Author LightWave93 Posted January 30, 2019 Author Share Posted January 30, 2019 One thing you might want to keep in mind... Even though these women say they want FWB and/or something casual, you probably don't want to treat it like it's all about the sex. Rather, go out for drinks or food, have fun, see where it goes, and hopefully at the end of the night you both want to have sex. (And this might even take a few times before you get to that point.) Meeting up with a guy just to have sex probably feels a lot different than meeting up for a date and then lo and behold, you end up having sex. Does that make sense? (Don't forget about the F in the FWB.) So yeah, it's possible when you brought up whether she had her own place that she got kind of spooked because that made it seem very sex focused. Most FWB type situations don't really begin with both parties explicitly stating from the outset that the arrangement will be mostly physical/sexual/casual. It just sort of happens. Obviously it helps to clarify this sooner than later, but from a guy's perspective, I don't think most women really want to start something on the pretense that it's going to be just casual, even if it's something that will be OK with. Seems to me many men are happy with "the benefits", regular sex when horny, no complications, but many women need "the friend" bit too and if she feels it is missing, she will not be happy with just the sex. Oh yeah, I understand that totally, but when I'm Tinder I always ask "What are you looking for?" at some point, then seek clarity. If they want an FWB, then that's cool, I do want to get to know them as people. I know this thread may suggest otherwise, but I don't see women as sex objects; I really do enjoy my time around them, which is another reason why I'm disappointed at my lack of success. This one I'll chalk up to a mistake, which is a damn shame as she's actually the first woman to say "I'll get back to you", and actually did so. Current Situation: Regular Chats - 5x, all seem open to meeting up / have plans. Contact Details - 3x, all looking for something casual but not chatting often. Getting To Know - 3x. Two messaged me first. Two unmatched me. I've messaged another 20 today. I still believe non of this is going to go anywhere, but it's nice I've had some conversations going for a change. Anyone is still welcome to log into my Tinder account if they want to see my conversations? Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 And I mean, to be fair, while I know some people who have struck long-term relationships from Tinder, it's still predominantly known as a place where you go looking for hook-ups and casual relationships rather than The One. So I don't really think the OP is wrong for seeking something casual from women on there; it's just something is getting lost in translation that's causing things to fall apart before they can take shape. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LightWave93 Posted January 30, 2019 Author Share Posted January 30, 2019 And I mean, to be fair, while I know some people who have struck long-term relationships from Tinder, it's still predominantly known as a place where you go looking for hook-ups and casual relationships rather than The One. So I don't really think the OP is wrong for seeking something casual from women on there; it's just something is getting lost in translation that's causing things to fall apart before they can take shape. The issue I'm having at the moment is that five say they want to meet, but it seems they're not willing to arrange. I don't want to keep asking when as that's pushy, but they don't make an effort otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LightWave93 Posted January 31, 2019 Author Share Posted January 31, 2019 Well, I was right; non of these appear to be progressing forward. Afew gone silent, even the one who was absolutely DTF. Frustrating. I'm not desirable, clearly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LightWave93 Posted January 31, 2019 Author Share Posted January 31, 2019 14!!! 14 women who claim they want to meet etc, but conversations are dead or dying. This is after I've got their contact details off Tinder. And the one tonight has cancelled one me. Seriously, I need help. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 Do you need help or is this just the nature of the beast? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LightWave93 Posted January 31, 2019 Author Share Posted January 31, 2019 Do you need help or is this just the nature of the beast? Clearly need help. This is consistently happening to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 When was last time you illustrated yourself as a challenge in online conversations? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 Clearly need help. This is consistently happening to me. Ok, but what would be the expected success rate for a man looking or NSA/ FWB type sex from a woman via Tinder? Seems to me, why would she sell herself short when she can get sex from, I guess, lots of guys who will also "wine her and dine her"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LightWave93 Posted January 31, 2019 Author Share Posted January 31, 2019 When was last time you illustrated yourself as a challenge in online conversations? Willing to log into my Snapchat to read my conversations? Ok, but what would be the expected success rate for a man looking or NSA/ FWB type sex from a woman via Tinder? Seems to me, why would she sell herself short when she can get sex from, I guess, lots of guys who will also "wine her and dine her"? All I'm saying is; if someone has a good conversation with you, wants the same thing as you, you're not pushy or sending naughty images straight up like "all the other guys" (their words), show respect, get to know them, they willingly give you contact details, you talk more... ...out of 14, you'd think at least one would happen! Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 Go ahead and PM me your details. Are you really sure the incidence of casual truly no strings sex is as often as you say it is? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LightWave93 Posted January 31, 2019 Author Share Posted January 31, 2019 Go ahead and PM me your details. Are you really sure the incidence of casual truly no strings sex is as often as you say it is? Having difficulties changing pass so I will get back to you on that. The girl who cancelled today has rescheduled for Sunday, so that's good. The other two Sunday are still around, fortunately. One girl blocked / deleted me. Another's gone quiet. Matched with one today, exactly my type and she's after a fling. She's willing to meet Saturday. Oh God I hope we do. Handful of others still speaking to, trying to get it to go somewhere. Not sure why I've suddenly got all these conversations going, but it does make a nice change. Link to post Share on other sites
SophieG Posted January 31, 2019 Share Posted January 31, 2019 Okay... I'll share my experience on Tinder, POF, Badoo and all those apps (but keep in mind that I'm a woman). On all those devices, I got a lot of matches... like 300+ in like 2 weeks (just on Tinder). On those matches, I may have talked to 75-90 of them (mostly them talking to me first, but I did initiate a few conversations). I, myself, wasn't actually looking for a relationship, but I was open to the idea if the right person came along. - Some were pretty direct, first message : Hey DTF? ... Hell to the No! So unmatched as quick as possible. - Some would tell me that they were looking for sex, plain and simple... then again, a no go... it just comes off wrong. - Some were looking for a relationship... I wasn't planning for it, so it wasn't really for me. - Some told me they were looking for the same thing as I did. Nice! They were talking to a few women and they had a couple dates lined up... HUGE turn off. I want to feel wanted, not like a number, or simple Thursday's date... so no go. - In the end, I met 3 of these guys (in all the matches). They were all looking for nothing in particular, but open to all possibilities. Sex was never mentioned or anything, and no clear indication of them looking for a FWB. One of them was okay in the look department, but not hot or anything, but he had something appealing. Why did I see him? The conversations were hilarious and it was just flowing easily, it was playful, making fun of each other and everything. We talked for 5 days before meeting. - In the end, I dated casually 2 of them for 3 weeks and then the 3rd one is my actual boyfriend at the moment. So please, keep in mind, that out of ALL THOSE MATCHES, I met 3 of them... and they say it's easier for women! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LightWave93 Posted February 1, 2019 Author Share Posted February 1, 2019 Very attractive alternative girl matched with me few days back. She wants to meet at her place tomorrow. I can't tell if I'm in a dream or not. Thursday's girl rescheduled for Sunday. I'm meeting two others that day as well. Tuesday meeting another who's local. Friday another. Two girls I'm interested in dating. Two others I'm "working on". Phone is literally blowing up. And I've had 15 matches today, most of whom have initiated conversation. I have literally no idea what is going on and I feel a little overwhelmed. I'm happy about it, and hope these transition into some experiences, but I want to know what I'm doing right. Don't write me off just yet. Still need help! Link to post Share on other sites
SophieG Posted February 1, 2019 Share Posted February 1, 2019 (edited) <SNIP> Don't write me off just yet. Still need help! Hummm meet at her place tomorrow? That girl has no self-preservation? I'm kinda questioning her judgment here. A public meeting first would be much safer for her... I'm not implying that you are a serial killer, but at least, if she meets you at a bar or restaurant, she can assess if she feels comfortable with you enough to bring you home. But that's my opinion. Edited February 2, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author LightWave93 Posted February 2, 2019 Author Share Posted February 2, 2019 I met her today. Pretty sound girl. She sent me a message to say she had a nice time. It looks like we may meet again. I'd scheduled to meet another since she lived relatively near-by. I left first girl's house, traveled to second girl's town...only to find I'd been blocked and deleted. So, 1/1 is the score currently. Meeting three tomorrow. Watch this space. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LightWave93 Posted February 3, 2019 Author Share Posted February 3, 2019 One cancelled, but that's okay as we're still talking. The first girl was really sweet, great at conversation; we went for a walk after a drink, I offered her my arm, we kissed. Second girl was great. Beautiful, not the type I'd normally associate with (more extroverted than me), but...she basically suggested we leave to go some place else. Her apartment. Yeah, that happened. Meanwhile, both my Tinder and my Bumble have been blowing up my phone with notifications. I've had 30 matches on Tinder alone today, and the quality of women has increased. I have absolutely no idea what's going on. I still need help though. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted February 4, 2019 Share Posted February 4, 2019 I have absolutely no idea what's going on. I still need help though. Good to hear that you are making good progress! Chances are Tinder is now showing your profile to more people hence the improved matches. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LightWave93 Posted February 5, 2019 Author Share Posted February 5, 2019 My success has died a bit of a death now. 350+ matches, messaged about 100. Most of the conversations die out or the recipients don't respond. I still get matches consistently (about 10+ a day over a week day), but it's not really helping. I'm still talking to a handful from before, and basically have two confirmed FWB's and a friend now, but I need to understand what I was doing right and how to replicate this. I don't want to go back to before. I want to be successful with women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LightWave93 Posted February 5, 2019 Author Share Posted February 5, 2019 "You are one of the most confident / self-assured men I have ever met!" Coming from one of my dates over the weekend. I hope that may address some misconceptions we've discussed before. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted February 5, 2019 Share Posted February 5, 2019 Devilishly good looking chap meets single lady, pushes most of the right buttons, is confident, never apologizes for being a man, has something in common, escalates appropriately, and leaves her wanting more - starting on a springboard of always making her comfortable. You've been able to push all the good buttons. Well done. These are the summary of all the threads we've done so far. Two FWBs is quite good mate. Many men could only dream of doing that sort of thing, me included. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted February 5, 2019 Share Posted February 5, 2019 It's time to celebrate man, you've won this one. I'll have a pint to your success. The dating game will be eternally fickle. You have to keep on being hyper-perceptive and pick up on reasons for rejection, and just be more patient than the guy next to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LightWave93 Posted February 6, 2019 Author Share Posted February 6, 2019 I wouldn't celebrate just yet. Pretty much all my conversations have died now. I've tried making arrangements, but they're just not interested / "busy". I'm not desirable. Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 have you considered women are pulling this trick on you to determine how dedicated you are? Maybe be persistent on a few. My last GF was like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LightWave93 Posted February 6, 2019 Author Share Posted February 6, 2019 I've just going to delete the app soon and give up entirely. I've deleted 15 of the 20 new snapchat contacts I had. They weren't going anywhere. I've also edited my bio to be a little sarcy (basically saying the app is rubbish and I cba to message first). I'll leave it open for a few days on the off-chance something good happens but, I'm not holding my breath. After that, I'm done with being a genuinely good man. I'll focus on my career, get my own place, pets, and use escorts. I never stood a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
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