Going NC, but my ex stops at my house

[Hope4thefuture]

My ex and I broke up at the end of August. We were together for almost 4 years. I started seeing someone pretty quickly (about 2 weeks later). Things were going pretty good. I liked him. But I thought I might be moving too fast and trying to fill a void. Then the new guy told me he has a STD. I was nervous and I haven’t slept with him. I am not sure I want to.

 

I have been thinking about my ex a lot lately. A family friend just passed away last weekend and my ex texted me the same day as the funeral. A lot of emotions were messing me up. Grief over my friend, excited to hear from my ex, uncertainty about this new guy. My ex and I met to talk and we slept together. I feel so mixed up. I know what I did was wrong, but a part of me still loves him.

 

He is dating someone and is sleeping with her. That hurts. I know all the advice is going to be to block him. We aren’t on social media anymore. I just don’t know what to do.

 

I know I need to talk to the new guy. I need to tell him that I still have feelings for my ex and I am not over him.

 

I know I am a bad person for doing this. How do I live with myself? How do I move forward?

[elaine567]

My ex and I met to talk and we slept together. I feel so mixed up. I know what I did was wrong, but a part of me still loves him.

 

 

 

Research shows the main reason men keep in cotact with exes is for the possilibiity of sex, so stop writing that fairy story in your head...

[Garcon1986]

You can always live with yourself mate. That part is the most important.

 

 

Priority number one is to go to your primary care provider to get tested for STDs.

 

 

Priority number two is to seek out emotional healing with your girlfriends. Right now you are in a vulnerable state and liable to make more bad decisions. Grieve all you need to. Ponder a little about why the relationship went sour. Write down lessons learned. Do things that really make you happy apart from seeing more guys. Then you will be able to do the healthy thing and seek out better relationships.

[Hope4thefuture]

Research shows the main reason men keep in cotact with exes is for the possilibiity of sex, so stop writing that fairy story in your head...

 

Thank you. I believe he keeps contacting me so if this other girl doesn’t work out he has me on the back burner. Kind of the same as I feel like I am doing with this other guy. My ex does say he has feelings for me, but that could just be talk. I am not sure what to believe.

[Hope4thefuture]

You can always live with yourself mate. That part is the most important.

 

 

Priority number one is to go to your primary care provider to get tested for STDs.

 

 

Priority number two is to seek out emotional healing with your girlfriends. Right now you are in a vulnerable state and liable to make more bad decisions. Grieve all you need to. Ponder a little about why the relationship went sour. Write down lessons learned. Do things that really make you happy apart from seeing more guys. Then you will be able to do the healthy thing and seek out better relationships.

 

 

The day after he told me about the STD I called my doctor and got myself tested. I am clean. Now the issue becomes so I want to sleep with him and put myself at risk? My feelings aren’t there yet so right now the answer is no. Plus I feel like I am leading him on. I still am not over my ex and I am scared to sleep with him. Big signs I should be single.

 

I have been going to see a therapist. Ever since my ex and I were on our break. So I will continue doing that.

 

I think I am scared of being alone forever.

[Happy Lemming]

Then the new guy told me he has a STD. I was nervous and I haven’t slept with him. I am not sure I want to.

 

He is dating someone and is sleeping with her.

 

I know I am a bad person for doing this. How do I live with myself?

 

(1) Say goodbye to "new guy"... You don't need the worry of an STD.

 

(2) As for the old boyfriend with a new girlfriend, ask him to make a choice... New girl or come back to you.

 

(3) You are not a bad person. Sex is fun!! You were down and needed an escape for a few hours. I've slept with ex-girlfriends that needed to feel "wanted". That doesn't make me a bad person or any of my exes, just makes us human.

[d0nnivain]

You are not a bad person. You are a human person who sought comfort after a funeral. Sex as proof of life is very common. on a sub-conscious level you needed to connect.

 

 

You do need to break up with the new guy.

 

But as for the rest of it, my condolences on the death of your friend. Spend some time healing. You have had a lot of negative loss in your life in the past few months.

[preraph]

Neither of them are right. Don't worry about what you did. Don't assume you're getting back with your ex. They always try to find a reason to sleep with you or lean on you again, but it doesn't mean anything. Well, it means sex.

 

Be single for awhile.

[Hope4thefuture]

Thank you for the condolences. It was a tough weekend.

 

I am feeling guilty for breaking it off because of the STD. When he told me about it my gut reaction was shock and I thought I was going to end things. But I felt like I would be an awful person for doing that. So instead I talked to my doctor and my therapist. My doctor talked to me about the risks. I was still scared after that appointment. I told him I was nervous and he said I can go as slow as I want. My therapist asks me if he is worth the risk. I don’t have those strong feelings for him yet. Even if I did, I am not sure I would want to move forward. If I put myself at risk, what if I got it and things didn’t work out. Every time we would have sex I would be wondering if this would be the time I got it. I don’t want to go through a relationship like that. And I feel completely and utterly terrible for not wanting to continue things with him. Because he is a great guy, super sweet, same interests, puts me first. Completely opposite of my ex.

 

I also feel guilty because I don’t feel the same way as he does. I think about my ex sometimes when we are together. Part of me wants my ex back, but maybe that is because I am so scared about being by myself. My ex and I had such great times the past 4 years, and if we would have communicated more to each other about our feelings and what we wanted and needed I wonder if things would have ended differently. I miss him and I miss out time together. And I really hate thinking about him dating someone else and sleeping with someone else. I wish we could have worked things out. I wish we were still together. But I know that isn’t going to happen. So I need to move on.

 

I just seem so lost right now.

[CardsFan01]

 

I am feeling guilty for breaking it off because of the STD. When he told me about it my gut reaction was shock and I thought I was going to end things. But I felt like I would be an awful person for doing that.

 

 

Why? It’s unfortunate he has an STD, but you didn’t cause it, and you have no obligation to stay because of it. And think of it this way, odds are that relationship won’t work out. Do you really want to subject yourself to getting it, which would make dating someone else in the future much more difficult?

[Hope4thefuture]

Why? It’s unfortunate he has an STD, but you didn’t cause it, and you have no obligation to stay because of it. And think of it this way, odds are that relationship won’t work out. Do you really want to subject yourself to getting it, which would make dating someone else in the future much more difficult?

 

I don’t want to contact it and have to tell future partners. I have a feeling that many people would walk away if that were to happen. I am scared to tell him how I feel. I hate hurting people and don’t like conflict. But I know that is no reason to stay with him.

[Marc878]

That's a lifelong gift. At least he was honest enough to tell you.

 

It's Short term. I'd walk away you aren't ready to date it sounds like anyway.

[Simple Logic]

My ex and I broke up at the end of August. We were together for almost 4 years. I started seeing someone pretty quickly (about 2 weeks later). Things were going pretty good. I liked him. But I thought I might be moving too fast and trying to fill a void. Then the new guy told me he has a STD. I was nervous and I haven’t slept with him. I am not sure I want to.

 

I have been thinking about my ex a lot lately. A family friend just passed away last weekend and my ex texted me the same day as the funeral. A lot of emotions were messing me up. Grief over my friend, excited to hear from my ex, uncertainty about this new guy. My ex and I met to talk and we slept together. I feel so mixed up. I know what I did was wrong, but a part of me still loves him.

 

He is dating someone and is sleeping with her. That hurts. I know all the advice is going to be to block him. We aren’t on social media anymore. I just don’t know what to do.

 

I know I need to talk to the new guy. I need to tell him that I still have feelings for my ex and I am not over him.

 

I know I am a bad person for doing this. How do I live with myself? How do I move forward?

 

Sounds simple do me. Break up with the new guy because he is damaged goods. Block the ex because he is using you. Find someone new for a fresh start.

[grays]

Don’t break up with the new guy because he’s damaged goods. He’s a good person, not just a disease. Break up with him because you aren’t ready for a relationship.

[Hope4thefuture]

I wouldn’t say he is damaged goods, but the STD is a big deal for me.

 

I think the main reason I need to end this relationship is because I am not ready to move forward with him or anyone right now. I don’t have the same feelings he has hinted towards me. My feelings are the primary reason and the STD is the secondary reason.

 

This daughter is having surgery tomorrow and I don’t want to say anything before that. I have been somewhat avoiding him because I know I can’t pretend everything is fine when it is not. I don’t want to hurt him, but I know in my heart this is for the best.

[Gretchen12]

The day after he told me about the STD I called my doctor and got myself tested. I am clean.

 

How do you know you are still clean after you slept with your ex? Maybe your ex's new girl has an STD but didn't tell your ex.

 

I know this is common behavior : Maybe your ex's new girl got with him because her ex dumped her. But if her ex came around she may sleep with him at the same time she's sleeping with your ex. Meanwhile her ex may have slept with another girl. Any of them can have a STD.

 

Is this what happened: Your ex left you because he wanted to be with someone else. So you got with someone else because your ex left you. If that's what happened, you are not equal you will continue to suffer if you go back to him.

Take yourself out of this mess!

 

You should feel bad. Feeling bad about it means you're actually a good person. Making excuses is worse, don't you agree?

[Hope4thefuture]

How do you know you are still clean after you slept with your ex? Maybe your ex's new girl has an STD but didn't tell your ex.

 

I know this is common behavior : Maybe your ex's new girl got with him because her ex dumped her. But if her ex came around she may sleep with him at the same time she's sleeping with your ex. Meanwhile her ex may have slept with another girl. Any of them can have a STD.

 

Is this what happened: Your ex left you because he wanted to be with someone else. So you got with someone else because your ex left you. If that's what happened, you are not equal you will continue to suffer if you go back to him.

Take yourself out of this mess!

 

You should feel bad. Feeling bad about it means you're actually a good person. Making excuses is worse, don't you agree?

 

You have a point. I don’t know if my ex’s new girl is clean.

 

My ex left me because he wasn’t sure we were right for each other. He did tell me he was texting her while we were on the break. I am not sure when he starting sleeping with her.

 

I started dating to try to get over my ex. The new guy asked me out and I thought it would help me move on. I thought maybe I could get over him. But it has not worked. I still have feelings for my ex. I believe I moved too fast and just wasn’t ready.

 

I think the right thing to do is break it off with the new guy and get over my ex. I am nervous about being alone but I suppose that is better than being in a relationship where I don’t have the same feelings. Plus the STD thing is really difficult for me to get over. If I get tested again from my ex, and I am clean then I still have the possibility of getting it with this new guy. That is something I don’t want to happen. I don’t know if I am being selfish or a terrible person, but it is how I feel. I don’t want to contract it, break up in the future, and then be the person who had to disclose that information. I am afraid I would be undateable then. I know that is awful to say, but it is what is going on in my mind.

[Gretchen12]

I think the right thing to do is break it off with the new guy and get over my ex.

 

That sounds like a good plan.

 

Think about this scenario: in a moment of weakness, you use the other guy to get over your ex, and in the process you contract a STD. So not worth it! And I am sure this has happened to people, because not everyone discloses their STD.

 

So much easier to just stay single. You will still get over your ex, without involving someone else's feelings and without getting the disease. You can do it.

[Hope4thefuture]

I am breaking up with the new guy tonight. I enjoy spending time with him. I keep thinking what if I am making a mistake? I am so conflicted with this guy and my ex. My head is spinning in so many different directions. Not sure what to do.

 

I slept with my ex on Sunday. He has called me Monday and Tuesday. Then he drove to my house last night. We made the same mistake again. I am not over him. He wants to move on with his GF. If that is true why is he the one reaching out to me by calling and coming over?

 

I know the right answers. Break up with the new guy because he deserves better. Get over my ex because he has moved on.

 

What are some great ways to move on? Struggling with that!

[Million.to.1]

 

What are some great ways to move on? Struggling with that!

 

Ummmm..... Stop sleeping with your ex for starters?

If you do really want to move on then go NC. Properly. Tell him you want no more contact at all. Delete or block from social media.

 

You need to give yourself the TIME to move on without him being in your life and thoughts and you are not giving yourself that due to being in contact with him and sleeping with him.

 

Think you probably know this though right?

[Hope4thefuture]

I know I need to stop sleeping with him, but I love him. I wish we could be together.

[Hope4thefuture]

I broke up with the other guy. It was so tough because he told me he loved me. I feel so terrible for hurting him, but in my heart I know this is the right thing.

 

Now I need to start doing what I should have done this summer...get over my ex.

[ElKay]

You've slept with your ex knowing that he's seeing someone new? I don't know, for me, that would make the "ick" factor way too high, let alone having respect for the other woman.

 

No-contact is definitely the way to go if you can't seem to control yourself around him.

[Hope4thefuture]

Yes I know I shouldn’t have slept with my ex either time. It was wrong and I do feel guilty. The first time I was hurting and he was comforting me. I know that is no excuse. Then my feelings that weren’t gone came flooding back. And we were talking for a couple of days and my hopes got up. Then it happened again and I foolishly thought maybe we could make this work.

 

I know in my head we shouldn’t be together. My my feelings and my heart aren’t there yet. So I decided to stop seeing the other guy to focus on letting my ex go.

 

I want to value myself and know how important I am. In a relationship I am

someone who always puts the other person first. No matter what. Despite my feelings, despite my needs. I think I get lost in the relationships I am in as an independent person because I worry too much about what my partner wants. Yes of course that is important too, but so am I. So I figure now is the best time to focus on what I want, build myself up, and then who knows what will come. But whatever it is i will be a stronger me.

[Hope4thefuture]

My ex and I broke up at the end of the summer. We cut off communication for a week or two. Then he texted me on and off for a couple of months. Now he is texting me everyday almost. Nothing about getting back together. He just wants to be friends, but some of his texts are flirty. Why is he doing this if he is dating someone? To keep me as a backup? To stroke his ego? To actually be friends? To hookup? Just wanted others thoughts.