A quite sobering lesson in attractiveness.

[elaine567]

I honestly wouldn't go by that site too much. I got 8-9's, and you know where I am with this!

Yes but as discussed at length elsewhere, your looks are not your problem.

[Normm]

4 to 6 IS average, no?

 

 

It might be average or the median or the mode - all of which are measures of central tendency (thank you college Statistics) but it won't get you dates with the hotties that's for sure.

[elaine567]

It might be average or the median or the mode - all of which are measures of central tendency (thank you college Statistics) but it won't get you dates with the hotties that's for sure.

 

 

There are a whole lot of men and women in this world that are not hotties though, nothing like it and that is where the problems start.

 

Too many seeped in the supermarket mentality of OLD are expecting to pick hotties off the shelf, then their own desirability attributes are lacking.

[SevenCity]

Hahaha! Edgygirl, I am the same way. Sometimes I see a guy and I just want to fix his hair. And I have actually contacted men on okcupid with suggestions for their profiles and pics.

 

I’ve never gotten advice from matches, but I have seen women offering PSAs in their profiles advising all the men on what they should be doing better in their profiles.

 

It begs the question, if you are such an expert, why are you single on a dating site as well?

[preraph]

<snip>

 

PS I found one curiosity - well built African American men can get away with a posing picture playing a saxophone. My picture doing the same thing was rated as a 4. How can that be?

 

I dunno. You didn't puff your cheeks out, did you? Very unbecoming.

 

When you say work on your smile, are your teeth good? Be sure. Straight and reasonably white? And I assume you mean you're smiling more, so that is good.

 

Muscles aren't a huge priority with women, but fitness never hurt. If you're unsure about your haircut, go to an upscale salon with your hair a little grown out and ask what they'd recommend. Make them show you some photos to get an idea so they don't do something crazy.

 

Shave. Stay shaved for best results.

 

Keep your eyebrows neat, not too scraggly.

 

Be sure you're dressing right. I always say to go to a Macy's or H&M or some big department store and to the men's department and ask if there is someone who can spend a bit of time helping you choose two outfits to update your wardrobe. Call ahead and ask if there is someone who knows what they're doing to help. Let them choose it all. Don't let some random kid do it though. Get one dressy outfit, like a versatile suit with a couple of shirts, one tie, and one casual outfit still good enough for dinner.

Edited January 15, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[preraph]

It's true that some of those people on that site are just vindictive jerks getting their jollies probably knocking down the best looking ones to make themselves feel better!

[Gretchen12]

It begs the question, if you are such an expert, why are you single on a dating site as well?

 

Aww gee... "expert"? I don't know about that. Notice: I'm a woman. I never offered advice on women's profiles. Your question is more appropriate for men who give other men advice.

[BaileyB]

Garçon, I know this comment isn't going to be helpful when you are trying to attract women on Internet dating sites...

 

But, as someone who has read a lot of your posts, a woman would have to spend only five minutes with you to realize how kind, intelligent, funny, and humble you are... And, those are the "best" qualities to look for in a man.

 

Don't be discouraged, the right woman will see your true character.

[brigit87]

Garçon, I know this comment isn't going to be helpful when you are trying to attract women on Internet dating sites...

 

But, as someone who has read a lot of your posts, a woman would have to spend only five minutes with you to realize how kind, intelligent, funny, and humble you are... And, those are the "best" qualities to look for in a man.

 

Don't be discouraged, the right woman will see your true character.

 

That's why internet dating is really only good if you're super attractive. It's all about the picture. An attractive person can put a picture anywhere and get attention with very little information regarding interests. That's what you get when you date in a one dimensional world. A flat computer screen and a pretty photo. It's ALL about the looks. And as far as writing things about yourself anyone can say anything.

 

I could post a picture of myself and say "Oh, I love sports and going to the diner after a game."

 

Both lies.

 

That's why real world interactions are more important. The importance of looks diminishes greatly once engaged in conversation. And if you're just not that cute you'll never get the opportunity to meet the pretty pictures.

[normal person]

Garçon, I know this comment isn't going to be helpful when you are trying to attract women on Internet dating sites...

 

But, as someone who has read a lot of your posts, a woman would have to spend only five minutes with you to realize how kind, intelligent, funny, and humble you are... And, those are the "best" qualities to look for in a man.

 

Don't be discouraged, the right woman will see your true character.

 

The issue is that dating and attraction aren't solely, or even often even largely, dependent on someone's congeniality, intelligence, humor, and humility. People usually have to feel some physical desire and/or emotional bond for those "best" other things to even be considered.

 

For example: does OP know for sure that his morbidly obese African American matches aren't kind, intelligent, funny, and humble just like him? I'd bet he doesn't, but no one's seemed to think that's mean, or discriminatory. Everyone just gave him a free pass to assume that because they're morbidly obese and/or black, they aren't worth his consideration. We always assume it's fine for ourselves to make discriminations based on physical things, but at the same time expect other people to appreciate our "true character" if they happen to look past the rest. It doesn't seem practical.

 

 

OP, if you want to attract women, and you can't do it with your look, I think you need to appeal to a woman's emotions, or at the very least, don't give them reasons to preclude you. Being nice, humble, etc is great, but the non-physical elements of you need to be enough to engage a woman to the point where she wants to be with you, and the lesser elements need to be done away with. Are you so funny that they can't help but message you? Are you so nice and kind that people respect you, or do people use it as an invitation to walk all over you? Is your humility quiet confidence, or is it subtle self deprecation that makes people wonder if you don't like yourself? Can you have engaging, personal conversations with women or are they more surface level?

 

I'm not saying there's an easy answer, but I think those could be some things to think about. Plus you going to the gym won't hurt. Best of luck.

[Garcon1986]

Indeed that's my experience in the deep South, I'm not getting much interest in my redeeming qualities because I'm not that "kinda hot guy". How can I express the qualities that normal_person described in terms of pictures?

[thefooloftheyear]

Indeed that's my experience in the deep South, I'm not getting much interest in my redeeming qualities because I'm not that "kinda hot guy". How can I express the qualities that normal_person described in terms of pictures?

 

 

Get a lifted Chevy pickup with a Dale Earnhardt Jr front license plate...That might get you in the door faster and with less effort than the gym...

 

TFY

[alphamale]

Get a lifted Chevy pickup with a Dale Earnhardt Jr front license plate...That might get you in the door faster and with less effort than the gym...

 

TFY

 

I would go with a Ford F150 with a lift kit and custom paint job

[Mike800]

People defeat themselves before they start.

 

I’m 5’8 160 lbs I have a small frame and long arms so I can never look buff I always look skinny and small and I’m average looking at best yet I never had a problem attracting women from hot to average.

 

I simply make women feel comfortable and can connect it’s not hard once you learn how to interact with people

 

I also don’t get phased by rejection. I have friends much taller and better looking then me who get rejected it happens to everyone just move on.

 

But as some of have said you have to interact with people old is strictly about stats and pictures so obviously you’re gonna be at a disadvantage if you’re not conventionally good looking.

Edited January 13, 2019 by Mike800

[Mysterio]

You know what I see with the men that have the great women in thier lives. They all come off as chill and not really trying to get with them as much.

 

Showing focussed interest in a woman, to me all I see is that the women seem lackluster towards the men. the men that I see that have it made are with women that are basically gaga over them and the women were more the driving forces to be with them.

 

For me to be honest. I get my way with women when I come off as being semi aloff and not have any major interest in trying to get with them in any way shape or form. Its like I meet Becky and make and effort with her, will trigger off her cousin Amy into liking me more romantically if it does happen. Not me focussing on Amy and making an obvious effort and she is really happy about it.

[Juha]

You know what I see with the men that have the great women in thier lives. They all come off as chill and not really trying to get with them as much.

 

Showing focussed interest in a woman, to me all I see is that the women seem lackluster towards the men. the men that I see that have it made are with women that are basically gaga over them and the women were more the driving forces to be with them. .

 

I totally agree with this 100%!! The friends I have that have really great women and relationships, it was the woman who was really into the guy and made it happen. Now, the man had to respond and be interested also.

 

I had this once where a woman was so over the top into me and I was into her also, we had such a great relationship. Best I have ever had by a long shot!!

Unfortunately the timing was really bad and only were together for a year and a half.. She had a great opportunity and moved for it, I could not due to circumstance. We made a clean break as it would be too difficult to do it.

Have not talked in 5 years. Still love and miss her to death...

 

As you get older I do not see this type of thing happen much at all as people are jaded, more cautious, rigid, etc....

 

Think age makes a big difference in this type of thing happening.

[Wallysbears]

Indeed that's my experience in the deep South, I'm not getting much interest in my redeeming qualities because I'm not that "kinda hot guy". How can I express the qualities that normal_person described in terms of pictures?

 

Best advice?

 

Find another student that isn't from that area.

Leave as soon as you can and get out of there.

 

 

You are in a small, mostly rural, deep South state. Get out of there or find someone NOT from there.

[JuneL]

Best advice?

 

Find another student that isn't from that area.

Leave as soon as you can and get out of there.

 

 

You are in a small, mostly rural, deep South state. Get out of there or find someone NOT from there.

 

The good news is, though, once he has worked really hard in improving his dating skills this remote area, he can have pretty good outcomes when he moves to a better area.

[JuneL]

I’ve never gotten advice from matches, but I have seen women offering PSAs in their profiles advising all the men on what they should be doing better in their profiles.

 

It begs the question, if you are such an expert, why are you single on a dating site as well?

 

Many Olympic champions had coaches who never made it to the Olympic Games when they won their gold medals, dah!

[outwithpeterpan]

Indeed that's my experience in the deep South, I'm not getting much interest in my redeeming qualities because I'm not that "kinda hot guy". How can I express the qualities that normal_person described in terms of pictures?

 

Just do what I do, and don't bother with online dating.

 

The way I see it, "real life" is my home field advantage. I'm not giving up homefield advantage and letting people interact with me from behind their phones.

[ZA Dater]

I dunno. You didn't puff your cheeks out, did you? Very unbecoming.

 

When you say work on your smile, are your teeth good? Be sure. Straight and reasonably white? And I assume you mean you're smiling more, so that is good.

 

Muscles aren't a huge priority with women, but fitness never hurt. If you're unsure about your haircut, go to an upscale salon with your hair a little grown out and ask what they'd recommend. Make them show you some photos to get an idea so they don't do something crazy.

 

Shave. Stay shaved for best results.

 

Keep your eyebrows neat, not too scraggly.

 

Be sure you're dressing right. I always say to go to a Macy's or H&M or some big department store and to the men's department and ask if there is someone who can spend a bit of time helping you choose two outfits to update your wardrobe. Call ahead and ask if there is someone who knows what they're doing to help. Let them choose it all. Don't let some random kid do it though. Get one dressy outfit, like a versatile suit with a couple of shirts, one tie, and one casual outfit still good enough for dinner.

 

 

Or as I did, take an international model with you and have the shop staff falling over their own feet to help. Granted my new style didn't really help me but at least it was a fun shopping experience and I got loads of attention.

 

 

OP maybe mix your look up a bit, what you could do is take very different types of pictures and use them as profile pictures, see which gives the best return.

[NuevoYorko]

 

PS I found one curiosity - well built African American men can get away with a posing picture playing a saxophone. My picture doing the same thing was rated as a 4. How can that be?

 

Maybe those guys look good playing the saxophone and you, not so much.

 

You seem a but preoccupied with race.

[PRW]

Hi, I went on photofeeler and put my dating profile pics up. I actually was expecting average, but I indeed got scores ranging from a 4 to a 6.

It doesn't work the same for men as it does for women. It only helps guys with getting the women to take the initial look. Women are attracted to behavor, so the important part is how you present yourself when you meet them. They can also pickup on behavor from your initial messages with them, and of course they are always comparing what you say to what others before you have said, so if you say or respond the same way that some guy before you that they rejected, then it doesn't go well for you.

Explains why a cute Israeli soldier would never date me.

I have a sister who spent her whole career of 20 years in Navy Law Enforcement with the last two years at Guantanamo Bay dealing with captured terrorist. I can tell you that the trick with a woman in that position is to just be more masculine than she is so that she can feel feminine by comparison,...then you are good. It is not so much about your physical appearance. Edited January 15, 2019 by PRW

[Osho]

I think I am going to open a business that helps men with their clothing/hair style, dating bio and profile pics There must be a service like that already run by people from the design world (I wouldn't trust dating coaches on that one, they seem too preppy to get that)

 

A little help can make any men look cute or at least cuter than their profile shows.

 

Several pictures I see on men's dating profiles are so terrifyingly bad, (light, angle, showing their forehead shining etc) sometimes I feel like matching with them just to let them know they need better pics. I think investing a few hundred bucks in taking professional shots might help those guys if they don't have a friend who can take a few good pics.

 

I was thinking this exact same thing the other day and how successful it would be if there was a place that focused on dating/self improvement.

 

My daughters laid into me and did the same for me. Made me do a self image maintenance. No success with the taking selfies but that’s because I don’t care to be judged by how I look. I have always attracted sapiophiles and tend to shy away from judge a book by the cover type even though I take amazing portraits of others. The funniest part is all my female friends always laugh at the fact I’m what most of those type of women want but they never find out because they are too concerned with image.