To have an Ex be a friend, what's the best way?

[LauraXX]

Those are both interesting stories, glad you are maintaining friendships that you want. If you can remember, in the wake after the break up, what sort of thing did you say to resume contact after a bit of awkward distance?

 

 

Well, we worked the same job, had the same extended circle of friends. So we ran into each other all the time anyway. We avoided each other for a while right after the breakup. Then he told me about his new gf and I was a bit miffed. But after a few weeks I realized that that was ridiculous. So we just started to chat more again, laugh about each other's jokes again, started to hang out again... But that was 20 years ago. I honestly can't recall any particular conversation that we had (And I swear - it wouldn't have mattered. I'm sure even if I - or he - would have said the most unreasonable thing in the world, we still would have ended up as friends at one point.)

[Morello]

Not to be an a** here, but I think that someone who tries to be friends with all exes would fall into one of these two categories:

 

1) Has an incredible good picker and really only dates fantastic people that are really worthy of keeping around regardless of all the bad blood that comes with breakups (no matter how soft they are).

 

2) Has a problem with letting people go.

 

I once thought it was a great idea to keep exes around and be friends, because... why not? I thought that was me being the bigger person, mature, etc.

 

Then I realised I just had a problem with letting go, due to attachment issues. Just because I like the person and wish them well doesn't mean I have to keep them in my life. I can love them from far away and that's usually the healthier approach with exes.

[avriltreize]

I'm definitely having a problem with letting go, this is the guy I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.

 

Almost 2 wks ago my bf for 13yrs told me he wanted to end it. He had never had a long term gf before where I had had a few and I know it took a lot for him to even say he wanted to end it. He started crying uncontrollably telling me he loved me and how I was his best friend. He said he was so sorry to do this to me but things he couldn't explain lead him to this point. That night is still a blur to me.

 

I asked him for my sanity if we could not tell are family and friends until I was ready. He said that I could take all the time I need. And so since that night I have been putting up a front as has he. We still talk/text/email, we still have hung out. And each time I have come to his place (where I spent 1/2 my time there a week) I am taking something back home with me to my place.

 

This may not sound like the healthiest way to break up but somehow, each time I take something home with me the realization of it all gets easier and easier. Sure I'm still sad and cry but he's still there to hug and console me too.

 

I have no idea what will happen when the last remnants of my life are gone from his place, when I've returned his key, when the daily communication ends but for me this 'tapering off slowly' process is helping me get through it.

 

The staying friends part? I have no idea. We both said we'd like to stay friends but dont amicable breaks ups always say that? I guess it just comes down to how each person can handle it. I dont know if after it's all done and a couple weeks, months down the road he'll reach out to me will I start crying? Will I respond? I suppose it might depend on what he has to say but I can't tell you today, right now, how I'll react in the future.

Edited January 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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