Author Fair Posted March 10, 2019 Author Posted March 10, 2019 UPDATE We broke up in Nov. and now it's March and he's still doing this. Not all the time. He'll do it several times a day one day then disappears for three... comes back and does it again. This guy didn't even want me. What would be his reasoning behind this... I have to say it's upsetting me because short of living in the dark behind closed blinds, I have huge windows and can't help but see this. It's making it hard to move on, tbh. And I have a huge list of resentments against him that keep bubbling back up to the surface whenever I see him. Is he playing games? Trying to stay in my head? What should I do about it? Confronting him would just make me sound like a lunatic, and as I said before he's not dangerous. Nor is it against the law for him to drive down the street. But it bothers me. He did so many things that hurt. I just want to get rid of it... btw... I suspect he's with someone else on top of it. I don't know for sure... but I suspect. In which case why can't he stay away from my house?
alphamale Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 sometimes Fair a man just needs a reason to go for a drive
Author Fair Posted March 10, 2019 Author Posted March 10, 2019 sometimes Fair a man just needs a reason to go for a drive So just go circle your ex's house for half the day every few days? Yeah. I think he's playing games.
Commongoal123 Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 Fair, Keep a log of the dates and times you've seen him drive by. Report this behavior to the police so they have it on record. That way, if anything ever does happen, they at least have it on record to refer to and have a lead. If he keeps driving by, report it to the police again. What he is doing is severe enough to be persecuted for, and it is easier than you think. Especially when it is a male doing it to a female. I've seen it happen. Don't try and figure out why he is doing it. Just know that it is unhealthy and it isn't okay, and let that be enough. 1
alphamale Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 So just go circle your ex's house for half the day every few days? .. take video of him with your phone and note the day date and time. take the videos to the police and see what they can do. don't file anything falsely otherwise the same thing'll happen to you that happened to that Justin Smollett dude
BaileyB Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 If his behaviour has continued, is there a reason why you haven’t filed a police report? I would think that a conversation with a police officer respectfully suggesting that he drive down another street should be enough to cause him to change his daily routine... 2
Highndry Posted March 10, 2019 Posted March 10, 2019 This IS stalking. I'd talk to the police, explain the situation and see what they recommend. 1
Author Fair Posted March 12, 2019 Author Posted March 12, 2019 This IS stalking. I'd talk to the police, explain the situation and see what they recommend. Popular consensus is that I involve the police. But it's all about knowing when a situation is dangerous and when it isn't. It isn't. If I reported him to the police I'd be the laughing stock of our little town. Everyone here knows him and likes him to boot. They'd all start looking down on me, too. I just came back here about six years ago whereas he's never left. He spent his whole life here. People would side with him, first. I'm not in danger. I've known him since kindergarten. It's emotional distress, I suppose, it's not that I'm afraid. I just wish I knew of a less dramatic... and less public... way of handling this than involving the police.
alphamale Posted March 12, 2019 Posted March 12, 2019 If you are not in danger then what is the issue here? 2
Author Fair Posted March 12, 2019 Author Posted March 12, 2019 I don't mean to insult anyone... but I get the impression people from big U.S cities see everything as an episode of C.S.I. If anyone can come up with the next best suggestion other than calling the police I'd sincerely appreciate it. 1
Author Fair Posted March 12, 2019 Author Posted March 12, 2019 If you are not in danger then what is the issue here? The issue is it's bothersome. I'm not in danger but he's spying on me, or so it seems. I don't like it. I want it to stop. It's been going on for way too long.
BaileyB Posted March 12, 2019 Posted March 12, 2019 You have three options fair - 1. Ignore him, and hope that it stops. 2. Communicate with him, ask him to stop and tell him that if he persists, you will call the police. 3. Call the police. Calling the police for me isn’t as much about a fear for personal safety - I will trust your judgment on that. I would call the police to send him a message that this kind of behavior is unacceptable. You have a third party communicate that message to him, and hope that he sees the error in his ways...
assertives Posted March 12, 2019 Posted March 12, 2019 If you don't want to call the police, you don't feel threatened, and you don't want to speak to him, then perhaps the only thing you can do is move somewhere elae? Or just put up with it and ignore him. Pretend you are some big shot hollywood star and treat him like he's some harmless annoying paparazzi. 1
salparadise Posted March 12, 2019 Posted March 12, 2019 I don't mean to insult anyone... but I get the impression people from big U.S cities see everything as an episode of C.S.I. If anyone can come up with the next best suggestion other than calling the police I'd sincerely appreciate it. Confront him yourself. Tell him that it's been four months and it's time for him to grow up and move on. You could do it via email if you don't want to speak to him in person. If he's well known in the community then the risk of being outed should mean something to him. You don't have to actually threaten to out him; it would be implied. Tell him not to respond (and block him). I would've thought that he would've grown tired of it by now. He must be OCD.
frigginlost Posted March 12, 2019 Posted March 12, 2019 Confront him yourself. Tell him that it's been four months and it's time for him to grow up and move on. You could do it via email if you don't want to speak to him in person. If he's well known in the community then the risk of being outed should mean something to him. You don't have to actually threaten to out him; it would be implied. Tell him not to respond (and block him). I would've thought that he would've grown tired of it by now. He must be OCD. Agreed. The first thing the police would ask is "have you told him to stop?". Since you have not, the police are not going to take it as you being "scared" of it. Annoyed, yes. Scared, no. Just email him to knock it off. If he does not, then proceed with the police. Seriously, some of you folks need to chill about "stalker" behavior. As annoying as this guy is, he has not approached her front door, or followed her around town, or approached her in public, or made threats, etc. If he had, then that is a line that's crossed into stalker behavior. 3
preraph Posted March 12, 2019 Posted March 12, 2019 I don't watch CSI, but I have studied criminal behavior for decades. Stalkers are the most potentially dangerous group of criminals. Nearly every woman who has been murdered or raped has first been stalked. You are being naive and hoity with people giving you advice, so good luck. You being so quick to "feel sorry" for people is what drew him to you -- your weakness, you letting that type person in when others would have seen red flags right away and shooed them away. So just keep it up and he won't be the last problem stalker you have. There is no guarantee the police will do anything, especially with your attitude about it, feeling sorry, thinking he's not dangerous, and guessing you haven't kept a log like I said you'd need to even get the ball rolling. Having no verbal threat from him, you need to show evidence of a pattern of stalking. You should file a restraining order with the court too.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 12, 2019 Posted March 12, 2019 Write a message telling him to stop. Screenshot it and save it. Then block his number. If you won't or don't feel comfortable, then I don't know what other option you realistically have short of getting some advice from law enforcement. What do you want to do? You are more or less refuting everyone's suggestions so I am curious to hear what you feel is the best course of action. 1
stillafool Posted March 12, 2019 Posted March 12, 2019 If anyone can come up with the next best suggestion other than calling the police I'd sincerely appreciate it. First, how do you know he is driving past your house a lot? Are you standing in the window, out in the yard, etc.? I ask because I rarely look out the window to know who is driving past my house. And, the second suggestion is to stop looking to see who is driving past your house. As long as he isn't ringing your door bell or bothering you, just forget about it. 1
alphamale Posted March 12, 2019 Posted March 12, 2019 First, how do you know he is driving past your house a lot? Are you standing in the window, out in the yard, etc.? I ask because I rarely look out the window to know who is driving past my house. And, the second suggestion is to stop looking to see who is driving past your house. As long as he isn't ringing your door bell or bothering you, just forget about it. yea, maybe he's taking a new route to work or something?
stillafool Posted March 12, 2019 Posted March 12, 2019 Alpha even if he is how would she know this unless she is constantly standing in the yard or looking out the window.
alphamale Posted March 12, 2019 Posted March 12, 2019 Alpha even if he is how would she know this unless she is constantly standing in the yard or looking out the window. I agree stillafool, the OP also has some issues here 1
Author Fair Posted March 14, 2019 Author Posted March 14, 2019 I agree stillafool, the OP also has some issues here wrong. I have NOT been watching out the window. I have two big windows in my living room and he drives right past. It's impossible not to see. All I have to do is just glance up. And it's been so frequent... you'd have to be blind. There. He just did it again as I was typing this... I just glanced up... 1
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