Oliviasw Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year. There have been several big issues. I lost all of my friends except for one because he made me choose. I even got an abortion because he wanted me too. He’s put his hands on me in a violent way. I’m happy I got the abortion so I won’t be stuck with him forever if I decide to break up with him. My problem is, I want to break up with him because our relationship is built on so many lies. I’ve been talking to my ex in secret lately because we’re actually really good friends, not romantic or sexual at all, just friends. My ex best friend even messaged me and we agreed when I break up with my boyfriend we can try and be friends again, because he’s the reason we stopped being friends. I’ve had to lie about my past sexual and romantic life because it makes him upset. I’m tired of altering my life to the way he wants it to be. But He still loves me more than anything and I don’t want to hurt him too bad, especially since his family still treats me as one of their own. Can anyone give advice on how to go about this? Link to post Share on other sites
MetallicHue Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 If he’s been violent to you I would report him to the police. No one should have to deal with physical or emotional abuse. You don’t deserve that! You should definitely break up with him. I’m so sorry to hear that you went through all of those horrible experiences with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 Do you two live together?? If not, just break up... If you do, you are going to have to do some planning as to where you will go and how to move your stuff while he is not there. Do you think he will get violent with you if your try to leave?? Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 Do you feel safe breaking up with him? Do you need to go to a domestic violence shelter and seek advice perhaps? Link to post Share on other sites
MetallicHue Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 In addition to seaking the advice of others on the forum if you don’t feel safe you may want to reach out to thehotline.org which has chat for those going through abuse and advice on how to proceed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Oliviasw Posted January 11, 2019 Author Share Posted January 11, 2019 I know he wouldn’t hurt me and we don’t live together. He’s on my phone plan though and I keep telling him to get back onto his family’s cause he can’t afford to pay me but he keeps pushing it off. I’m going to break up with him, it’s just hard and I came here to see if there were any other ways of going about it but it seems there’s just that one way Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 He’s put his hands on me in a violent way Yes he will hurt you. Do some research on domestic violence. Take some self defense classes. You would be better off to go NC. His phone plan is not your concern. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 Ok, so how do you break up? You call him, you tell him that you are done with the relationship. You tell him not to contact you. And you give him 24hours to port his number to a different plan or you will have it disconnected. If he comes to your house, you do not let him in and you call your local police department and tell them that you've broken up with a boyfriend that was physically violent in the past and that he is at your house after being explicitly asked to stay away. Please be safe. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 Ok, so how do you break up? You call him, you tell him that you are done with the relationship. You tell him not to contact you. And you give him 24hours to port his number to a different plan or you will have it disconnected. If he comes to your house, you do not let him in and you call your local police department and tell them that you've broken up with a boyfriend that was physically violent in the past and that he is at your house after being explicitly asked to stay away. Please be safe. This idea is very good, but I would modify it a bit. After you tell him, leave town for a couple of days, go someplace new & different where he couldn't find you, give him time to cool off a bit, before you go back to your home. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 I know he wouldn’t hurt me and we don’t live together. He’s on my phone plan though and I keep telling him to get back onto his family’s cause he can’t afford to pay me but he keeps pushing it off. I’m going to break up with him, it’s just hard and I came here to see if there were any other ways of going about it but it seems there’s just that one way No, you don't know that. He's abused you before and you have little reason to believe he won't do it again. Please, read up on separation assault. A break-up is one of the most dangerous points in abusive relationship. Hitting Home: why separation is often the most dangerous time for a victim of domestic violence Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 No, you don't know that. He's abused you before and you have little reason to believe he won't do it again. Please, read up on separation assault. A break-up is one of the most dangerous points in abusive relationship. Hitting Home: why separation is often the most dangerous time for a victim of domestic violence Please... be careful. I ended up in the hospital one time when I broke up with guy. Link to post Share on other sites
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