Sonia3 Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 (edited) Hi wise ones, I'm 39. About two years ago, I met a man and we dated for a few months. We got along really well even though we come from very different backgrounds (culturally and educationally). Anyhow, I graduated and moved countries to take up a job. Since then we've kept in touch. Because of my career I find myself moving countries (twice in two years) and it can be socially isolating. He's been there for me.. online. I find myself wishing that we were co-located coz it seems like we really are a good match, but the psychological (fear of flying)+ financial barrier prevents him from coming to visit me. I cannot just move to his country due to work visa issues. I can visit ofcourse but for me too its been difficult as a cross-Atlantic flight isnt cheap and I havent had enough leave days. I will vist this year fr sure but a visit for 2-3 days does not make a relationship. So my question is, are we both doing ourselves a disservice by continuing to stay in touch? Neither of us have dated in the last 1.5 years. I mean we've both gone on one-off dates but nothing has happened from those, i.e. we havent met anyone to sustain even a short term relationship. I find myself wondering if staying in touch is preventing us from looking harder for potential partners. I dont see myself getting a job in his country so it doesnt seem like we will ever actually be co-located, so its a lost cause. I just wondered if its necessary to sever the connection? At the moment, that seems too painful. I mean this is gonna end.. I just don't know how and does it need to be ended forcefully.. for our own good? If I could just think of him as a good friend then this question would not even arise and we could just be friends forever, but I find myself longing to see him (romantically) or meet someone like him... Thoughts...? Edited January 7, 2019 by Sonia3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 I think you are seeing things very logically, in that your and his circumstances will make a relationship nearly impossible. How often do you communicate, and about what? It might not be necessary to cut off contact altogether and permanently, but I would at least consider taking more space to let any feelings subside. If you speak often, I would limit it. Also, if you speak about your interest in each other, I would keep topics of conversation to more benign matters. In short, you will need to minimize your attachment to him if you truly feel that there is no viable future here. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 (edited) TBH , first up the feelings don't seem to be as strong as they should be from what you've said, l get that you've both finally found a nice connection but it doesn't sound like some insane in love thing. And really , if you guys were gonna find a way to build a future together down the track and survive, anything less just wouldn't work or last the distance. l dunno about staying in touch don't think it does you any favors tbh, l know from my own sitch it really messes with things. I had to make a choice and probably better if you do too. l've faded it out l didn't wanna block her but l doubt we'll talk at all anymore much now. It's sad stuff for me and not easy but l know it's best for me and my sitch now. Good luck Edited January 10, 2019 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
BeRespectful Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 Have you two kissed, cuddled, done sexual things, or said "I love you"? If your relationship consists of things friends wouldn't do, I'd consider you two romantic partners then. What you wanna do with it is up to you, ask him what he thinks maybe? Best wishes, hope it all goes well Link to post Share on other sites
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