She left me for someone else!

[Richieg]

Hello everyone,

This is my first post on here and I’m pretty cut up.

My girlfriend broke up with me just before Xmas told me she needed to be single and on her own for a while as she had commitment issue due to both parents being married 3 times and her mum passing away at a young age.

The break up came out of the blue- totally blindsided me but I thought well at least she is being honest!

 

Anyway there’s this guy she hung around with from work a lot as we were in long distance relationship. I trusted her and never thought anything of it. Once we broke up she got in a full blown relationship with him inside of a week. As you can imagine this broke me a little further, have I been dumped and this was all set up or is it a complete coincidence like she tried to say it was?

 

I can’t understand how she is so happy instantly with someone else and I’m left over here trying to pick the pieces up feeling heart broken.

 

I never thought this girl would do this to me as I thought she was the one, we were on holiday a couple of weeks before the break up and there was no problems so a complete blindside breakup.

 

She never posted a single think about us on social media whilst we were together and we both are the type of people that keep private life off social media.

 

Anyway now she’s with him she posts plenty of stuff about him and her and they are going off around the world traveling! It’s been two months since the breakup and I can help but feel like something must have been going on for a while for then to be this serious that quickly?

 

Thanks for any help you guys offer me ?

[sabaton]

Hello everyone,

This is my first post on here and I’m pretty cut up.

My girlfriend broke up with me just before Xmas told me she needed to be single and on her own for a while as she had commitment issue due to both parents being married 3 times and her mum passing away at a young age.

<SNIP>

 

 

That's usually how it goes. Most relationships don't last. It's either you ending up getting cheated on, you cheat on her, or you lose sexual attraction for her and so on. The reason you are so heart-broken is because you had all of your emotional energy invested on this woman.

 

Grief. Go through what you are going through, and after you're done with the healing process, get back out there. But this time don't get emotionally attached to someone. How do you do this?

 

Instead of dating one woman at a time, thus her being your only source of emotional/sexual intimacy, date two, three women at the same time, if you have the time for it.

 

Juggling several women at the same time is time-consuming, and there's a lot of work in it, especially if they're hot and they know they're worth it, but I guarantee you that next time one of your girlfriends cheats on you or dumps you - you'll just laugh it up because you're dating other women, what do you care about losing one? And don't you worry. Your ex-girlfriend might be cute and sweet, but open your eyes. There's millions of women like that out there for you to meet. Install tinder and have fun(yes, serious relationships also spring from tinder).

Edited January 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[SevenCity]

First, I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. It sucks.

 

Not that you want to hear it, but yes, she had this planned and dumped you for him. Worse, she was probably giving him a trial run to test him out before officially monkey branching to him.

 

She’ll never tell you the truth and it really doesn’t matter anyway. The fact is she is not worthy of you and did you a favor so you didn’t waste anymore of your precious time with her. Freeing you up to find a better girl.

 

A few notes for future reference:

- Don’t get into long distance relationships

- Stay clear of women who had a bad childhood

- Don’t believe anything a woman says, believe her actions instead

- Always expect a woman to leave and keep yourself marketable if she does

- Realize women base their actions on emotions which change drastically- when she says something it only applies in that moment

- Get the book “How to be a 3% man”

 

This will hurt for a while but you’ll find one even better.

[loversquarrel]

1.) there is NO such thing as the "one", but rather many good matches. Kill the one mindset.

 

2.) kill the long distance relationships. They aren't natural and are missing several huge key components. IMHO I believe these types of relationships are a dumb idea. Why invest in something that is limited by distance? You are already starting off with a barrier in place.

 

3.) try meeting a good match near you.

[Richieg]

Thanks guys,

It didn’t start off as a long distance relationship but she ended up moving for work which I planned on moving when the time was rite but it appeared as though the goal posts melt getting moved!

 

It’s shocking really when you think someone is something aka a strong independent women but then actually has to have someone else straight away!

I agree she has probs done me a huge favour down the road as she changed her mind about everything all the time. I just can’t get over the fact that I think the new guy will last and that sucks!

 

I’m acatukky moving to Australia in a few weeks now which I’ve been wanting to do for several years so it has motivated me to actually pursue my dream now so that’s the one good point I guess.

 

The hardest part is not checking her social media and seeing how happy she is with him. I’ve blocked her and deleted her number but her insta is public so super easy to unblock and check which is a rite pain in the arse really.

 

Does this type of person do the same thing to the next guy? Like a creature of habit?

[brent878]

<snip>

A few notes for future reference:

- Don’t get into long distance relationships

- Stay clear of women who had a bad childhood

- Don’t believe anything a woman says, believe her actions instead

- Always expect a woman to leave and keep yourself marketable if she does

- Realize women base their actions on emotions which change drastically- when she says something it only applies in that moment

- Get the book “How to be a 3% man”

 

This will hurt for a while but you’ll find one even better.

 

Cannot emphasize this enough. Woman I'm seeing, when she is turned on, is the most affectionate person in the world. "I love you. I want to be with you forever. You're so perfect". 2 hours later, ignores text messages, goes MIA for the entire day. It. is. impossible. Women are so full of it. Not all, there are some genuinely caring people out there. But most are pretty self-absorbed, will use you when it's convenient for them, then explore other options. Disgusting behaviour, really.

Edited January 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[brent878]

Thanks guys,

It didn’t start off as a long distance relationship but she ended up moving for work which I planned on moving when the time was rite but it appeared as though the goal posts melt getting moved!<snip>

 

Who cares if the new guy does or does not last? Let him put up with her garbage. If that works for him, good for him. It didn't work for you. Just because someone can put up with someone's crap behaviour doesn't make their relationship healthy, nor does it make them a superior partner to you. It just means they're fine being treated the way that person treats them.

Edited January 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Happy Lemming]

In my experience, a lot of women have a "Justin Case" guy (just in case, it doesn't work out with my present boyfriend). He could be a friend or an old FWB guy or old co-worker that they stay in touch with or a completely new guy that has more money than you.

 

I've seen it and have been "Justin Case" to one old girlfriend. She contacted me and started laying the groundwork for me to slip in when she dumped her current boyfriend. (she was one of those women that didn't like being alone) I didn't care, the sex was good, but I knew it was temporary. I didn't invest too much into it, and it was still fun.

 

My advice... Go to your local pub/bar and try to find "Miss Right for tonight". When a woman dumps me, before she can finish her "I don't want to see you anymore" speech, my mind is thinking what time is it and where can I find her replacement. Also, who cares what her reason is for dumping you. If you were the best person you could be and that wasn't good enough for her, so be it.

 

Good luck in Australia... See if you can find some "Min Min Lights"!!

Edited January 11, 2019 by Happy Lemming

[lovesflame]

You are getting some absolutely terrible advice above.

First off these massive generalizations about women are inherently long as people are vastly different.

Second the guy saying date lots of women is downright wrong I was dating 3 or 4 but all it did is get me to hurt the one I loved. I had sex with 15 women in a year. Did nothing for me. It never will. Only love matters.

Third telling u to go screw someone else as a one night stand won t help either. All I did is finish and start crying missing my love.

I feel true sympathy for u it hurts so bad

I suggest you build up an inherent sense of self worth by doing things you judge as valuable and meaningful and with no need for external validation. You will get better in time. I keep telling myself that too.

Good luck.

Message me if you need to talk.

[SophieG]

Women are so full of it. Not all, there are some genuinely caring people out there. But most are pretty self-absorbed, will use you when it's convenient for them, then explore other options. Disgusting behaviour, really.

 

Jesus... you really have a great opinion of women! If you always meet women like that, maybe you need to rethink the kind of person you are dating. I met a sh*itload of guys who told me they wanted a relationship and ghosted me after we had sex or whatever... doesn't mean I think most men are a**holes.

 

OP, I'm sooo sorry you're going through that! To be in a relationship within a week, she probably had feelings for this guy before the break (doesn't mean she physically cheated on you, she might have waited to leave you before doing anything physical with him, but it leads me to believe that emotional cheating was involved). Maybe you should delete or block her on social media, that way you won't have to see everything she posts.

You're making plans, that's great. Those are plans that you probably wouldn't be able to do if you still were in a relationship, so that's a plus. I hope you'll have an amazing experience in Australia, and you'll end up realizing that her leaving you, was a blessing in disguise !

[Woggle]

She's his problem now. Think of it like that. You have to get into the mentality of either she wants you or she doesn't but either way you will have a happy life. This will lead you to better kinds of relationships.

[loversquarrel]

<snip>I had sex with 15 women in a year. Did nothing for me. It never will. Only love matters.

Third telling u to go screw someone else as a one night stand won t help either. All I did is finish and start crying missing my love.

I feel true sympathy for u it hurts so bad

<snip>

 

It took you 15 women to figure that out?? Please.

Edited January 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[lovesflame]

At least I figured it out.

It's hard after toxic relationships with abuse bring you down. I'm helping op.

We suppossed to support each other here

It took me losing the love I found to know this... I'm not doing good. I want her back everyday. Let's help each other here. Not here to argue.

Edited January 12, 2019 by lovesflame

[loversquarrel]

I've been in my share of toxic relationships. What toxicity did you bring to the relationship?

[lovesflame]

I really bring some issues but I worked many of them out over time. I think I just brought fear of commitment and overly flirtatious behavior.

But this is what hurts me the most is I finally had a healthy relationship with a good person and then she left. I am starting to realize healthy individuals have clearwr boundaries so you can't break up and get back together over and over.

So ironic I could get back my ex I don't want but not who I actually love....

I still haven't given up in my heart tbh

[soloman]

Hello everyone,

This is my first post on here and I’m pretty cut up.

My girlfriend broke up with me just before Xmas told me she needed to be single and on her own for a while as she had commitment issue due to both parents being married 3 times and her mum passing away at a young age.

The break up came out of the blue- totally blindsided me but I thought well at least she is being honest!<snip>

 

i had this happen to me.i was with her for 3 years at the time. and thngs were wild and amazing and fun, 2 weeks before the end she started ignoring my texts and calls, i didnt think anything of it because i always trusted her and what not.

 

i texted her more and more and then i found out that she started seeing a coworker at her new job that she just met and had a crush on him.

 

they started dating the day after she dumped me. the next day there were tons of pictures of them , i even went to her house to talk to her about this. she had a picture of her and him on her night stand, it was like 3 days in.

 

her personality changed she was cold careless heartless. like it coudnt even be real , like it was a bad dream. she fed me bread crumbs for 6 months and then ultimatly came crying back to me telling me how she was so cold and she new she was treating me bad. she basically said she wanted me to hate her so that she didnt feel guilty.

 

my advice to you . same old CUT ALL CONTACT, wait until you can go out in public with out getting an anxiety attack. something that i found that helped me was i started buying lots of guns and going to the range. i bought a sweet sports car and just focused on fixing it up.so basically get a hobby, i still felt trapped because i felt like my ex towered over me with her new guy.

 

but one thing you need to realise, is that 95% of the break up and what shes doing is in your head. a women will dump her man for what ever reason, usually infatuation. but at the same time she will not want to lose you. so the guy she starts dating might have a worse job, ugly hair cut, fat , ugly what ever. and shes attracted to his personality. its a win win for her, because not only does she get to explore her new guy, shes also dating some one less attractive than you, which makes you feel even more ugly( even though your not) and makes you feel like you will never do better than her, so thus you are stuck in limbo waiting for her to change her mind, which she will if things dont work out with the new guy.which 99% of the time , it wont,

 

when she fears that you are gone for good, thats when she will come back. usually around the 3 month mark. go out and hang out with people and women, dont even date, your not ready for that, but just interacting with women and socializing will set off your exes radar. its true. people think its the spiritual universe answering you. but inreality which no one ever says. your ex is keeping a close eye on you and wont ever admit it or show it. even if you have her blocked on everything.

 

so no contact, do hobbies. work on your self, socialize when your ready. and build your life while she slowley destroys hers. and thats when things will turn around. i hope this helps.

Edited January 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[lovesflame]

Soloman

That is fantastic advice.

I went through something so similar. Dating a guy just to basically hurt you and tell you about it.

Can I ask u about the breadcrumbing?

My ex for at least 2 months would text me. Things like I miss you. I love you. I appreciate you. I'm grateful for you. Wish we could cuddle.

But she never came around one time.

I drive myself crazy should I have gone over there? Tried to speak to her with greater effort?

I sent her a heartfelt letter accepting responsibility for all my wrong doing and being changed. She writes she loves the letter. But wouldn't call. Then 4 days later (on Christmas) tells me she's banging an ex and this giy was literally married until 3 weeks ago smh.

You had anything like this?

[soloman]

Soloman

That is fantastic advice.

I went through something so similar. Dating a guy just to basically hurt you and tell you about it.

Can I ask u about the breadcrumbing?

<snip>

 

No you shouldn't go over there n yes. Bread crumbling. It's there way to see if your still there. That you still want them n love them. I got one text once a week for 6 months. N I took the bait everytime. Part of me never gave up because of our love n part of me wanted to because of what she was doing to me n us.

 

I still don't understand how someone can instantly replace you aND can shut off all feelings for you. But I have a good feeling that her ego. And being in the spot light had something to do with it. Same when everyone's either breaking up with there partners n getting new ones. When you surround yourself with people like that you start thinking that yourself. I could read you a horoscope n you'll automatically fit it into your life. I'm pretty sure that's what happend to my ex.

 

Anyways bread crumbling. I answered and got ghosted everytime until the next week . It hurt. For 6 months. It wasn't until I stopped talking to her the last month that she called me crying . And realised her mistake. Well she said it wasn't a mistake it was a bad choice.

 

So for bread crumbling . They will just prolong the agony. Like I said ignore it. I know it's tempting because your worried that shw will forget or assume that you've moved on. But when she comes back you'll know. She won't just text you an"I miss you" . Shell be calling you non stop crying n begging like you once did. I know this because I've experienced it and read about it n seen it multiple times. Different situations with every single couple. But it's the exact same pattern everytime.

 

Just remember aswell that the dumper does not have all the power. A traitor will have that baggage on there shoulders for life unless they redeem them selves or you decide to ligitimatly forgive them. She did this to you. She needs to make things right.

 

So no taking bait. No chasing n no contact. Let her realize what she's done. N just keep working on your self .unstable women who jump from man to man. They don't possess independent qualities. That guy will realise that she is just using him to get over you n when she comes back after rejection or what ever reason they fall apart. It will be up to you. I for one believe in second chances but but that's because that's just who I am. But at the same time you have to draw the line some where. Maybe they see love differently than we do. Maybe they need there hearts to be broken to understand. I dono hopefully I answered your question

Edited January 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[lovesflame]

No you shouldn't go over there n yes. Bread crumbling. It's there way to see if your still there. That you still want them n love them. I got one text once a week for 6 months. N I took the bait everytime. Part of me never gave up because of our love n part of me wanted to because of what she was doing to me n us.<snip>

 

soloman,

thank you. most helpful post I've had so far.

 

what I am saying is that I missed my chance to get her back but maybe it was just breadcrumbs as you said. I think I did try actually, but let me be more specific.

She told me she loved me missed me asked if I was having sex with girls off IG (I used to flirt too much when we were together) and then five days later said she's banging this guy.. smh.

then she blocks me off everything and then on NYE says she is "forever grateful for me in her life" what the hell.

So I tried again, but she told me "the spark is gone"

"we are never getting together again"

"heart is not into it"

The same person who was talking about kids and marriage.

But the thing is I already have had children been engaged etc.

I know they ALWAYS come back eventually.

The difference is that I am so scared to lose her- she was the greatest love I have ever had.

But honestly only time will tell. there is no way to tell what's really going on.

 

But I think you are completely correct after you're gone then they come back.

this pattern is a crazy dance we all play out.

it really is.

I am just hoping to heal. other women and dates don't help my heart is set on her.

Edited January 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[soloman]

soloman,

thank you. most helpful post I've had so far.

 

<snip>

 

well just from reading your post i think that if she told you flat out that shes sleeping with another guy, thats mainly to get a reaction out of you. it seems to be a power struggle and her dropping the nuke is saying shes sleeping with someone else, and then she blocks you so you cant do or say anything back. on new years she definatly said that because thats her touching base. seeing if you would respond, getting you to think about her or to see if you are still interested, so that on new years your not sleeping with another girl, she wanted you to be thinking about her. and yes it is a ****ty thing to do ,but for some reason people are capable of playing these games. im pretty sure it was learned from early child hood. for the kids who "wanted their cake and could eat it too".

 

the problem is that she knows she can have you just by snapping her fingers. its not even a break up to her, a break up is when you feel the loss. the heart ache , the pain. think of it , if she dumped you and said, we are going to get back together forsure eventually, but just right now i want you to miss me, well chances are you wouldnt be heart broken. thats why its critical to let her feel the pain too.

 

and to answer your question no its not to late to get her back , this is just the begining. remember your psychologically damaged because of her messed up games. and even one text of hope from herwill reset that and make you feel normal again. thats how you know its all in your head. turn the tables, distance your self. improve, and i know its not fully recommended , but look into some type of cannabis oil to help you relax or OVER the counter antidepressants. trust me, once your confident. she will look nor more than a little black fly that pisses you off. confidence and self growth are key.

 

so definatily dont give up. move on FORNOW doesnt mean that your giving up. when she sees that you dont give a flying ****, she will be there. trust me. women want men who want them but dont want them.

Edited January 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[lovesflame]

 

 

 

trust me, once your confident. she will look nor more than a little black fly that pisses you off. confidence and self growth are key.

 

so definatily dont give up. move on FORNOW doesnt mean that your giving up. when she sees that you dont give a flying ****, she will be there. trust me. women want men who want them but dont want them.

 

dude, you are so right. I feel like some other people on here really go to hardcore on the NC thing. I have slept with all of my exes after breaking up, but anyways.

Last night, I had my poetry performance. she only knew about it from stalking IG

then she sends me a text "I know you are going to do great tonight"

then watches my poem. She knows lines in it were about her.

So while she sits at home with her dog I am meeting people and performing. I was also smart enough to post pics with girls she doesn't know (just friends but she doesn't know)

I think the key is to stay strong but it is so hard.

Like she told me she had a cold so couldn't make it last night, but in my heart I really would like to bring her soup and vitamins and herbs, because, truth is, I ****ing love her.

I am not going to do that and I think I will just wait it out...