The importance of appearance on starting and maintaining relationships

[jaimepn]

I am in a process of my wife leaving me because "she needs some alone time". And I know pretty well how this is ending. With predatory males providing a shoulder to cry on (and a bit more) like vultures.

 

I did nothing wrong apart from being incredibly short 5'5 or 1,65m.

It's been a few years since I started noticing that she was a bit embarrassed by that

 

- At least that's the reason why I think she doesn't post photos with me on Instagram with the excuse that "only couples with problems do that, to mask something". However, she'd happily post photos with friends and work colleagues.

 

- Few months ago we did a family trip and overheard she asking her brother if I was too short next to her on a photo she had just taken.

 

- Sometimes she asked to pay attention to my posture so I don't look "even shorter", as if it was something to be ashamed of.

 

I keep fantasizing about a world where I'd be good looking and other women notice me. I think some women are competitive and need that stimulus to hold onto her partner like it's gold and something to defend from predatory females, making all sorts of concessions so he doesn't get interested in someone else. Maybe the outcome of my marriage would've been different.

 

Any thoughts on this?

Edited January 7, 2019 by jaimepn

[sabaton]

I am in a process of my wife leaving me because "she needs some alone time". And I know pretty well how this is ending. With predatory males providing a shoulder to cry on (and a bit more) like vultures.

There's competition out there between men for attractive women, and even for average women, to be honest. You will always have men who will want to sleep with your wife or girlfriend no matter how happy she is with you. That's why you always need to be at your best. Hit the gym. Lift! Lift! Lift!

 

I did nothing wrong apart from not being incredibly short 5'5 or 1,65m.

It's been a few years since I started noticing that she was a bit embarrassed by that

Ehhh, there's plenty of short men who are happily married. You sure you had the rest work out? How much do you weight? How low is the percentage of your body fat? Do you lift? Frequently? Are you natty? How's your hairline aesthetics?

 

I'm a short guy. I'm measured at 1.74 on a good day, that's 5'8'', which makes me short, as where I live the majority of the average-height women are 5'7'' and up, and women consider men their own height -even if the women themselves are tall for women - to be short men; and I've dated and hooked up often with women who were conventionally attractive and stood at 5'10'' to 6'1'' tall barefoot on the beach.

 

I'm more broke than the Greek economy back in 2008, and I don't own any external signs of wealth. But I'm acceptable. I'm 145lbs at 10% body fat on my natural state(not working out/no physical sports; just sitting around and eating) and I'm at 8% body fat when I actually bother to play sports.

 

There's tons and tons of women. There have been women who were 4'10'' and okay looking but nothing worth bragging to my father about, who rejected me outright for being too short or too skinny, and then there have been 5'10'' girls who could've been bikini models who approached me, as women's tastes in men are varied, and a woman's average-looking guy, is another woman's Brad Pitt.

 

The secret is to move to a beach/college town, where the majority of the women are young and naturally fit/pretty, which means that even if you don't get your ideal woman, you'll get attractive women to sleep with.

 

- At least that's the reason why I think she doesn't post photos with me on Instagram with the excuse that "only couples with problems do that, to mask something". However, she'd happily post photos with friends and work colleagues.

Bro, you just need to find yourself women who don't care about your height. I go out to nightclubs and parties with women who are 5'8''+ and I tell them to get 'em the highest heels they can find. Because I love tall women, and there's something arousing about seeing tall men staring at the woman and staring at me and wondering how did I get her.

 

- Sometimes she asked to pay attention to my posture so I don't look "even shorter", as if it was something to be ashamed of.

That's true! I have bad posture, stealing a couple of inches away from my full height! Work on that if you have scoliosis, it can increase your leg aesthetics.

 

I keep fantasizing about a world where I'd be good looking and other women notice me. I think some women are competitive and need that stimulus to hold onto her partner like it's gold and something to defend from predatory females, making all sorts of concessions so he doesn't get interested in someone else. Maybe the outcome of my marriage would've been different.

Yeah, and I dream of a world where I could have an harem of willing 18 year olds who look just like Claudia Schiffer did and Cindy Crawford did when they were that age. It isn't going to happen, but you can make yourself attractive to many a woman.

 

Join a gym, hire a personal fitness trainer, tell him you want to look like Brad Pitt in fight club and then work hard to attend that body build. Get a jawline implant if your jaw is weak, get a chin-implant if your chin is recessive. Get hair transplants if you are going bald. Go to the dentist and splurge on dental care to get teeth like Tom Cruise.

 

Then go out there and get yourself some nicely built, custom made lifts or elevator shoes, you'll be taller in no time lol. Don't worry about it, man. It's not only short men who do it. Brad Pitt is 5'11'' and he be wearing them lifts to make himself as tall as his taller co-stars. Tom Cruise is like 5'7'' and the dude be looking 5'10'' when you stand next to him 'cause, lifts.

 

And there's lots of other guys who tell little white lies about their height. Hell, I got me 6'2'' friends who say they are 6'6'' to women

[jaimepn]

Oh man, don't start me!

 

I am quite athletic. I hit the gym every. single. day!

 

I cycle to work every. single. day - no matter if it's raining or snowing!

 

I am fit. I have a healthy diet and cooked for both of us most days, to help my wife with her weight as well.

 

I have a good job that pays more than the national average and allows for a comfortable living (within limits, of course)

 

No matter what I am or what I do, I will always be known as the "short dude".

The fact is, she felt she was missing out on something, hence leaving.

 

I raised this topic to discuss just that - Everythings considered, how important being attractive really is? (of course, women have different preferences, I am talking about a generic sense of being attractive)

Edited January 7, 2019 by jaimepn

[Wallysbears]

I am in a process of my wife leaving me because "she needs some alone time". And I know pretty well how this is ending. With predatory males providing a shoulder to cry on (and a bit more) like vultures.

 

I did nothing wrong apart from being incredibly short 5'5 or 1,65m.

It's been a few years since I started noticing that she was a bit embarrassed by that

 

- At least that's the reason why I think she doesn't post photos with me on Instagram with the excuse that "only couples with problems do that, to mask something". However, she'd happily post photos with friends and work colleagues.

 

- Few months ago we did a family trip and overheard she asking her brother if I was too short next to her on a photo she had just taken.

 

- Sometimes she asked to pay attention to my posture so I don't look "even shorter", as if it was something to be ashamed of.

 

I keep fantasizing about a world where I'd be good looking and other women notice me. I think some women are competitive and need that stimulus to hold onto her partner like it's gold and something to defend from predatory females, making all sorts of concessions so he doesn't get interested in someone else. Maybe the outcome of my marriage would've been different.

 

Any thoughts on this?

 

I highly doubt you are divorcing because of your height. What's the rest of the story?

[sabaton]

Oh man, don't start me!

 

I am quite athletic. I hit the gym every. single. day!

 

I cycle to work every. single. day - no matter if it's raining or snowing!

 

I am fit. I have a healthy diet and cooked for both of us most days, to help my wife with her weight as well.

 

I have a good job that pays more than the national average and allows for a comfortable living (within limits, of course)

 

No matter what I am or what I do, I will always be known as the "short dude".

The fact is, she felt she was missing out on something, hence leaving.

 

Bro, trust me, if you hit the gym religiously and your body is aesthetic, then the matter is your face and not your height. is it acceptable? What's the shape of your jawline? your skin? is it clear, do you have black spots? Pimples? How's your hairline? Still as healthy and as full as it was at 19?

 

Bro, listen. I moved to Europe when I was 17, a few months shy of turning 18. The majority of the women are 5'8'' to 5'10''+ and conventionally attractive, and these women are quite young. It would be expected of them to be ''shallow'' but they aren't. Most of them don't care about my short stature, and I was only called short or rejected over my height a few times in my 10+ years of working as a bartender in nightclubs.

 

Even attractive Germanic/Scandinavian women who are tall and used to tall men as their average men don't care about height. Move to a Mediterreanean Country like I did, if you can't score with American women, since most women(and men) in America are obese at their heaviest and overweight at their lightest(overweight being considered obese where I live) it's only natural the handful of young, fit, pretty young American women are going to be holding out for a 6'6'' Brad Pitt.

 

over here, because there's two to three times more young women than there are men, and most, nay, the vast, vast majority of the women are naturally sexually attractive: every guy can get laid.

[jaimepn]

Bro, you just need to find yourself women who don't care about your height.

Where can I find such an elusive being?

 

Women are very vocal when it comes to men height, and the preference is not short ...

[elaine567]

I read your other thread.

The break up was nothing to do with your height.

[jaimepn]

I highly doubt you are divorcing because of your height. What's the rest of the story?

 

 

Don't know. Not hiding anything.

The only thing I got was "I need some time alone", and some little hints that she was not 100% comfortable with my height.

There's a chance she met someone else that is offering something I don't.

[jaimepn]

I read your other thread.

The break up was nothing to do with your height.

 

Sorry, I think it's an important factor in her giving up...

[sabaton]

Where can I find such an elusive being?

 

Women are very vocal when it comes to men height, and the preference is not short ...

 

 

Italy. Spain. France, Portugal, just by being an average-looking(not overweight) man, there'll be plenty of thin, pretty young women who'll find you to be sexually attractive, as there's a shortage of young men, and then there's a shortage of fit men(like 60% of the men living in the rural areas of the Country are obese LOOL)

 

Germany;Sweden, Norway; Finland, The Netherlands, Iceland, if you have a developed, muscular body, a full head of hair and a pleasantish cuteish face. Say, this is good enough for many, many young, attractive women who happen to be from Countries where the majority of the men are considered to be tall to very tall by the world standards for male height.

 

http://images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/13600000/Max-season-2-promotional-photos-roswell-13670690-400-527.jpg

 

That's pretty much how I look. And that's good enough for many women who are just looking to smash. Would I be able of getting the same sort of women my 6'3'' Calvin Klein underwear model friends get?

 

yes.

 

But the average woman 'round these parts(Portimão) looks like this:

 

https://www.n-tv.pt/files/2017/09/21227287_456674424716334_4963934351004794880_n-1-741x486.jpg

 

You think I'm going to complain about not being able of smashing Alessandra Ambrosio?

[Wallysbears]

In reading your other post, nothing about this is about height.

 

That may be your perception - but there are MUCH bigger issues at play here. Different religious and cultural backgrounds, finances, depression, etc.

 

Not that you are X height. By using that as an excuse, you are avoiding taking a look at what your role in this situation is and how you can either 1. fix it or 2. make changes to yourself so that this doesn't happen again in the future.

[jaimepn]

By using that as an excuse, you are avoiding taking a look at what your role in this situation is and how you can either 1. fix it or 2. make changes to yourself so that this doesn't happen again in the future.

 

The situation is not fixable, unfortunately. She made that very clear.

I agree that there are many factors involved here. But again, I am describing here she was not comfortable with my height at times, so that didn't help (in a soup of several factors).

[sabaton]

Sorry, I think it's an important factor in her giving up...

 

your low self-esteem regarding your height is what made your wife be bothered by your height. mark wahlberg is 5'8''(probably 5'6''; Hollywood actors always add a couple of artificial inches). James Dean was 5'7''. James Franco is 5'8''. His younger brother, who women adore, is 5'5''. Casey Affleck, the brother of 6'4'' Batman is 5'8'' at most, and that's being generous.

 

I see lots of short men with attractive women. Men who are broke, don't even have a job in some cases. I knew a guy in college who was 5'3'' bro. That's like 150cms or something, and he had a very cute, fit girlfriend who was crazy about him.He was overweight and his facial aesthetics matched that of an Alabama redneck, he also worked part-time at a chicken restaurant.

 

Height will undoubtly make a guy hotter, but height in itself ain't the holy grail in attracting women like short guys think it is. Many guys have I seen who were 6'3'' and up and couldn't get any woman, and how many short guys have I seen who smashed 20 hot girls at least a school year, without trying? Many!

 

Be confident. That's 50% of your sex appeal as a man. The other 25% is your face, and the other 25% is your body.

 

Listen man, attractive young women aren't expecting to have their house door knocked down by a 6'6'' 22 year old Brad Pitt. They'd have to wait about a few centuries just to see one dude like that on the telly, let alone get to meet one. There's lots of women who'll think you are hot. But you need to start believing yourself to be The Rock and Robert Redford all in one. Be arrogant. Be narcissitic. Be proud of what you look like, and women will start noticing you.

 

(PS: don't get married again. Being married and wanting to smash other women usually turns out badly. Unfortunately, according to my uncle Lol).

Edited January 7, 2019 by sabaton

[SophieG]

I’m pretty short 5’2 but I’ve always dated men that were 5’10 and taller (my tallest bf was 6’5). Then comes this guy, who’s 5’5... TBH, at first I wasn’t sure since I always go for tall guys. But he’s an amazing person and I soon forgot about the height. I’m now used to the fact that there’s not much of a height difference and found some benefits to it. I’m not ashamed of his height at all.

[jaimepn]

But he’s an amazing person and I soon forgot about the height.

 

What is it that you find so amazing about him that you forget about his height? If you don't mind answering.

[thefooloftheyear]

Sorry, I think it's an important factor in her giving up...

 

"A poor craftsman blames his tools"..

 

TFY

[edgygirl]

Reading your other thread, this is not about height whatsoever.

 

Deep down it seems you were never a good match. You're both sexually frustrated. Why not let her go and find someone more suitable? It seems to me she realized it and hence made that decision. Sorry to say, it also seems that now that she gained financial independence, she probably feels she can leave.

 

I know you're alone in a new country and it's hard, but you can do it. You can take some time to recover and start rebuilding your life with someone more compatible.

[SophieG]

What is it that you find so amazing about him that you forget about his height? If you don't mind answering.

 

He’s funny, nice, caring, affectionate, doesn’t keep me guessing, honest, shows me regularly how he cares about me. From the first weekend he slept at my place, my cat threw up and he told me to stay in bed that he’d get it. Yesterday, I was sick as hell, he stayed with me on the bathroom floor and took care of me. Made me soup, got me Gatorade, and just made sure that I had everything I need. He’s an amazing emotional support (I’m quite emotional and he’s always there for me if I need to him).

And there’s the physical attraction also. We had an instant connection when ee first met. At first, I was aware of the height similarity, but now I don’t see it.

[jaimepn]

"A poor craftsman blames his tools"..

 

TFY

 

Well, if you have a good set of tools you are in advantage.