when you have hurt your long distance wife ?

[Kevinehv]

Not sure if this is the right forum but I do have some problems with my long-distance wife.

 

My wife is Russian, she still lives in Russia but we are trying to get to live together soon. To me she's pretty much perfect in any way; beautiful, intelligent, caring.... I couldn't wish for a better wife and I'm very proud to be with her.

 

She loves me very much but I think the distance is making her crazy about me being with other women but usually her thoughts went away (I did not do anything with women in my country). So it wasn't a huge problem.

 

Still I did manage to screw up.

 

Around New Year I went to Russia, everything went fine until I woke up one day and she was checking my phone.

 

I have a friend from another country I often talk to (in English), we were discussing several things sexually related things and love.

 

In our conversation I have discussed a bit of my sex life with my wife and I apparently have said that "Her body isn't perfect".

 

My wife, obviously wasn't thrilled to read that I was discussing these things with some stranger (Who I actually never met in real life). After she calmed down we still had a great week together, emotional goodbyes etc....

 

Until ofcourse the next day when I was home again. We had several 'fights' about this topic which went became better each time but every time she starts to think about what I said about her and she's upset again.

 

Until now I've remained calm to show her that I really love her and care about her but perhaps I'm not doing the right thing?

 

When angry she can say a lot of hurtful things to me, she also does not let me call her , let alone video chat with her. I know she still loves me but I simply do not know how to continue like this. I know it takes time and I'm ready for that but perhaps someone knows the best course of action?

[elaine567]

Was this "friend" another woman?

[FMW]

That's a pretty big screw up - talking to anyone else about your wife's body, and if it's a woman - doesn't matter if you've never met - that's so much worse.

 

It's only been two weeks. Give her some time - sorry, there is no short cut. Put yourself in her shoes - how would you feel if you had found similar messages to someone else about YOUR body?

[d0nnivain]

Flowers or jewelry with a promise never to talk about sex with this other person again.

 

Double your efforts to close the distance in your marriage. Your wife will feel better when you are back under the same roof.

[Wallysbears]

You criticized your wife’s body to a woman you are having text conversations with.

 

She has every right to be hurt.

 

That’s verging on an emotional affair

[ExpatInItaly]

Was this "friend" another woman?

 

That's my question too.

 

Who is this friend, OP?

[ElKay]

She has a right to be pissed. Why did you even say these things to this "stranger", whether it's a male or female?

[preraph]

Why would she want to videochat? So you could look at her imperfect body?

 

Kiddng. Not really. That's a very touchy subject. Just like if you caught her saying you weren't that good in bed, or similar.

 

I don't know if any amount of talking is going to make it better and might just make it worse. "Nobody has a perfect body, but you're perfect to me" is your best hope and even that could backfire because she might not hear the last part and feel the need to go get some other male opinions to fortify herself.

 

You have to cut off contact with this person and tell her that. Tell her it wasn't anything but you got too personal and shouldn't have and that it's only because you miss her so much. Yes, lie.

[chillii]

Major fk up my friend, big youch.

 

My brothers wife is Russian they've been together 13yrs.

She's an absolutely incredible lady , but there is just one little thing , you really don't wanna piss her off.

lt's kinda funny we often stir him .

 

Best maybe listen to the girls on how to fix this one.

[justwhoiam]

I did manage to screw up.

 

I have a friend from another country I often talk to (in English), we were discussing several things sexually related things and love.

 

In our conversation I have discussed a bit of my sex life with my wife and I apparently have said that "Her body isn't perfect".

Wow. Major scr@w-up. Guess if she had told a male "friend" of her that you have such a tiny d-ck and/or it never really get stiff enough... How would you feel about YOURSELF and about you two as a couple?

 

 

 

In my opinion, she bit the bullet even too well.

 

 

someone knows the best course of action?

Well, unlike what someone else said, I don't think you should try to fix this through flowers or, even worse, jewels.

 

 

Assuming you didn't lie to us, and you really love her, and like her and her body and think she's the perfect wife, even for you, you might consider doing the following:

 

 

1. Apologize, apologize, apologize. And not because she got hurt, but because you recognize you acted foolishly, saying something potentially out of place, and your common sense didn't serve you well on that occasion.

 

 

2. Say you can't live without her. That you meant no harm with that, that what matters to you is how sexy she is, no matter the imperfections we all have. Like saying even if she had lost a finger, it wouldn't matter to you, because you love her. And you could say she doesn't have a finger, but with no further meaning behind it. Not implying she's less beautiful because of that. Make sure not to mess this up a second time.

 

 

3. Promise to stop talking to this "friend" and then stop for real. If your wife needs to bite the bullet, then you have to do the same.