I'm too old to attract anyone

[thefooloftheyear]

That’s what I would think. I am never very good at physically demanding sports, but my past and current bfs have been much better in this area. In fact, I have always enjoyed learning from them, even though I can never be at their levels. The key is, the guy has to be willing to teach his lady, and the lady has to have some interest.

 

True, but why does that have to be an impediment to finding a partner?

 

There are a lot of things I do that I wouldn't ever expect a woman to do or even show interest in..Who cares? Does everyone need to be attached at the hip to have a successful relationship?

 

Most of the people(especially older ones) that claim to have this amazingly active life, really don't...They may do something like that a couple of times a year at best...It's often something they like to claim to give themselves an air of being "youthful"...Not saying this of anyone in particular, just been my experience..

 

I agree with CO..Just say you like someone who is active and see where the pegs align.....You don't have to list that you plan to walk the Appalachian Trail this summer or climb Kilimanjaro...

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

And what kind of a craftsman would be bitter about his tools?

 

Personally I wouldn’t be with someone who has a history of dating almost exclusively much younger girls; likewise, I would stay away from those who have dated almost exclusively women if my ethnic background. But I wouldn’t be upset at them.

 

You aren't getting the jist of the statement...I think....

 

It's to illustrate that the constant making of excuses and citing outside influences, bad luck, whatever often is a case of "blaming the tools"...People who are true craftsmen make chicken salad out of chicken shyt...and don't complain about what they did or didn't have or the conditions...

 

TFY

[JuneL]

You aren't getting the jist of the statement...I think....

<snip>

 

Oh I totally got what you’re saying. Perhaps my second paragraph shouldn’t be put there...sorry!

Edited January 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[JuneL]

Personally I agree that it’s healthy for each partner to have their own hobbies. But I’ve read enough of his posts to guess he wants someone to do those activities with HIM!

 

True, but why does that have to be an impediment to finding a partner?

 

There are a lot of things I do that I wouldn't ever expect a woman to do or even show interest in..Who cares? Does everyone need to be attached at the hip to have a successful relationship?<snip>

Edited January 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[Interstellar]

 

Sorry...no disrespect, but here you are......still here.....still waiting for Mr Wonderful to sweep you off your feet and ride off into the sunset in the S class to the house in the Hamptons...…

 

All this time, yet you let all those winners go? None of them were good enough?

 

Eh....I dunno….Forgive me for saying this, but it makes no sense...to me, anyway..

 

TFY

 

In fairness to her, she was married once so she’s not a drifter or anything. Someone had actually won her heart at some point.

[edgygirl]

Thank you for always being a decent person, interstellar.

 

Some people are not into fairness. They seem to have an agenda / set way of thinking about certain things and cannot see anything beyond their own beliefs. If people are not willing to learn something from other’s experiences, I wonder what they are even doing on LS.

 

The funny thing is although I do want a man with a professional life, as I have a graduate degree and a career myself, I could care less about a fricking house in the Hamptons, or money. What draws me is personality, drive and brains. But this guy only sees what he wants to see.

 

The ONLY reason I mentioned the professions of men I do go on dates with is because the same person implied they MUST be losers or looking for sex to be dating someone in their 40s :S But then my words were used to imply I’m a gold digger... LOL.

 

And how exactly he knows the quality of men online, is he checking them out on bumble or going on dates with them? LOL. He seems pretty straight to me so I doubt it. Pre conceptions abound...

 

Seriously how can someone keep being such a bully here? Not often seen or usual at LS.

 

In fairness to her, she was married once so she’s not a drifter or anything. Someone had actually won her heart at some point.

[thefooloftheyear]

Thank you for always being a decent person, interstellar.

 

Some people are not into fairness. They seem to have an agenda / set way of thinking about certain things and cannot see anything beyond their own beliefs. If people are not willing to learn something from other’s experiences, I wonder what they are even doing on LS.

This type of venue is about opinions...If you want to hear only what you want to hear, then there really is no point, right?? people just sharing their own life experiences...Sometimes they align with yours and sometimes they don't...It's has nothing to do with "fairness"...

 

The funny thing is although I do want a man with a professional life, as I have a graduate degree and a career myself, I could care less about a fricking house in the Hamptons, or money. What draws me is personality, drive and brains. But this guy only sees what he wants to see.

I made a statement(mostly tongue in cheek), because all you were doing is listing the guys as if you were an HR rep...Now you don't care...OK ...whatever..

 

The ONLY reason I mentioned the professions of men I do go on dates with is because the same person implied they MUST be losers or looking for sex to be dating someone in their 40s :S But then my words were used to imply I’m a gold digger... LOL.

Never did I say MUST, nor did I call you a gold digger...

 

And how exactly he knows the quality of men online, is he checking them out on bumble or going on dates with them? LOL. He seems pretty straight to me so I doubt it. Pre conceptions abound...

I don't know anything about OLD...But I know a lot of professional and accomplished men in your age group.....And forgive me for saying this, all of them mock it, think it's embarrassing, and even for the fact that they don't want it to be known by the public that they are out there looking for dates online...It's not seen as something that accomplished guys do and it's thought of as "bush league" for these types. .Not to mention that finding good women at this age is a lot easier for guys in this age group with real appeal....Just walking around and in daily life/business..

 

 

Seriously how can someone keep being such a bully here? Not often seen or usual at LS.

 

Sorry if you find my style abrasive...I don't intend it to be...

 

TFY

Edited January 18, 2019 by thefooloftheyear

[Ruby Slippers]

Some people are just different, in different ways. Some of us don't fit in the typical boxes. It's going to be harder for us to find a compatible partner we can live with.

 

edgygirl, I feel you! I know my attachment style is somewhat avoidant as well, and it's mainly a defense mechanism established in childhood due to poor parenting. Knowledge is power!

 

Eternal Sunshine, I feel you, too! I know you see my positive focus approach as somewhat delusional, and maybe it is. I just know that I feel 1,000 times better when I believe there's the chance I'll meet someone cool. Of course it could be a long shot. But I'm not afraid to take the long shots. I often make them, and it's amazing every time. I tried your giving up approach, and though I may try it again someday, at the time, I found it quite depressing for me. One size doesn't fit all.

 

One cool quality about people like this is we're survivors. We learn to adapt and find ways to enjoy life in spite of the circumstances.

 

Of course women's sexual market value declines as we get older. It happens to men, too, just later, once their sexual function starts to decline. None of us completely escape the toll of aging.

 

The main point I always wanted to make here is that it's possible to love and be loved at any age.

 

An even more reassuring thought to me is that it's always possible to love friends and family, and loving in those circles has a way of spreading beyond to embrace more love all around.

[some_username1]

I don't know anything about OLD...But I know a lot of professional and accomplished men in your age group.....And forgive me for saying this, all of them mock it, think it's embarrassing, and even for the fact that they don't want it to be known by the public that they are out there looking for dates online...It's not seen as something that accomplished guys do and it's thought of as "bush league" for these types. .Not to mention that finding good women at this age is a lot easier for guys in this age group with real appeal....Just walking around and in daily life/business..

 

 

The phrase "poacher turned gamekeeper" springs to mind!

 

Edit: reading it again I might have misinterpreted the context - initial reading made it sound like these guys were still using OLD and hoping to go undetected, but on second reading it sounds vague as to whether that is the case...

Edited January 18, 2019 by some_username1

[goth-gal]

Many men specially in their late 40s/50s are ashamed of using OLD as they probably never used it, specially the divorced ones. Doesn't mean males who use it are less than... I don't get the logic whatsoever. I also date men in their 40s and there are plenty of quality men online. I see some "new" ones excusing themselves for using OLD, and it's clear they thought it was lame before they joined. It sounds a bit hilarious. We're in 2019. I know even a famous politician found love online about 10 years ago. It's not shameful or for people who can't find anything in real life. It's just one more venue to try to find love. Thinking otherwise is quite retrograde.

Edited January 18, 2019 by goth-gal

[thefooloftheyear]

Many men specially in their late 40s/50s are ashamed of using OLD as they probably never used it, specially the divorced ones. Doesn't mean males who use it are less than... I don't get the logic whatsoever. I also date men in their 40s and there are plenty of quality men online. I see some "new" ones excusing themselves for using OLD, and it's clear they thought it was lame before they joined. It sounds a bit hilarious. We're in 2019. I know even a famous politician found love online about 10 years ago. It's not shameful or for people who can't find anything in real life. It's just one more venue to try to find love. Thinking otherwise is quite retrograde.

 

 

Yes, but now you are seeing what I am talking about...

 

It's kinda like Facebook...Of the guys I know my age who use Facebook and use it regularly, most are immature, stupid looking, asshats, that no woman would be interested in....I have a business FB page, so by default I have one, but if I didn't, I wouldn't ...Yes, there are some "good" guys with a FB page, but they really never use it....It's just "there"....

 

You can't discount what these guys are saying-even though you don't get it.....If you are getting that reaction from the ones you interact with, can you imagine the sheer amount that actually are out there, available, and will NEVER dip their toes in that pool? Enormous....

 

Conversely, the first thing any woman I know that's single., recently divorced, etc. does is put her mug on dating sites...That's why I believe many woman in this age group struggle with this venue and bemoan the lack of quality guys on there....You are seeing it first hand...

 

TFY

[chillii]

Yeah l remember back when l went on one, date sites came up in convo with a few people in my world, women and men, ahh , no l didn't mention l was on one .

And l remember the women saying about any women on them ahh, full of desperado's and crazy b@tches and any of the guys wouldn't even consider it they all preferred pubs and clubs and RL, seein the goods and no bs , and not that l could blame them either.

l had my pics on private and put in a different area on mine, if ex w ever found out l'd never live it down.

 

FB , ha, yeah l can't believe anyone above 16 even considers it myself but my god , l'm amazed at just who bothers with that rubbish. Just about anyone l know or ever meet, especially women, not so much guys but some surprise me when they bring it up.

l do have a dummy account but that's only to keep an eye on my daughter and the boys haha.

You'd have to pay my gf to go on it only then would she even consider it.

But eh , it's suppose to be better than date sites these days for meeting soooo, l do suppose there's an ex gf or two from back in the day l wouldn't mind checkin out if l was inclined.

Edited January 19, 2019 by chillii

[JuneL]

From the above few posts, it sounds like (older) men do use OLD, just that they don't want to admit it to save face. I had 3 weeks of OLD experience, and I remember receiving a message from a man without any pictures on his profile. He told me that he's in a very senior position (in finance), and that a lot of his younger subordinates were on the dating site then, so he didn't want them to see him there...I could only conclude he's either married or too timid for me

[chillii]

A very assuming conclusion cutting of your nose to spite your face because sure possible married or anything but crazy not to keep an open mind until you actually know.

l;d be none of those things but l had very good other reasons l didn't mention, not to plaster my pics all over it. But anyone l messaged or that messaged me could automatically see my pics instantly.

 

And l saw 100s of women with no pics and many mentioning work or reasons. l talked to quite a few and l met two of them and they were legit. And anyone l met understood mine on private too because l go for like minded women.

My site had private pics or public and most were happy for you to see their pics privately and l get it l'm a private person myself but also that their can also be other very good reasons.

Edited January 19, 2019 by chillii

[JuneL]

A very assuming conclusion cutting of your nose to spite your face because sure possible married or anything but crazy not to keep an open mind until you actually know.

 

Relax, guy:laugh: It's just OLD 101: You're going to lose some prospects if you don't post pictures online! Just like many men would assume a woman is fat if she doesn't post full body pictures.

[chillii]

Oops , l messed this one up but yeah sure l would've missed out on a few but l didn;t care about them .

l also wanted people to actually read my crap too not just look at my pic.

ps def' get the lack of full body pics thing l was amazed back when at how many had 10 head shots.

Edited January 19, 2019 by chillii

[sabaton]

Some people are just different, in different ways. Some of us don't fit in the typical boxes. It's going to be harder for us to find a compatible partner we can live with.

And it gets harder as we grow older and we get set in our ways. I remember dating a girl 10 years ago whose mother told me that the older women and men become, the less interested they become in marriage/living together because we grow accostumed to living life like we want to live it.

 

Co-habitation, marriage and serious romantic relationships add a whole new dimension to life. Now you're only dating that women. You're dating her family and her friends, and her problems and desires and requirements, which is why lots of people just prefer to stay single these days. We no longer need another person in our lives to survive and to thrive, and that allows us freedom of choice.

 

That's a good thing.

 

edgygirl, I feel you! I know my attachment style is somewhat avoidant as well, and it's mainly a defense mechanism established in childhood due to poor parenting. Knowledge is power!

No, that's not it. Sadly we live in a society that tells you that if you aren't married or co-habitating or having kids by a certain age, there's gotta be something wrong with you. My mother's lady friends are always trying to introduce to me their daughters or their grandaugthers, and women I knew who were already adults with their own families when I was a boy/teenager, ask frequently if I have a girlfriend and when I say no, they ask me why.

 

People either assume you suffer from commitment issues or they reckon you are into men, when you aren't into men, and when you don't suffer from commitment issues.

 

It's not the way my parents raised me, it isn't my parents marriage what got me stingy about living with someone or getting married, and it's certainly not what's keeping me from having kids.

 

My parents have a very happy marriage, a marriage that has lasted 40 years and counting. My parents are in their 60s. How many couples getting married today are going to stay married 10 years from now? Let alone 40?

 

I enjoy coming home to peace and quiet. I enjoy living alone. And I enjoy meeting different women every year and just enjoying my life that way. Without the responsabilities and demands that would be bestowed upon me by a serious girlfriend/co-habitation wife/legal wife.

 

Does that mean there's something wrong with me? Of course not. But because of the mindset of this conservative, outdated, Christian-society, many of the women I meet either call me fucboi or commitment-phobic, and that's sad and it hurts me.

 

Of course women's sexual market value declines as we get older. It happens to men, too, just later, once their sexual function starts to decline. None of us completely escape the toll of aging.

No. Women are indeed at their most physical(they're naturally thin and pretty and feminine) and emotional(no ex-boyfriends, or very few. No heartbreaks or a few) attractive when they are 18-22 and they're certainly at their most natural and highest fertility while they're in their late teens to their early 20s - but women, at least the women who take care of their physical looks and their have charming, ''girly'' personalities, will neverl lack for eligible men who want to date them.

 

A man's sexual function doesn't mean much, as men are at their most physical attractive when they are 18-25, with naturally atheletic builds, wrinkless fresh fraces, and a head full of thick hair. As they begin to age past the age of 25, many men begin to have thinning hair, their hairline recedes, they become overweight, and obviously their sexual prowess and virgility decreases and they're no longer at 30-35 the bull of a man they were at 18-22.

 

Men can indeed get women pregnant when they are older, but the thing is that research strongly suggests a man's sperm quality begins to decrease steadily starting at the age of 30-35. The point of making a baby is to make a strong, healthy baby. An older man's chances of producing a son who is autistic, mentally ill, or physically defective increase the older he becomes.

 

Maybe if the 30-50 year old man mates and reproduces with a 20 year old woman the chances of having healthy offspring increases somewhat, but as a nightclub/bar/music bartender who's been working in the industry for the past 10 years - most young [women] are not sexually attracted to older men. Although it is quite funny to see them try their luck with women who are much younger than them.

Edited January 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix typo

[nospam99]

From the above few posts, it sounds like (older) men do use OLD, just that they don't want to admit it to save face.

 

Rewind, play.

 

I'm an 'older' man. I use OLD. My family knows. I don't discuss it with friends or co-workers. But if my 'love life' came up in conversation, I'd 'admit it' (admit? is OLD a crime???). I have no face to save.

 

I don't drink. My 'social contacts' are pretty much limited to meetups where I think it would be tacky to hit on the women who are there, at least nominally, for the activity rather than to meet men. So OLD 'prescreens' potential dating partners in ways that 'meeting organically' doesn't. People lie IRL ('Everybody lies', Gregory House) as well as on OLD. So aside from that universal risk of a lie, before even meeting her, OLD provides me:

- the woman is single and interested in finding a romantic partner

- her age, location, appearance, interests, and as much (or as little) about her personality as I can determine or guess from what she's written in her profile

 

I'm optimistically looking forward to a (rare for my age) speed dating event scheduled for next month. Having done one before, I note that the risk of lies is even less when your first meeting with a person is face-to-face rather than online. Speed dating has the advantage of the in-person meeting. It has the disadvantage of happening (for me) only once or twice each year (If I was 54 instead of 64, it would be once a month). OLD has the advantage of 'being there' 24/7.

[sabaton]

I find it really gross to think that most 40 year old dudes that do OLD spend most time messaging women in early 20s

That has more bearing on the man's level of aesthetics,(how wide his shoulders are, how straight and white his teeth are, how clear and tanned his skin is, how tall he is, how high his cheekbones are etc) as in how much he has kept his boyish good looks as he became old, and/or how rich he is, rather than his age being ''icky to younger women. Many, most women are certainly not attracted to older men, but there are still quite a few who don't care that he's older, as long as he's hot enough or rich enough.

 

Back in college, we had this 21 year old woman(most of the women were naturally hot, but this one was helllla hottt): 5'9''130lbs, all of her body weight was on the right places, flat stomach, very pretty face, great smile and hair.

 

Naturally all of the 18-25 years old men wanted to get with her. But she ended up dating one of our classmates who was 38 years old.

 

He was 6'3'' 210lbs at 8% body fat, a face like Ryan Gosling and still had a full head of strong dark hair, whereas the vast majority of the young men in our classroom were pretty scrawny, still has that weak jawline teenagers have, still took weeks to grow a little stubble, and were insecure about themselves. Which this guy wasn't. At all.

 

I also met young attractive women in their early 20s who were dating plain-looking middle-aged men who compensated for what they lack in looks and masculinity with money, cars, houses and restaurants and shops.

 

Yes, the women who slept with them weren't sexually attracted to them, but some women(and men) have different priorities in life, and are more than open to a business-like ''romantic'' relationship.

 

It's not about age, as I'm an old man(twenty-eight) and I mostly date and hook-up with conventionally attractive(Spaniards/Germans/Italians/Portuguese/Iranian/Angolan/Brazilian women) women who are 18-22. Because I don't smoke, I don't drink, I eat clean, and I got lucky with having parents who are naturally youthful - I ended up at 28 looking like I'm 18.

 

It's more of the mental factor that anything else. If most men in their 30s and 40s looked like they are in their early 20s, young women would be far more likely to give them a chance. It's just sad you know, that most young men just lose their aesthetics as they grow old(Into their 30s), and that's what causes young women to reject them, for the most part.

 

So, the reason why there are 40s men hitting on women who are 20 years younger than them is because sometimes they get lucky. Not any different from me at the age of 20 sending shirtless pictures to random girls to find girls who just wanted to get laid.

 

Yes but he needs to be realistic too, he is finding younger women in their 50s are not interested in him (64yo M), and he is putting great expectations onto 62yo+ women who may be interested, expectations that are getting him into needle in a haystack territory.

It's not his age. It's his aesthetics. If he looks his age, younger women are not going to want to be with him. My dad's in his 60s, and he still gets approached/flirted with/has very obvious signals of interest from women sent his way, from attractive women who are 10, 20 years younger than him. Because he looks good and youngish despite his elderly age, and now that he's retired and always at the gym pulling seriously heavy iron when he's not going to parties and going on holidays with my mother - he gets even a lot more female attention from attractive, younger women.

 

I also guess at 62yo+ many will already know what it is like to be a "sports widow", hence why I guess shopping, drives in the country and going to the theatre are preferred as they involve close companionship and communication...

What is a ''sports widow''? Edited January 19, 2019 by sabaton

[JuneL]

Sorry for this off-topic post, but...

 

Sabaton: Would you mind making your posts a lot more concise? I assume I am not the only person who is turned off by the walls of text in every single one of your posts

[sabaton]

Rewind, play.

 

I'm an 'older' man. I use OLD. My family knows. I don't discuss it with friends or co-workers. But if my 'love life' came up in conversation, I'd 'admit it' (admit? is OLD a crime???). I have no face to save.

 

I don't drink. My 'social contacts' are pretty much limited to meetups where I think it would be tacky to hit on the women who are there, at least nominally, for the activity rather than to meet men. So OLD 'prescreens' potential dating partners in ways that 'meeting organically' doesn't. People lie IRL ('Everybody lies', Gregory House) as well as on OLD. So aside from that universal risk of a lie, before even meeting her, OLD provides me:

- the woman is single and interested in finding a romantic partner

- her age, location, appearance, interests, and as much (or as little) about her personality as I can determine or guess from what she's written in her profile

 

I'm optimistically looking forward to a (rare for my age) speed dating event scheduled for next month. Having done one before, I note that the risk of lies is even less when your first meeting with a person is face-to-face rather than online. Speed dating has the advantage of the in-person meeting. It has the disadvantage of happening (for me) only once or twice each year (If I was 54 instead of 64, it would be once a month). OLD has the advantage of 'being there' 24/7.

 

Yes, but being physically fit and active compared to how inactive and out of shape is still not going to make you sexually attractive to women who are 10 years younger than you on itself - unless you're looking to date unattractive women who just happen to be young?

 

Do you have a full head of hair? Is it still thick? Is your hairline receding? Thinning? Do you have labio-nasal wrinkles?(mouth lines) Are your crows feet(wrinkles when you smile) deep?

 

Is your skin youthful? Your age shouldn't be keeping you from attracting younger women IF you got the rest of the equation solved. 65 year old Richard Gere could still go for women 20 years younger than him even if he was just a baker. 60 year old George Clooney could do the same.

 

How do you fare in terms of facial and hairline aesthetics compared to those two senior-age men?

[sabaton]

Sorry for this off-topic post, but...

 

Sabaton: Would you mind making your posts a lot more concise? I assume I am not the only person who is turned off by the walls of text in every single one of your posts

 

 

Sure bro, I don't mind doing that. I'm still getting used to writing on a forum and all that formatting stuff and other stuff.

[JuneL]

Sure bro, I don't mind doing that. I'm still getting used to writing on a forum and all that formatting stuff and other stuff.

 

Thank you. Btw, I'm a sis

[sabaton]

Thank you. Btw, I'm a sis

 

 

online(outside of tinder), we are all bros and bros lol

[Wallysbears]

Yes, but being physically fit and active compared to how inactive and out of shape is still not going to make you sexually attractive to women who are 10 years younger than you on itself - unless you're looking to date unattractive women who just happen to be young?

 

Do you have a full head of hair? Is it still thick? Is your hairline receding? Thinning? Do you have labio-nasal wrinkles?(mouth lines) Are your crows feet(wrinkles when you smile) deep?

 

Is your skin youthful? Your age shouldn't be keeping you from attracting younger women IF you got the rest of the equation solved. 65 year old Richard Gere could still go for women 20 years younger than him even if he was just a baker. 60 year old George Clooney could do the same.

 

How do you fare in terms of facial and hairline aesthetics compared to those two senior-age men?

 

Dude....you are 28.

 

Come back to this conversation in a decade LOL