My boyfriend is being very distant ... I think

[Mylovelifeisinshams]

So me and my boyfriend have been talking for almost 6 months we have our fair share of disagreements but we always get “past” them. One thing we seem to argue about is social media. In the past he has been known to like provocative photos of females. So we came to an agreement that liking pictures of the opposite sex would be off limits but as of recent he told me that he’s going to like what he wants and I have to trust him that he won’t like any revealing photos of females or girls he had sexual relations with.

 

He insist that I’m being controlling so he went to the lengths of blocking my number and Facebook and instagram . He unblocked my number so we can speak but he isn’t trying to unblock me on social media. Idk what to think my friends feel like he’s hiding stuff because I asked him several times to unblock me & he said he will eventually. What should I do ?? We were on the phone recently and we spoke for a little but he was paying attention to the basketball game more than me then he said he would call me back because he had to do something and the entire time my friends were telling me he was active on social media.

 

He didn’t call me back until I texted him “wow” & I just ignored the call. We haven’t spoken for almost a day I’m just getting annoyed w. His complacent attitude and his comfortability. Opinions please!

Edited January 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[MetallicHue]

It seems like he’s playing games and not trustworthy. It doesn’t seem like he’s ready to settle down into a committed relationship. I think his actions speak for themselves. To me it seems like he’s hiding stuff and I would be feeling the same way as you. Do you really want to tolerate this stuff anymore? I don’t think any intimate partner would need to hide their social media from each other.

[manfrombelow2]

Personally, I would not mind my girlfriend liking FB's photos of 6-pack dudes, and I would mind if my girlfriend trying to control what I do in my leisure times, including checking out hot girls' bodies and liking their pictures.

 

You just don't try to force your partner into changing a behaviour or habit they had before they met you, because you just don't.

 

I think OP's insecurity and neediness are what pushed her man away.

[d0nnivain]

You are giving social media way too much power. It's an image. It's bit closer to home if your BF knows these women but liking a provocative picture is not that much different from him looking at a racy picture in a magazine.

[MetallicHue]

You are giving social media way too much power. It's an image. It's bit closer to home if your BF knows these women but liking a provocative picture is not that much different from him looking at a racy picture in a magazine.

 

I would beg to differ. I think there’s a difference between Playboy/porn and someone you know. At least that’s the way I feel. But as evidenced by the replies different people have a different perspective.

[ExpatInItaly]

So me and my boyfriend have been talking for almost 6 months we have our fair share of disagreements but we always get “past” them

 

I find your wording a little peculiar here, so just to clarify: is this a long-distance situation?

 

Are you actually in an official relationship?

[Mylovelifeisinshams]

I find your wording a little peculiar here, so just to clarify: is this a long-distance situation?

 

Are you actually in an official relationship?

 

We are long distance because I’m away at school he graduated before me. We are in an official relationship

[ExpatInItaly]

We are long distance because I’m away at school he graduated before me. We are in an official relationship

 

And how much time do you spend together in person?

[basil67]

Yes, you're being controlling and him blocking you from social media and distancing himself is an expected consequence.

 

I totally understand that you're uncomfortable with him liking sexy photo, but banning him from liking any woman on social media is completely over the top. Not to mention, it's not your call to make. It's his social media to do with as he pleases.

 

Thing is, dating is about finding Mr/Ms Right. It's not about finding Mr/Ms Wrong and trying to mould or ban them from being who they are. If you don't like what a guy does, then by all means tell him. Then see if he changes. If he doesn't change and you can't live with the issue, then leave. But having a 'fair share' of arguments over only a six month period is far too many. You should still be besotted with each other - not arguing and trying to change him.

[BaileyB]

I would not be happy about the fact that my boyfriend is liking provocative photos on social media, but I understand that it’s his decision and it’s not in my control to tell him what to like/not like.

 

That said, what is in my control is whether I want to date a man who is liking provocative photos of women online and/or women he has had sex with previously. The answer to that may well be no - depending on the behavior and how I feel about the relationship as a whole.

 

My issue here is not necessarily that he is liking the photos, but the fact that his response to your “concern” was to block you and not respond to your requests to communicate. For me personally, the fact that he has shut you out rather than handle your concerns in a mature way - plus the photos - would be reason for dismissal...

[Simple Logic]

I believe your relationship is over.

[Mrs._December]

We are long distance because I’m away at school he graduated before me. We are in an official relationship

I figured you were very young.

 

Any 'boyfriend' who feels the need to the block his girlfriend from everything he's doing online isn't much of a boyfriend.

 

You're too young for this nonsense. You should be experiencing life and dating and having a ball, not dealing with some mouth-breather who wants to chase every skirt he sees and act like a hormonal imbecile.

[ShadeOfGreen]

I personally don't like the casual use of the word controlling in this context. To me "controlling" is something like forcing someone to stay in a room by blocking the door or tying them down to a bed.

 

When someone says they don't like their partner's behavior, they are saying how they feel about it. If they take it further by saying it's a make or break deal for them, it's defining a relationship boundary they are comfortable with. The other person has all the personal control in the world to agree, disagree, argue their case, negotiate something different, or completely leave the relationship.

 

"You are being controlling" is really saying, "I think your needs are ridiculous" with guilt ridden tones all over the place. I feel it's much better to try to discuss whether needs and wants are actually going to work between both people, and decide if the relationship is still worth it. It really is OK to call it quits if you can't find common ground.

[stillafool]

I think OP's insecurity and neediness are what pushed her man away.

 

This would push most normal, healthy people away but unfortunately there is an abundance of this going on and still people can't figure out why they are being ghosted.

[smackie9]

It's not controlling unless the request is unreasonable, and there are threats or consequences. But to suggest to stop doing something because the other feels it's not appropriate or makes them feel uncomfortable, is setting "boundaries". Which is a discussion that should occur as the relaitonship develops.

 

He tried to make a compromise, she still doesn't like it, so his course of action is to block her on social media. He doesn't accept this boundary. He doesn't want to discuss or deal with this subject anymore.

 

He's being distant, with the possibility of rethinking the relationship...he want no trouble in his life like this.