Upset with me and wants space (permanant)

[jayteep]

Hey all. So I 'had' a friend of opposite sex. We would hang out together at times and we have had sexual experiences together on multiple occasions. It was never love. We only known eachother a few months. We did hook up because of physical attraction, but we both hung out knowing we would not be a couple. So of course we both have seen other people at same time as this.

 

Anyways I made a stupid mistake by telling a friend about what we had going on. That friend then told someone she knew and it got out. I didn't know it was like a hushed secret and I thought it was ok to confide in a friend. She is upset with me and wants nothing to do with me. Like at first when it happened she cussed me out and whatever. Had very very very small talk for a few days after on FB, it was mostly me and she would have very short or curt responses. She would never talk about what happened or what is between us. Then she blocked me on FB and hasn't responded to anything else of mine. I asked a different friend to reach out to her for me so that I could have some kind of closure or to at least end on a good note and not just a anger induced block.

 

So we talked on the phone, she started off being rough and loud. It came around that she does care about me. But that she cant keep me in her life and is giving up everything about and related to me. Like she got rid of me on all social media and any other method we had of communicating.

 

I asked if she can at least send me a random message in the future to let me know how everything is going. She said she would think about it. She said just let her have her space and that she cares about me and that this is goodbye.

 

I can't say that I am in love with her even though I do really like her as a person and I probably do love her for who she is. But I am crushed by this and I do feel bad. Like what we had going was great and not just because of the sexual encounters, it was more than that. We bonded in the few months of knowing eachother and we did grow close.

 

I don't know how someone can throw all of that away because of a mistake I made by telling a friend about us.

 

Am I wrong? What should I do? Should I let all of this completely go? What if I cant let it go or I don't want to let it go? Like I would like for us to remain in eachothers life, but like what does it mean to give someone their space?

 

I had a girlfriend in the past who wanted 'some space' and when I gave it to her she got upset with me that I wasn't contacting her and like showing that I cared by trying to contact her, so she got mad that I gave her space lol.

 

I don't know what to do here.

 

Lets say she wants 100% space away from me. How long is that? Like what if she wants me to contact her but I don't. What if she wants to contact me but feels embarrassed or not confident enough to actually take the step because of all of this that has happened and she doesn't want to feel like she is 'running' back to me.

 

Like is there anything I can do to try and help keep her as a friend in my life?

[Mr. Lucky]

It was never love. We only known each other a few months. We did hook up because of physical attraction, but we both hung out knowing we would not be a couple. So of course we both have seen other people at same time as this.

 

Boy, you're all over the place. First you take pains to describe now unimportant the relationship was, then you say you need "closure"? Why, and even more to the point, why does she owe it to you?

 

You might look for more clarity and be more honest with yourself about what your feelings for her really are. That would certainly make it easier to decide on a path forward...

 

Mr. Lucky

[jayteep]

Boy, you're all over the place. First you take pains to describe now unimportant the relationship was, then you say you need "closure"? Why, and even more to the point, why does she owe it to you?

 

You might look for more clarity and be more honest with yourself about what your feelings for her really are. That would certainly make it easier to decide on a path forward...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

You are right she doesn't owe it to me. I did care about her even if it wasn't love. I just didn't like the circumstances under which it ended. It's almost a long the lines to me of when someone ghosts you. Like its just like, something bad happened and bye! Like no explanations or making sure someone is ok or anything. Its just like, "you did something wrong so this is goodbye forever"

[Mr. Lucky]

Like its just like, something bad happened and bye! Like no explanations or making sure someone is ok or anything. Its just like, "you did something wrong so this is goodbye forever"

 

You only get to be in charge of you, my friend. She feels, based on how this all came down, best to move on. You’ll have to follow her example.

 

Old Chinese saying - 3 people can keep a secret as long as 2 of them are dead. Maybe next time, more discretion...

 

Mr. Lucky

[basil67]

Its just like, "you did something wrong so this is goodbye forever"

 

I've done this before - guilty as charged. I've tended to do it when there's no great connection and losing them from my life isn't a loss. Discussing what went wrong and working through it is strictly for those who have a future in my life.

 

Given how you described your relationship in the first sentences, it sounds like you were simply FWB. Seeing others. No bonds or ties. Both of you free to move on whenever.

[elaine567]

I don't know how someone can throw all of that away because of a mistake I made by telling a friend about us.

 

 

That is how it works in real life. You betrayed her trust and she cuts you off.

How can she be your friend if she doesn't trust you? Trust is a big thing.

 

Parents and family will give you second chance after second chance, no matter how heinous the "crime", but others tend not to do so.

One chance and if you screw it up, they do not forgive or forget.