What would you do in my situation?

[LoveAgain90]

Okay, so this is going to be one of those longer posts, to get in as many details as possible. So let the rollercoaster begin:

 

So I am a male, 23. I work in a store as a student. Last year in January I and the girl I will be talking about started working there. After a few talks she added me on Facebook, this was around April, but keep in mind we only really had a few talks, as we only worked on weekends and not even every. Then a month later in May she started hugging me to say goodbye, as our shifts ended at the same time. I didnt really see them as signals at that point and from June I went home (I worked in the city where my university is so for the summer I went home), but kept it open and texted her we should grab coffee in September when I come back and she said absolutely.

 

So I texted her in September like promised and brought up the coffee or dinner again, she still said yes, but said she only has time during the weekends as her university is another city and she is there Mon-Fri. The hugging continued and she kept doing it during the day now aswell when I walked by, said something to her she was like "oh you" and hugged me. I tried to mantain a "texting relationship" with her but she was a horrible texter, it usually took her 3-4, sometimes even 6 days to reply, but when she did, she didnt mind giving me her number.

 

At one point in work she asked me whether I had a partner and said no, I asked her back whether she had and she said no aswell, so I wanted to capitalize on the situation and said something like " well you know, I wanted to ask you to come grab some coffee" and she replied " Whats keeping you", well what was keeping me is that she already said she had plans that day. But I was hopeful, that she understood what I wanted as we had this conversation right after we both said we dont have a boy/girlfriend.

 

So even after this she was kinda flirtatious, asked me if I will help her pack her stuff, cause she went back to dorm that day, complimented my perfume a couple of times, my hair. In texts and in person I complimented her multiple times aswell, felt like nothing hit the mark really. After being frustrated, I texted her this: " Hello [name], I like you, maybe more than I should, I dont know whether you have noticed it or not" and she replied with asking me whether I was drunk, and that she likes me too and noticed it a little. Still clueless obviously, I had a gut feeling her "like" is different from my like.

 

After 2-3 weeks we met again in work and nothing changed really. I expected atleast some difference after I said all that. So right before Christmas I texted her saying goodluck with her final exams and after she does it all we could go on a date and she replied. " I dont know about a date, but just like that for coffee anytime. I just replied with yeah, I understand, we wished each other merry christmas and thats where I am at.

 

No contact with her since the 24th, right now I believe the only thing I could do is to not give her more attention, cause I´ve already done that, maybe thats why she doesnt text back only in days, because there are a couple of people texting her all the time and she is bored of it, and I feel like I just stood in the line aswell. But I dont think she will text me because she will be "afraid to lose me" or out of curiosity, because as said, she is a horrible texter. And she started the signs aswell while I didnt care, and when I did, I guess she stepped on my tails and didnt know what to do.

 

In my mind the "I dont know about a date" is a rather nice way to say no, but she also had a relationship before and didnt end well and might be careful, but I think the signs were there and I dont really want to give up on her. She indeed said "coffee anytime" but I dont feel like there could be anything more from that, its more like a "lets be friends, lets have coffee, and dont have to deal with your feelings later", correct me if I am wrong. Obviously every person is different, so you cant really tell whats in her head.

 

Thanx for everyone who read the story and a bigger thanx to those who leave a reply.

[Nilfiry]

Sure, she might like you a little, but not really enough for her to get excited over it. If she were really into you, she would message you a lot more often than that, and would invest more time and effort into spending time with you. If that is not what you are seeing, and you are only getting things like vague promises that may or may not happen or evasive answers, then you should not invest too much effort either.

 

I would keep things status quo and keep my options open. Of course, you could just take the plunge and ask her out directly and see what happens.

[Geraltt]

I'm sorry to say that, from the info you've provided here, you're in the friend-zone.

 

"I dont know about a date, but just like that for coffee anytime." is code for "Let's just be friends", just like you alluded to in your post.

 

Is the friend-zone an inescapable abyss, the ninth circle of hell as described in Dante's Inferno? "Abandon hope all ye who enter here"?

 

Ya, pretty much.

 

What would I do?

 

Well, I have enough friends, male and female, thanksverymuch. I have little doubt that she's a fine person and all that, but this situation looks as if she's enjoying your attention but has no plans to reciprocate. If you're OK with having just another female friend and have no romantic designs, then by all means have her as your friend. But if you want something more - and it looks pretty clear that you do - then I'd hesitate to continue to respond. There are billions of available, attractive, wonderful women in the world. Don't get hung up on this one, especially when she has zero intentions of becoming more romantic.

Edited January 9, 2019 by Geraltt
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[Mr. Lucky]

After being frustrated, I texted her this: " Hello [name], I like you, maybe more than I should, I dont know whether you have noticed it or not" and she replied with asking me whether I was drunk, and that she likes me too and noticed it a little. Still clueless obviously, I had a gut feeling her "like" is different from my like.

 

I think you're right. You're a nice guy, she "likes" you and you get the same hugs she probably gives to the elderly customer that comes in every week.

 

Obviously, romantic sparks have not flown. Time to look elsewhere...

 

Mr. Lucky