Going back

[blackendangel13]

Ok so its no secret I have been lonely lately. That may be why I am considering this but anyway, here it goes.

 

My ex, I call him "good ex", and I were together for 6 months. We broke up about 4 months ago and still see each other quite often. We used to fight but it wasn't the worst thing in the world. I have never fought with a boyfriend before but we always worked it out and I felt that as a couple we communicated really well. As relationships go, I felt that out of every one I have ever had, he understood me most.

 

His family is in love with me. My family loves him. The problems were mostly that he lived 30 minutes away and RARELY ever drove to hang out with me. He would still call daily but mostly I went out there and started to resent it a little bit. I would tell him it was a problem a lot but he did little about it. I pretty much spent all my weekends at his parents with him when I had my own place.

 

Our relationship was a whirlwind. We met and were together within 3 weeks. He fell very hard for me, which I wasn't all that ready for but couldn't stop. Despite the fighting there is definately chemistry.

 

Now the problems I had with the distance thing and him not coming over were mostly because I lived alone and was home alone all the time. I spent a lot of time alone and I am a lonely person by nature. Now I am in college, working full-time, and don't have much time to spend alone obsessing over every little thing. Its nice actually. Not only that, but I have been hanging with a new group of friends who live by him so I am out there again all the time. I am kind of looking for a weekend "relationship" because with my busy schedule I can't have a full-on functional relationship.

 

My friend brought up the point that to go back to him I'd be settling. But to be honest, any relationship I got into would working out the same way. Is it so bad if I only have the energy that he is willing to give me? It was always an issue of me being more into it than him but he is very reserved and keeps his feelings in. When we see each other we are still very friendly and a few weeks ago he saw me talking to someone and I could see it hurt him. No one else picked up that vibe but I know him. The same happened when I saw him talking to some girl the other day. This situation might be good because we still care about each other and want something, but its not that seriuos where we'd end up hurting each other. Should I feel this one out the next time I see him and see where it goes?

[heartnsoul]

Who broke up with whom and why?

[sundrop]

My friend brought up the point that to go back to him I'd be settling. But to be honest, any relationship I got into would working out the same way. Is it so bad if I only have the energy that he is willing to give me? It was always an issue of me being more into it than him but he is very reserved and keeps his feelings in.

 

 

Would you be happy going back or settling?

I know if I went back to my ex, I would be happy for the most part, but deep down I know I would be settling. My ex wasn't bad to me at all, he treated me really well for the most part, but what hurt me most in the realtionship is I always wondered where I stood with him, because he wasn't good in verbalizing his feeling or even writting them down. So I would wonder how much I ment to him. So now I know that I want somebody to tell me every once in a while how special I am to them, so I know.

My ex wasn't bad by any means, but he just couldn't give me what I needed for the long haul.

[sanne]

don't ever settle, trust me you will never be happy in the relationship. being lonely and miserable really sucks, but it's not anywhere near as bad as being in a doomed relationship. i thought the exact same way as you did and kept going back to my ex because i was lonely. i regret it, because i never allowed myself to move on, i was stuck in the past and in a relationship that was never meant to be. being alone isn't all bad, it's definitely taught me to be more comfortable with myself.

[blackendangel13]

Thank you all for the replies.

 

My inner dilemna is this. To me, settling is giving more in a relationship than you get back and still staying. When we together the first time I needed a lot more. I was home alone all the time and didn't have good friends so I was pretty depressed. Now I am in school and have good friends that I talk to daily and hang out with at least twice a week and I am at school 4 nights a week so the need for a relationship that is somewhat smothering isn't there anymore. I will be in school for the next year and a half, which has completelty turned my life around, but I know that with school, work, and friends I won't have time for much of a relationship.

 

I broke up with him because I needed too much and was frustrated. He didn't drive much to see me, but now all my friends live out there so that would be less of a problem. Not to mention that my friend has already said many times to me that he will drag him to the city for me lol. Now the kind of relationship we had is appealing because its convenient I guess. I am thinking of going back to take things slow and see where they fall. We rushed to be together and it was way too fast. We both agreed on this when we broke up. Not only that, but to be honest with myself I wasn't over my ex before him. Thats kind of another reason I expected so much (maybe too much) out of the relationship. Now I am a lot more clear in my head and I do care about him a lot. I don't want to go back to immediately being back to boyfriend/girlfriend, just seeing each other and letting something progress naturally.