How can I improve my marriage?

[manfrombelow2]

In short, you simply fell out of love with your husband.

 

And as someone who always strongly advocates for the belief that 99,99% the success / failure rate of a relationship depends on the GUYS, I don't blame you for not having able to control your emotions the way you want them to, but I blame your husband for letting you fall out of love with him.

 

The first thing I strongly advise you to do, is to get this book by Corey Wayne, "How To Be A 3% Man", which helped open my eyes as well as bettering my relaationships.

 

In this book, Corey Wayne has an entire chapter explaining the most common error men tend to make is that they allow themselves to get complacent and lazy in a long term relationship/marriage, to the point they complete stop being the very guy who their women fell in love with in the beginning, and this gradually kills their relationship.

 

Instead, Corey stresses that the "courting" simply NEVER ENDS, which I agree. The courting is like "food" for love to survive, so it shouldn't stop just because the man successfully marries his woman, which - unfortunately - is a very common problem.

 

And just give your husband this book. Tell him you love him, you still want to salvage this relationship but you can't help feeling what you are feeling now. But you have researched and found your answers in this book, and tell him that if he loves you and wants to improve the relationship, he should (and must) read the book.

 

While waiting for the book to arrive, you can check out Corey Wayne's Youtube channel, starting with this video:

 

The fact that you still took the time and effort to make this topic communicates you DON'T WANT TO COMPLETELY fall out of love with him. And that you STILL WANT to HELP him. And this shows that you are a caring and loving woman who is craving for 100% masculine energy inside your husband. And this is something that has been under-appreciated by most posters in this topic.

 

And I am sure you and your husband are sleeping in seperate rooms now, and that you stopped having sex a long time ago.

 

As much as it hurts me to see someone of my gender (a man) is in this kind of situation, but he has only himself to blame.

Edited January 19, 2019 by thaygiaogiang

[Wallysbears]

None of this has to do with 3% man or any of that garbage.

 

You guys decided on an open marriage without fully weighing the potential consequences and this is the outcome.

 

You need a marriage therapist or a divorce.

[manfrombelow2]

So much hatred in your comment. And again, so quick to tell people to just "divorce".

 

@OP: The book I'm suggesting costs a lot less than a "therapist" with 100x times better the result.

 

None of this has to do with 3% man or any of that garbage.

 

You guys decided on an open marriage without fully weighing the potential consequences and this is the outcome.

 

You need a marriage therapist or a divorce.

[lucky-girl]

Thanks thaygiaogiang, so nice to get support rather for a change.

I'll have a look at that book but honestly I don't think it's my husband's fault. He is still the very caring, loving, affectionate, generous, selfless man I fell in love with. I guess it's just too easy to take the good stuff for granted when you get it every day. He was very messy and unattractive when I married him but you overlook those things when you're in love but they get more annoying the less in love you are and the longer you live with them. Like the saying, familiarity breeds contempt.

 

My lack of loving feeling toward my husband is not a consequence of our open marriage. It's been open for 2 years. I fell out of love with him many, many years ago. Falling in love with someone else has simply made me more aware of what is missing in my marriage.

 

I am going to see a counsellor.

 

By the way, I don't think staying in the marriage and working on it is selfish. If I only considered my feelings I would probably leave, but I believe my husband and children would be happier if I stay and work on it rather than give up and walk out. We don't argue so it's not like it's a toxic environment for the kids. And I know my husband would rather be with me than alone.