I'm too old to attract anyone

[mortensorchid]

I have felt like this for a long time now, I haven't wanted to admit it but I think this has really done me in. I get rejected so much or have such bad experiences because I am too old to attract anyone. I look around me and see a lot of people my age and otherwise whose looks have gone to hell (weight gain, wrinkles, grey hair, etc.). I hate to boast, but I have more or less stayed frozen in time - I have a few extra pounds here and there, a few greys, but my face is smooth still. Compared to a photo of me in high school I have a maturity on my face now that wasn't there when I was in high school, but I pretty much have stayed the same.

 

So why can't I attract anyone? Because, I guess I am too old to do so. Does anyone else feel like this? It doesn't matter how beautiful you are or are not on the inside or outside, it's just that some people are meant to be with someone and others (like me) are not? I feel like I am just not ... Good enough. And too old to attract someone.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Yeah l, I feel the same. Since I was about 36 or so, the quality of men that I was able to attract has rapidly gone downhill. When I was younger, men used to get crushes at work or at the gym (they were always taken but it was still flattering). Now it doesn’t ever happen. I am becoming more invisible every day.

 

I really don’t get it. I don’t see a big change in my looks in the last few years. I haven’t gained a pound. I have no wrinkles. My hair is still thick. Can they sense it somehow? I actually often see 30 year old women with deep wrinkles on their face. Would men still chose a 30 yo that looks 40 over a 40 yo that looks 30?

 

I have never used many face creams and recently I went to a department store beauty counter to get an anti wrinkle one. The lady there actually told me that she doesn’t think I need it and gave me one for women entering their 30s.

 

I dread to think what next 10 years hold. Youth is everything when it comes to men and there is nothing we can do to get it back. At least my cat still loves me

[Insoc]

Yeah l, I feel the same. Since I was about 36 or so, the quality of men that I was able to attract has rapidly gone downhill. When I was younger, men used to get crushes at work or at the gym (they were always taken but it was still flattering). Now it doesn’t ever happen. I am becoming more invisible every day.<snip>

 

Some wrinkles are acceptable even for me at 50, I don't look my age compared to many I see or know of, they look much older. I recently went on few dates with a 58 year old, she looked younger than many of my classmates who are 50, so take it as you may.

 

I know on Match or any dating site, your main profile photo makes or breaks if you they get to your profile and read up on you and see if there is a Match to contact you, mainly it's me who contacts them but I get contacted by lot's of Women, many I turn down not my type. I am attracted to appearance, but also other things too, like interests and stability.

Edited January 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[Highndry]

Don't be so hard on yourself, ladies. I'm sure there are guys interested. I'm in my 40s and I prefer women my age. I seem to attract many younger women but it's not what I prefer. In fact, I've dated women 5 years older. I promise you there are men who still find you attractive.

Edited January 7, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
No need to quote the whole thread

[AriesDude]

Negativity only gonna award you with negativity.

Due to my work I go to old age homes a lot and im telling you if I can on a weekly basis see a 70+ year old man stealing a rose or 2 from his neighbor's lawn to give it to his other neighbor....then at 30-50 years of age you are not "out of the dating range" as they say.

 

Ladies...please remember, regardless of the stereotype, not all men think every woman on 2 legs is a target to flirt with. There are still shy and decent men out there that might just assume you're married or not up for a date. So if you don't wanna assume that he thinks you're married....at least start a conversation and mention that you're single in a subtle way... Will never go out of fashion.

[Simple Logic]

If you are mid 30s to mid 40s you are at an age with a lot old divorced folk who are not really looking of total losers. You are just part of the remaining minority.

Edited January 7, 2019 by Simple Logic

[basil67]

I look around me and see a lot of people my age and otherwise whose looks have gone to hell (weight gain, wrinkles, grey hair, etc.). I hate to boast, but I have more or less stayed frozen in time - I have a few extra pounds here and there, a few greys, but my face is smooth still. Compared to a photo of me in high school I have a maturity on my face now that wasn't there when I was in high school, but I pretty much have stayed the same.

 

So why can't I attract anyone?

 

MO, your observations in this thread and others frequently prove the point that what you think is important to a man isn't what they actually want. Looks may pique men's initial interest, but if a woman is great to be around, some greys or a few extra pounds aren't going to stop him.

 

It all goes back to being warm and engaging.

[chillii]

So true bas so true,

Just think femininity , the more the merrier , us guys love the stuff .

[Gretchen12]

I am convinced location is everything. Not only does it matter where you live but also the places you frequent when you get older. Online, men go by the age you list, no matter how young you look, you won't show up on their search.

[thefooloftheyear]

Confirmation bias...

 

Bottom line is you aren't too old...No one is...

 

TFY

[Happy Lemming]

Both my girlfriend and I were older than you when we met. You can meet someone at your age, you are NOT too old.

 

Grey hairs are easily fixed with a $10 bottle of Ms. Clairol, if they are bothering you.

[Geraltt]

I agree with Happy Lemming, above. I met my SO when she was 48, I was 54.

 

There's a wonderful freedom in this age. Nobody tries to be "cool" anymore. Nobody puts on airs. Nobody hides their grey hairs (generally, anyway), the flab around the middle or the wrinkles. It's all just part and parcel of the package.

 

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Attracting someone your age has nothing at all to do with how smooth your face is. You're not too old. You know this.

[MetallicHue]

I’m not sure how old you folks all are but I know people in their 40’s and 50”s who have found romance. They’re just kind of average looking in my mind. Don’t give up hope I think it may be harder but you will find someone eventually. There are groups that meetup who share common interest even at older ages. That may be a way to meet people too.

[darkmoon]

you get men after you, just not eligible ones...

 

 

Well, I do, anyway, aged 66.

 

 

 

Also, at 46 or so, one week my popularity was ok, next week it had gone; just one wrinkle too many developed, also, my mouth's corners just grew too droopy to look inviting any more, and my eyes were no longer round but were/are a bit hawk like, as a cynic would look, and I have those two lines vertical between my brows, so I seem frowny...

Edited January 7, 2019 by darkmoon

[Wallysbears]

From some of your posts, it seems as though you have an overall pessimistic attitude towards dating.

 

Why not take a break from dating and just focus on having a fulfilling life of your own for a bit and give yourself a break?

[sabaton]

I have felt like this for a long time now, I haven't wanted to admit it but I think this has really done me in. I get rejected so much or have such bad experiences because I am too old to attract anyone.

No, old age doesn't necessarily make a woman or man lose all of his or hers sex appeal. Sure, they will never have people wanting to have sex with them like they did when they were 20, but there'll still plenty of decent-looking/eligible men and women to meet.

 

My mom's 60 years old. She still gets approached by sexually attractive men in their early 20s, to early 30s. She still weights 90lbs at that age(4'10''), because she takes care of herself, and she loves to go to the gym. She still acts like the flirty self that she always was, and attention from men worth getting attention from still flows her way, and trust me, when you're charming and flirty and you make a guy feel hot, there'll be lots of men who'll want to date you. There was a girl once I met who had a hooked, big nose, a flat butt and small boobs, but to me she was so incredibly hot because of how incredibly skilled she was at flirting, and how she exuded this aura of sensuality and high-self esteem. I guess sleeping with me on the first ''date'' also helped LOL.

 

My mom's hair is not as blonde as it once was, truth it, it started going gray 10 years ago, and now it's grey-white, but they invented this niffty stuff called hair dye that she uses to be blonde again. My mom has little to no wrinkles.

 

Why? She never smoked, she doesn't drink, she always got 8 hours of sleep even if it happened on the afternoon after a full night's of partying and she buys and applies high-quality skin-care products.

 

She never cared much about sunscreen but her skin was always naturally dark from her Southern Iberian + Gypsy + Middle-Eastern genetic background. Not like it acts as an excuse to not use sunblock, but I guess it helped her somehow.

 

I look around me and see a lot of people my age and otherwise whose looks have gone to hell (weight gain, wrinkles, grey hair, etc.). I hate to boast, but I have more or less stayed frozen in time - I have a few extra pounds here and there, a few greys, but my face is smooth still. Compared to a photo of me in high school I have a maturity on my face now that wasn't there when I was in high school, but I pretty much have stayed the same.

Oh, but that's how just how it is. There's lots of people who don't take care of themselves. Like, I'm an old man. I'm twenty-eight, and I'm past my physical prime, but there are many, many men who are much younger than me who'd kill(if they wouldn't go to jail) to look like me.

 

Hell, the other day I went to lan-party, a tournament featuring this game called Super Smash Bros Ultimate, and the majority of the guys there had 100 to 200lbs on me(not in muscle...) and they had a full beard, and looked like they had given up on life, and these were men who were a lot younger than me.

 

Lots of people are just lazy, or have low self-esteem, and then they let themselves go and they become even more physically unattractive, and(attractive) women want them even less. That's why I love living in a college town. There's tons of much younger men, indeed, but the majority of those men have low self-esteem, look like twigs or are overweight, and dress like 15 year olds at 22. Which means I can get a lot more lucky, just by being better than the men by default.

 

It's true, I can't compete with a 18 year old Brad Pitt who lifts weights religiously, but I do alright with the women that I'm attracted to(18-22 year old women who are naturally thin and pretty), so what you need to do is to find your niche of men who think you are uber hot, and if you find them to be attractive - approach them, strike a conversation and ask them out.

 

So why can't I attract anyone? Because, I guess I am too old to do so. Does anyone else feel like this? It doesn't matter how beautiful you are or are not on the inside or outside, it's just that some people are meant to be with someone and others (like me) are not? I feel like I am just not ... Good enough. And too old to attract someone.

Nah, bro.

 

This is one of the most beautiful European women to ever live.

 

This is how she looked at 20.

 

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/a0/70/8d/a0708de4f971546f01389ab67ec95c28.jpg

 

This is how she looks now at like 80 or 85, not sure.

 

http://static.cinemarx.ro/poze/albume-actori/2008/03/Sophia-Loren-1205658183.jpg

 

Would I spend all night in bed with her at 20 if she wanted me to?

 

Yes.

 

Would I reject today's Sophia Loren if she wanted me?

 

Lol, no. I'm not shallow. I'll sleep with a 60-80 year old woman as quick as I'll sleep with a 18 year old woman as long as I find them to be attractive.

Edited January 7, 2019 by sabaton

[d0nnivain]

You are only as old as you feel. If you act upbeat, happy & full of life, willing to try new things & be adventurous an date on a calendar is meaningless.

[edgygirl]

Totally disagree. I'm well into my 40s and keep getting matches younger and older than me. Last date was with a man early 40s younger than me and he keeps telling me how good I look. He could easily go for a 32 yo.

 

Of course when I was 35 I got the best of the best - super good looking men in their prime of looks and career. And of course men now between 40-55 don't look as perfect as the matches I got 10 years ago. But, I am attracted to them. I also got older, and I am fine that they did too. I also get several men on their 20s and 30s hitting on me and had to put in my profile THAT I AM NOT INTERESTED IN THAT AGE RANGE so they'd stop writing me.

 

I think it's all in our head. You sometimes don't sound that positive here. I also have my moments but I try to think positive despite getting hit on the head over and over.

 

There were a couple of years I was fat and felt like ***t and didn't attract many people. Now not only I lost the weight, but I also always think to myself (convince myself) that I look great, that I am an interesting person, that I am worth it. I think that makes a big difference.

 

Do I have my meh moments of self doubt? Of course I do, but from observation of decades, the men I thought didn't care much for me cause I was not model-like enough, ended up with women who are not even pretty. I really don't think most men care about looks in the end.

 

Matching on sites initially may be due to your photo and how you present yourself and your interests, but people only stay if it works personality-wise. Men always comment how my bio is different than others - I am really open about who I am, the kind of person I am looking for (again, personality wise). I think that and my cute pics gets me matches all the time. I am still surprised I get so many options at my age, but I do.

 

The only thing that really changed with age is that when I was in my teens and 20s several men would hit on me on the street. That doesn't happen anymore. But who cares?

 

Of course I am in a huge city, so not sure how it works in smaller cities, but I don't feel I have had issues matching with people. The problem is making it work.

Edited January 7, 2019 by edgygirl

[Gretchen12]

 

The only thing that really changed with age is that when I was in my teens and 20s several men would hit on me on the street. That doesn't happen anymore. But who cares?

 

Actually that's one thing that doesn't change even when you're in your 50's like me. It's location.

[edgygirl]

Probably. I lived in other countries when people hit on me on the streets. But where I am now (huge metropolis) they don't. Other people tell me they do get hit on here though. I think I look too serious as this place is a concrete jungle and I try to protect myself LOL.

 

Actually that's one thing that doesn't change even when you're in your 50's like me. It's location.

[FMW]

I'm going to be 54 in a few weeks and I have no complaints about the attention I get. Of course I don't turn all the heads I did back when I was a 20 year old in my physical prime, but I get plenty of attention and it's generally of a higher quality than it was back then.

 

I don't do online dating, so I'm not sure what my experience would be there (and don't intend to find out). But IRL I think attraction has a lot to do with attitude and confidence. Smiling and being friendly makes a huge difference in making connections, both platonic and romantic.

[thefooloftheyear]

While I am not looking, the attention I get from women at this age(early50's) is probably as high as its ever been, and I have always done pretty well with female attention..Age runs the gamut as well..

 

It's likely different from women as it seems like women have the edge early on then the tables seem to turn as we age, as even male friends of mine that have recently divorced and are at the same age say its sea of willing and available women out there..

 

TFY

[NuevoYorko]

I'm well into my 50's and I don't date young women. I am now dating a 55 year old, last relationship, 49. I've dated from 37 - 61 since I got divorced 7 years ago.

 

I'm not thinking about "appropriate," I just like what I like and that is women closer to my own age.

 

Older people are different than we were in younger years. The drive to be social and pair up is much less powerful for most of us and we don't feel like hanging around in clubs or parties looking for somebody for sex or a relationship. It's probably partly biological. Whatever, it makes it less likely to just run into likely prospects these days.

 

Also as we age we all collect baggage. Whomever over a certain age claims they have no baggage is lying. The thing is how we deal with our baggage. When I was online dating I met many women who looked good but who were instantly unattractive because of their baggage. Often it was bitterness about their exes or men in general. Sometimes about how "life is unfair." A true deterrent.

[frankspeci]

I'm a 33 y/o guy. Just had a one night stand with a hot 40y/o woman. Would have lasted longer but she was a heavy smoker, breath was a turnoff, and she was pretty crazy.

 

Youth is a draw, but not the only draw.