Waking up panicked after bad dreams

[starlight8]

So ever since I decided to make changes in my life regarding letting go of toxic family members, friends, old habits, I have been experiencing anxiety which slowly increased in intensity.

 

I won't go into details but family members I have cut out are ones that are massively reactive and demanding, entitled and rude. If I don't give them what they want or agree with them, they have no issue with threatening/screaming and raging in public and a bunch of other drama that I won't go into detail with.

 

I'll share a bit about only one member, as she seems to be the current root of my bad dreams: My mum is addicted to sympathy and controlling others, and especially loves to create negative atmospheres. She actually hates laughter and makes up her own branch of medical science for why we 'shouldn't laugh too much' because 'its bad for your health'. Yeah, ok. I've long since suspected she has a personality disorder.

 

Anyway, since cutting them out, I have been feeling anxiety and some guilt. Like I said, my mum is addicted to sympathy and always trained us kids to pity her and its non-stop. I got conditioned into that. In trying to put boundaries however, I've found myself worrying. I have heard that her health is declining which I just knew she would milk for all its worth (I feel awful saying it like this but its true) and cause everyone around her to rally around, after which she will dole out manipulation and crazy-making.

Anyway I still stayed away but now I worry about...what if she dies suddenly? She had a heart attack in may, from which she seems to have recovered somewhat, and recently was told her eyesight is getting worse because of her diabetes.

I broke no contact a few times to ask about her health and let her come visit. But everytime I do, it isn't JUST the health stuff we deal with - its absolutely everything else of her favourite games: manipulation, criticising, and draining the life out of me.

 

So I have very minimal contact. But now I find I am pretty anxious worrying from afar about the day I get a phone call to say she has died and worry about how much regret I might have. But I have a pretty tough job and studies at the moment, everytime I let her or my family back in, those get affected and I'm worried about just how much more my supervisors are willing to put up with, having had breakdowns in the past from the treatment I get from family (for example, being sent threats to slander my name so I will be deemed 'unfit to practice' as a physician - which is my job).

 

So I'm trying to do the right thing to stay as healthy as I can. But the anxiety is causing me to have sleep disturbances and bad dreams and this morning's took the biscuit...I had a dream where I met up with my sister, who informed me our mother had passed away a few weeks ago, and I went ballistic, crying and screaming and feeling a flood of regret at not seeing her. I woke up absolutely panicked and terrified!

 

I have a counsellor who I am seeing and who is lovely..but I just felt so scared this morning, I wanted somewhere to be able to let it out. And if anyone has any helpful tips/ideas to reduce anxiety or help with sleep problems, I'd really appreciate reading them.

[Garcon1986]

Well the worrying about people dying suddenly is somewhat warranted, everything is temporary! One mental trick I use is to follow in master Yodas teachings, in that you should rejoice for the people who have become one with the Force. Constantly teach yourself this expression, and one day you will live by this saying. Life's too short to be sad more than you have to be.

 

 

As far as reducing anxiety and mental stuff, you should always assure you have enough sleep. If you absolutely must have coffee, take it in the early morning only. Don't watch TV right before you go to bed. Don't watch electronic devices in bed. Make mandatory peaceful activities such as yoga a part of your day. Don't eat lots of sugar. If you crave sugar, carve up some fresh fruits rather than the sugar. Make regular tea rather than sweet tea. Exercise every single day, even if its in between conferences. Make sure you don't have any active medical conditions with your general practitioner, or control them as best you can. Eat your dinner at least two hours (ideally three) before you go to bed. Go to the bathroom right before you go to bed so you are less likely to wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.

 

 

you'll notice some big changes if you do these simple things.

[Mr. Lucky]

I had a dream where I met up with my sister, who informed me our mother had passed away a few weeks ago, and I went ballistic, crying and screaming and feeling a flood of regret at not seeing her. I woke up absolutely panicked and terrified!

 

There's a substantial amount of recent research indicating the purpose of dreams is physiological rather than psychological, they are kind of a digestive system by which the brain processes and eliminates excess. In other words, good or bad, they're a healthy function helping us understand the past and prepare for the future.

 

You've indicated you've been under stress and feeling anxious, so I'd see this as your body's way of shedding those negative feelings. A good thing...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Wallysbears]

Talk to your doctor about anxiety meds while you work through this with your therapist.

[preraph]

I don't blame you at all for distancing yourself from your crazy family. here is what I would do about having any contact with your aging mother. In order to not encourage her or your siblings from relaying messages to you about how ayling she is, I would never make contact with her after such a message. I would only make contact with her when she is not making up something to get attention and when she is not sending the siblings on that mission.

 

Don't give them any schedule or tell them anything about making contact with her. Do it quickly and covertly when she is not ready for it and neither are they.

 

you'll probably get a much more accurate picture that way too.

[Geraltt]

There's a substantial amount of recent research indicating the purpose of dreams is physiological rather than psychological, they are kind of a digestive system by which the brain processes and eliminates excess. In other words, good or bad, they're a healthy function helping us understand the past and prepare for the future.

I've read this as well. Research seems to show that the brain processes threat information at night, sometimes through dreams, as a way to manage those threats. That may be one reason why one often feels a sense of dread when awakening in the middle of the night: it's a carry-over from your brain processing threats (either real or imagined).

 

It also goes some way in explaining bizarre "alien abduction" and "demonic" experiences.

 

More here: What Do Dreams Do For Us?