Why do women go for the damaged men when there's plenty of men who have it together?

[dateme]

My sister and friends date a lot of guys who are a mess. They have no stable job. They drink too much and have attitude problems. And my sister and friends are hot. Some of the guys they go for aren't even on their level. I could see if they were like body builders or super good looking. Then they complain about being emotionally drained by these guys. What do women want?

 

--------------------------------

 

Because nice guys like me meet women after they're burned by these guys and then they are so messed up we don't have a chance?

Edited January 6, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge posts and remove superfluous duplicate quote

[smackie9]

lol you answer your own thread.....

[dateme]

lol you answer your own thread.....

 

I'm sorry I don't see how. Can you please share?

[Garcon1986]

It's the human inclination to always chase after nice things. "Bad boys" have charm, sexiness, hotness, and excitement that these women are looking for. You can't change their behavior - but you can keep on seeking out the women that fit you better. Worrying about women who chase bad boys will only cause you exasperation so don't waste the energy - the energy is needed by the starving children in Africa

[manfrombelow2]

There's one thing you should understand about women: they are emotional creatures, which means they react to emotions and they base their thoughts + behaviours on emotions.

 

It doesn't matter if the guys they are dating are some drug dealers or serial killers, as long as those guys make them feel good, happy, funny, humourous... they will keep following these guys.

 

Here is where the fun begins: it doesn't matter how much you guys think you are "better" than those train-wrecked guys, if they can have the hot women and you don't, then they are doing better than you. In fact, you lack so much of many qualities those guys have, for example boldness, confidence, sense of humour, toughness, even courage.

 

That's not women's fault, that's just how they were designed to be. It's men's fault for not trying to comprehend this.

Edited January 6, 2019 by thaygiaogiang

[PolyPocket]

I don’t believe women chooses those kind of guys on purpose. Women meets a guy....no matter the character.....and hope things will work out when they feel the chemistry then finds out his true nature when she’s already invested. That’s when it’s hard to let go and people from the outside who doesn’t know any better thinks it’s a certain type.

[FMW]

Some women go for damaged guys.

 

Some men go for damaged women.

 

It's a human thing, not a gender thing. As to why? We all are seeking something and some people are seeking something that is somehow satisfied with messed up people. Freud, Jung, etc. all have answers to "why" based on their own theories.

 

Bottom line? Who really knows.

[GinON]

People model their love relationships after the first one they had; parents!

If they see something that looks familiar, even if its painful, its comfortable, they know what to do, they are already adapted to it no matter how $hitty it is. So they go for that, even if they wanted to avoid it at all costs. Crazzy!!!

 

People with awesome parents have an advantage here, they observed balance and security. They can handle a little bit of wacko from partners. Essentially the attachment style theory.

[stillafool]

 

It doesn't matter if the guys they are dating are some drug dealers or serial killers, as long as those guys make them feel good, happy, funny, humourous... they will keep following these guys.

 

Here is where the fun begins: it doesn't matter how much you guys think you are "better" than those train-wrecked guys, if they can have the hot women and you don't, then they are doing better than you. In fact, you lack so much of many qualities those guys have, for example boldness, confidence, sense of humour, toughness, even courage.

 

That's not women's fault, that's just how they were designed to be. It's men's fault for not trying to comprehend this.

 

This is it. Not everyone has the same assets. Some things can't be bought or learned - they are gifted. If it makes you feel better the same thing applies to women. Some just have it and others don't.

[Vanity1]

There's one thing you should understand about women: they are emotional creatures, which means they react to emotions and they base their thoughts + behaviours on emotions.

 

It doesn't matter if the guys they are dating are some drug dealers or serial killers, as long as those guys make them feel good, happy, funny, humourous... they will keep following these guys.

 

Here is where the fun begins: it doesn't matter how much you guys think you are "better" than those train-wrecked guys, if they can have the hot women and you don't, then they are doing better than you. In fact, you lack so much of many qualities those guys have, for example boldness, confidence, sense of humour, toughness, even courage.

 

That's not women's fault, that's just how they were designed to be. It's men's fault for not trying to comprehend this.

 

Yeah all that confidence and boldness from the liquid courage called alcohol and

Cocaine. Been there done that all from stupidity nothing more.

[basil67]

My guess is that your sister and friends are equally messed up. Like attracts like. And their looks have nothing to do with anything.

 

You are indeed a 'nice guy' (as used in the modern sense). But I would suggest you learn to become a 'good guy' as it will serve you far better. A good guy understands and relates to women, he's compassionate but firm in his own boundaries. He's popular with both men and women. He has a positive outlook without any cynicism.

Edited January 6, 2019 by basil67

[basil67]

In fact, you lack so much of many qualities those guys have, for example boldness, confidence, sense of humour, toughness, even courage.

 

You've just described the perfect good guy.

 

Guys who are train wrecks don't have these qualities. If they did have those qualities, they wouldn't be train wrecks.

[manfrombelow2]

I am not the person you should be arguing with about this, but the so-called "train-wrecked" dudes instead.

 

You can say all you want to hear. In the end, in OP's case, the fact that those low-life train-wrecked guys are banging those hot butts while you're home masturbating speaks louder than everything comes from your mouths.

 

Yeah all that confidence and boldness from the liquid courage called alcohol and

Cocaine. Been there done that all from stupidity nothing more.

 

You've just described the perfect good guy.

 

Guys who are train wrecks don't have these qualities. If they did have those qualities, they wouldn't be train wrecks.

Edited January 6, 2019 by thaygiaogiang

[manfrombelow2]

After all, the term "nice guys" is just a pathetic disguise that weak, beta, nerdy guys with bad social skills, no confidence, no masculine energy and low self-esteem hide under to convince themselves that even though they are stuck inside their rooms masturbating before a porno movie, they are somehow still magically "BETTER" than those "bad guys", the very ones who are truly physically banging those hot assess that they could only dream of, lol.

[Malin889]

I feel like most women (at least me anyway) don’t find out that these guys are a mess until after they’ve fallen for them.

[Purepony]

Women like men they think they can fix

[elaine567]

Women like men they think they can fix

...and so do some men too.

 

I think most of us know our level, we know that certain people are going to be attracted to us but that some people are out of our reach.

Guys know that a seriously hot girl with her life in order who is stable and is a lovely kind person is going to pair up with a similar guy.

BUT if that hot girl is a bit crazy, she has some issues, she needs "fixing", he, as Mr Average can perhaps land himself a super hot gf.

He is then willing to put in the effort to beat the system.

 

Same with some women, she is willing to put in the effort to land a guy who once "fixed" will be better than anything she can normally pick up off the shelf.

 

Of course some are re-enacting their childhood relationships, Daddy had issues, so she chooses a similar guy so she can mend him and by proxy mend herself.

[thefooloftheyear]

Men "who have it together" are often just boring or milquetoast...

 

Women generally don't like boring guys...They may prefer a guy that's not quite got all his ducks in a row, but is fun, energetic, has a good sense of humor, a huge penis, etc...

 

Don't forget this aspect as well....Back when women actually needed men to live any type of decent life, it was always most important that a woman found a solid provider over a guy she truly was attracted to...Now that's not the case...They don't necessarily need those types of guys anymore..Now they are in a position to get what they actually want...Don't get me wrong, the guys that have it together still are a plus, but if that's all you got, well, you will probably lose out to the edgy and fun guy that doesn't quite have it all together..

 

It's often that simple...

 

TFY

Edited January 7, 2019 by thefooloftheyear

[Redhead14]

I feel like most women (at least me anyway) don’t find out that these guys are a mess until after they’ve fallen for them.

 

 

That is a fact, for the most part. Most of the women who stay with a guy after they see that he is a mess are, themselves, a mess mentally and emotionally (just because they are hot doesn't mean they are mature enough to make sure they do better with their choices) which is why they stay. They are co-dependent and/or just have their own issues that make it difficult for them to understand that they deserve better -- it's not really that they've fallen so deeply in love with them that prevents them from moving on. It's not that "romantic" usually.

[basil67]

TFY, But then there's the guy who's got it all together and who is also edgy, fun, energetic and has a good sense of humour. Swoon.

[Garcon1986]

TFY, what are your views on training a man to be edgy and ooze sexuality, when he previously doesn't know how to do it?

[BC1980]

Many people would rather stay in a bad situation than be single.

[thefooloftheyear]

TFY, what are your views on training a man to be edgy and ooze sexuality, when he previously doesn't know how to do it?

 

Have at least 4 visible tattoos, a King Cobra for a pet, a facial scar, and weigh at least 220 lbs.....yet have a million dollar portfolio...

 

 

I dunno, man:confused:...Its nothing that can be learned yet I think everyone has it in them, but it comes out in different ways...For example...I have a customer of mine who is as nerdy and dopey as you can imagine...If you saw this guy walking around on the street you would bet anything he never laid a hand on a woman's body in his life,..I don't know what he does for a living, but its probably some Dilbert type of shyt...Anyway, he's married to a lovely woman that is kinda nerdy herself, dresses plain, but is attractive in her own way...They are nuts about each other..

 

Point is you have to find out what works for you, and more than likely some woman will be crazy about it...To try to do what works for someone else is pointless, IMO..

 

TFY

[Vanity1]

After all, the term "nice guys" is just a pathetic disguise that weak, beta, nerdy guys with bad social skills, no confidence, no masculine energy and low self-esteem hide under to convince themselves that even though they are stuck inside their rooms masturbating before a porno movie, they are somehow still magically "BETTER" than those "bad guys", the very ones who are truly physically banging those hot assess that they could only dream of, lol.

 

I’m sorry but those guys are better, in every shape and form. Those guys can hold a job, they aren’t too hungover to wake up with the morning unlike those train wrecks. I’ve had a train wreck, now interested in everything you discribed and it makes me * too explicit to say*.

 

Just because you can bang a hot chick doesn’t automatically make you better. And those who like train wrecks and toxic ppl are the same way so it’s a lose lose situation... how’s datimg a headache and unstablity winning?

[Vanity1]

That is a fact, for the most part. Most of the women who stay with a guy after they see that he is a mess are, themselves, a mess mentally and emotionally (just because they are hot doesn't mean they are mature enough to make sure they do better with their choices) which is why they stay. They are co-dependent and/or just have their own issues that make it difficult for them to understand that they deserve better -- it's not really that they've fallen so deeply in love with them that prevents them from moving on. It's not that "romantic" usually.

 

Very true. Because this was me also, didn’t see his true colours and ignored the red flags out of Stupidity. Everyone use to ask wtf I was doing with him because I looked out of his league he was an addict and just a mess... even he would be like “ ok you look good but that’s all” — point is just because you can bang a hot girl doesn’t mean anything you’re still a douche and quality over quantity.