I'm too old to attract anyone

[Eternal Sunshine]

Is it a problem for "older women" in general or is it just more of a problem for those men and women who find themselves "eternally single"?

 

Seems to me older "singles" who have been married or have been in LTRs, are looking for people in similar circumstances to themselves, as opposed to seeking out those older men and women who have never been in LTRs, who have had a string of STRs, who have lived for a long time alone, who have adopted a very single way of life, who are perpetual daters, who are forever looking in vain for Mr/Miss Right...

 

I have been in LTRs, last one was with someone I lived with in early 30s.

 

However, what is true is that when dating my strong preference was men that had no children. I would assume that women that had marriages and children have no such preference. I have dated men with children and the drama and unresolved issues with ex wives were too much for me. I personally see a man that is close to my age and has no ex wives/children as my equal. He sees a woman in his 20s as his equal. Unfortunately, these men had no problem dating me for sex for up to 6 months at a time (as a FWB they would keep me forever if they could).

 

Regardless of my personal observations, I don’t really get why people don’t accept that woman’s value in the dating market goes way down after 35. It’s the opposite for men. This is backed up by so much scientific evidence, why get so offended? I don’t get all the personal attacks.

Edited January 15, 2019 by Eternal Sunshine

[kgreenwood09]

you get men after you, just not eligible ones...

 

 

Well, I do, anyway, aged 66.

 

 

 

Also, at 46 or so, one week my popularity was ok, next week it had gone; just one wrinkle too many developed, also, my mouth's corners just grew too droopy to look inviting any more, and my eyes were no longer round but were/are a bit hawk like, as a cynic would look, and I have those two lines vertical between my brows, so I seem frowny...

 

 

 

I was feeling the same way too and my boyfriend (Dan ) cheated on me , dumped me 5 months ago for another town girl with big ass . My whole life almost ended .I cried , lost integrity , all my project stopped , i was sick for 2 months . I wanted to forget him but i love him and dont want to loose him , we have dated for 6 years and He is all i could call a true best friend and best in all , the man that handle my problems perfectly , the man that sacrifices for my happiness . I wanted him back in my life .I was so confused . My uncle told me to buy books about relationships before marriage so i went online for relationship books while i came across a spell caster called "Dr. Dread". I read about him , 1092 reviews and testimonies so i contacted him immediately, explained my problems to him . After 3 days , He casted a spell for me and assured me of 2 days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married , He proposed . This can save your marriage or relationship too, please feel free to write me .

[elaine567]

Using data from 200,000 people on OkCupid, Walsh takes on these men who overestimate their appeal to younger women and gives them a good old-fashioned scientific smackdown, concluding: Mean male sexual value over 30 year period: 40.0

Mean female sexual value over 30 year period: 39.9

By this unbiased calculation of actual data, the male and female of the species exhibit the same sexual market value.

 

 

Using actual data instead of made up stuff, the mean sexual values of men and women are both essentially the same.

[amaysngrace]

Using actual data instead of made up stuff, the mean sexual values of men and women are both essentially the same.

 

I guess it’s all perception based on personal experience then.

 

Who’da thunk it?

[Juha]

Using actual data instead of made up stuff, the mean sexual values of men and women are both essentially the same.

 

It is is good to see the data but as we all know numbers can be skewed

to whatever the researcher wants them to be.

 

In what I see day in and day out that is not true...

[some_username1]

Using actual data instead of made up stuff, the mean sexual values of men and women are both essentially the same.

 

From the actual OK Cupid article (humourously titled "the case for the older woman")

 

"This second chart also contains something very peculiar that we didn’t see at all in men. Notice the vertical stripes at ages 20 and 29. These color discontinuities indicate dramatic changes in a woman’s dating mentality: when a women turns 20 she decides it’s okay to message significantly older men (i.e. the upper reaches of the chart suddenly become less red). At 29, a woman becomes even more open to older men"

 

"More open to older men" = 45 year old men.

[littleblackheart]

No idea about marketability and what factors come into measuring 'sexual value' of people, but logic says the more you date, the more you will meet people you are not compatible with.

 

Add specific requirements to that, and dating someone you already know is a bad fit out of desperation, and this will go tenfold.

 

All you can do is know what you want and know yourself.

 

Those who don't want to deal with kids may have more options in certain locations or at a later stage in life, when kids are grown. Now is not forever.

[amaysngrace]

However, what is true is that when dating my strong preference was men that had no children. I would assume that women that had marriages and children have no such preference.

 

This is not true for me. I had a baby when I was engaged but decided not to marry him. Then I met and married a man with no kids. I had two children with him, divorced him, and dated two men without children afterwards. One was long term, six years. I told my exH while we were divorcing that he should try to date women without children for the same reasons that it was my preference, it was better for my children to have their needs met by every adult without having to compete for it.

 

To this day my younger two have more love in their hearts for her, the ex-stepmom, than they do their own dad even though they’re now divorced. I’m not sure if it would be that way if she had children of her own.

 

So yea, some women with children, and men too, prefer childless partners. I am one of them although now it doesn’t matter since my children are young adults.

[some_username1]

It is is good to see the data but as we all know numbers can be skewed

to whatever the researcher wants them to be.

 

In what I see day in and day out that is not true...

 

The danger of using a single source as gospel is that I think we would need to see more demographic information and understand how representative it is of society/OLD as a whole. OK Cupid was not the only dating service around at that time and each one catered to a certain section of society. It is worth noting that Match was a competitor of OK cupid in 2010 and they both catered to different crowds.

 

My question is: would Match's data (the relationship platform which is full of women looking for a provider) support, or negate, the OK Cupid findings?

 

I would wager older men being significantly more popular on Match, than OK Cupid but that is just my guess based on the different crowds both sites were aimed at.

[elaine567]

I think it may be location dependent.

I rarely see or know of any couples who are in age gap relationships.

I have a feeling there is not enough glamorous wealth here to attract young women to older guys. People who get divorced, generally date/remarry people approx their own age.

 

One couple, 30 year age gap were outliers I guess. He wasn't wealthy and she wasn't hot, just a bit plain and homely. They shared a hobby/interest/business, which then developed into marriage... he from being very fit and healthy quite rapidly aged and she was then a carer and ultimately a widow...

[JuneL]

This is not true for me. I had a baby when I was engaged but decided not to marry him. Then I met and married a man with no kids. I had two children with him, divorced him, and dated two men without children afterwards. One was long term, six years.<snip> .

 

Only a few years ago (when I was still below 35 and wanted my own kids), there was no way I would date a man with kids. But if I have to go on the market again, I’ll be 40 or above, it’d be extremely unlikely for me to consider a guy who is never married and has no kids. The guys that I know who fall into this group (and who are 40+ and straight) are either a peter pan or a player. I would go for a man with older (1-2) kids like at least 15-yo. I tend to be attracted to men a few years older (less than 10), so it’s entirely feasible to find a man with older kids when I’m 40+. Don’t get me wrong, I love small kids. In fact, I’m super close to my little nephew and niece. But precisely because I’ve been involved in their lives, I know how much time and effort it takes to be a parent of small kids.

Edited January 15, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[chillii]

Yeah kids are a huge thing as ya get older. big problem back in the single days because the girls either had 2 or 3 or even more younger kids or older kids with new babies to now or you name it.

l've only got one daughter nearly 18 so although l love kids my time is done and l ain't goin back for more with hers.

Got lucky , my gf only has one grown son nothin to worry about hassle free lives in another state too haha ,, and so she's still got a great body too, not to write down her many other qualities but so all in all l'm a very happy cookie because when l look back , l could've been saddled with a whole new tribe of them if l wasn't careful

Edited January 15, 2019 by chillii

[thefooloftheyear]

Using actual data instead of made up stuff, the mean sexual values of men and women are both essentially the same.

 

"Using data from 200,000 people on OkCupid, Walsh takes on these men who overestimate their appeal to younger women and gives them a good old-fashioned scientific smackdown, concluding: Mean male sexual value over 30 year period: 40.0"

 

 

 

Lends just more credence for the thought and my experience that guys at that age that are in demand and have no problem finding women on the street, aren't using OLD.....So, that fact alone could be skewing the numbers enormously.....02

 

TFY

[brigit87]

but Gen X women are the best.

 

That is so true.

[chillii]

Don't even know what a gen x woman is damn label for everything now , what is that a 40s woman, if so yep l agree , for once haha.

 

 

ps , this is all quite funny though , MC's accidentally created a monster and the arguing will probably still be goin on in 20 years, longest thread in history haha= and she'll be long gone and married off with 13 kids.

Edited January 16, 2019 by chillii

[Eternal Sunshine]

It’s not about sex appeal. It’s about relationship appeal. Women wanting to settle down aren’t dating older men for their looks/sexiness.

[brigit87]

Don't even know what a gen x woman is damn label for everything now

 

From Wikipedia:

 

"Many researchers and demographers continue to use dates which correspond to the strict fertility-patterns in the population, which results in a Generation X starting-date of 1965, such as Pew Research Center which uses a range of 1965–1980,[18] MetLife which uses 1965–1976,[5] Australia's McCrindle Research Center which uses 1965–1979,[19] and Gallup which also uses 1965–1979.[20]"

 

So if you were born between 1965-1979 you're Gen X.

 

If you've watched "The Breakfast Club" about 20 times; you're Gen X.

 

If you know what the term "slacker" means, you're Gen X.

 

Etc.

 

In any case, OP if you're Gen X then you probably look much younger than your age and know how cool life was prior to Facebook. Lots of men like that. Social media has make our culture very boring.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Here is the full, bleak data from OKC statistics on age of women and men and dating options:

 

 

https://theblog.okcupid.com/the-case-for-an-older-woman-99d8cabacdf5

 

 

To sum up this article, women's looks don't change much between 25 and 35 (like a lot of women on here said) but their dating options do. So it's not about beauty, it truly is about "younger woman" when it comes to men's preferences.

 

 

 

Here are some key quotes, fully backed up by millions of data points:

 

 

"A man, as he gets older, searches for relatively younger and younger women"

 

 

"As you can see, men tend to focus on the youngest women in their already skewed preference pool, and, what’s more, they spend a significant amount of energy pursuing women even younger than their stated minimum."

 

 

"Women show an admirable openness to both reasonably younger and reasonably older men. Notice also how a woman’s actual messaging activity, shown in the heat map below, is roughly centered on her own age."

 

 

"Statistically speaking, a woman’s desirability peaks at 21."

 

 

"At the graph’s outer edge, at age 48, men are nearly twice as sought-after as women."

 

 

"In other words, given that nobody is drop-dead gorgeous or drop-dead hideous, your average 25 year-old woman is roughly as good-looking as your average 35 year-old."

 

I rest my case.

[brigit87]

"Statistically speaking, a woman’s desirability peaks at 21."

 

 

"At the graph’s outer edge, at age 48, men are nearly twice as sought-after as women."

 

OK Cupid isn't a great source for scientific information. In any case, dating after the age 30 is hard for women. Yes. But many women after the age of 30 got married. My grandmother was in her 70's when she married her last husband. I think women who don't have good "flirting" skills find dating the hardest.

 

I'm 50, if my husband left me today I'd be crushed. In a month I'd probably have a new boyfriend and a month later a marriage proposal.

 

Stop blaming your age. Start developing your desirability skills.

[elaine567]

But you don't need "men", you only need one man.

Are some "men" going to chase after 21yos? Yes.

Are some women going to chase after multi-millionaires? Yes.

BUT that doesn't mean everyone else needs to curl up and die...

[LastStraw]

The OK Cupid “research” is so laughable ... 25 yo and 35 yo in 99.99% of the cases look so vastly different there is no comparison... even if 35 yo avoided somehow the inevitable wrinkles and pounds, the tiredness in the eyes can’t be hidden ....

 

But desirability is not direct function of looks. I still stand that my options increased with age, drastically. Not because my looks improved lol, but it’s a fact.

 

The reason men avoid older women is obviously because of fertility decline and/or desire of older women to ‘trap’ the guy with baby/marriage ASAP. For women that do NOT play these games and men that has already had children and don’t want more, age is irrelevant considering the woman looks good (good, not young).

[some_username1]

The OK Cupid “research” is so laughable ... 25 yo and 35 yo in 99.99% of the cases look so vastly different there is no comparison... even if 35 yo avoided somehow the inevitable wrinkles and pounds, the tiredness in the eyes can’t be hidden ....

 

But desirability is not direct function of looks. I still stand that my options increased with age, drastically. Not because my looks improved lol, but it’s a fact.

 

The reason men avoid older women is obviously because of fertility decline and/or desire of older women to ‘trap’ the guy with baby/marriage ASAP. For women that do NOT play these games and men that has already had children and don’t want more, age is irrelevant considering the woman looks good (good, not young).

 

Yep. Go on Tinder and go through 30 25yo profiles and 30 35yo profiles and then come back and tell me there is no difference even amongst the average to less than average.

 

As I've said before though, the good news for older women (40+) is that if you have grest looking skin and retain an air of class you should massively increase your options because from.what I see on (Tindrr at least) it is incredible how older women have no idea how to market themselves so they are better than the competition. It honestly looks like most of them have given up trying to make themselves look appealing. I will concede that after a load of kids you might be past the point of trying to make yourself look attractive and the men are probably not much better- but it's a dating site so if you can't be bothered to put your best foot forward don't be surprised if your options are a reflection of the image of yourself that you advertise.

[thefooloftheyear]

I really am surprised that women find this so shocking....It's a well known fact that women seek security and men seek looks/ sex appeal...While there is a lot of grey area under the curve, those are the generally accepted guidelines..

 

So what usually happens as we age? Men get more wealth, better career, more stuff(security appeal rises), and woman get less attractive, less sexy, etc(looks and sex appeal sinks)....

 

So the tables do actually turn..But that doesn't mean gloom and doom for women and a bonanza for guys...Like I said, a lot of grey area here..

 

And understand, I don't care what the socioeconomic conditions are for men...Due to the type of businesses I have run, I gotten a chance to know very well a wide variety of guys from regular blue collar Joe's, to highly educated power type guys, to CEO's of huge corporations, etc...They all like the same thing...They want as sexy of a woman they can get who is reasonably intelligent and isn't a pain in the ass...Career, what she makes or doesn't make, has or doesn't have isn't of any major concern...In fact, its less of a concern among the older guys...They have all they want and will never outlive their money anyway..I know a few older guys that are multi millionaires that have girlfriends that either barely work or have very low level jobs..But they all look pretty good...That they all have in common..

 

Here are the main obstacles for those searching..

 

• Plenty of really good guys will NEVER leave their bad marriages...that's why they have affairs and don't leave..And their wives wind up usually taking them back..Or even if they don't go the infidelity route they wind up becoming absorbed in hobbies or hang out at the local pub bending elbows with the other sorry souls there..Women will generally leave bad marriages...More so than men do, because they lack the ability to compartmentalize their lives the same way men do..And in many cases have a lot less to lose(at least initially) ..Most of the divorced couples I know the woman stays in the house with the kids, while the guy winds up in a horrible little apt, because that's all they can afford without blowing the kids lives up..
  
• Women who have aged a bit and spent their time climbing the corporate ladder often lose that "softness and femininity" that drives men to them..They take their aggressive style and "chip on the shoulder attitude" home with them. Its effective in the workplace, but not so much when trying to attract a good man.. They wear their hair short, wear flat shoes and un stylish clothing, etc...I get it...It's just easier than the other way around when trying to get out there and mix it up with the rest of the working stiffs out there...
  
• I'll say it again....Most Good and desireable guys aren't using OLD...Not all mind you, but just think about it...If you had all kinds of options just living your life, why would even bother with that venue?? I mean no disrespect to guys that are currently using it, and if you are having success, great..The sooner women who fail on OLD realize this fact the faster they will understand that the guy they are looking for probably isn't there among all of them...Its almost like fishing for Largemouth Bass in the Atlantic Ocean..
  
• Lastly, you would be surprised at the amount of men as they age, that if they become sexually dysfunctional or have so low testosterone, lose all desire to enter a relationship with a woman or even do anything about it...These could actually be "top shelf" prospects for many women, but they wont bother even entering the game...They stay content just going about their lives...I have a few friends in this category...They actually comment that their lives are actually much more easy going than before when they were constantly driven by the urge to get their dicks wet and all that surrounds that experience..
  

All these factors combine to make it a difficult go for women as they age when lookin

 

 

 

So what is my best advise? Make yourself as attractive as you can be....Spend some money on yourself...Get a boob job if your tits look horrible or just need a lift or shape....Get a trainer and get in shape..maybe grow your hair out a bit, You can wear it up while at working.. Maybe do some facial rejuvenation(botox etc)..Get your nails done regularly and wear stylish shoes...You would be amazed at how great a pair of legs can look with the right shoes..If you don't have the cash for it, then I would even consider dipping into retirement account...Its an investment in yourself, after all...

 

If all of this isn't you, or its not worth it for you or you think its ridiculous, then don't do it..Period...Just a thought, anyway...I wish you all the best.

 

 

TFY

[elaine567]

As I've said before though, the good news for older women (40+) is that if you have grest looking skin and retain an air of class you should massively increase your options because from.what I see on (Tindrr at least) it is incredible how older women have no idea how to market themselves so they are better than the competition. It honestly looks like most of them have given up trying to make themselves look appealing. I will concede that after a load of kids you might be past the point of trying to make yourself look attractive and the men are probably not much better- but it's a dating site so if you can't be bothered to put your best foot forward don't be surprised if your options are a reflection of the image of yourself that you advertise.

 

 

I guess most of these women are not wanting to attract superficial guys who are all about image, who are looking for bikini bodies and sex.

They are looking for "dad" types who are going to make good fathers for their kids and good companions and husbands for themselves.

If you are looking for a "dad" then you need to look like a "mom"

 

It works, but not if you look like a mom or dad and you want to attract those with filmstar good looks.

[elaine567]

I know a few older guys that are multi millionaires that have girlfriends that either barely work or have very low level jobs..But they all look pretty good...That they all have in common..

 

 

One cannot base "life" on these older guys though, surely?

They only attract good looking women because of their bank balance.

Your average older Joe isn't going to attract good looking women, unless he has an obvious talent, has the gift of the gab or is none too fussy about the type of girl he dates... the crazies, the addicts... etc.