Gentlemen: women who are too emotional vs. show no emotions at all?

[snowcones]

I think we're actually on the same page here, snowcones, given that you seem to agree that people operating on pure emotion "end up having a hard life".

 

Both reason and emotion must be balanced with each other. Operating exclusively in one domain or the other is, in your words, no way to live.

 

 

Yes! I agree. It seems we are on the same page. Hooray!

I do think that someone who tends to naturally lead with logic will probably have to put more energy into expressing their emotions. Like they have to be more mindful of it than they are of their logic, because one comes naturally and the other one doesn't. The reverse is true for people who naturally lead with emotions, if they want to be balanced.

[edgygirl]

Myers Briggs explains it. It's the F (feelers) vs the T (thinkers, rational people)

 

It's not something you can choose to control. It just is. Both have advantages and disadvantages. Everyone has a bit of both, but usually one is stronger than the other in each one of us.

 

There is no better or worse type. It all depends on what type one person is, and what they prefer in others (as in romantic relationships). There are several possible combinations of types, and ones work better than others. I wish more people got into studying MB, as it explains it all and makes things so much clearer.

Edited January 11, 2019 by edgygirl

[Mr. Lucky]

 

1) The "emotional" kind who react to everything, but you always know how they're feeling. People can get tired of this (I do).

2) The kind who never show how they're feeling, try to keep the waters calm. People can get tired of this because they never really know what's going on.

 

I realize this is a generalization, but out of curiousity, which woman would men rather prefer if these were the only 2 options?

 

Having a low threshold for drama, if I had to pick one would be 2).

 

High maintenance people are exhausting. No thanks...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Otter2569]

Having a low threshold for drama, if I had to pick one would be 2).

 

High maintenance people are exhausting. No thanks...Mr. Lucky

 

I have had both - usually more emotional than less. For me overly emotional was always a draining, roller coaster ride. No matter how hot or sexy these women were, the drama and instability wore thin, fast and was the reason I walked from the relationship.

 

I currently have a much less emotional woman. Like dating a guy with women parts (joking). Its been the longest relationship I have ever had because of the emotional stability.

 

I think the answer is somewhere in between but I do not miss the senseless, crying, fighting, drama at the drop of a hat episodes AT ALL.

Edited January 11, 2019 by Otter2569

[sabaton]

I've noticed that many people fit primarily into two categories:

 

1) The "emotional" kind who react to everything, but you always know how they're feeling. People can get tired of this (I do).

2) The kind who never show how they're feeling, try to keep the waters calm. People can get tired of this because they never really know what's going on.

<snip>

 

I'm not interested in emotional women. Women have their girlfriends and family to deal with their emotional issues and to talk about the problems they're going through. I want women who are chill. Hit me up when you want sex, have a fun time in a nightclub or watching a movie at the cinema together. For the rest - I'm not your man.

Edited January 11, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[Mysterio]

For me. I keep a lot bottled up about my views of romantic love, and only express them here for the most part.

 

That's a hard choice. A mix of both is great. I guess express emotion over cold is for me.

[BeRespectful]

Emotional for sure.

 

There's NOTHING that breaks my heart more than when a partner goes cold on me for a lengthy period of time.

 

I'd rather them be sensitive and overly emotional, I would know that means they care.

[loversquarrel]

I would have to go with #1. At least then I would know what she was thinking.

[Woggle]

There is a happy medium. There is such a thing is having a heart and emotions while still keeping your composure when you need to.

[Kitty Tantrum]

I've always been pretty stoic. My father taught me that crying is for babies and manipulative women.

 

My ex-husband couldn't stand that I wouldn't get emotional when we would disagree... because he would. I'd want to have a calm conversation, and he'd be pushing all my buttons to try to elicit an emotional reaction. He would literally tell me there was something wrong with me because I never just blew up at him, never just started yelling and crying on my own. That's why he "had to" be mean to me... to get a reaction to prove that I wasn't some kind of Vulcan/robot. I couldn't possibly be a real woman with genuine emotions if I didn't fly off the handle.

 

It's good to be able to express emotions, but I think there's something wrong with a man who specifically wants a woman who is unable to control her emotions.

[chillii]

Don't think too any guys want what your saying," l think" , in that last line. But if that was the case then that would mean the same for any women that wants a man like that too.

But more likely he finds out later down the track that she's way over board and a mess and she loses the plot, but by then they're already involved or his fallen in love with her or sor there's kids or something and he's left with trying to make it work. Women can easily and very often become a mess, but might not start out that way.

l know one guy , after 3 yrs of the best relationship he'd ever had, finds out on their wedding night she;'s bpd, she'd kept the front up all that time. But there's kids and houses by now, and he loves her, what do ya do, of course he's trying .

 

But anytime someone tries touching on anything like this and many other things, in a forum , it's gonna be twisted and turned and over analyzed and blown up into all kinds of crap.

That's a given.

Edited January 11, 2019 by chillii

[basil67]

At what point does yelling and shouting out of anger go from healthy emotional response to "all over you mess" lol

 

You have to understand that when it comes to emotional expression, I have the mind of a 3 year old. I never learned healthy emotions or how to express them, so although my questions seem naive or silly, the truth is I honestly have no idea.

 

I would say that for 95% of relationship issues, yelling and shouting is not a healthy emotional response. Or at least, it's not a healthy way to manage conflict in a relationship. (I do think it's understandable for issues such as cheating or gambling the house away). I'd leave a partner who yells and shouts without an excellent reason.

 

Acknowledging that you are upset and dealing with it in a controlled and thoughtful manner is a healthy way to do it.

[preraph]

I've always been pretty stoic. My father taught me that crying is for babies and manipulative women.

 

My ex-husband couldn't stand that I wouldn't get emotional when we would disagree... because he would. I'd want to have a calm conversation, and he'd be pushing all my buttons to try to elicit an emotional reaction. He would literally tell me there was something wrong with me because I never just blew up at him, never just started yelling and crying on my own. That's why he "had to" be mean to me... to get a reaction to prove that I wasn't some kind of Vulcan/robot. I couldn't possibly be a real woman with genuine emotions if I didn't fly off the handle.

 

It's good to be able to express emotions, but I think there's something wrong with a man who specifically wants a woman who is unable to control her emotions.

 

Amen. Of course, most people are in between, but women who are always crying, you shouldn't trust them, yet many men fall for it. It's put on.

[Otter2569]

I would say that for 95% of relationship issues, yelling and shouting is not a healthy emotional response. Or at least, it's not a healthy way to manage conflict in a relationship. (I do think it's understandable for issues such as cheating or gambling the house away). I'd leave a partner who yells and shouts without an excellent reason.

 

Acknowledging that you are upset and dealing with it in a controlled and thoughtful manner is a healthy way to do it.

 

My "emotional female" dealings were, in hindsight, ineffective ways of dealing with issues (real or otherwise). Rather than saying "I feel stressed" they'd start a fight about nothing, argue for hours then cry their self to sleep. I, on the other hand, would lay awake half the night thinking WTF! Many times the relentless emotional drama pushed me to the edge...and more than once I drove an hour home at 2am, in a blizzard. It was either that or end up in jail.

 

Being frozen out is no picnic either but at least I understand it and try to give them space to work things in their head. Being a thinker / internalizer that's how I roll. Thoughtful, honest conversation, even with tears, I can do!

[Mr. Lucky]

Acknowledging that you are upset and dealing with it in a controlled and thoughtful manner is a healthy way to do it.

 

Agreed but your example isn't behavior normally exhibited by the two extremes the OP said we had to chose from.

 

In other words, you're cheating !!!

 

Mr. Lucky

[brokenblade]

I'm pretty sure that I don't want a completely emotionless person. So I guess I'll go with the overly emotional. That's what I am more used to.

[Wallysbears]

My husband would tell you that when I go “stoic” is when he wants to hide.

 

If he asks “what’s wrong” and I reply “nothing” then it means watch out because something is brewing under the surface.

[basil67]

Agreed but your example isn't behavior normally exhibited by the two extremes the OP said we had to chose from.

 

In other words, you're cheating !!!

 

Mr. Lucky

 

The post I responded to asked when shouting and yelling becomes unhealthy. So I reckon I got in on a technicality.

[chillii]

My husband would tell you that when I go “stoic” is when he wants to hide.

 

If he asks “what’s wrong” and I reply “nothing” then it means watch out because something is brewing under the surface.

 

 

 

 

Haaaaa yessaa, the old nothing answer is often a worry .

[Mr. Lucky]

The post I responded to asked when shouting and yelling becomes unhealthy. So I reckon I got in on a technicality.

 

I know you have different rules down there. I've seen what you've done to football...

 

Mr. Lucky