FMW Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 I hope you find peaceful acceptance of the past hurt. Your gratitude for the happiness you have experienced is where your energy should be spent, not one more moment on the hurt. As you pointed out, it was part of making you the man you are, the man with the wonderful wife and family. Enjoy them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dealer Posted January 13, 2019 Author Share Posted January 13, 2019 I hope you find peaceful acceptance of the past hurt. Your gratitude for the happiness you have experienced is where your energy should be spent, not one more moment on the hurt. As you pointed out, it was part of making you the man you are, the man with the wonderful wife and family. Enjoy them. I am enjoying them and the many blessings of a good life. The hurt is always there... just less every day and it drove me to improve. I feel bad for my ex girlfriend's unhappiness today, but she likely was unhappy with our time together. She may just be a chronically unhappy person, but I always hoped she would find love. If I have one piece of advice for dumpers on this forum... "Good bye is forever. Like 15, 25, 35, 50, 60 years then death. Many times you don't get a second chance. THINK ABOUT YOUR ACTIONS AND THEIR CONSEQUENCES" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dealer Posted January 13, 2019 Author Share Posted January 13, 2019 I have been diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer. I have started writing letters of good bye and milestones to my wife, kids and family. My ex girlfriend, from 26 years, and I dated through high school and university - 6 years. Do I leave a letter, but I don't want to upset my wife ? In fact, my brother wants to ban my ex girlfriend from any memorial services My letter to my ex girlfriend would be a "thank you" for our time together and forgive her for dumping me without reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 I'm sorry you are going through this.. it must be tough and it is heartbreaking to read. IMO your exGF shouldn't even be part of what you are going through, I'm with your brother on this... Regrets at this stage is something you are probably dealing with but hurting your wife and kids with trying to set a regret straight isn't the way here.. Accept the regret as learning from your mistakes and put your effort into the ones who are in your daily life right now.. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 You asked this Q already. Writing what you want to write to your EX is a slap in the face to your wife. She will be sad enough when you pass. Are you really so selfish that you want to leave her haunted by the idea that you never really loved her? Say your piece to your EX in your heart only & leave it alone. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 I just looked at your “goodbye letters” thread. Your ex-gf might not have a husband and kids now, but she has the lifelong love of her college bf. Maybe if she had stayed with him, they would have grown apart. I feel sad for your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 My heart goes out to you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers. After your earlier thread I also agree with your brother. Maybe write the letter but then burn it... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MetallicHue Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 You have started to write letters but cancer can take you at any time. Why not tell people how you feel today? Just a thought. My uncle died from a heart attack and I never got to say goodbye. You never know what will happen... Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 If I were you I would arrange to go and see her whilst you are still fairly fit and mobile. A goodbye letter may cause distress to your famliy but no-one need know about the visit. Link to post Share on other sites
Geraltt Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 I'm very sorry you're having to go through all this. I'm with Art_Critic, though, on this:IMO your exGF shouldn't even be part of what you are going through, I'm with your brother on this... Regrets at this stage is something you are probably dealing with but hurting your wife and kids with trying to set a regret straight isn't the way here.. Accept the regret as learning from your mistakes and put your effort into the ones who are in your daily life right now.. ^^ Nailed it. Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 I would leave a letter. Keep your intentions pure. Never miss a chance to send love. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 You asked this Q already. Writing what you want to write to your EX is a slap in the face to your wife. She will be sad enough when you pass. Are you really so selfish that you want to leave her haunted by the idea that you never really loved her? Say your piece to your EX in your heart only & leave it alone. Yes, all of this. I said so in your last thread but I'll say it again: Please, don't do this to your wife during an already-painful time. Listen to your brother. Your ex hasn't been part of your life for a quarter century now. Leave it be. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted January 13, 2019 Share Posted January 13, 2019 It’s really odd that you want to tell your ex you’ve forgiven her, when she hasn’t asked for your forgiveness. There’s also no need for you to pity her for being divorced and childless, just like there’s no need for her to pity you for being married to a rebound for a quarter century you’ve never truly loved. If your ex had not dumped you, she probably wouldn’t be put on the pedestal. Link to post Share on other sites
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