TheRainbow Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 My daughter turns one in 4 days and I have nothing planned, no cake, no party, nothing. I've been too wrapped up in going back and forth to the hospital to see her younger sister, with relationship problems, that I just kept putting it off. I think I may just buy a cake, and have a little get together this weekend, but I feel terrible. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 Why do you feel guilty about something your child will have no memory of? Please, give yourself permission to let this go. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 My daughter turns one in 4 days and I have nothing planned, no cake, no party, nothing. I've been too wrapped up in going back and forth to the hospital to see her younger sister, with relationship problems, that I just kept putting it off. I think I may just buy a cake, and have a little get together this weekend, but I feel terrible. Voila! A party fit for a one-year-old's birthday . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 Ask your closest women friends and other family members to help you out and organize a family and close friends party for her. She deserves to feel special that day and remembered since it is her bday. Even if it's small, she'll be so happy! Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 It seems to me that a party for a one year old is more about her parents/older siblings/family than about her. You have nothing to feel guilty for as long as you are showing her love and attention during your time at home. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 I think I may just buy a cake, and have a little get together this weekend, but I feel terrible. How does the birthday guest of honor feel about this ? If she's OK with it, you should be too. Funny, just had this conversation with my youngest (now 20) a week ago. The earliest birthday he has any faint recall of is his 5th, and my wife is the type to go all out with a themed party every year. As has been said, up til a certain age it's more about the parents and family than it is the kids... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted January 4, 2019 Author Share Posted January 4, 2019 How does the birthday guest of honor feel about this ? If she's OK with it, you should be too. Funny, just had this conversation with my youngest (now 20) a week ago. The earliest birthday he has any faint recall of is his 5th, and my wife is the type to go all out with a themed party every year. As has been said, up til a certain age it's more about the parents and family than it is the kids... Mr. Lucky This is true. I love planning themed things for my kids. For my daughter's tenth birthday, I stayed up, customizing cupcakes that she wanted, when my husband opted to just go get some from the store, but I wanted them to be exactly the way she requested. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 Have you not just had a premature baby, OP? It wouldn't matter either way (just get a 'happy 1st birthday' badge along with a type of cake she can have a bite at herself) but please, be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack... Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 Had a conversation with my then 13 year old about what he could remember from his very early years and it was kinda disappointing to me — he has no idea what a good mom I was! He remembers some about his 5th bday party, where it was and that the kids had tons of fun playing outside, he remembers that at his 5th some bigger kid went ballistic on the piñata ruining it for him and the littler ones, and about his 4th that there was a pumpkin-shaped jumpy house. Just fleeting memories. First birthday celebration is not about the baby, just the rest of the family. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 OP: You really need to set your priorities straight. I never understand why parents would throw an extravagant bday party for their babies/toddlers/small kids anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 Maybe just get her a cupcake and let her feed herself. She’ll probably love that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted January 4, 2019 Author Share Posted January 4, 2019 This is really the only place I have to vent. I've been at the hospital 8+ hours every day, while keeping my two older children fed, giving them plenty of attention, while being there for my husband, and keeping the household together. I run on 4 hours of sleep, and I check in here periodically just to keep myself on the goal of being a better person all around. As for a birthday party for my one year old. Some will not see the point of a themed party, and yes it is more for the parents but doesn't mean I just shouldn't do it. I like to have theme party's in honour of important people in my life. So I'm having a moment of mommy guilt because I'm unable to have the kind of party I wanted for her. It happens, and I just wanted to let it out. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 This is really the only place I have to vent. I've been at the hospital 8+ hours every day, while keeping my two older children fed, giving them plenty of attention, while being there for my husband, and keeping the household together. I run on 4 hours of sleep, and I check in here periodically just to keep myself on the goal of being a better person all around. As for a birthday party for my one year old. Some will not see the point of a themed party, and yes it is more for the parents but doesn't mean I just shouldn't do it. I like to have theme party's in honour of important people in my life. So I'm having a moment of mommy guilt because I'm unable to have the kind of party I wanted for her. It happens, and I just wanted to let it out. Venting is totally fine . Mother's guilt comes with the territory. But please don't indulge it too much (I know from experience ). As far as your daughter's birthday, yes having awesome themed parties is cool, but so is being rested and in good (mental and physical) health. Do you even have the time to organise a party? Being at the hospital watching over your baby doesn't mean you are neglecting your elder daughters. Have you discussed it with your H? Can you find a happy compromise that would make you feel less guilty? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted January 4, 2019 Author Share Posted January 4, 2019 Venting is totally fine . Mother's guilt comes with the territory. But please don't indulge it too much (I know from experience ). As far as your daughter's birthday, yes having awesome themed parties is cool, but so is being rested and in good (mental and physical) health. Do you even have the time to organise a party? Being at the hospital watching over your baby doesn't mean you are neglecting your elder daughters. Have you discussed it with your H? Can you find a happy compromise that would make you feel less guilty? I told him last night that I just didn't have the time, and he said he'd handle it. He says we can have it on Sunday afternoon at our house. I did find someone who can make a smash cake on short notice. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 I told him last night that I just didn't have the time, and he said he'd handle it. He says we can have it on Sunday afternoon at our house. I did find someone who can make a smash cake on short notice. That sounds good - looks like you and H have this under control, and also looks like you really need this, which is completely understandable . Can your eldest be roped into making some decorations for her sister's birthday? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 4, 2019 Share Posted January 4, 2019 Had a conversation with my then 13 year old about what he could remember from his very early years and it was kinda disappointing to me — he has no idea what a good mom I was! :lmao::lmao::lmao: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted January 5, 2019 Author Share Posted January 5, 2019 My husband is nuts but followed through... He spent a pretty penny getting some custom cupcakes made. He knows me really well, and what I had in mind a few months back, and made it come true. <3 <3 <3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 That’s awesome! How are you holding up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted January 5, 2019 Author Share Posted January 5, 2019 That’s awesome! How are you holding up? honestly... Overwhelmed. I really just want a night out with my husband, visit a bar, or a movie or freaking something. But I can't do that right now. I have too much going on. Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted January 5, 2019 Share Posted January 5, 2019 A very dear friend who was my eldest son's godfather and has since sadly passed away had some 'words of wisdom' on parent guilt ... My ex-wife had wanted to paint the nursery before our son arrived but didn't get finished. My friend's remarks (he already had children at the time) were that she would be arrested by the police, taken to the station, and sorted out among all the other 'criminals' .... shoplifters and rolling stops at stop signs on the right, axe murderers and mothers who didn't paint the nursery on the left. OP, my congratulations to you and best wishes for your (very) little one. I think you're doing fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted January 6, 2019 Author Share Posted January 6, 2019 Momma bear came out. I'm so grateful my husband came through. But man... he paid good money, and I know it was last minute to get some cupcakes made, but they look terrible. He wanted to let it go, but for the price we paid, they should have at least looked decent. The icing wasn't even, the design wasn't consistent at all. He asked for a heart, and some of the hearts didn't look like hearts, and she must have run out of icing because half of them were different. But were going to go on and have a decent party. I finally get to use my new digital camera I got for Christmas Link to post Share on other sites
GinON Posted January 6, 2019 Share Posted January 6, 2019 Hey Rainbow, do yourself a favor and have a party for yourself. Put yourself first, your kid wont care at ALL but they will suffer if you drive yourself crazy trying to meet fabricated expectations. Raising a kid is already a TON of work. My favorite party we had for our kid was the first. We invited our friends and had a bunch of fun, there were no kids invited! The kid was a sleep! Going forward invite a few kids but lots of adults you want to spend time with. My 5 year old still doesnt care about a party because I never set up that expectation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted January 7, 2019 Author Share Posted January 7, 2019 I got some great pictures from the cake smash The cupcakes despite looking like crap, at least tasted decent. I did message her, and she agreed to reimburse 20% of the total order. I'm not out to shame her, but damn that really upset me. Otherwise, she had a good party. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
noelle303 Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 For my daughter's first birthday I ended up planning only a small gathering with family and close friends. It was actually pretty great and relaxed. Now she's turning 8 in March - I already have to start planning her huge Harry Potter themed bash with like ten million kids. God, help me. I already see myself running around like a maniac, trying not to fling myself of the roof. I yearn for those relaxed baby years when things were simple and they were easy to please. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted January 9, 2019 Author Share Posted January 9, 2019 Yesterday she turned one. I cant' believe it's been a year. She is 29 inches and 19 pounds. She looks so small, walking around. Link to post Share on other sites
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