Despair31 Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 Please bear with me as this might be long. My ex boyfriend and I had been together for close to 7years. Within those 7 years, we did long distance for 5 and a half years. I was the one living away from home. He still lives at home with his mother and from the beginning he told me he would not move out as he wanted to look after his mother. At the start I was pretty naive and accepted this and we had plans that I would move into his mom's house with him. When I moved back to my hometown, i proceeded to move in with his mom. At first it was fine and I was none the wiser at how living in his mom's was affecting our relationship. We started to fight more than normal, he lives in a smoking house and I am a non smoker and I found this very hard. We never had any privacy, I could not invite any of my friends over to visit and my family didn't feel comfortable staying over or calling. Our fights became more frequent because of our living situation and with every fight I would move threaten to break up with him or i did leave him only to be back with him again two days later. As the intensity of the fights increased and the frequency of fights was every two weeks I eventually told him we had to move out but he refused and started calling me names, selfish and cold hearted for wanting to move out and leave his 70 year old mother on her own. Again we eould break up and get back. I even asked his brother for help and they agreed with me that we should move out but my ex boyfriend did not agree and said his family (4 siblings) don't care and wouldn' help so it's his responsibility alone to look after his mom. As our relationship deteriorated I issued him an ultimatimum and he agreed he would m9ve out with me in June 2019. As we this was chriatmas time he asked me to not talk about it until Jan. So i brought it up on a walk the first week of January. When I did he said he didn' want to move out, I was pressuring him and being selfish not thinking about his mom. So i broke up with him in the days after that I tried my hardest to keep my cool whilst he called me selfish, cold, heartless, compulsive liar and a whole lot more. He blamed me for the state of our relationship as I always left him. He never admits he played a part in anything and the blame is always placed on me. Eventually I snapped and told him I thought he was using his mom as a crutch, would not grow up and mature a bit more. Having spoke to his brother I know he should be moving out and they will all help. I am heartbroken and struggling with the stuff he has said to me. Am i the bad person in all this? Link to post Share on other sites
MetallicHue Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 I don’t think your cold hearted and selfish. I’m sorry things did not work out for you. It’s quite apparent that things were in a bad cycle and I think it’s good you ended things. Some people are very rooted in ways and unwilling to be flexible. I think you made the right decision. I’m so sorry you’re heartbroken but you have to look at this a decision you made for the better. I understand your reaction given the situation you are in. Please don’t beat yourself up on this. There are a lot of people on this forum who can relate to you and help you through this if you happen to stay on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Despair31 Posted January 11, 2019 Author Share Posted January 11, 2019 Thank you! I am completely and utterly heartbroken and struggling to see how wanting a future with him makes me the monster that he thinks I am. Did my behaviour of leaving him destroy our relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
MetallicHue Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 To be honest I don’t think it’s something you should try to salvage. I would move on with his comments towards you. This seems to be a very toxic relationship for the both of you. He has consistently been very demeaning to you and you’re just setting yourself up for more pain. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 Thank you! I am completely and utterly heartbroken and struggling to see how wanting a future with him makes me the monster that he thinks I am. Did my behaviour of leaving him destroy our relationship? Well, it was the straw that broke the camel's back, but it's not as though it was going to go in the direction you wanted anyway. He's not moving out. He's said that from the beginning and while I understand you wanted to believe he's change his mind, he didn't and more than likely isn't going to. I would not try to put this back together. You two want totally different things in your futures. Link to post Share on other sites
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