Leveraging some unique assets in my dating pics.

[preraph]

Thought of another way and this is really good. A real good way to meet people in your own neighborhood or vicinity is to volunteer at the polling places during elections. Be the person to sign people in to vote. Also, joining a volunteer effort for political campaigns is good too, but don't get stuck in the phone calling pool! Volunteer to put signs together and get them out or stand outside at the polling. If you volunteer at all or give any money to a local politician running for anything, generally, you will at least be invited to come to the election night party and I have to say that politicians are a talkity bunch! It was really too much for me, though I'd do better now because I know more about issues. Anyway, it's a way to meet local people at least. There are young and old people helping at the polling places.

[chillii]

Do you even need to say what you do?

Maybe just say you work in a medical field or something.

Not that there's absolutely anything wrong with what you do , admired in fact, but l dunno , l'm a very private person but if l was on a date site l also wouldn't want someone making their mind up at a glance just because of what l do.

[Gretchen12]

Two years go by fast. You'll probably be moving when you finish your program. There arevtwo reasons to search elsewhere: 1. you said you don't fit what the local women are looking for. 2. if you do find someone, you'll leave.

Maybe you think about where you want to go next then set your location there in your online profile. If all goes well, you find a good position in the city you want to live in with a woman already there.

[ElKay]

How about taking photos where you're playing one of the instruments?

Ladies like a man that is talented.

[clia]

Im technically a graduate student so Im living in my means right now; well off is a few years away hehe

 

So you are currently in medical school?

[Wallysbears]

Honestly, you don't like where you are, geographically right now...so perhaps just dial back the attempt at dating and focus on school and fun and where you want to go (geographically) next.

[ZA Dater]

Trouble is, you are so self sufficient and have your life so well sorted and organised and "perfected" that the question needs asked - where does a woman fit in here?

What would her role in your life be?

What can she bring to your party?

If a woman does not see an obvious slot for her to fit into she may just avoid.

Women like strong independent men, but she needs to feel she is wanted and needed too.

 

It is why some women get attracted to losers and ne'er do wells, she sees her role as helping the guy do better. She brings her skills to the table to sort him out, she can then love, mother and nurture him to strive for higher things. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

 

You, apparently do not actually "need" help, it is probably one of the reasons the nurses at your work pass you by too. They are looking for someone to help, to care for. Some guy who not only is a very clever "nerd", but has all other bases covered too, is not someone they see

they can do anything for.

I am not suggesting you start drinking every night and gambling your wages away, but listing more and more "accomplishments" may not help your cause any.

Just a thought.

 

 

Really? They are?

 

 

OP that's a very, very impressive list of qualities, objectively my impression is of a go getter but this list is impressive enough that perhaps a lady would feel intimidated?

 

 

Maybe leave some things a surprise, focus less on outright selling, I understand why you do want to outright sell to try and perhaps make up for archaic cultural stereotyping.

 

 

Looking at this list I can deduce you probably want similar and that's going to weed out a lot of people. Pictures are impossibly tough but maybe show off some of your cooking, some books perhaps. Keep it casual.

[Garcon1986]

So you are currently in medical school?

Im in graduate medical education so I have an income

[Rockett]

Yes, keep it casual and a bit understated. A dating profile should draw someone in, not tell the whole story. It's much more fun to discover the other person in person.

 

I can appreciate that you'd like to bring out your strongest characteristics, but trying to fit all of that into a few pics (or profile text) is "CV-ing" your audience of prospective women... I totally get the appeal of that approach- everyone wants to stand out, to catch potential dates' attention, but the risk here is that putting it all out there can seem like showing off, or like trying to hard and seeking approval. People want someone they can relax and be themselves with, and putting too many credentials up front can distract from that.

 

Here's what I would do with the info you provided:

 

Repackage this stuff:

 

- I speak five languages

- I am a science nerd

- I play 9 instruments

 

"I'm a bit of a science nerd, and also love languages and music."

 

- I take care of kids for a living

 

"Pediatric cardiologist for a living. I love my job because I get to work with kids all day."

 

- I cook as well as some restaurants

 

"Got a new _____ cookbook and have been trying to make _____."

 

- I have very nice toned legs from biking. Working actively on the upper body.

- I swim and generally take care of my health

 

(Put in one pic of you outside biking, with nice scenery in the background)

 

- I've got a British sense of humor from growing up on London

 

"Grew up in London...." (can add something here about your favorite shows or comedians).

 

Let this stuff come out through getting to know each other:

 

- I'm always looking for ways to make my life better, i.e. finding a better way to do things or shelving an old bad habit.

- I'll put a wasp in a box and bring him outside, rather than killing it

- I am attractive on the Asian scale but not necessarily the American scale

- I adore animals and nature very much (my favorite animal is an orca), and go out of my way to be kind, but have also developed the skill to never let a woman step on me emotionally

- I will go out of my way to demonstrate I care once I'm in that solid relationship

[Wallysbears]

"London raised world traveler currently located in (your town) finishing post-graduate education.

 

I enjoy cooking - not quite the stylings of Gordan Ramsey, but you won't find me on Worst Cooks in American and no one has gotten ill from my cooking. I'm a bit of a nerd, but not the Sheldon from Big Bang Theory type as I am rather athletic and especially enjoy biking.

 

Would love to meet someone to explore local attractions with and enjoy a meal and fun conversation"

[JuneL]

I can be self sufficient in Chinese, French and Spanish, and write well. I used to perform but can’t right now because of my work schedule. I know the idioms medium well but could use some work. I only have a basic knowledge of Greek JuneL.

 

Thank you for responding. I’ve said this before, but I’ll say this again. You’re too eager to show off your CV. I hate to say this, but this is a very stereotypical Asian trait. As many have pointed out, many of these really don’t matter much in the dating context. Of course, you can always make use of your language skills to date women whose first language falls into that particular subset. If you’re attracted to highly intelligent women, I can assure you they can tell you’re intelligent or not without showing off your CV.

 

So I take it that you’ve already finished your residency and is now a medical PhD student?

[ZA Dater]

Thank you for responding. I’ve said this before, but I’ll say this again. You’re too eager to show off your CV. I hate to say this, but this is a very stereotypical Asian trait. As many have pointed out, many of these really don’t matter much in the dating context. Of course, you can always make use of your language skills to date women whose first language falls into that particular subset. If you’re attracted to highly intelligent women, I can assure you they can tell you’re intelligent or not without showing off your CV.

 

So I take it that you’ve already finished your residency and is now a medical PhD student?

 

 

 

As someone who can show off his CV but doesn't but is now tempted to. Please tell us why none of the OP "assets" matter in the dating context, I am curious. Surely someone who speaks 5 languages differentiates himself from the normal being, some of whom, in my experience anyway battle with 1 language.

 

 

Surely women on OLD look at who they are dating beyond being so superficial to only consider based on a picture?

[Wallysbears]

As someone who can show off his CV but doesn't but is now tempted to. Please tell us why none of the OP "assets" matter in the dating context, I am curious. Surely someone who speaks 5 languages differentiates himself from the normal being, some of whom, in my experience anyway battle with 1 language.

 

 

Surely women on OLD look at who they are dating beyond being so superficial to only consider based on a picture?

 

Because, after a photo, you have MAYBe 20-30 second most before a woman decides *yes* or *no*

 

And there is nothing incredibly interesting about reading through a list of a person's qualifications.

 

short, to the point, inject some humor...

[grays]

As someone who can show off his CV but doesn't but is now tempted to. Please tell us why none of the OP "assets" matter in the dating context, I am curious. Surely someone who speaks 5 languages differentiates himself from the normal being, some of whom, in my experience anyway battle with 1 language.

 

 

Surely women on OLD look at who they are dating beyond being so superficial to only consider based on a picture?

 

I am looking for someone who I want to cuddle up to on the couch and feel taken care of (emotionally) and desired. He would need to be able to have a conversation about feelings or politics or topics that are important to either of us, but also enjoy binge watching an HBO series. There are probably a lot of things I need/want in a partner but without the couch stuff, ehh. I don’t know how many other people feel the same, but I really only need him speaking my language. It’s impressive if he can speak others or if he has other skills — but if he’s too impressive, speaks all the languages and plays all the instruments, I’m gonna think there’s not much of a chance I’m gonna get him to sit on my couch very often.

[elaine567]

I am looking for someone who I want to cuddle up to on the couch and feel taken care of (emotionally) and desired. He would need to be able to have a conversation about feelings or politics or topics that are important to either of us, but also enjoy binge watching an HBO series. There are probably a lot of things I need/want in a partner but without the couch stuff, ehh. I don’t know how many other people feel the same, but I really only need him speaking my language. It’s impressive if he can speak others or if he has other skills — but if he’s too impressive, speaks all the languages and plays all the instruments, I’m gonna think there’s not much of a chance I’m gonna get him to sit on my couch very often.

 

 

...and that is the problem many women have with guys who have loads of interests/sports/hobbies/skills/...

Looks great on paper, but the reality is there are only 24 hrs in a day and if the rest of the time is taken up with work, then it usually leads to problems.

Some women are well aware of this, and thus tend to avoid men with little spare time to spend just chilling and relaxing.

[ZA Dater]

I am looking for someone who I want to cuddle up to on the couch and feel taken care of (emotionally) and desired. He would need to be able to have a conversation about feelings or politics or topics that are important to either of us, but also enjoy binge watching an HBO series. There are probably a lot of things I need/want in a partner but without the couch stuff, ehh. I don’t know how many other people feel the same, but I really only need him speaking my language. It’s impressive if he can speak others or if he has other skills — but if he’s too impressive, speaks all the languages and plays all the instruments, I’m gonna think there’s not much of a chance I’m gonna get him to sit on my couch very often.

 

 

 

Agree there. I do understand now. Perhaps a master of few is better than a doing many.

 

 

I have never sold my CV, once I did because I wanted to try make the impossible work.

 

 

OP perhaps leave a lot out and then reveal more on the date itself? For me I find dates where I know everything before I go to be particularly boring, leave something to talk about, leave out the language thing on your profile.

[Garcon1986]

Well I am aware that I need to spend time if I want to date, so I am happy to shelve some of those hobbies . I usually hide my talents on dates fairly rigorously.

[chillii]

...and that is the problem many women have with guys who have loads of interests/sports/hobbies/skills/...

Looks great on paper, but the reality is there are only 24 hrs in a day and if the rest of the time is taken up with work, then it usually leads to problems.

Some women are well aware of this, and thus tend to avoid men with little spare time to spend just chilling and relaxing.

 

 

 

 

Yeah l'd imagine and see this is a huge thing for guys and the really achieving n busy types in women too.

Women always twist this stuff around with guys when that is them, into he feels threatened and all this bs but it's nothing to do with that , most men looking for a relationship want a real partner, literally a mate , someone who's gonna be around and warm and able to live that life and be there, He often wouldn't give a damn how many degrees she's got or how much money she earns or her some high pro career , he wants a real partner , not someone all strung out and rushed of her feet that he has to make an appointment with just to see , he'd probably rather she didn't work at all or she was a check out chick than that because she'll usually know how to be and make a much better wife or partner and be much more fun in the end.

ps, l've only had one coffee so far this morning so that was a bit much to tackle just yet haha, but things like this and sorta like what grays is saying are the gist of it in reverse for men too roughly.

Edited January 15, 2019 by chillii

[chillii]

Well I am aware that I need to spend time if I want to date, so I am happy to shelve some of those hobbies . I usually hide my talents on dates fairly rigorously.

 

 

 

 

Don't worry that need is actually pretty common. l've toned myself right down many a time, especially when l was married with a family, because at the end of the day it's the simple things that are really really important , in life and in relationships , and especially in a family.

Edited January 15, 2019 by chillii

[preraph]

I don't think you should put anything about languages on your resume. It just sounds braggy and nobody cares. Don't put how many instruments. Just say you are a musician. As far as your job, put Occupation: Medical Eduation or whatever that said up there. You don't have to convince someone you're smart if you they know you're a doctor already. Women tend to equate smart with nerds anyway, and I see you advertise yourself as a nerd. I think that's a mistake too, honestly. Because for some, it has good connotions; for others, it's an instant turnoff...

[JuneL]

OP: Your “talents” should show through during conversations with your ladies; you can also easily make witty comments when you first interact with them. It often annoys me when someone claims to be very talented in a certain thing, only for me to find out s/he has a pretty low standard of defining what constitutes being talented.

[thefooloftheyear]

I don't think you should put anything about languages on your resume. It just sounds braggy and nobody cares. Don't put how many instruments. Just say you are a musician. As far as your job, put Occupation: Medical Eduation or whatever that said up there. You don't have to convince someone you're smart if you they know you're a doctor already. Women tend to equate smart with nerds anyway, and I see you advertise yourself as a nerd. I think that's a mistake too, honestly. Because for some, it has good connotions; for others, it's an instant turnoff...

 

Very well put....Listen to what this woman is saying, OP

 

TFY

[Garcon1986]

Haha I wish somebody would just write an example of an exemplary dating conversation where one party was a nerd... which isn't something Coach Corey Wayne wrote. hehe.

[Wallysbears]

I made an example statement and you didn’t acknowledge it

[Garcon1986]

WallyBears I just found your reply, that was pretty good thank you. I assure everybody I don't show off my CV unless asked, and then I try to dodge the question - I've developed interesting ways to dodge the question or answer indirectly.

 

How about a dating conversation that was awesome from your standpoint? I know that my particular style of wittiness is an acquired taste and it has been interpreted wrong in the past. I'd like to see an example of an actual piece of exemplary dating banter. I've always learned things scientifically, and before you bash me - I am trying to go about things according to the lady's way of doing things... but I'm not great yet. I still need very direct examples of great dating banter according to the rest of the world.