bradt93 Posted January 13, 2019 Posted January 13, 2019 Has anyone here M or F dated someone with a mental illness and how did you all handle it? Were they fine as long as they were on their medication or did it ugly sometimes in the relationship? Since I have bipolar, I just want to know what it was like if you don't mind me asking.
MetallicHue Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 I would like to share my experience as someone with depression. I would just keep in mind each persons experience with the illness can be different. Generally I’m ok. However at times i can be really tough to deal with. It’s actually rare but it’s enough to cause tremendous amount of stress to my wife. When I get the severe bouts I have extremely low self worth and feel like not wanting to do anything. This is on medication. Medication is not necessarily a cure all. Ive had to take time off from work to get back to myself. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 Dude, your question is way too abstract. You need to only focus on you ... and how your condition affects you and therefore affects your ability to be a partner to someone else. "Mental illness" covers a huge continuum ... People with the same condition can have very different experiences. You can have a "mental illness" ... and problems in a relationship ... and the mental illness may not be the problem. You're also a simple human being who might not be in sync with another human being. Wanna do something helpful? Figure out how YOUR condition as experienced by you interferes or doesn't interfere with intimacy ... Start there ... and then work on your weaknesses and highlight your strengths ... and then screen for partners who don't freak out over your weaknesses. 5
alphamale Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 I dated a bipolar woman for a year. She was a wild woman in the sack. She was on her meds the whole time as far as I know. She was no more or no less crazy than a woman without a mental illness. She wanted marriage and kids and I didn't so we went our separate ways...
preraph Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 I don't know that I dated one, but I lived with a narcissistic bipolar. She was chaotic, but her bipolar wasn't frequent at that time, but she was overly emotional and pretty crazy. Fun a lot, but did some stuff to keep the kettle boiling, you know. Couldn't trust her. She got worse as she got older.
planb1973 Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 Every woman I have dated has had a mental illness, none were medicated beyond alcohol. 1
Gretchen12 Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 I dated someone with depression who was on meds. He was handling life ok just going to work and doing his hobbies, all rather mechanically. But when he got in a relationship with me he couldn't cope. Maybe he thought I drove him bananas but I didn't do anything. It was just his past problems surfacing when in a relationship. It's like the meds can keep him going to work and appearing to live. But as soon as he's in a relationship the meds don't work.
snowboy91 Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 You can have a "mental illness" ... and problems in a relationship ... and the mental illness may not be the problem. You're also a simple human being who might not be in sync with another human being. Totally agree with this. I've also struggled with depression and anxiety in the past. Experiences will strongly depend on the nature and extent of the actual mental illness in question. For the last girl I dated, I would often become withdrawn and house bound, and fail to actively seek out a social life - something which she was comfortable with herself so it ended up feeding my depression. It was only when I started therapy that I realised we were quite different people... and it wasn't anyone's fault. My current partner also suffers from bouts of depression - it can get exhausting at times (rarely though, luckily!) but the positives of being with her far outweigh the negatives. Mental illness might scare some away, but the right person is going to empathise, if not understand, what you're going through and see you for you rather than for your illness.
gcp Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 My most recent ex had anxiety and a little depression. She was on medication and things were good. We ended up getting pregnant and she quit her medication cold turkey. A week later she miscarried at 8 weeks pregnant. Things were ok for about a month but soon she started acting very depressed, withdrawn, and emotionally unavailable. This caused me to feel a little insecure in the relationship, not to mention grieving the miscarriage. She ended up breaking up with me and go back to her ex boyfriend a few days later. I guess the familiarity of that toxic relationship was more comfortable than trying to communicate with me and move forward. It was difficult and she hurt me pretty bad. I noticed that she had a very hard time coping with stress and I think I was the easiest thing in her life to cut out in hopes to make her life less stressful. its been about 40 some days, haven't spoken to her since but I still wonder how shes doing.
Highndry Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 I dated a woman with untreated BPD. NEVER AGAIN. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 I dated a woman with untreated BPD. NEVER AGAIN. Yes, my ex was diagnosed with BPD but refused treatment. I would also never travel that path again.
Wallysbears Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 I have anxiety and depression. I take my meds and adjust them as necessary. I think that statistic is that 1 in 4 people have some sort of mental illness but not all get diagnosed or treated. Having a mental illness is like having diabetes or such...if you treat it and work with a doctor, then you can have a full life.
burnt Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 Every single person has some sort of "mental illness"--I'd say it's impossible to be human without a mental illness. But I assume you are only talking about the ones where they have been "diagnosed" with a named condition and a prescribed meditation plan. First me: I have had depression for just about my whole life. So, let's first mention how it impacted on my ex. When my depression kicked in, and I went downhill pretty fast, I knew it was coming and knew how to "handle" it--going into hide mode for a few hours. I had some sort of a way to go into hibernation/reboot mode and I'd be ok after a few hours. The problem was my ex was trying to "fix" me at those hours. And that's what made it hell. He wanted to cure me in those exact moments, despite me telling him repeatedly that I needed to be left alone for a few hours to handle it myself alone--I knew my body and I knew my mind. It wasn't just going through depression--it was his lack of understanding and unwillingness to even consider that he wasn't an expert in my disease that made it eventually a constant hellish fight during each of my depressive episodes which only made it progressively worse over the years. I knew by body and my mind well enough to know when to retreat and allow my body to deal with it and heal slowly. What made it worse was when a non-doctor tried to play doctor with an illness he knew nothing about. "Mental illness" in a way is the least understood of all human ailments. We all have some understanding, but that is the problem -- little understanding is a dangerous thing. At this point, I'd much rather be with someone who is "self-aware", whether they are diagnosed or not, to know that each and every single human being has some level of emotional problems. The lessons through my ex for me where: (1) It's better to be with someone who is receptive about having emotional problems and is willing to seek professional help than to be with a "normal" person who doesn't consider the possibility that there could something wrong with them. (2) When dealing with someone with mental illness, listen to them--don't try to fix them or cure them. It's the worst possible way to damage someone who's already having a hard time.
alphamale Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 I think that statistic is that 1 in 4 people have some sort of mental illness but not all get diagnosed or treated. two-thirds of people with a mental illness go undiagnosed. some studies show that up to 40% of prison inmates have some type of mental illness
lana-banana Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 It really depends on the condition and the treatment. Consider that 1 in 5 people will be clinically depressed in their lifetimes, and what we know about anxiety in Generation Z is worse - should they just not date? I had severe depression throughout my teens and early 20s, and was still able to have healthy relationships. Depression, anxiety, stress, trauma, etc would not be dealbreakers to me. I don't think personality disorders would necessarily be either, because those aren't lifelong conditions (they are literally just clusters of symptoms intended to guide treatment) and they're so nonspecific. But other things would be a hard no. I dated a man when he had his first outbreak of schizophrenia symptoms - it was terrifying to both of us, and we broke up. Despite getting the best treatment and care money could buy he never made a meaningful recovery, and is now institutionalized. Besides him, almost all of the absolutely most insane/sociopathic/dangerous/unwell people I have ever met were never formally diagnosed, even though it was obvious to everyone that something was clearly wrong. I would much rather date someone who had issues and was working through them versus somebody who insisted they were "fine" when they weren't.
SmartDude Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 I dated a woman with untreated BPD. NEVER AGAIN. Same here. It took me a long time to recover from the mental abuse. I totally forgot who I was as a person in that relationship. The abuser was in total control. 1
smackie9 Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 Had enough dealing with a manic mother, can't imagine dating someone with a mental illness. Even with medication, it's not 100%. I wouldn't have the patience. I can pick up on people's disorders and issues pretty quickly due to my experience with my mother and working with so many people. When we hire new employees, I can call it with what they have and predict their behavior to a "T". I have yet to have a pleasant or an even keel type experience with someone who does. That's why I would shy away.
Happy Lemming Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 Similar to other posters... I dated a woman with BPD for about a month or so, the sex was GREAT, but it wasn't worth it. She got SCARY crazy! Lesson learned, never again... 1
LastStraw Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 I have dated an addict if that counts and it was the most soul-crushing experience in my lifetime. Then I dated someone with severe social anxiety and I was unhappy every day. He used to write down important conversations... Lacked spontaneity to the point that he would read his pre-written scripts and I'd wonder why he would respond with completely unrelated questions to what I was asking him . So unfortunately, my answer is no. I'd not date a person who is depressed or has any diagnosed condition, or even attends therapy regularly. I suffered too much in this past relationships to try even contemplating it again. I'm sure some people won't mind your disorder, especially if you keep it under control with medication. Has anyone here M or F dated someone with a mental illness and how did you all handle it? Were they fine as long as they were on their medication or did it ugly sometimes in the relationship? Since I have bipolar, I just want to know what it was like if you don't mind me asking.
alphamale Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 the people you have to really worry about are not the mentally ill. It is the so-called "normal" people that cause most of the problems... 2
edgygirl Posted January 14, 2019 Posted January 14, 2019 My ex husband and I were probably depressed people as we were both on antidepressants when we met. I say probably because the way a doctor gave me antidepressants was not accompanied by a real diagnosis, it seemed like a guess on his part by the things I had told him. The funny thing is when we were well into into our relationship, we were so happy together that we both stopped taking the meds without telling the other. We suddenly started feeling sad again and unhappy together... it was only later we realized we stopped taking the meds at the same time. So I think I'd date someone with a mental illness who's self-aware, medicated and trying to take care of themselves. I would not date someone who refuses to acknowledge they have a problem when they clearly do.
Author bradt93 Posted January 14, 2019 Author Posted January 14, 2019 (edited) <snip>I dated a man when he had his first outbreak of schizophrenia symptoms - it was terrifying to both of us, and we broke up. Despite getting the best treatment and care money could buy he never made a meaningful recovery, and is now institutionalized. Besides him, almost all of the absolutely most insane/sociopathic/dangerous/unwell people I have ever met were never formally diagnosed, even though it was obvious to everyone that something was clearly wrong. I would much rather date someone who had issues and was working through them versus somebody who insisted they were "fine" when they weren't. I'm very sorry, is he doing any better since being in the hospital? Edited March 8, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote
Chris516 Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 I was engaged to woman for almost 5yrs.. I wanted to marry her. She kept stalling on her divorce from her first husband. She did me a favor by doing that. She couldn't leave me financially destitute. Oh, She was far more fun to be with, than my (ex)wife(which probably sounds as believable as saying Elvis Presley is alive). We did many more fun things together. All the while, she was 'projecting' a myriad of mental health issues on to me. When I told her to stop 'diagnosing' me. She accused me of 'controlling' her. Then she left.
Auggie Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 (edited) Dude, your question is way too abstract. You need to only focus on you ... and how your condition affects you and therefore affects your ability to be a partner to someone else. "Mental illness" covers a huge continuum ... People with the same condition can have very different experiences. You can have a "mental illness" ... and problems in a relationship ... and the mental illness may not be the problem. You're also a simple human being who might not be in sync with another human being. Wanna do something helpful? Figure out how YOUR condition as experienced by you interferes or doesn't interfere with intimacy ... Start there ... and then work on your weaknesses and highlight your strengths ... and then screen for partners who don't freak out over your weaknesses. Agree with this. ^^^ No one here can tell you how others will perceive you in a romantic date/relationship scenario -- only you'll know once you're in it. People can share their experiences, but those are *theirs* which may differ from yours. Edited March 8, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Compress quote 1
crispytoast Posted March 8, 2019 Posted March 8, 2019 the people you have to really worry about are not the mentally ill. It is the so-called "normal" people that cause most of the problems... Indeed, those in denial of their craziness are the ones we have to watch out for To quote the Cheshire Cat: We're all mad here
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