posted January 18, 2019 He probably told this woman of color that he couldn't seriously be with her because ..... he prefers white women! Mortensorchid, I'm sure you know this ... but you really don't want to let anyone tease or criticize your looks--fwb, friend, lover, or enemy. And just for the record, saying you don't want to date someone because of X weight and "cankles" (a term I had to look up) is so immature. Wanting to date someone is rarely about X exact quality of their looks. I think most people react to the overall package ... and are drawn in to the hard-to-predict chemistry between the two people--how being with the other person makes us feel. Keep rocking and rolling, you. Seriously, don't let anyone criticize your looks. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 22, 2019 Share Posted January 22, 2019 I thought you were going to turn a new leaf this year and forge ahead with a more positive attitude....you are off to a bad start and you are barely out of the gate. Stop looking at what everyone else is doing and work on some self improvement by setting some realistic goals. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jaylicks Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 Time for a new FWB. Tons of people out here. Link to post Share on other sites
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