Good bye letters

[Dealer]

My story: my ex gf dumped me after 6 1/2 yrs and a month before proposing. I didn’t see it coming as we were happy - so I thought. We never had a fight or disagreement and plenty of sex. In fact, we lived just blocks away but she dumped me over the phone !!! She said she cared for me but never loved me.

 

I pleaded for a second chance - but she said no. There was no one else.

 

I was crushed. Went for professional help (... the therapist said I was fine). Hung out every night with my closest friends and occasional dates (pretty women; no sex / no even a kiss). I was still in shock. After all I was 25 years old and totally humiliated.

 

In 2 months, while clubbing with friends, I danced with my best friend’s sister. After one dance, my buddies said I would marry that girl. I was like “no way, I am so broken and she could have anyone”. —- 1 month later I was dating her (she asked me out)... 12 months later I proposed - she said yes !!! Then 26 months after the breakup I was married, exactly 4 years later I was a father.

 

Meanwhile, my ex gf - who said she wasn’t the marrying type - met a guy 4 years after our breakup and married him another 3 1/2 years later. **In fact, her family said I married a “rebound” and she married her “soulmate”.

 

I am happily married for 24 years with two kids.

 

My ex gf was divorced within 9 months because her soulmate/ husband cheated with his ex gf. He married his ex - as she was pregnant. He also took half the money on the house her parents helped buy.

 

My ex gf ran into my sister and says she lives with her widowed father, drives a fancy car, beautiful house but is childless and single. She said she regrets “the biggest mistake” of her life (dumping me).

 

She is PATHETIC. Karma is my guardian .

 

Do good. Be respectful. Don’t look back.

 

** But I love the fact that she got screwed over too

[Rayce]

That was really interesting... thank you for sharing... but if your life is so wonderful why are you here?

[elaine567]

That was really interesting... thank you for sharing... but if your life is so wonderful why are you here?

 

 

Very good point...

[Dealer]

That was really interesting... thank you for sharing... but if your life is so wonderful why are you here?

 

Very good question.

 

Being dumped so shockingly changed me from an innocent boy to a reliable man. I recently ran into my ex gf after 25 years and not a word was exchanged. It really bothered me. It bothered me how I have enjoyed every day with my wife and the feelings of humiliation and embarrassment (from 6 1/2 years) came flooding back for one evening.

Why ? I don’t know. After all, my ex gf will remain childless, alone and bitter into her 50’s. I shouldn’t care.

[anika99]

Congratulations on your long happy marriage. That's not really a story of karma, it's just a sad person who is suffering the consequences of making a string of bad decision.

 

It's weird that you feel the need to gloat over her sad life when you claim to be so happy. I had a boyfriend do that once over a girl he once dated and was infatuated with. Turns out she was more into the bad boy type so she ditched him to be with some biker dude who abused her and got her into using drugs. Twenty years later my ex runs into her downtown and they chat. Apparently she looked many years older than her age. She was haggard, skinny and missing teeth. Told him that she never married and had kids but her parents were raising them as she had lost custody. She was just a really sad broken person who likely had issues from childhood (Both her and my ex were teenage runaways when they met and he fell in love with her)

 

So anyways after my ex (my boyfriend at the time) saw her and talked to her he told me all about it and he was gloating, talking about how she got exactly what she deserved since she hurt him so many years before. I just found it really disturbing that he was taking so much pleasure in seeing someone so broken and hopeless. Turns out he had a real problem with empathy in general and that's why he became an ex. I dunno, maybe it's a male ego thing but I found it very weird that he felt that way considering that at that time we were in love and happy. When I'm happy I want everyone to be happy, I take no pleasure in the pain of others. Usually people who make stupid self destructive decisions have unresolved issues from childhood and they don't even know it. By the time they get themselves figured out it's too late for some things. That's just life. I hope your ex finds some joy in her life because everyone deserves some happiness before they die.

[FMW]

** But I love the fact that she got screwed over too

 

Just my two cents - I don't think it's good for your Karma to be happy about someone else's misfortune.

 

I get it, she broke your heart. But (1) if you ever truly loved her you wouldn't take pleasure in her misfortune, no matter how she hurt you, and (2) if you really have been happy with your wife all these years then you should be happy she freed you to find that love.

[Kelliousme]

Just my two cents - I don't think it's good for your Karma to be happy about someone else's misfortune.

 

I get it, she broke your heart. But (1) if you ever truly loved her you wouldn't take pleasure in her misfortune, no matter how she hurt you, and (2) if you really have been happy with your wife all these years then you should be happy she freed you to find that love.

 

^^^THIS

 

It only means you never loved her either. So be glad she was the one who pulled the string after 6 years. Otherwise you'd be in a miserable relationship with someone you never truly loved.

 

I've been in quite a few relationships.. and I've only loved 2. Even if they wronged me, I still wish the best for them. Seeing them in a bad state wouldn't make me think of karma.. and that they deserve it for hurting me, I'd feel very bad for them and it would probably hurt me a little because I did love them.

[Dealer]

Just my two cents - I don't think it's good for your Karma to be happy about someone else's misfortune.

 

I get it, she broke your heart. But (1) if you ever truly loved her you wouldn't take pleasure in her misfortune, no matter how she hurt you, and (2) if you really have been happy with your wife all these years then you should be happy she freed you to find that love.

 

You are partially right.

 

I don’t really care what happened to my ex gf. I am bitter how she lied about my character only to justify dumping me for no reason. My ex gf, 25 yrs later, apologized to my sister on how she mistreated me for no reason. ** I thank her for her timing (even though everything seemed perfect) otherwise I would’ve lost out on meeting my wife.

 

My ex gf likely wanted a taller, bigger (6’2”, I am 5’10”) guy - like her ex husband. I am not gloating, but the pain changed me, I am so happy I ended up happier than her - as I have my pride too.

[Dealer]

My short story: I was dumped after 6 1/2 yrs together, by my ex girlfriend. About a month before proposing. We had always talked about marriage - kids - growing old. I could tell she was a little overwhelmed with finishing university and finding a job. I didn’t see the break-up coming as we were happy - so I thought. We never fought or argued once - like never. There was plenty of sex, even a week before. Suddenly she dumped me over the phone !!! She said she cared for me but never loved me.

 

I pleaded for a second chance - but she said no.

 

This was 25 years ago... in 1993. No cell phones or social media.

 

I got creative... I got talked to my friends, their parents, my family and professional help: the therapist said she was likely dealing too much, but she needed to find her way to me - as I was fine. *I knew my ex gf would never contact me, as she said some mean and hateful lies (I was old fashioned, needy, possessive, etc.). I simply hung out every night with my closest friends and occasional dates (pretty women; no sex / no even a kiss). I was still in shock.

 

I was 25 years old and felt betrayed

 

In 4 months later, I started dating my best friend’s sister - who I had known since I was 14 years old (but never really noticed)... 12 months later I proposed - she said yes !!! Then 26 months after the breakup I was married, after 4 years of marriage I was a father. Life has been very, very good (work, play, love, laugh)

 

Meanwhile, my ex gf - who said she wasn’t the marrying type - met a guy 4 years after our breakup and married him another 3 1/2 years later. **In fact, her family said I married a “rebound” and she married her “soulmate”.

 

I am happily married for 23 years with kids.

 

My ex gf was divorced within the first year, as husband cheated on her. He married his ex - as she was pregnant. He also took half her money on the house her parents bought them.

 

I did only speak to her once: about 11 years after the break-up. Her mother (who said "I love you like my own son" when I last saw her) died, we talked for an hour - she basically cried the whole time.

 

My ex gf ran into my sister and parents. She lives with her father but is childless and single at 50 years old. She said she regrets “the biggest mistake” of her life (dumping me).

 

Suddenly, I start thinking about her and the times we shared - and it's killing me. I feel like I should've been more supportive and waited for her. Then again, I love my wife so much. ** I simply feel guilty that things ended so badly for her (she couldn't give me a second chance?), bad for us (no contact, only through mutual friends).

 

I am never going to leave my wife and kids... especially for someone who discarded me to "find someone/ sex someone else".

 

i try not to look back... it hurts. I want to forget so badly

 

Comments ?

[d0nnivain]

You have been pining for this woman for more then half your life. That is not healthy. I'd start by listening to a song called Unanswered Prayers. Then I'd start making lists of about all the things you love about your wife & your life. Double down on romancing your wife.

[Dealer]

You have been pining for this woman for more then half your life. That is not healthy. I'd start by listening to a song called Unanswered Prayers. Then I'd start making lists of about all the things you love about your wife & your life. Double down on romancing your wife.

 

Thank you... I always romance my wife (as I don't want history to repeat itself)

Unfortunately... I am dying.

I have 6-9 months without treatment. I have told anyone. I am tried and don't want to burden my family with a no win situation. I simply want to make peace

[elaine567]

Ok so that is why you are really here.

I get it.

The "love of our life" rejected you, you married a safe but an unspectacular "rebound" soon after, and despite having a happy life with your wife and kids, the "what ifs" are now killing you.

 

You need to get closure somehow.

Maybe like in the song speaking to her, meeting her again, may be enough to kill any lingering thoughts dead, but it could just as well rekindle them, hard to say.

I could just say "Forget her, get on with your life", but after 26 years easier said than done, I guess...

[elaine567]

Thank you... I always romance my wife (as I don't want history to repeat itself)

Unfortunately... I am dying.

I have 6-9 months without treatment. I have told anyone. I am tried and don't want to burden my family with a no win situation. I simply want to make peace

So sorry to hear that, I posted without that info.

[nolanola]

We all make choices in life. It's human nature to wonder "what if"? I think the same things for myself all the time. I almost married a man when I was in my late 20s. I loved him a lot but I wasn't ready. Now he is married with a few children and I am single at age 42. I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had married him.

 

You're dealing with a lot right now with your health and I'm sure that is playing into this. Facing your own mortality is scary and makes you take stock of your life and your choices. Have you talked to your wife about what is going on? I think it might be healing for you to meet with your ex. If you feel there are things you need to say to her, I don't see the harm in it. I wouldn't do it behind your wife's back though -- it would be so hurtful for her to be going through so much with your illness and then to find out you have been lying to her as well.

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry that you are dying but if you go tell this OW that you have always loved her & should have waited for her, that will destroy your wife. Your wife already has to live with the pain of losing you. Why on earth would you want to heap on her grief by making it sound like she never had you? The OW is the road not taken. You are feeling regret not love. Your wife is the love of your life.

[Nukem]

i try not to look back... it hurts. I want to forget so badly

 

If I were you I wouldn't contact her.

There is nothing to repair, nothing unsaid between you and her.

 

She was the dumper. She said she cared for you but never loved you. Now she regrets “the biggest mistake” of her life.

On the other hand, you did your best to reconcile. You married the second love in your life. You did everything as a role model. You have nothing to regret.

 

There is a wise advise given to me. She told me never regret something you did in the past, with the feelings and knowledge at that time you took that decision.

 

Your ex has also nothing to regret. She just feels self-pity.

 

I also would like to recommend you the movie Arrival (2016).

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2543164/

Edited January 5, 2019 by Nukem

[Rayce]

I am so sorry Dealer about your dx. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

I have been thinking about your post and it really strikes a cord with me. Recently I learned that 2 very dear friends of mine may have skin cancer. They are both over 50. I love both of these men... differently.. one romantically and the other as a good friend. Last week I went to visit the good friend of mine in the hospital... he is a few weeks from meeting our Lord. I am currently in NC with my ex but last I saw him he was dealing with a skin cancer scare. Upon reflection... if you have unfinished business with this person then take care of that...

 

Peace

Edited January 6, 2019 by Rayce

[Borntoelevate]

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I really did feel for you whilst reading your story.

 

I have never had to face death directly (touch wood) but I've been told that acceptance is the key to peace.

 

My thoughts are with you.

[JuneL]

Why haven’t you told your wife about your medical condition? Are there any treatment options? Do you not trust she’s someone who can support you during this difficult period? Normally I would agree with most that you shouldn’t be contacting your ex. On the other hand, if you know for a fact that you’re dying and you desperately need closure, then I’m sure you can have one final meeting (perhaps in the presence of your wife).

[JuneL]

Very good question.

 

After all, my ex gf will remain childless, alone and bitter into her 50’s. I shouldn’t care.

 

Are you sure you're not the bitter one here? Did she not have the right to dump a boyfriend? Even married people can get a divorce, after promising to stay together forever. Just let it go already...

 

Finally, in case you don't know, one can be happy being divorced and childless. She might regret dumping you for another guy now; but the truth is, she might regret even more if she had stayed with you.

 

You might seem to have a happy marriage from the outside. But from what you've written on here, it seems that you've never truly loved your wife.

Edited January 7, 2019 by JuneL

[elaine567]

Are you sure you're not the bitter one here? Did she not have the right to dump a boyfriend? Even married people can get a divorce, after promising to stay together forever. Just let it go already...

 

Finally, in case you don't know, one can be happy being divorced and childless. She might regret dumping you for another guy now; but the truth is, she might regret even more if she had stayed with you.

 

You might seem to have a happy marriage from the outside. But from what you've written on here, it seems that you've never truly loved your wife.

This thread explains it better.

[Dealer]

Why haven’t you told your wife about your medical condition? Are there any treatment options? Do you not trust she’s someone who can support you during this difficult period? Normally I would agree with most that you shouldn’t be contacting your ex. On the other hand, if you know for a fact that you’re dying and you desperately need closure, then I’m sure you can have one final meeting (perhaps in the presence of your wife).

 

I decided to tell my wife and children about my illness. My chances are only 25% for success, so we will head to France soon. As far as contacting my ex gf, if I see my treatment isn’t successful, I will phone her and explain to my wife how I want closure/ peace because the break-up was a turning point for me: innocence lost towards love. **The experience prepared me for marriage - which I am thankful. —- I feel sad/ pity for my ex gf as I am a very good husband and a great father, but she missed on a both - especially the privilege of raising kids. Otherwise, if I do recover, I will seek therapy and devote to romancing the love of my life : my loyal wife

Edited January 8, 2019 by Dealer

[ExpatInItaly]

I feel sad/ pity for my ex gf as I am a very good husband and a great father, but she missed on a both - especially the privilege of raising kids. Otherwise, if I do recover, I will seek therapy and devote to romancing the love of my life : my loyal wife

 

It was her choice to end it, OP. She likely does not want or need your pity, and you should not be viewing yourself as the one shot she had. I don't mean that you are not a good husband and father, but it's not as though your ex was helpless and had no choice in how her life has turned out. She made a series of decisions. That's up to her to reconcile, not you.

 

Instead, think about how your wife will feel: she is facing losing her husband, and then learns he wants to contact his ex from a quarter century ago. The pain you will leave behind doing this could be utterly devastating to her.

[Dealer]

It was her choice to end it, OP. She likely does not want or need your pity, and you should not be viewing yourself as the one shot she had. I don't mean that you are not a good husband and father, but it's not as though your ex was helpless and had no choice in how her life has turned out. She made a series of decisions. That's up to her to reconcile, not you.

 

Instead, think about how your wife will feel: she is facing losing her husband, and then learns he wants to contact his ex from a quarter century ago. The pain you will leave behind doing this could be utterly devastating to her.

 

Thank you so much. You are so right, my ex gf made her own decisions - even after me. I need to let go of the guilt (I feel as if I never fought for her - our us). I realize how blessed I have been with my life

[Dealer]

I have had time to reflect on my life, after being diagnosed with cancer.

 

I know now that I was very fortunate to have shared a wonderful life with a wonderful woman and children. The heartache that I went through with the breakup with my ex girlfriend truly hurt, and without knowing why. But it moulded me into a man because I was a boy when I dated my ex girlfriend for 6 years.

 

I believe what I long for isn’t my ex girlfriend but rather by youth —- as I face my mortality.

 

I know God had another plan for me. Just as he has one for everyone. My ex girlfriend may regret how she ended things with me or even her current status but I do hope she meets a companion one day - as life is too short.

 

I do wish we could’ve all been friends, maybe in heaven