Friendship ended unexpectedly

[Jojo8311]

Hi all,

 

I recently gave birth to our first child. We had a cat who we tried to prepare for the arrival of our firstborn. She was a rescue who we had had for 8 years. We played baby sounds to her, gave her access to the nursery, put the crib and cot together in preparation so she had chance to get used to it. When we arrived home with our daughter it became very apparent that our beloved cat of 8 years was not coping. On Several occasions our cat tried to attack our day old daughter. Luckily she never touched her as we always stepped in and prevented this from happening. Our cat started to spend all her time outside and became increasingly jealous. We made the very hard decision to rehome our cat for the safety of our daughter. I explained everything to one of my closest friends what we were doing and why. The reason I told her was because she had reacted very badly to one of her other friends wanting to rehome their dog when they had a baby. So I wanted to explain what we were doing and why. I really thought she would understand. We had been friends for 17 years and I thought she would know me well enough to know that this wasnÂ’t a decision I was making lightly. However my friend thought it was dreadful that we were rehoming our cat and didnÂ’t seem to understand how concerning her behaviour was towards our daughter. Since then my friend has been very distant with me, taking days to reply to any messages I send, not showing any interest in our daughter. She is now 10 weeks old. She has never been to visit or asked to see any photos. After the distant messages I worked out that all wasnÂ’t well. I asked her whether she was upset with me for rehoming our cat. She took days to reply and said that She didnÂ’t have much to say to me anymore. She understood that we felt we had to rehome our cat but it felt like it had changed things for her. I havenÂ’t heard anything from her for 5 weeks since she told me that in a message. I have tried on several occasions to message her and get clarity on what she meant but she just ignores me. She wonÂ’t confirm with me whether the friendship has ended. I am just left in limbo and ignored. I am devestated and being punished for a decision I felt I had no choice to make for the safety and welfare of our little girl. It looks like the friendship is irreparable and I just donÂ’t know how to cope. This is what should be the happiest time of my life and I feel like her behaviour has brought a dark cloud over it all. I am just so shocked and saddened by her treatment of me. It seems that she put the welfare of my cat above the welfare of my daughter.

[MetallicHue]

I see nothing wrong here with what you did. Just move on from the former friend. I had a dog I brought into the house that needed to get rehomed because it wasn’t a fit (for different reasons). Luckily he has a good new home. Some things are out of your control. Also some people can be biased to certain situations and are unable to be rational. I’d say this is what happened her. Sorry for the loss of your friend. Don’t let it get you so glum, some people are just the way they are.

[whichwayisup]

Your friend is judgemental and quick to dismiss/throw away friendships because she doesn't agree with decisions friends make. so be it! Her loss! I'm sorry that she's turned her back on you and shame on her as she's the one who is missing out on your friendship, on being involved and spending time with your baby. Don't try to mend fences with her. She's chosen this, not you.

[noelle303]

Don't beat yourself up over this, you did what was right for your family. Life is not always black and white and it's very childish of your friend to look at it that way.

 

Look, I'm a huge animal lover, I really am. However - my daughter trumps any animal I would ever own. That's just a fact, I'm not ashamed of it and I won't let anyone make me feel ashamed for it. Parents need to put their children first, especially when it comes to their safety and wellbeing.

 

And your friend clearly does not understand how friendship works - you don't break ties with someone because you disagree with their one decision without even so much as listen to them. She's going to lose all of her friends if she continues this pattern of ghosting people for disagreeing with them.

 

As devastating as it may be to lose a friend like this, I'm afraid you're going to have to make peace with it and move on. She's made her choice. Maybe it will be healthier for you in the long run no to have someone in your life that's gonna have you walk on eggshells everytime you do something that might offend her.

[preraph]

She lost respect for you because this is a problem you could have just dealt with by keeping them separated and keeping an eye on them. I'm glad if you found a good home for your cat, but I would also lose respect for someone who did this. I had a friend who did it on a big rowdy dog, but she dealt with it for a very long time and waited until her sister could take the dog so she could still see the dog and knew it had a good home.

 

Not sure how long you managed this issue before you gave the cat away. Pretty sure the issue would have resolved given time because I'm 66 and never heard of anything like this happening. It takes a little time for an animal to understand that the little human BELONGS to and is the property of the big human and that it's hands off. I don't think what you did was heinous since you found it a good home, but there's too many animals out there homeless for me to endorse this decision entirely, so I hope you at least understand why your friend lost respect for you not finding a way to avoid it. All that aside, enjoy your new baby!

[Carpe Diem]

I see things totally differently.

 

Stop trying to communicate with her, it’s like you’re begging for her friendship.

 

Anyone who actually ends a 17 year friendship because their friend re-homed a pet that could have injured a child, isn’t worth having.

 

Laugh at this ridiculous woman’s righteousness and move on. I guess i’m a meany but when I read your post I just kept thinking ‘you’ve got to be kidding me.’

 

The fact that other posters are actually backing this woman who ended a friendship because someone re-homed a pet, honestly just blows my mind.