I'm too old to attract anyone

[Els]

While I'm sure that there are men who prioritize youth to an unhealthy extent, they are really just the male equivalent of the gold digger. Better avoided.

 

 

 

I don't know about other women but for you, OP, I'm pretty sure the answer isn't your age. In fact, we have already attempted to tell you what the answer is, but it always falls on deaf ears. Hint #1: Most people of either gender like someone who listens.

[bathtub-row]

I’m the ultimate optimist because I just don’t see things like that. There are people who marry even in their 80’s and 90’s. I look at a lot of people 10 or 15 yrs younger than me and can’t believe how aged they look. Regardless of all that, I think I’m a great choice because I can hold a meaningful conversation and I’m not like a lot of moody, irrational females I’ve seen and heard about.

 

The thing is, I have personally changed in the sense that I’m extremely picky about who I’m with, and I’m having a lot of fun being on my own and making new plans for my life. I truly have the attitude that if I ever marry again, great. If not, I’m not concerned about it. And don’t kid yourself - a lot of relationships are work. It’s easy to get all dewy-eyed about them when you have distance from them but just read the things on this site and you’ll be reminded about what a dicey game they really are. For me, I’ll wait for the guy who’s perfect for me or I’ll stay single. Color me happy either way.

[Malin889]

I have felt like this for a long time now, I haven't wanted to admit it but I think this has really done me in. I get rejected so much or have such bad experiences because I am too old to attract anyone. I look around me and see a lot of people my age and otherwise whose looks have gone to hell (weight gain, wrinkles, grey hair, etc.).<snip>

 

Mortensorchid... Do you project this feeling out when you are on dates? Feeling negative and like you'll never find anyone? If you feel this way on dates, maybe that's why you haven't been successful. Have you ever heard, if you project negativity, negativity will come back to you, and if you are positive, positivity will come back to you. Maybe start praciticng the Law of Attraction? https://www.wikihow.com/Use-the-Law-of-Attraction. It might help you and make you feel better. I'm starting to use it in my life, and I already feel better every day and I believe that good things can happen if you stay positive.

 

How To Manifest Love With A Specific Person Using The Law Of Attraction

 

No more feeling bad for yourself! Get up and get going!

Edited January 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[CautiouslyOptimistic]

There are people who marry even in their 80’s and 90’s.

 

My grandmother did. Married a high school friend after they were both widowed.

[Els]

My grandmother did. Married a high school friend after they were both widowed.

 

 

I attended the wedding of two 60-yos before, too. The groom looked SO HAPPY when she walked in.

[Eternal Sunshine]

And Joe won the lottery...

 

It’s about general trends that partnered women aren’t aware of. Anybody can look in love. My last ex looked and was very in love. But he was also an alcoholic with bad debt, stalker ex wife and permanent ED. It’s sad that some of my friends gave me advice that with my age, I can’t be too picky (I was 37). I want my equal. Not my equal given that market for older women is worse so we need to adjust by lowering our standards. It’s insulting.

 

Women that met their long term partners at 18 have no clue what I’m talking about. That would be like me giving advice on raising children.

[Els]

Of course it gets more difficult as people get older. There is a recent thread by a 60-yo man lamenting how few women his age are available and interested, too.

 

 

Doesn't change the fact that age isn't the biggest of the OP's issues.

[mortensorchid]

I live a life of isolation more or less, the only means I have with connecting with others is the internet and that's been ... Less than successful. Issues? Sure I do. Name someone who doesn't.

[nospam99]

I live a life of isolation more or less, the only means I have with connecting with others is the internet and that's been ... Less than successful. Issues? Sure I do. Name someone who doesn't.

 

I am drawn to your situation. It's a bit difficult for me to figuratively look myself in the mirror and understand why. I see myself as a somewhat kindred soul (interpreting you from your posts), being 'alone' and not wanting to be. As a 'seeking' man, the best explanation I can give myself is the overly romantic (I self-identify as a 'hopeless romantic') notion of me looking out for a female 'seeker' with whom we could both become 'finders'. And, LOL no, I'm not asking you out - we hopeless romantics sometimes get off on purely fantasy scenarios.

 

But on point, I relate to the feeling of a 'life of isolation'. However you and I have two keys differences in defeating that isolation:

- I'm old enough to be your father

- you, as a woman, control the depth and duration of your relationships

In both cases, 'advantage' you.

 

But I apparently have one advantage: attitude. As difficult it is to stay open-minded and positive, I am, so far, 'staying on the horse'. I'm not the only poster here who has observed that you exhibit a negative, defeatist attitude and frequently act on that negativity by blowing off opportunities to meet men, and people in general.

 

So I see your generalization about the internet being your only means to overcome your isolation as more negativity. Other posters can chime in (again) about what you can try. I'll just mention meetups and adult classes. I also suspect that at your age you have more (still living) same-age/same-gender/single friends with whom to form a 'mutual aid' support group. Go for it. Make your mantra 'I think I can' or something equally positive. Good luck. We 'isolated' folks can only be uplifted each time one of us succeeds.

[Happy Lemming]

I was hesitant to write this post as I don't want you to think I am bragging, it is intended for "mortensorchid" and "nospam99".

 

Over the holidays, I was working in the yard. An older woman approached me and gave me her business card. She was jogging by with her granddaughter in one of those "jogging strollers". She was quite striking and sexy in her tight fitting jogging suit. We chit-chatted a few minutes and she continued on her way. I didn't pay much attention to the encounter, as her business card showed she was a realtor and I'm working on this fixer-upper, which I guess she is thinking I'm going to flip.

 

Fast forward a couple of days and I was riding my bike and she was jogging by. She stopped me and we talked a bit more. This time I could tell she was flirting, she even mentioned she was divorced/single. (I didn't follow through as I am dating someone, but I was polite and neighborly.)

 

There are two points I'd like to make:

 

(1) Don't rely on OLD. Get out there and talk to people, meet new individuals.

(2) And for "mortensorchid" you are not too old to date. This realtor/jogger knows she is an older woman (a grandmother), but is putting herself out there and trying to meet people (in public).

[Juha]

I can totally understand and agree with how you are feeling M.O.

 

Dating truly sucks now! Meeting anyone that you are interested in and getting a connection is like a needle in a haystack as you get older.

 

I myself have had pretty crappy luck in the last few years also and have pretty much given up finding what I really want.

 

Putting yourself out there gets tedious and disheartening over time.

Not finding people you really like or finding them and getting rejected gets old after a while. It just sucks the life out of you when most of your friends are either married or in a relationship.

 

To keep trying kills you and to stop trying also kills you. So what do you do?

How do you stay positive, cheery, and bright about dating?

For me I was upbeat, cheery, and happy with it. Now I am beaten down and completely disheartened.

 

All I can say is dating, finding someone good is much, much easier for some than others. It all boils down to luck and timing, some people have it and some do not.

 

I went out with one woman in 2018 a handful of times before I found out the truth about her and that is a story for another day.

 

I really don't know what to tell you that has not been said already.

If things are not working then try and fill your life with other things that make you happy. Hopefully that makes things better

 

I wish you luck

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have found that once I removed all my dating profiles, I had more opportunities to hang with people in real life. Not in the dating sense but in the sense of not feeling isolated. I was more motivated to reach out to female friends/acquaintances. It may be different for me because my desire to be in a relationship is low. I have used OLD as more of a social outlet - it's really not a healthy place. Age-ist men are overly-represented as are men that are on rebounds, looking to cheat or similar.

[JuneL]

All of his problems seem to stem from his being an alcoholic. Did you encourage him to quit? Maybe he already quit, and that’s how he managed to keep a girlfriend.

 

<snip>My last ex looked and was very in love. But he was also an alcoholic with bad debt, stalker ex wife and permanent ED. It’s sad that some of my friends gave me advice that with my age, I can’t be too picky (I was 37). I want my equal. Not my equal given that market for older women is worse so we need to adjust by lowering our standards. It’s insulting. <snip>

Edited January 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[LastStraw]

For some reason ever since I passed 30, my dating options started to increase, a lot. Maybe because I finally got more 'polished' and most importantly, confident.

 

Now I'm in my mid 30s and if I was to date, I see no issues, however last year I got into serious relationship so hopefully dating chapter is closed for good

 

My BF ex was almost 15 years older than him and they met when she was 50... It didn't stop him from being with her for a decade. His other ex was over 20 years older, no issues there either. It is just with me that he reversed the age difference, I'm over a decade younger and it makes me a bit self-conscious sometimes LOL considering his past preferences.

[JuneL]

Was he married to either ex? If yes, then he didn’t want kids?

Edited January 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[LastStraw]

Was he married to either ex? If yes, then he didn’t want kids?

 

Yes they were married with the second woman, not with the first. For kids... That's what he thought back then. She did have adult kids when they met, so did the other ex. He was fine with it.

 

I sometimes wonder if their marriage failed because of the kid thing though... Since even since we started dating he expressed interest in having a kid together.

[snowcones]

The feeling of loneliness can really get you down and start to feel crippling. I've been there. One day you wake up and feel so tired of it that you get with someone. This person may not be perfect and others may object, but you feel happier with them than you did being alone.

[littleblackheart]

I think it's true that those in very long term relationships and those who aren't actively looking may not entirely relate with your situation, OP.

 

I'm happy single and have no interest or intentions in being in a relationship, so I have no clue what you are going through, truthfully.

 

My younger sister is using dating apps to find someone. I sat with her last week on one of her 'selection' rounds, and tbh I've found it can be soul destroying when you're not a secure person already.

 

Bearing in mind she is gorgeous inside and out, has a great job, is educated and settled in her life and her friendships, and is in the perfect demographic for her location (relatively high earners, no kids, never married are plentiful there) - she has no trouble whatsoever getting dates (offline too), she is a good person, she's reasonably picky (imo) and she too thinks she can't attract anyone in her late 30s.

 

In my opinion, she is self-sabotaging - there's always something in the guys she meets that isn't quite right. She rarely goes on a second date because something (generally a detail) puts her off, or she thinks the guy is too good for her. It's the same whether she meets them online or offline. The way she feels about herself affects her dating prospects, not the other way around.

 

If you are going on dates (which it seems you do, from past threads), attracting men doesn't seem to be the issue. Other than your age, can you think of other genuine factors contributing to your current state of mind?

[thefooloftheyear]

Its been my experience that older women,(40-60) are so aggressive and friggin horny, that it would seem almost impossible that any guy could say that "it's over"....Unless they want it to be???

 

TFY

[snowcones]

Its been my experience that older women,(40-60) are so aggressive and friggin horny, that it would seem almost impossible that any guy could say that "it's over"....Unless they want it to be???

 

TFY

 

 

In my case, he was begging me, and he wore me down.

[Nilfiry]

There are plenty of people into older men/women, and just as plenty mature men/women looking for people their age. For example, I am extremely flexible with the age range of people that I look at. Not finding anyone does not mean that you have no game. It just means that things have changed, so maybe you need a change of pace to make things work too.

[preraph]

It's a sad fact that with few exceptions, women of a certain age are invisible. If they're over 35, if a guy wants a family, they don't see you as a potential wife. And men your own age will still be trying to date women 10 years younger. I went through the same thing. It really started in my mid-thirties. Doesn't mean you can't find someone, but the odds do go down. I looked good even at 50, but guys aren't dating 50 year old women much. I look terrible now, and I don't care! It wasn't doing me any good working at staying pretty.

[chillii]

Last time l was single was 20s before l married. 20 years , add another 3 l did nothing for a long time after my marriage.

But there weren't as many women around as there use to be and what was were often mentally pretty damaged up or had let themselves go or nothing was working anymore or often all 3.

lt was all really disheartening thought l was screwed for awhile there.

But l did notice a few out and about that still had it together and l could see were also in a good place mentally , met some too.

l don't date didn't before wasn't starting now but l knew if l just chilled, lived, recovered from my own crap better, l'd bump into one of those sooner or later that pushed the right buttons, l'm fussy l only go for a very special and different type of girl. But among it all she came along .

 

And l've noticed so many people in forums just need to tap into themselves, find their instincts again , use them , keep the faith and get themselves right and feeling good.

They all seem to rush rush rush this stuff and date date date seems to no just waiting and honing in on who they are and just who they actually need and are drawn too.

My women was at peace and just living , she knew l was there and l'd felt the same, we were both in wait really, getting ourselve's right again, living .

 

lt's so important to find your peace, try not to be pissed off and bitter, find the calm. TBH, l think in the end 40s is a great age if your in a good place you don't need 200 people, you only need that one.

Keep the faith , things happen.

[Normm]

I hate to boast, but I have more or less stayed frozen in time - I have a few extra pounds here and there, a few greys, but my face is smooth still. Compared to a photo of me in high school I have a maturity on my face now that wasn't there when I was in high school, but I pretty much have stayed the same..

 

 

Most people believe they look the same as they did 20 years ago. Anything short of plastic surgery doesn't stop the aging process.

 

 

 

Although I get where you're coming from, I've met countless women who post pictures from 10+ years ago because they think they look the same too.

 

 

 

Just like you. I often wonder if they're intentionally deceiving their potential dating partners or they truly believe it. Posts like yours make me think the latter.

[Blanco]

I'm sliding into my mid-30s at this point and am finding that while college-aged girls are still fun to look at, a lot of them are starting to look too young for my tastes. Women closer to my age who have taken care of themselves, on the other hand, have me feeling some type of way. Problem is that a lot of those ones are married/engaged/in a LTR heading in that direction, so in terms of viable dating options, it's slim pickings.

 

If a guy is focused on building a family, then yeah, a woman in her later thirties or older is probably going to seem less enticing. But if we're talking strictly aesthetics, I think it's safe to say that women of that age and older hold more intrigue than the college-aged set for many of us.

 

One thing I need to say is that overall vibe matters a ton. I think part of what has made some of these women in their thirties more attractive to me is in how they carry themselves. They still need to have taken care of themselves physically. But while they may not have the gravity-defying bodies of their younger counterparts or they may have some stray gray hairs or hints of some fine lines forming, these women have let their added years enhance their self-confidence. And I think that's insanely attractive.