Logo Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 What criteria does the average person factor into the decision to date someone or not? I’ll start with some things that one can’t change, then appearances and finally finance and socio-economic status, religion. 1. Race 2. Ethnicity 3. Skin color, natural eye color and natural hair color 1. Symmetrical face 2. Fit body - weight 3. Fashion sense or choice of wardrobe 1. Financial standing - What does he do? What’s his salary? Does he have savings and a good retirement plan? 2. Is he middle class, working class, upper class or somewhere in between? 3. Does he belong to the right religion (in most cases, the other person’s religion). After you factor all those in, then you have this ever elusive chemistry and physical attraction factor. Finally, character: Is he reliable, honest, respectful, mentally strong, funny, easy going? So what are the odds of one person meeting his or her dreamy soulmate in this day and age? So many stars have to be aligned just right, but that doesn’t happen very often. Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 That’s a ridiculous list. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 (edited) A very different kinda woman and personality, strong old school thinking is huge. And l ain't talking about house wife or something but of a relationship, views of the world these days, ideals, and many many things things l could never explain. But she'll also be super cool. l like her emotional and deep broad mimded but also fun and fulla life.Personality is huge to me. So she's rare but at the same time l can pick her quite easily when l do find her. l love very feminine and petite. looks after herself and is always nice and trim. great taste in clothes , love the right clothes on my girl but it doesn't mean expensive. Just the sorta cool stuff that l like. cute face , to me, but she might not be a beauty queen to others. love hair, gotta love her hair. my fav is black hair but gf is blonde,love that too now but didn't before. Don't go for black women although they can be gorgeous. lt's very important to me to the way we get along and whether she gets me, we click and have way above average connection, l'm a deep person l need the same. Don't care about money or whatever work she does. Guess that's something like it and how about that, it describes my woman to a T. Edited January 12, 2019 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 My criteria, back when I WAS dating: 1. Never married and no kids 2. Found him attractive 3. Strong work ethic If a man met those, I would go on a date. From there I could judge chemistry, personality, etc #1 on that list was a do not pass go. I had dated a man with children prior and didn’t want to deal with that again. I started online dating in January and by March met my now husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted January 12, 2019 Author Share Posted January 12, 2019 That’s a ridiculous list. It’s a list based on what people I’ve dated told me and issues I’ve encountered personally. Is it ridiculous because you’ve had a different experience or is it ridiculous because you’re uncomfortable admitting that some factors on that list are still a major hang up for many nowadays? Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 It’s a list based on what people I’ve dated told me and issues I’ve encountered personally. Is it ridiculous because you’ve had a different experience or is it ridiculous because you’re uncomfortable admitting that some factors on that list are still a major hang up for many nowadays? I’ve not known any women to have such an extensive list nor did I. But none of us are single anymore...so I guess our short lists worked 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted January 12, 2019 Author Share Posted January 12, 2019 (edited) I don’t think we’re communicating on the same wavelength. You’ve lived in a comfortable bubble, so these criteria don’t exist in your world. And who’s “us”? I’m happy for you that you’re not single. Where’s the hand clapping emoji? Edited January 12, 2019 by Logo Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted January 12, 2019 Author Share Posted January 12, 2019 I’ve not known any women to have such an extensive list nor did I. But none of us are single anymore...so I guess our short lists worked What part of the country do you live in? Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 I don’t think we’re communicating on the same wavelength. You’ve lived in a comfortable bubble, so these criteria don’t exist in your world. And who’s “us”? I’m happy for you that you’re not single. Where’s the hand clapping emoji? US is my social circle of women. My friends. Some since college, others after. All have paired off. I do not have a single girlfriend at this point. Well...one...but her husband died from cancer a year ago and she is not interested in dating at this point. Location: major metro area on the East Coast Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted January 12, 2019 Author Share Posted January 12, 2019 Fantastic, now within that group that paired off, how many are Catholic, say Italian-American who are married to Jews or Hindus? How many are whites married to blacks? How many are Irish Catholic married to Hispanic Catholic? Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 Fantastic, now within that group that paired off, how many are Catholic, say Italian-American who are married to Jews or Hindus? How many are whites married to blacks? How many are Irish Catholic married to Hispanic Catholic? There is: Iranian married to Italian Catholic Asian married to a WASP Jew married to an agnostic Catholic married to agnostic widower We are Irish/Sicilian non practicing Catholics Scottish married to a South African Black to Puerto Rican It’s a mixed up stew of stereotypes LOL Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 It’s a list based on what people I’ve dated told me and issues I’ve encountered personally. Is it ridiculous because you’ve had a different experience or is it ridiculous because you’re uncomfortable admitting that some factors on that list are still a major hang up for many nowadays? If these things are important to you, then it's not a ridiculous list. However lists this long go a long way to explaining why there seem to be so many chronically single people. My list when dating as an adult: Easy to get along with Relaxed talker Respectful to me and others Well presented Working Regarding religion, my ex husband was Anglican and I am athiest. Of the problems which ended up breaking us, religion wasn't one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted January 13, 2019 Author Share Posted January 13, 2019 If these things are important to you, then it's not a ridiculous list. However lists this long go a long way to explaining why there seem to be so many chronically single people. My list when dating as an adult: Easy to get along with Relaxed talker Respectful to me and others Well presented Working Regarding religion, my ex husband was Anglican and I am athiest. Of the problems which ended up breaking us, religion wasn't one of them. They are not important to me in the least bit. I don’t know how it came to be that words were put in my mouth and then labeled for matters of convenience. I’m not referring to you. These are issues that are inherent to the existing biases, prejudices and dogmatic preferences of OTHER women. That is my point. To each their own, but let’s not pretend that these preferential are non existent. If one chooses to play Ostrich, fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Logo Posted January 13, 2019 Author Share Posted January 13, 2019 There is: Iranian married to Italian Catholic Asian married to a WASP Jew married to an agnostic Catholic married to agnostic widower We are Irish/Sicilian non practicing Catholics Scottish married to a South African Black to Puerto Rican It’s a mixed up stew of stereotypes LOL Ok. I’ll play along. Out of your melting-pot list of utopian post-racial US, which one of each couple is the female? Link to post Share on other sites
MetallicHue Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 I married the person i fell in love with there was no list. She was funny, cute and we clicked. That was that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 The things that are unique to me is that I have grown up a nerd, so I need an extremely smart woman to live with. I've tried to deny myself the need for a smart woman and that's part of the reason why my last relationship failed. The other unique thing I need is a woman who has an open enough mind to not sit on the laurels, and be able to see when there's an opportunity to make her life better, and go grab the opportunity. The other stuff I look for is the same stuff that everybody else looks for - medium physical attractiveness, cares for her health, is interested in kids, relaxed talker, easy to get along with. As far as communication, I need somebody who is willing to fight fair, not pick fights based upon the inherent differences between female and male communication (think of the classic nail in the head conversation), and is willing to teach me how to read her mind rather than be frustrated that I didn't notice her haircut. I will in turn pledge to learn her style of communication and love language. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 I find that list HUGE too... My list probably has 5ish items. Besides having some attraction: 1. I only date Jews but it's not about the religion. It just feels comfy to be around people with my own cultural background. The few times I tried to date others it just didn't work or feel right. I also date agnostic/atheist Jews. 2. Intelligence / wittiness / intellectually curious 3. Strong work ethic as someone mentioned above; I do like ambitious men 4. Politically left, or center 5. Traditional family values yet edgy and somewhat adventurous Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 When you do online dating, everything on that list of stats and more, is covered in their questionnaire or via photo. You only find out chemistry when you meet, and you find out about character after getting to know. The OLD basic questionnaire usually already covers a lot. Then if you answer more questions to get a match, it's really detailed including pets, income, and how often you exercise! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 They are not important to me in the least bit. How about you come up with a list which is relevant to you when dating? It would have far more substance than a list which comes from nobody who is here to back it up. Thing is, some of the things on the list you wrote one wouldn't even know before dating a person. Would you seriously tell a woman your earning potential and retirement plans up front so that she could decide to date you? If she needs that info, she's only in for the money. Some of the list surely couldn't matter to anyone with a brain (eg; hair and eye colour). I do understand connection between culture and socio economic factors, so it's not completely dumb...but it is a bit OTT Link to post Share on other sites
BeRespectful Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 Race doesn't matter, there are preferences but it's not a hard rule Appearance and body type doesn't matter, there are preferences but it's not a hard rule Money and income doesn't mean **** Personality, chemistry, connection, and how well we get along are far more important than other tiny dumb criteria. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 Yeah in fairness , l've never had a list in my damn life and l don't need one and certainly not to know if l wanna see someone, 1 second with them will tell me that. Things l talked about were no list just some of the stuff l like really. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 I look for commonalities...core values...spiritual belief is number one...i cant live a godless life.....nor would i force someone to live what they dont believe in to date me.... there has to be a certain altruism ...a selflessness and defined courage i need to see or know about...i need a courageous man....a man who would defend others.....who would stand up for someone in need......who would go out of his way just to perform a random act of kindness...thats a man i would ask to know better...then to future... date.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 1. Character (personal traits) 2. Values (what matters to them) 3. 'Chemistry' In that order. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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