catt Posted May 29, 2001 Posted May 29, 2001 Just wanted to thank you all for sharing your experiences/opinions. The reason I asked that particular question is because I am trying to get to the bottom of something which is recurring in my present relationship. Please feel free to share your knowledge once again. I certainly would not say that I am a pushover or that I would jump when my man snaps his fingers. Quite the opposite, to be honest. Being a shadow is not an option for me as I need my own space and would never imagine following a man around like a lost puppy as I would hate to have that done to me. I have a mind of my own and I voice my concerns and opinions freely. The thing is, perhaps due to the fact that I might be too understanding, my current flame keeps pushing my buttons - venturing dangerously close to my boundaries. I feel as though he is taking me for granted, "catt won't mind. She's so understanding." A situation from the recent past - he is busy with work and comes home late. I mention that I'd like to spend some time with him, ie. go out to dinner soon. He says "sure" but works late the next night and goes out for drinks with friends from work. I'm in bed when he gets home. The next day, I repeat my request and he says 'no problem." He gets home late again. Apparently he was working and his brother called him and they went out. Infuriating! Can anyone shed some light on this? I can not see the forest for the trees at the moment. Am I too understanding and "nice"??? What's the deal here? (Before any of you go there, he is not having an affair. I trust his fidelity completely.)
kikie Posted May 29, 2001 Posted May 29, 2001 my advice: go out with YOUR friends! make him come home to an empty bed a few times ... and calmly explain u were at your girlfriend's doing this n that, etc ... He's probably too sure u'll go out with him whenever he has time ... well, if he's too busy, u'll have fun on yr own, right?? Good luck!
chick Posted May 30, 2001 Posted May 30, 2001 kikie is absolutely right. trust me, he will wake up if he sees that you aren't going to sit around at home and wait for him. yes, i think you are being too "nice", he need to have some consideration for your feelings and keep his promises to you and if he isn't then tell him so. give him a taste of his own medicine.
WGirl Posted June 1, 2001 Posted June 1, 2001 Sometimes even when you do express anger, hurt or frustration to the person doing you the harm, the behavior continues. So, what do you do then if the person continuously doesn't listen to you? There isn't much you can do from the way I see it. If you continue to express your feelings and the other person doesn't respond or doesn't try to accomodate you, distance or end the relationship. Sometimes you have to do it. It does sound like he is taking you for granted. Do you live with him? One idea is to tell him if he can't make time for you that you are going to start seeing other people and see if he changes his tune. Sometimes people have to feel threatened or lose something to realize what they have. Just wanted to thank you all for sharing your experiences/opinions. The reason I asked that particular question is because I am trying to get to the bottom of something which is recurring in my present relationship. Please feel free to share your knowledge once again. I certainly would not say that I am a pushover or that I would jump when my man snaps his fingers. Quite the opposite, to be honest. Being a shadow is not an option for me as I need my own space and would never imagine following a man around like a lost puppy as I would hate to have that done to me. I have a mind of my own and I voice my concerns and opinions freely. The thing is, perhaps due to the fact that I might be too understanding, my current flame keeps pushing my buttons - venturing dangerously close to my boundaries. I feel as though he is taking me for granted, "catt won't mind. She's so understanding." A situation from the recent past - he is busy with work and comes home late. I mention that I'd like to spend some time with him, ie. go out to dinner soon. He says "sure" but works late the next night and goes out for drinks with friends from work. I'm in bed when he gets home. The next day, I repeat my request and he says 'no problem." He gets home late again. Apparently he was working and his brother called him and they went out. Infuriating! Can anyone shed some light on this? I can not see the forest for the trees at the moment. Am I too understanding and "nice"??? What's the deal here? (Before any of you go there, he is not having an affair. I trust his fidelity completely.)
catt Posted June 2, 2001 Posted June 2, 2001 Hi WGirl, I don't know if you'll scroll down this far to see this but I just noticed your reply today. I totally hear what you are saying. I think I am definitely getting to the stage where I am so fed up that I don't think I'll have many doubts about ending this relationship. (And to answer your question, yes, I do live with him.) The thing that has kept me with him so long is the fact that I can recognize his potential to be a fabulous husband and I thought that I could find a way to get that potential out. I just didn't want to leave because I have this terrible fear of regret. I need to know that it is completely over before I can move on - that I have done absolutely everything in my power to make this work. Now I realize that I have and perhaps I need to seriously think about ending this. Of course, I need to make him stop avoiding me like the plague first and have a proper discussion about all of this. Thanks for taking the time to respond. I do appreciate it. Wish me luck, either way Catt ps - did you used to hang out at Swoon? I remember seeing a WGirl who used to post there. Just wondering if you are one in the same. Sometimes even when you do express anger, hurt or frustration to the person doing you the harm, the behavior continues. So, what do you do then if the person continuously doesn't listen to you? There isn't much you can do from the way I see it. If you continue to express your feelings and the other person doesn't respond or doesn't try to accomodate you, distance or end the relationship. Sometimes you have to do it. It does sound like he is taking you for granted. Do you live with him? One idea is to tell him if he can't make time for you that you are going to start seeing other people and see if he changes his tune. Sometimes people have to feel threatened or lose something to realize what they have.
WGirl Posted June 4, 2001 Posted June 4, 2001 I hope everything works out for you. I understand it is a hard decision to leave someone sometimes. It is easy for us to tell you what to do. When you are the one emotionally involved, it isn't that easy. Everyone has their good and bad points. Hi WGirl, I don't know if you'll scroll down this far to see this but I just noticed your reply today. I totally hear what you are saying. I think I am definitely getting to the stage where I am so fed up that I don't think I'll have many doubts about ending this relationship. (And to answer your question, yes, I do live with him.) The thing that has kept me with him so long is the fact that I can recognize his potential to be a fabulous husband and I thought that I could find a way to get that potential out. I just didn't want to leave because I have this terrible fear of regret. I need to know that it is completely over before I can move on - that I have done absolutely everything in my power to make this work. Now I realize that I have and perhaps I need to seriously think about ending this. Of course, I need to make him stop avoiding me like the plague first and have a proper discussion about all of this. Thanks for taking the time to respond. I do appreciate it. Wish me luck, either way Catt ps - did you used to hang out at Swoon? I remember seeing a WGirl who used to post there. Just wondering if you are one in the same.
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