What would you do if you were in this LDR?

[inhighwater]

Say you met a person whether it be male (if you are a female)or female (if you are a male) on the internet in a game room. And you lived several hundreds of miles away. You are both single (of course) but yes/no looking for someone. You, yourself perfer to be friends first then if everything keeps going great maybe more and you don't date unless a friendship goes great and you want them to be your bf/gf. He/she is definitely looking for a bf/gf relationship with someone but this person likes to date around just as friends with people to see if it becomes of a bf/gf situation. Well, everything is going great for about two months. You two talk all the time ethier by phone, internet, or cards. He/she says things that make you think he/she is interested in you as more than a friend. Well, over this time you have developed a crush for this person but have never told them about your crush on them and you are not going to tell them you have a crush on them till several months later. All of the sudden, he/she is talking to you one day and says, "Oh, I really like you as a brother/sister." or another time they will say, "This is never going to work out, we live so many hundreds of miles away from each other."

 

Please answer these questions first and then read on. You have to remember that at this time you don't know what the future holds so to give an actual true answer to these questions you can't know the future, yet.

 

1. How would you react to them saying that to you?

 

2. Would you still talk to them and keep your crush for them?

 

 

 

Con't.

All of the sudden one day, he/she starts talking about this person that they met and they say they are only going out dating this person as a friend. Well, they introduce you to this person. This person only lives 15 mins. from your crush. Well, you decide to be a nice person and start talking to this person your crush is dating. You and your crushes dating friend talk almost on a regular basis on the internet only, now. And you are never going to tell your crushes friend that you have a crush on your crush that they are dating and your crush still does not know about your crush on them yet and still will not know about it for several months. Well, when you talk to your crushes dating friend they tell you stuff that makes it seem like the friendship between your crush and their dating friend is more like a bf/gf relationship and at times the way the crushes dating friend says stuff it comes acrossed like it is a serious bf/gf relationship. Well, you confront your crush about it and he/she just says that that person is only a friend and what the crushes dating friend said were lies or stretches of truth.

 

3. Who would you believe? Your crush or the crushes dating friend?

 

4. How would you react to this?

 

5. Would you still talk to the person and keep your crush for them?

 

 

 

I hope this makes sense. Any answers and comments would be greatly appreciated.

[d'Arthez]

1. How would you react to them saying that to you?

I would be somewhat shocked and wondering what happened. Did I make a mistake? Did the other person deceive me? I would definitely take some time of from the friendship, to consider everything that happened.

 

2. Would you still talk to them and keep your crush for them?

Yes, I would probably still talk - but only after I have figured out what happened in the meantime. Why I had lost out on that relationship. However, no matter how conservative you are with regards to dating, I would go out to look for new partners, if I were looking in the first place.

I would hide the crush - but I would kill all hope. The brother / sister comment justifies that.

 

3. Who would you believe? Your crush or the crushes dating friend?

The friend. Both are partially telling the truth, but you are well aware that the motives of your crush may not be pure in attempt to avoid hurting you. Although that is commendable, it is not hard to see through the deceit. Even though the friend may be exaggerating, it was not enough reason for your crush to be insistent that it was not what he / she wanted, or that he / she preferred you over the friend.

 

4. How would you react to this?

I would desperately try to be happy for my crush - even though he or she had a hard time expressing the truth. But the word desperately describes the

utter impossibility of that

 

5. Would you still talk to the person and keep your crush for them?

Yes, but kill the crush. That is most vital. It is hurtful to be friends if you want more than the other friend wants to offer you. It is setting yourself up for pain, doubts, and impossible regrets. What if you lived only 15 minutes away from him / her? What if you would have met beforehand?

Talking may be possible. But only when you have killed the hope.

[inhighwater]

Note for second part of my story: This dating friend that your crush is dating, they met them two months AFTER they met you. They met them on the internet also. But they are dating them IN PERSON! You on the other hand have never met your crush in person nor their dating friend. And your crush introduced you to their dating friend in a chat conference online.

 

Knowing this information may change one or more of your answers.

 

Sorry!

[RecordProducer]

1. Accept the truth.

 

2. I would talk to them less often until my crush goes away. Has happened to me (a guy has told me we can't meet cuz we are far away). After a month or so I had no longer a crush for him.

 

3. You don't know anyone of them in person. I use my intuition and lots of information to decide whether I should trust someone. You didn't state what she stated and what he stated. It's possible that your crush is trying to spare you the pain and doesn't want to admit they are in a relationship. Have seen that before.

 

4. I wouldn't care because I would accept the fact that he will never be mine so why would I care who he sleeps with? You sound obsessed and extremely possessive. You don't take "no" for an answer. He/she told you NOTHING WILL EVER HAPPEN BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU. Do you think they shouldn't date anyone else because they don't want you? Move on!

 

5. Talk yes, keep my crush no. But you seem to be taking this too seriously. Your crush will last for as long as you let it last. You have created a fantasy that you have seeded in your mind as real. I would suggest you to stop talking to him/her until you are completely cured from the crush.

[d'Arthez]

In response, to the small addition:

 

I already expected something like that. It seems that the reason you were not given a chance is purely the distance. But - and that cannot be denied either - if you are in a friendship for too long, the chances become higher, that it will remain just a friendship, and never evolve into a romantic relationship. To be in a LDR, without having met the other person is draining, and you do not een know how much is real of the other person, let alone that you know there is a bond in real life.

 

In general it is a good idea to meet as soon as possible, if you have met someone on the net, and the both of you feel that there is potential for more. (Also, people can be completely different from the person they portray they are, so never lose track of safety either).

[inhighwater]

Any more answers and/or comments would be greatly appreciated!

[RecordProducer]

Note for second part of my story: This dating friend that your crush is dating, they met them two months AFTER they met you. They met them on the internet also. But they are dating them IN PERSON! You on the other hand have never met your crush in person nor their dating friend. And your crush introduced you to their dating friend in a chat conference online.

I knew that. What are you trying to achieve? Prove something to a friend of yours who is in this position?

[inhighwater]

I knew that. What are you trying to achieve? Prove something to a friend of yours who is in this position?

 

The only thing I am trying to achieve is the fact to help someone else who is ethier in a online long distance friendship or online long distance relationship from getting hurt like my friend did. In some online long distance friendships and relationships everything is fine and no one is hidding a thing and they act just as they do in person but in others sometimes one person acts somewhat of they way they do in person but are keeping not all but certain things from their LD friend/partner.

 

The reason I asked these questions is so that for one I understand why in the world my friend kept hanging onto her crush for this guy for so long knowing that things did not seem just right cause I'm not understanding where my friend is coming from on this situation. And also to see how people would react if they were in this situation and if some of them reacted like my friend did and they are in a somewhat of the same situations with an online LD friendship or relationship. And hope if they see what other people would do and what happened to my friend that they would think twice about their online LD friendship or relationship so that they don't get hurt themselves.

 

I'll post later on here what happened in the end to my friend.

 

So basically this is kind of a way for me to try to understand my friends thinking and also a lesson for people to keep a close eye out and when things get to the point where they are just not right and something weird is going on to get out.

 

I hope this makes sense.

[inhighwater]

My friend found out that her crushes dating friend was telling the truth. The relationship between her crush and their dating friend became a very serious relationship. The crush was saying the, "I love like a sister thing" (correction to the part up top where I said "like you like a sister/brother" it was suppose to be the word "love" instead of "like", and "This is never going to work out cause we live so many miles away from each other." in order to give her hints that he did not want a relationship other than friendship with her. He says he didn't want to hurt my friend. But my friend did not take those hints she kept her crush for him until she found out that his crush and his dating friend where going to get married. Then my friend was very upset and very hurt! Then she let him know how she felt about him but that did not change a thing cause he did not want her for anything more than a friend. He was madly in love with his dating friend.

 

Please everyone if you have met someone online and you can not met them anytime soon, PLEASE be CAREFUL not to let your emotions go to far too soon because sometimes some people on the internet are not telling the whole truth about themselves and some I am sure do not tell any truth about themselves. My friend has never met this guy nor his dating friend in person and now look what she went thru cause she could not see what was physically going on for herself.