Long-term problem; unable to get dates

[thefooloftheyear]

If someone is going to judge me by the (good) company I keep, then they're not worthy of my time anyway. I'm not interested in someone that is judgmental.<snip>

 

 

I'm probably twice your age, never struggled for attention, and have known more successful guys than you will if you live to 150...This is almost never the case...But if you want to believe it, and discard the advice, even from women themselves, then do what you want...

 

I have a married friend of mine that has a lot of female friends..I guess because he's in a female dominated career...I am certain he's not gay, but everyone you talk to thinks he is...Why would you think they would have that "feeling", despite absolutely no proof of it ??

 

Think about it for a minute..

 

TFY

Edited January 22, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[LightWave93]

What is with it with fixation on non-issues?

 

Getting the impression I won't find any help here.

[basil67]

I don't think so. The opportunity arose and I took it, which is something I've been telling you guys for the past few years.

 

It's the lack of opportunity that is the issue. It's only been in the last few weeks that I've had some interest in clubs, but firstly I need to understand why that is the case and how to replicate it, and how I can boost my chances in other environments.

 

I'm referring not to the girls you did dance with, but to the recent ones where you didn't make a move because you couldn't read what they wanted. Not being able to read women is a HUGE issue.

 

Why are you 'firstly' trying to understand and replicate female interest? Isn't it smarter to firstly connect and date with women who are interested right now?

[basil67]

What is with it with fixation on non-issues?

 

Getting the impression I won't find any help here.

 

You have many threads on your dating woes and have yet to find advice which is helpful to you. Why did you think this thread would be any different?

 

I'm not being snarky - this is a serious question.

[basil67]

I'm probably twice your age, never struggled for attention, and have known more successful guys than you will if you live to 150...This is almost never the case...But if you want to believe it, and discard the advice, even from women themselves, then do what you want...<snip>

 

TFY is spot on. The guys I know who are successful with women have men as mates. Sure, they have women in their social circles, but men are their primary source of companionship.

 

My daughter and her girlfriends have a guy friend who goes out with them. He's bi. Nothing wrong with being bi and he's a great guy, but it's his feminine side which lets him fit in with women so easily. And other women do pick up on this.

Edited January 22, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[LightWave93]

This thread has 7 pages now and you disregarded ALL the advice you were given. You're always right and everyone else is always wrong.

 

It must be annoying as f*** to date you indeed.

 

Fixation on moot points is not going to aid me. Give me something tangible to work with instead of focusing on non-issues such as my age or the company I keep. Women can't judge me by these factors.

 

Also, I don't get dates.

 

I'm referring not to the girls you did dance with, but to the recent ones where you didn't make a move because you couldn't read what they wanted. Not being able to read women is a HUGE issue.

 

Why are you 'firstly' trying to understand and replicate female interest? Isn't it smarter to firstly connect and date with women who are interested right now?

 

Not really going to find women to date in night clubs. As I said, it's only the last few weeks I've had anything resembling interest. I need to understand why that is so I can keep the ball rolling.

 

You have many threads on your dating woes and have yet to find advice which is helpful to you. Why did you think this thread would be any different?

 

I'm not being snarky - this is a serious question.

 

I was hoping people would actually begin to trust me with the information I provide and focus on what could be the cause of my issues. I notice all the information I've provided in the last five or so posts has mostly gone ignored.

 

TFY is spot on. The guys I know who are successful with women have men as mates. Sure, they have women in their social circles, but men are their primary source of companionship.

 

My daughter and her girlfriends have a guy friend who goes out with them. He's bi. Nothing wrong with being bi and he's a great guy, but it's his feminine side which lets him fit in with women so easily. And other women do pick up on this.

 

And I really don't think this is an issue, and feedback I've gotten in person backs that up. Your culture, beliefs or experiences may vary.

 

And again, my friends are a 50/50 ratio, men and women. This point has been overlooked more than once.

[clia]

And again, my friends are a 50/50 ratio, men and women. This point has been overlooked more than once.

 

I think this is being overlooked because above you said that most of your male friends are either too busy to hang out with you, partnered up, live far away, or are not suitable to be wingmen. You've therefore given the impression that when you go out you are typically with one or more of your female friends as opposed to being with male friends. Is that not the case?

 

But at any rate, you've now met, talked with, danced with, and stayed the night at two new woman's houses in the past month or so. Have you asked the most recent woman out on a date yet?

[LightWave93]

I think this is being overlooked because above you said that most of your male friends are either too busy to hang out with you, partnered up, live far away, or are not suitable to be wingmen. You've therefore given the impression that when you go out you are typically with one or more of your female friends as opposed to being with male friends. Is that not the case?

It varies, honestly.

But at any rate, you've now met, talked with, danced with, and stayed the night at two new woman's houses in the past month or so. Have you asked the most recent woman out on a date yet?

No. I don't think we'd be compatible in a relationship, and pretty sure she deleted me soon after.

EDIT:

 

Mate of mine has been on Tinder less than a week, got less matches than me, and already been sent a sexy pic.

I've got no hope. I'm cursed. Also, got new photos if anyone wants to see; was considering using Tinder again.

Edited January 22, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix spacing

[LightWave93]

Very difficult to believe I'm attractive when I can't even get matches on Tinder...

[LightWave93]

[]

 

At the end of the day, I'm just wanting to experience love and intimacy...same as everyone else. For whatever reason, I can't. Perhaps never will.

Edited January 24, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Response to deleted hydra post redacted

[LightWave93]

My dance partner is the nicest, most gorgeous woman I have ever met. I mean, miles out of my league and no way she'd date me if she was single, but God damn...

 

Meanwhile, I helped match-make two of my friends.

[basil67]

A lot of information is out there that keeps getting asked about.

 

To be fair, you've got a lot of posts on a lot of threads. It's asking too much of people to remember/review all your past threads for information before responding.

 

I suggest you consider each new thread to be a brand new start with posters. Either that or keep an old thread going so that you don't have to repeat yourself.

[LightWave93]

To be fair, you've got a lot of posts on a lot of threads. It's asking too much of people to remember/review all your past threads for information before responding.

 

I suggest you consider each new thread to be a brand new start with posters. Either that or keep an old thread going so that you don't have to repeat yourself.

 

Fair point.

 

Anyway, ultimately what has been suggested hasn't work, so I'm at a loss really.

[Morello]

One thing that might help you feel better. You're 25, right?

 

I was not clueless in dating as you portray to be when I was 25, but I was so much worse than I am now at 34. I can get high quality women now to date that I would never dream of 10 years before.

 

Experience helps, putting yourself out there, travelling alone, getting out of your comfort zone and more importantly, going for the kiss more often than not. The trick is to train rejection. You go for a kiss when you feel like it's gonna happen and if she turns her face, you just smile like it's part of the flirting game. Obviously, you don't wanna do that too much but especially when you develop rapport with a girl, even if she turns you down, she won't do in a humiliating way.

 

The more you train to be unattached to the result, the better you will become. I was very afraid of going for the kiss and more often than not I was not confident enough to do and in the few times I did, I got rejection. Now, it's the other way around. I don't remember the last time I went for the kiss and got rejected.

 

My suggestion is: whenever you're in a situation like you mentioned, like in a bed with a girl, or even just talking with a girl that seems to be enjoying the conversation, just start getting closer, look at her lips for awhile, look at her eyes, her lips (like 3 seconds each)... and try to kiss her, so she won't be surprised. You might not get the best results at first but hopefully you will see that rejection is a part of the game and the better you become at being rejected, the better you will be at not getting rejected, if that makes sense.

 

This won't cure the Tinder problem (not getting dates there) but if you're interacting with girls in real life, focus on that, it's much more fun than Tinder.

Edited January 25, 2019 by Morello

[LightWave93]

I can't say my interactions go well enough to warrant me kissing them; there is no interest on their part.

[LightWave93]

I went out last night; didn't get noticed at all, but given the fact I had forgotten to take my meds and was extremely tired, probably didn't come across as very fun that night.

 

I saw a very unattractive man get with a really cute girl, and I had a (straight) guy chat to me and later asking if I was after a girl that night, "I've never pulled", queue his jaw dropping and telling me I'm handsome and he can't believe it.

 

I've swiped hundreds of women on Tinder, Bumble and OkCupid. Nothing.

 

 

 

I don't understand it guys.

[LightWave93]

Please don't ignore me. I need help!

 

Been talking to a few girls on Tinder and they ghost the moment I suggest meeting. What is wrong with me, seriously?

[Garcon1986]

Remind me, you are pretty familiar with women's indicators of interest right?

 

Where do you ask women out to?

 

And what diagnosis are you taking medications for? What were you like before the meds started?

[Mrs._December]

I went out last night; didn't get noticed at all....

I didn't read every page in this thread, but are you going out expecting to be hit on? I keep seeing a pattern in your posts about 'not getting noticed' and 'not be able to pull...' etc.

 

If you're going out expecting to be hit on or you're standing around waiting for 'signs of interest' from women around the place, then you're going to continue to be lonely.

 

I'm considerably older than you, but the truth is, not that terribly long ago men had to be men and approach a woman if they ever expected to meet anyone. Standing around like a wall-flower waiting for a woman to roll out the red carpet to you is going to keep you a very lonely young man.

[LightWave93]

I didn't read every page in this thread, but are you going out expecting to be hit on? I keep seeing a pattern in your posts about 'not getting noticed' and 'not be able to pull...' etc.

 

If you're going out expecting to be hit on or you're standing around waiting for 'signs of interest' from women around the place, then you're going to continue to be lonely.

 

I'm considerably older than you, but the truth is, not that terribly long ago men had to be men and approach a woman if they ever expected to meet anyone. Standing around like a wall-flower waiting for a woman to roll out the red carpet to you is going to keep you a very lonely young man.

 

I talk to women and do ask them out. They are not interested.

 

I got 189 matches on Tinder within the last few days; spoken to a few, some responded, fewer wanted to meet up, but all of them ghost the moment I suggest a day / time.

 

I am a very lonely young man and I honestly am at my wits end trying to discover what is so fundamentally broken about me. I'm starting to think I should just kill myself because I can't keep living a life where people tell me I'm a good man and yet no one finds me attractive or can ever love me.

[Garcon1986]

Does that depressed energy show? In online profile chats or in real life? Hurting yourself over women is not worth it mate, please don' t do it. No woman is worth that much.

[LightWave93]

Does that depressed energy show? In online profile chats or in real life? Hurting yourself over women is not worth it mate, please don' t do it. No woman is worth that much.

 

There is a point to it when I seemingly so unworthy of love or intimacy that after four years of trying, hiring counselors, dating coaches, speaking to hundreds of people and trying so very, very hard...I still have nothing.

 

What's the point of doing volunteer work, gym, dance, developing a career, being independent, sport etc etc if fundamentally I am such a bad human being that is cursed to walk this earth alone?

 

I'm sick and tired of seeing people dating around, having sex etc. I hate the thought that a woman would only want to sleep with me if I paid her.

 

Sure, I have a great life otherwise, but I just want this basic human element to life and no one...not myself, nor you guys, not hundreds of others, can help me.

[Garcon1986]

Why don't you take a weekend trip to London and work only on your in person dating game. Tell us what insights you gather while being hyper-perceptive to your body language and the lady's. It sounds like you need a breather from your local social scene. It's got you exhausted. I remember you said that moving your OLD profile location wasn't successful - but maybe you can gain something from seeing more dating opportunities. I suggest starting through meetup.com and finding social events tailored to your interests. I know what it feels like to need a dating breather, it's rough mate. Stay the course! You are worthy of this!

[Morello]

Could you post some of your tinder interactions here? I'm baffled that you cannot get any dates after 186 matches. This should be very straight-forward once they swiped right to your profile. It's definitely something you are (or are not) saying to them.

[LightWave93]

Could you post some of your tinder interactions here? I'm baffled that you cannot get any dates after 186 matches. This should be very straight-forward once they swiped right to your profile. It's definitely something you are (or are not) saying to them.

 

Sure, since I actually have some examples now. Various approaches, some are mid/end convo screens as I can't be bothered uploading the entire lot. Please note these are genuinely not my best conversations; I've honestly had better ones that have resulted in the same thing, IE. Nothing.

 

Check your PM's.