everyoneComesHereOnc Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 My ex texted. Quite a few times she was desperate to hear from me. it was the “just want to apologise for the way things ended between us”. She’s seeing a therapist. Will help her gain closure and move on. I can’t endorse that. I’ve cried my heart out and couldn’t talk it through or speak to her and she wants instant forgiveness. i couldn’t have gotten instant free peace of mind. I feel this one was really crumby! Im pretty sure therapist didn’t say send a closure bomb text. Got blocked for trying to talk about it. I think that says a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Twizzlestick Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 Yeah I’m with you it is crumby. Take it you’re just ignoring that one? Or at most just saying “please leave me in peace to come to terms with the relationship ending” type thing? Link to post Share on other sites
Endnote Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 People do weird sh*t that's for sure. You don't owe her forgiveness. Closure is always within ourselves, not based on what someone else can do for you. Sounds like your thinking is on straight, though personally I wouldn't have given her the time of day, or at least, I hope I wouldn't give any of my exes the time of day. More importantly, doing this over text is meaningless and indicates weakness and a clear lack of integrity. IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Twizzlestick Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 Modern world a lot of people have a hard time accepting consequences of their actions. They looove the good stuff. Not the bad stuff. Slopey shoulders. You have to own your shxt. As dumpees we have to own our sxxxt. And we often get more dumped on our lap than is balanced when the dumpers give all their little reasons they’ve been focussing on for months. Dumpers noticeable by their absence when you need relief from the pain you were delt. Nah. Let the ex whistle a tune. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 My ex texted. Quite a few times she was desperate to hear from me. it was the “just want to apologise for the way things ended between us”. She’s seeing a therapist. Will help her gain closure and move on. I can’t endorse that. I’ve cried my heart out and couldn’t talk it through or speak to her and she wants instant forgiveness. i couldn’t have gotten instant free peace of mind. I feel this one was really crumby! Im pretty sure therapist didn’t say send a closure bomb text. Got blocked for trying to talk about it. I think that says a lot. Oh I've been there. Your case sounds like many dumpees who have to contend with an ex who returns to soothe their guilt for the wrong they caused. It's self-serving and does not take into consideration, your grief. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 She just wants absolution from her guilt. You should just block her so she can't keep intruding on your life. Block her every way possible and stay off her social media. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author everyoneComesHereOnc Posted January 12, 2019 Author Share Posted January 12, 2019 I replied. She really isn’t sorry. She still blames me for stuff. She’s not interested in my side of the story. I know I like everyone I made mistakes and am willing to advise them. It’s been 7 months or something. I wasn’t even thinking of her until this one came through. I replied “You know Its not in my style just to ignore anyone straight off. Obviously I wasn’t impressed and I’ve since heard some stuff which wasn’t nice. I’m not entirely sure of your motives here.“ Could’ve killed it stone dead by telling me the therapy story and has a boyfriend. Instead pretty bad texts back and forward. Took two days to find out she has a boyfriend and the therapy story. Boyfriend even texted me. He’s up for th Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 (edited) Block her on everything and make sure she isn't on your social media. Her messages will continue to send you 100's of steps back and her social media updates will do it as well. We can cause permanent emotional damage to ourselves keeping toxic people like this around and worse, in the end, it won't matter who's fault it was, because the damage will be done. Put her in the past where she belongs so that you can return your energy to heal and rebuild yourself to top form. You'll need a clear heart and a clear mind for something new with someone better. If you are damaged, you're going to bring that into your future relationships and it could cost you. She doesn't care about that and she doesn't care about you. So you need to be in charge of yourself. - Beach Edited January 12, 2019 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
Author everyoneComesHereOnc Posted January 12, 2019 Author Share Posted January 12, 2019 It’s true about her texts sending you back. Haven’t thought of her in months. Then boom you are back as their dumpee. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Charlierose30 Posted January 12, 2019 Share Posted January 12, 2019 This makes me so mad! It is really crumby behaviour. She is just looking to ease her guilt, and isn’t thinking of anything but herself. I would ignore anything else you get from her, go back to no contact. Look after yourself and your best interests, you have no obligation to her anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 (edited) It’s true about her texts sending you back. Haven’t thought of her in months. Then boom you are back as their dumpee. I know. Took me 2 years to get over an ex who left me because of her persistent breadcrumbing messages. It was ultimately my fault because I didn't have the strength to let her go and everytime she messaged, I answered, hoping it was maybe her wanting to give us another try. Really, it was her just wanting me to forgive her so that we could talk as "Friends" and act as if nothing happened. I obviously couldn't do that because I needed to space and time to heal..which she never allowed me. It always caused another fight between us. The next day, I'd regret losing my temper and I'd be stuck on it for weeks at a time because of all that regret. When I finally started to feel better and like I was moving forward with my life..there she came again and the whole process began again. Hope and regret..2 things that'll keep you stuck in the past with an ex for possibly the rest of your life if you aren't strong enough to do what's needed. So don't make that mistake. Your ex is just coming back for herself..to clean up her mess she made so that she could move on. She doesn't care that she just tore a hole in you again doing it. Stick in the past where she belongs. You're onto better things. Edited January 13, 2019 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 My perspective is going to be different... My ex texted. Quite a few times she was desperate to hear from me. it was the “just want to apologise for the way things ended between us”. There is nothing wrong with her doing that. Just reply with "I understand" and leave it at that. She’s seeing a therapist. Will help her gain closure and move on.Great! You should be hoping it works out for her, just as you should be happy for anyone trying to go through proper channels to help themselves. I can’t endorse that. I’ve cried my heart out and couldn’t talk it through or speak to her and she wants instant forgiveness. i couldn’t have gotten instant free peace of mind. Quit complaining. That just makes you look as bad as her. I'm pretty sure therapist didn’t say send a closure bomb text. You don't know what her therapist has told her, and it just isn't important anyway. Got blocked for trying to talk about it. I think that says a lot.It says you tried to make a "thing" out of it. All you should have done was acknowledge the apology and move on,...nothing else. BTW - The whole "blocking" thing is just childish,...on both sides. Unless they are peeking in my windows and poisoning the dog when I'm not home [figuratively speaking] I don't "block" anyone. What in the world did people do when the phone was mounted on the kitchen wall with a 6 foot cord and you had to call the phone company to get anyone blocked?? It is just silly and childish. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 I can see that she apologised, but I can't see that she wanted/expected forgiveness or your endorsement of her seeking therapy. Was that in a later message to you? I think PRW is right - a simple "I understand" would have been sufficient. Not a rebirthing of the issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author everyoneComesHereOnc Posted January 13, 2019 Author Share Posted January 13, 2019 I can see that she apologised, but I can't see that she wanted/expected forgiveness or your endorsement of her seeking therapy. Was that in a later message to you? I think PRW is right - a simple "I understand" would have been sufficient. Not a rebirthing of the issues. I understand might have been answer worked for her. I don’t feel she merits forgiveness. Might be unpopular but er I’m not here to clear her conscience. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 (edited) @PRW With all due respect, you are trying to project what you want the OP to feel rather than what he actually does feel and you are dismissing him in the process. He's venting and he needs to freely express himself to heal. Quit judging him. He doesn't owe her anything. They broke up. It ended there. You make it sound like it's his fault for the pain he feels from her intrusion on his life for her own personal reasons. He feels how he feels about it and that is not for you to judge. In the Cord Phone era, a break up was a break up, because the only means to connect with an ex afterwards was in person so you'd never see them again. At worst, you'd get a call. Today, because of all the connections via social media, dumpees still see updates of their exes post-breakup life (Including relationship updates)..things that they were never meant to see but unfortunately have to because of the times, and it's painful. Why put themselves through that? Do you think the OP and his ex are going become best friends, talk, hang out, and have her invite him to her wedding eventually? You don't think dumpees carry hope? There is no immediate friendship and not for a long time if ever because there's no sincerity there as long as there are feelings. It takes a long time to heal. And even if we do, do you think the her new man will feel okay with the OP being in the picture? Ofcourse not. He's going to tell her to cut him out and she will. Blocking is a way for heartbroken people to get the person out of sight, out of mind..and heal. It's not about anyone else. It's for them. Edited January 13, 2019 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 Just block her like you should have upfront All you're doing is keeping yourself in this She can't do it unless you let her Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 (edited) I understand might have been answer worked for her. I don’t feel she merits forgiveness. Might be unpopular but er I’m not here to clear her conscience. Exactly my point. "I understand" is simply a throw away comment to get rid of her. You don't have to do anything afterwards. An apology is simply her letting go of her own feelings. Your feelings are there for you to deal with, ignore or do whatever you want with. Edited January 13, 2019 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author everyoneComesHereOnc Posted January 13, 2019 Author Share Posted January 13, 2019 On the upside I got validation that my relationship meant a lot to her. Not that I really didn’t know that before. It’s a pity as if she’d been in the mood and spoke to me I’d reckon it’d either be fixed and we can all move on or we’d get back together if it was suitable. Instead she harbours grudges but is still expecting absolution for her sins. It’s all about her and her ability to move on. She doesn’t care the upheaval coming into my life again caused. She just needed to try feel less guilty. I’d have been happier if she didn’t bring dead to me if she stays away feelings to the fore. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 Forgive her because until you do she's just in your head poisoning you. You don't have to tell her. You don't ever have to speak to her again. Focus on your healing. She can do the same 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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